“T-Rex.” Jagger’s voice shook with rage. “He’s getting intel from T-Rex.”
A wave of dizziness hit her and she gripped Zane’s arm. There was only one way to get information from an unwilling prisoner and she couldn’t bear to think of T-Rex in pain.
“Do you believe me now?” Jagger met the gaze of every man in the room save Zane. “I told you she would never betray us. Evie’s no Black Jack spy. She just didn’t understand who Viper was. Now she does and she’s on our side.”
Shock took her breath away. She had never even considered that they would think she was a spy. And yet, Zane had never asked the question. He trusted her implicitly. He had faith in her.
So how could she ask him the questions Viper had raised? How could she ask if they had a dungeon, and if they did if they had imprisoned Viper’s old lady? How could she ask about the man called Wheels or the Black Jacks Zane had supposedly shot in Whitefish? How could she make him think she didn’t trust him? And, if her loyalty was in doubt, asking those questions might raise suspicions all over again. But more than that, did she really want to know? Because if Viper was right about those things, maybe he was right about her father’s death, and then, what would she do?
“Let’s go.” Zane tugged her arm, drawing her away from the kitchen.
“They thought I was a spy,” she said as they walked down the hall. “I didn’t ask to be associated with the club. I didn’t ask for any of this.”
“We had a Black Jack rat in the house a while back.” He looked straight ahead as he spoke, his body rigid, barely touching hers. “He joined the club as a prospect, and he had us fooled. His background and his papers all checked out. He hid his skills so well, he had us wondering if he was good enough to patch in, which is what they wanted. In and out. Minimize the chances of being caught. By the time we figured it out, it was almost too late. I almost lost Jagger that day. Second worst fucking day of my life.”
“What was the first?”
“The day I lost you.”
EIGHTEEN
The quality of your repair will depend on your desire to do a good job and your willingness to spend the time to make it right.
—SINNER’S TRIBE MOTORCYCLE REPAIR MANUAL
She should never have come here.
Evie followed Zane up the huge staircase and down a spacious hallway lined with doors and dotted with pictures of motorcycles. She traced her finger along the frame of a vintage print as Zane unlocked his door. This club, this war, these bikers, their way of life … everything was so far removed from what she knew.
Biker wars, guns, threats, kidnapping, drugs, politics, and death. She didn’t understand the rules of this world, nor did she want to be part of it. So how would Zane fit into her life? And how could she protect Ty from being sucked into a world that was a mother’s worst nightmare?
Evie followed him in to a large room containing a low-rise bed covered in rumpled sheets, a dresser and a night table. And nothing else.
“Is this your room?”
“Yeah.”
“You live here?” Evie stared at the blank walls and empty surfaces. Where were the books, magazines, fast food containers, or pictures that made a room personal? Why were there no clothes on the floor, trophies of biker outings, or any of the detritus that she had expected to see in the room of an outlaw biker? What about music? Even a dock for his phone? Or a laptop? “It looks like you just moved out.”
He closed the door behind him with a firm click. “I just sleep here, and not that often.”
Maybe that was it. He had a girlfriend and he stayed with her, which was why everyone had been so surprised when he’d brought her to the clubhouse. But then why did he sleep with her?
Why not? Outlaws didn’t follow civilian law. Maybe they didn’t follow civilian codes either. Monogamy probably wasn’t part of the outlaw equation, and he probably had women falling at his feet. He’d been good-looking as a teenager, but now, all filled out, his muscles hard with use, face slightly weathered, chest tatted, he was devastatingly handsome. Breathtaking, really.
“Sure. I get it.” So why did she feel so … angry? She kept pushing him away, and yet the thought of him with another woman made her stomach knot the way it had when he’d shown up at the high school dance with Melissa.
“What do you get?”
“Just … why you’ve got nothing personal in here. I understand.” Evie twisted her hair around her finger.
“I don’t think you do.” Zane held out his arms. “Come to me, Evie.”
She walked over to the window, took in the vast expanse of lawn, the barbed wire fence, the guards and patrol dogs. “I slept with other guys after Mark. I didn’t bring them home, either.” Not that this was a home. It was a fortress. And the fact they had to live this way said it all.
He gave a frustrated growl. “I don’t want to hear about other guys.”
She turned, folded her arms across her chest. “Did you sleep with lots of women? All those women at the party? The ones who live at the clubhouse? That’s part of the biker way of life isn’t it? Along with kidnapping and torture and … death.”
“Evie.” His voice rose to a shout, startling her. “Jesus Fuck. I’m losing it here. I thought I lost you and Ty. I was fucking paralyzed. I had to call Jagger for help. I don’t call people for help, Evie. I don’t need people. And then I have to fucking hear that while I was trying to find you, Viper was holding a gun to your head. You were so damn brave and strong.”
“I had Ty with me,” she said. “Going with Viper wasn’t really an option.”
