by Romi Hart
When he returned, he had dressed fully in a thin blue sweater and tight jeans that revealed almost as much as the wet shorts. Her mouth dry, she focused on his lazy grin, and when he finally approached her after what seemed like a very long walk, he pulled her into his arms. “See? I know how to warm a girl up.”
She grunted. “You’ve proven that numerous times.” If only he could warm her body without touching her heart, this would be so much easier. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “How much longer do we have to stay?”
He raised a brow at her. “Are you ready to leave so soon?”
Kylie shrugged. “I just feel like doing something normal, you know? Like going to see a movie or something. This is all great and fun,” she gestured around them to the charity event, “and it’s for a good cause. But I feel like I’m on display, even when I’m not with you.”
“I understand.” He nodded and brushed her hair back. “Then I think we should go to McDonald’s and get Big Macs and fries. And then we’ll catch a film. Maybe after that, we’ll find some blacklight mini golf or something, if you want.”
“Really?” She knew she sounded ridiculously giddy, but that sounded like so much fun. And if would help her create an illusion that might get her through the rest of the afternoon, until she could fall into bed with Jordan and forget about feeling anything but absolute ecstasy.
“Well, if I’d known that appealed to you, I would’ve fed you greasy cheeseburgers and taken you to see chick flicks sooner.” He laughed and kissed her forehead. “Come on, let’s go before people start lining up for autographs. I’m not in a mood to be gaped at, either. I want you a little more to myself.”
Kylie wondered if the rest of the day was just about making her happy. He fulfilled his promises, and she reveled in the normalcy of it. They held hands, shared popcorn, and Jordan even licked his finger to wipe a smear of chocolate candy from her face. Did he just want to make sure she didn’t grow jaded with the arrangement? Did he really enjoy the sex enough to want to appease her just to keep her in his bed?
Or was there something more? She tried to tell herself it was a friendly gesture, that he wanted her happy because they were friends. But for some reason, it felt like more, as if he had started to think of her as his girl and wanted to be a good, accommodating man for her. it was probably pushing the line of what feelings he might have for her. he’d said so many times that he didn’t want to settle down, and yet, most men who said such things slept around and kept their options open. He’d completely sealed off their relationship – or whatever you wanted to call it – so that it was exclusive.
Those weren’t the actions of a man who didn’t care. Men who didn’t commit weren’t jealous of a woman’s time. He’d just go find someone else to fill his time until she came around again. Or was she severely misguided in her understanding of the world? Kylie didn’t have previous experience with this kind of thing, save for what she read in books. And those stylized romances were made to get a reaction, so she didn’t trust that those stories were based on facts.
“You’re far away again,” Jordan said quietly as they strolled down her block, toward her apartment.
Kylie felt instantly guilty. She didn’t know how long she’d been lost in thought, but it must’ve been a while. She couldn’t even remember what they’d been talking about before. “I’m sorry,” she told him. How could she possibly share with him what kept troubling her? Even if there might be something growing between them, she had started obsessing over it, which was bad. And if she mentioned it, she would likely just scare him away. And if he just laughed it off rather than leaving, wouldn’t she be just as heartbroken?
“Come on, sweetheart, you can tell me whatever’s on your mind. I promise not to judge, even if you’re pissed at me for something. I’ll just listen and try to understand. That’s what we have here, isn’t it? We spend time together because we can talk to each other as much as because we’re fucking hot in the sack.” He squeezed her hand as he spoke, as if to reassure her.
Kylie gulped, indecisive. What if there was a chance…
If she told him how she felt, maybe he could open up with his feelings. Maybe he harbored some of the same emotions within him and was too frightened to face them. She still didn’t know why he had such a problem with settling down. Maybe he’d been stung by a woman who wouldn’t share her thoughts and feelings, and this would be the way to break through the protective shell he’d erected.
Even as she thought it, she knew she was reaching. But something inside bubbled over, and she couldn’t hold back anymore, not all of it. She wanted to ease into it, hedge around at it, but instead, words spilled out of her mouth harshly. “I don’t understand you, Jordan.”
He stopped walking and stared at her, obviously taken aback by the outburst. “What do you mean, love?”
Love. That only irritated her in this moment. “Don’t call me that,” she snapped. “You’ve made it very plain that you have no interest in the emotion. You want to keep things casual, even though you act like you care. You don’t think about the fact that, by being charming and sweet and gentle, you might make some girl fall for you, only to break her heart because you don’t anything but sex and to have a good time. The hell if you’ll ever give someone a place in your heart to match the place in your bed.”
As she railed at him, Jordan looked shocked, then flustered. But his face slowly morphed, his brows knitting together and his chin hardening. “What are you trying to say, Kylie?”
She threw her hands up in exasperation. “What are we doing, Jordan? You take me out, we act like a couple. We hold hands, we cuddle on the couch, and we have phenomenal sex. Sometimes, I feel like you look at me with something more. But you refuse to commit to anything. You say you’re not the type for a relationship, but you say you respect me. Well, what about my feelings and my needs, Jordan?” She hated herself, even as she spoke her heart. She sounded like every other selfish woman in the world, accusing a man of mistreating her when all Jordan had done was set limits.