“There aren’t many people who would have said no, sweetheart. I can guarantee it.” He raked his hand through his hair, the dark strands brushing over his shoulders. “You had faith in my brothers and they didn’t have faith in you. You put them to shame down there.”
“I didn’t mean…” Her voice trailed off as pain etched his face.
“I don’t want to need you, but I do.” His voice rose, wavered. “I need you like the air I breathe, the water I drink, the food I eat. I need you because you are the only thing that keeps the darkness away. You are my light, Evie, my hope, my salvation. When I thought I’d lost you, I lost myself. And if you don’t let me hold you right now, so I know I’m not dreaming, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind.”
She went to him, slid into that space in the circle of his arms that was meant for her. “I’m here, baby.”
“Ah, God.” He let out a relieved breath and dropped his lips to her hair. “Just needed so bad to be alone with you, to hold you. Nothing feels as good as having you in my arms.”
She gave him the time he needed, tried to slow the thoughts tumbling through her mind, focused on the man and not the biker, the heart beating beneath the cut.
When his muscles relaxed and his heart slowed to a steady rhythm, she tilted her head back and looked up at him. “I told Viper you had a good heart.”
“That probably didn’t go down too well.”
She stroked her fingers along his jaw, remembering all the nights she lay in bed imagining how his skin would feel beneath her touch. “He said you two were the same.”
“We’re not.” Zane brushed her hair back over her shoulder, then tangled his fingers through the long strands and gave her head a gentle tug. “We might have the same tools, but we make different choices.” Then his face tightened. “Don’t want to talk about Viper.”
“What do you want to talk about?” She brushed her fingers over his sensual lips, his cheekbones, his strong brow, searching for the boy he used to be.
His eyes glittered with masculine pride. “Wanna talk about how you didn’t like thinking of me with the other women in the club. You were jealous.”
“I wasn’t jealous. I just … it’s your way of life, I guess. If that’s what makes you happy…”
“Like you were happy when Jagger’s cousin came to visit and sat beside me on the couch?” he teased.
Her face heated, but she couldn’t turn away with h
is hand in her hair. “It wasn’t like that. She was sitting in my place, and she was touching you.”
He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip, tugging it from between her teeth. “I watched you all afternoon while we were playing that video game.” His voice was low, deceptively soft. “You never stopped glaring at her. When she sat on the floor between my legs, I thought you were gonna attack her.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have put your hand on her head,” she snapped, suddenly back in the moment when she wondered if she had it in her to actually physically attack the beautiful girl with the large breasts and curvy figure who had picked up on Evie’s secret crush on Zane right away and decided to rub it in her face.
“You were jealous. Say it.”
She gave an exasperated laugh. “Like you need an ego boost. But okay. Ten years ago I might have been jealous. Now, if you’re sleeping with me and sleeping with other women, then jealous isn’t the word I’d use. More like pissed off. The kind where weapons are involved.”
A grin spread across his face. “You want me.”
“I always wanted you. It’s just this life I’m not so sure about. You live in a world that scares me. What you’ve become scares me. I feel like I don’t know you anymore.”
“You know me better than anyone else.” He cupped her head in his hand, pulling her forward to meet the heated press of his lips. His kiss was hard and fierce, bruising her mouth with passion.
“I left you once,” he murmured. “But this time, I won’t let you go. I’m gonna do everything I can to make you see we are meant to be together. I’ll fight anyone and everyone for you, sweetheart, until you’re mine again.”
* * *
Acutely aware of the rise and fall of Evie’s breasts against his chest, and the heat of her body, Zane almost didn’t register her touch—gentle hands on his shoulders, arms twining around his neck. His groin tightened in response.
“I missed you.” She tilted her head back until she met his gaze. “We saw each other almost every single day for nine years, and then suddenly you were gone. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.”
“Never again.”
She stepped back and pulled off her T-shirt. Zane’s eyes dropped to her creamy breasts encased in … oh fuck … red satin, and rational thought flew out the window. But when he took a step forward, she held up her hand.
“I gave up on relationships after Mark. I figured if I didn’t get involved with anyone, then I didn’t have to worry about having my heart broken yet again.” She reached around to unfasten her bra, letting the straps slide down her arms.
My beautiful girl.
No, not a girl. Not anymore. She’d filled out in a way that made his cock hard and his will soft. His Evie was all woman.
Zane swallowed when she sat in the center of his bed, leaned back on the pillows, folding her arms behind her head and giving him a perfect, groin-tightening view of her tight rosy nipples and lush breasts. Every instinct screamed for him to take her. His woman. Half naked. On his bed. Wanting him. But still he held back, confused by the words that belied her state of undress.
“Viper was different.” She undid the top button on her jeans and Zane drew in a ragged breath.
Viper? He didn’t want to talk about Viper when his cock was so hard he was ready to explode. Viper had no place in his bedroom, and even less place on Evie’s lips.