And still, she couldn’t stop herself. “You parade around like you own me, but you refuse to stake your claim. What does that make me in your eyes? What does that make me in everyone else’s eyes? And how am I supposed to deal with the fact that I’m deeper than that and can’t help but start to fall for you while you stand there and feel nothing?”
Jordan winced. “Are you really accusing me of being cold and having no feelings?” he asked, his voice low and raspy. Kylie wasn’t fooled. He wasn’t the least bit calm. “Is that what you’re saying to me?”
She shrugged, the anger suddenly leaving her so she just felt empty. “That’s part of it. Obviously the only part you heard.”
He shook his head, crossing his arms. “No, I heard everything you said. But you’re fucking clueless if you think I don’t give a shit about you, Kylie. Just because I don’t want to get serious about a relationship doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. That should be obvious from the way I treat you.”
She wanted to ask him what that meant, but she didn’t dare. And even if she’d had the nerve, he continued before she could say anything. “As for your feelings, they matter to me, and I try to take that into account with every move I make. You told me you could handle this arrangement. If you can’t we’ll have to rethink it because I care about you, but I can’t give you what it sounds like you want right now. And because I care about you, I’m willing to step away so you can find a good man who can be there for you, all the time, and love you back.”
Hurt and determined that she wasn’t wrong here, Kylie jutted her chin out defiantly and threw her shoulders back. “I could handle it. I have handled it. But I didn’t expect you to come around and charm me the way you have. You didn’t add that into the equation, so how could I add it all up?” She shook her head. “What is it, Jordan? If you really care about me, what’s the problem? Are you too scared to get involved? Heaven forbid you might have to give up a little freedom or control!
Oh, god! You might have to compromise and deal with someone else’s demands the way I put up with yours!”
He took a menacing step toward her. “I have never made demands on you, other than not to expect something more serious.” His voice was a roar, and it took everything in Kylie not to back away. It wasn’t that she expected him to hurt her; she knew better. Jordan would never lay a finger on her in anger. But it was instinctual, and his volume alone was enough to push her back.
“Well, now I’m demanding to know why you won’t let yourself get in any deeper,” she counted. “Unless you’re blowing smoke up my ass about caring, what’s the harm in trying? And don’t tell me that you don’t want me to get hurt if it doesn’t work out. I’m already in too deep, Jordan. Like it or not, I’m starting to fall for you, and I’m going to end up hurt either way.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched as he glared down at her, his eyes hard and filled with some deep emotion – hate or anger or something like it. Maybe resentment? But Kylie held her ground, ready for whatever came next, and little by little, his expression morphed. His eyes softened, his jaw relaxed, and something else that she couldn’t understand – regret or sorrow or longing? – passed briefly through those beautiful blues before he masked it.
Reaching a hand up, he cupped her cheek and nodded. “I am scared, Kylie. I’m scared to fall head over heels for anyone. Do you know what happens to men when they let themselves go bonkers for some woman, and then she betrays him in some way? They go off the deep end. There’s nothing left to live for after that. And the same is true in the other direction. I would never want you to feel that sort of devastation, and I wish you hadn’t let yourself fall for me.”
Kylie felt the crack in her chest and had to swallow a sob. So, he didn’t want her to feel anything. He didn’t want to feel anything, and he’d managed to hold back. This was it. Part of her wished she’d kept her mouth shut and suffered a while longer, though her rational mind tried to tell her it was better this way. After all, the sooner they broke ties, the less pain she would have to deal with. Sticking around would only allow her love to grow, and when she finally said goodbye, she might shatter completely.
She started to pull away from him, but he grabbed her chin and pulled her into a soul-searching kiss, deep and taunting, and she couldn't help but fall into it. She reached up, fisting her hands in his hair, and he wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. For once, she didn't feel an erection pressing into her, only the hard surface of his stomach and chest, like a wall of heat, and she arched her back, wanting to get closer.
Jordan tilted her head back, making her open further to him, and Kylie sighed into his mouth, her body tingling and ready but her mind elsewhere, wrapped around promises that the kiss made, vows unspoken that shouldn't be running through her mind. When he pulled back, she saw it in his eyes, too. He searched her face and told her, "I can't make any promises to you, Kylie. Please don't ask me to. But I do care about you."
"What does that mean?" she asked in a breathless whisper, her chest heaving as she drew in gulps of oxygen.
“It means, let’s see where this goes.” Fear marred his features, his body rigid against her, his shoulders tense “I don’t know what I’m doing here. All I know is I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t want to hurt you. Let’s see what happens.”
“As in a relationship?” she asked, not quite daring to hope.
He didn’t respond right away but slowly nodded after a long moment. “If that’s what you want to call it. I want you, Kylie. In my bed and in my life. I just don’t know what I have to offer you in exchange.”
“You don’t have to offer anything except you, Jordan,” she told him, resting her hands on his shoulders. “Just you and your honest feelings.” For the first time since she’d gone home with him, she felt the giddiness that overwhelmed her that night, a hope for the future. She hadn’t realized she had given up hope on having something special, with Jordan or anyone else, until it came flooding back in that moment. It felt surreal, and she let herself bask in it as they locked gazes, something transpiring between them.
It made her chest swell, and when a small smile crept across his lips and reached his eyes, it nearly exploded. “What have you done to me, woman?” he asked, his tone teasing but filled with wonder and something soft that caressed her from head to toe.
Kylie shook her head, biting her lip to keep her own grin from growing too large. “I haven’t done anything, Jordan. Sometimes, it just feels right.” She’d reached the edge of her realm of experience, and she could offer no more insight. She spoke from the heart, knowing that it felt right to be with him.
He swallowed hard and let out a long breath. “Are you really falling in love with me?”
Fear and vulnerability echoed in his words, and for a moment, Kylie considered backing off, saying that she definitely felt something for him but didn’t know if it was love. But then, honesty had gotten her this far, so she nodded. “I think so.”
He brushed his thumb over her cheek, just below her eye, and she felt the wetness, only then noticing that she was crying. “I’ve never had a woman tell me that in a situation where I actually believed her. Or when I thought it might matter.” He drew her head to his chest, cradling her against him. “You’re special, Kylie, and I’m not sure what I’ve done to deserve you in my life. But now that you’re here, I’m not ready to let you go.”
His sincerity warmed her, filled her with a sense of belonging and complete happiness. She threaded her arms around his waist and breathed him in, the scent of a new constant in her life. Could she really make this work? Had he really offered to try, admitted he didn’t know how to deal with his feelings for her? it was more than she could have imagined, and she would take what she could get. That was as much as anyone could ask for, under the circumstances, and they would definitely see what happened in the future.
Right now, though, the feel of him pressed against her, coupled with his enticing smell, had her toes curling and her heart pounding. Lifting her head, she gazed up at him with longing, and he instantly grew hard against her. “What are you thinking, you dirty little girl?” he asked, his voice deep and throaty.
"I'm thinking that I want to take you up to my place, strip our clothes off, and crawl into bed. Then, I want you on top of me and inside me."
He grunted and grinded his hips against her, rubbing his swollen cock on her stomach. “I think that sounds like a perfect plan.”
Chapter 6
As she hung up with Jordan, Kylie frantically dialed Reesa's number. She didn't answer, and Kylie cursed under her breath as she hung up and redialed. It went to voicemail again, and Kylie clenched her jaw, pacing back and forth across her small apartment. At the beep, she huffed and left a frazzled message. "Reesa, I don't know if you heard the news or not, but it's about to explode everywhere. Some woman is accusing Marcus of raping and beating her. I just talked to Jordan, and they're about to hop the plane home, but you need to be prepared for the shit to hit the fan. Please call me, let me know you're okay."
* * *
She hung up and kept pacing, shoving her hair back from her face as it blew around her. A few days away, and the guys managed to turn everyone’s worlds upside down. Jordan assured her the accusations were false, but they were in a rush to get to the airport and make the flight, Marcus having been held for questioning till the last minute, so he hadn’t given any details. The problem was, Reesa had trust issues anyway, especially since she’d just had a sore reminder of the horrible abuse she’d suffered at the hands of her ex-husband.
Reesa was going to flip out, and Kylie wanted to get ahead of it. She doubted Reesa had heard anything, since Marcus hadn’t made any calls, and her best friend had been at work all day. If Kylie could be the one to break it to her, she might handle it better. Kylie believed Jordan; they’d had enough time together for her to feel confident in anything he told her. He’d grown a little more comfortable being ope
n and honest with his feelings, and while he still didn’t say he loved her, Kylie knew he wouldn’t lie to her or hurt her.
And she’d known Marcus long enough now to understand that he couldn’t do anything to hurt Reesa if he wanted to. This would blow over, this woman’s lies would be discovered, and everyone would live happily ever after. But in the meantime, Kylie had to prepare to deal with heartache and a disaster.
She tried Reesa again several times and texted Jordan, letting him know that he needed to come over as soon as they got back. In fact, she had a feeling Reesa would show up here anyway, and she texted him again to tell him to bring Marcus. It was the only way Reesa would talk to him. That’s how well she knew her friend.
Not an hour later, someone was banging on her door, and Kylie opened it to find Reesa with a wild look on her face, a mixture of fear, devastation, and rage. “Tell me what happened.” Ushering her inside, Kylie discovered that a reporter had accosted her, not even telling her exactly what the story was. kylie reiterated what she’d heard from Jordan as best she could, and she watched the stoic façade crack under the pressure of such a heavy accusation.
Rather than argue with her, Kylie just told her that she needed to listen to Marcus, let her heart make the decision. Then, she let the topic go and went to the freezer for ice cream. They sat and streamed reruns of old sit-coms, delving into multiple pints of the sweet dessert, and the hours passed with an anxious cloud hovering over their heads. She watched Reesa, who checked the clock far too often, checked her phone even more obsessively.
Finally, Kylie heard the door, and considering the hour, she knew it could only be Jordan with Marcus in tow. “Who is that?” Reesa asked suspiciously.