“Being with him reminded me of what it felt like to be with you and Jagger.” She slid her hands into the waistband of her jeans, drawing his attention to what lay beneath. “When I was with him, no one bothered me. In fact, no one dared to look at me. I never realized how much I missed feeling safe … craved it. But I thought I could be in control. I could go out with him but still walk away because I didn’t need anyone to make me feel safe anymore.” She shoved her jeans over her hips, baring red silk panties that matched her bra. But where the hell was she going with this? Did she want to be with Viper? Was this supposed to be a good-bye fuck?
“And then I saw you again.”
Ah. He was part of this story. His chest swelled with pride, as he guessed the ending. She thought him more worthy than Viper, and finally they got to have sex on the bed and lived happily ever after. Zane reached for his fly and she held up her hand to stop him again.
“I didn’t feel the same way about you as I did when you left,” she said softly, wiggling out of her jeans, her hips undulating in such a suggestive manner, that it was all he could do not the launch himself across the room, pin her down and take her right then.
“I still don’t,” she continued. “No one ever hurt me as much as you did, and now you scare me. I’m afraid I don’t know you anymore and I’ll find out things about you I can’t handle. I’m afraid of wanting you to make me feel safe. I’m afraid of loving you in case you walk away.”
“What do you need, Evie? Tell me. I’ll do anything.”
She kicked off her jeans and stretched out on his blue cotton duvet, her stomach making an inviting concave dip, just perfect for his lips. His hand dropped to his fly as she eased her panties down, just to the top of her mound. Mouth watering in anticipation, pulse pounding in his ears, he almost missed her answer.
“The truth. What really happened the night you left?”
Zane’s head jerked up. How the hell had they wound up back where they started? Except now his brain was fuzzed with lust, his cock throbbed, and he couldn’t remember why he had been so hesitant to tell her in the first place. But maybe it was a good thing. Didn’t they say, the truth will set you free?
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You just told me I was brave and strong. It was beautiful to hear. Now show me you mean it. Have faith in me.” She stretched out on his bed, all creamy skin and soft curves. So beautiful he ached.
Anything. He would give her anything. Everything. She had only to ask. And if his words hurt her, he would be there for her, comfort her, and soothe away her pain.
“Your dad…” He sucked in his lips and focused on a knot in the wooden floor. “He beat me pretty bad that night he found us together. He told me I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Zane, baby.” Her voice caught in her throat. “Come here and tell me. Let me hold you.”
He shook his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “He was right but it hurt to hear it and I wanted to hurt him back. So I told him I knew about him. I knew all the things he did.”
Evie’s voice dropped to a whisper. “What things?”
Zane clenched his hands in his pockets, forced himself to go on. “He was a dirty cop, Evie. He came to my dad’s trailer to buy drugs and he transported them over the state line. But he also dealt in arms, and stolen goods. He did dirty work for some of the dealers. Basically, he was on the take. For years.” He opened his mouth and closed it again. He couldn’t tell her about the hookers and how her dad spent his time and dirty money while she waited for him at home, looking after her mother, thinking he was out saving the world.
“You knew all that time?”
“I knew but I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t hurt you that way. You loved him so much. He made you happy. I couldn’t take that from you. And he loved you. I knew that when he said I wasn’t good enough for you, when he warned me away.”
Her face paled, eyes growing wide, darkening in a way he’d never seen before. And before he was even aware he’d taken a step, he was sitting on the bed with Evie in his arms. “You want me to keep going?”
“There’s more?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. There’s more.”
Evie shuddered against his chest. “Keep going.”
He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “I got away and ran to the trailer. My old man was there. He saw my face and figured I’d got into a fight. Told me I was good for nothing. Twice in one night. I’d been sticking around because of you but I’d had enough. I figured I’d convince you to run away with me. I’d find us a place in Missoula while
you were going to college, take odd jobs to support us … I packed my bag and told the old man I wouldn’t be back. But when I stepped outside, your dad was there.”
She fisted his shirt like she needed to hold on, so he stroked his hand down her back, over and over again as he fell back into that night. “I knew why he was there when I saw the gun.”
Silence. But he’d expected that, dredging up memories he was sure she had buried forever. So he held her like he should have held her that night, instead of running off and leaving her to deal with her dad’s death alone. “He said he couldn’t take the risk that I’d tell you what was going on. He was afraid you’d go to the cops because you were such a fucking good person. He loved you but he didn’t understand love. He needed you to think he was a hero because he knew he was a piece of shit.”
“Oh, God,” she whispered. “I think my mother knew. Some of the things she said … I think that’s why she started drinking.”
“He was acting crazy that night, Evie.” Zane held her tight, as much for him as for her. “I think he was so afraid of losing you he wasn’t thinking straight. He said he had to protect you from scum like me. My dad heard what was going on and came out of the trailer with a gun. Told your dad to leave me alone. I was so shocked my old man was standing up for me, I didn’t see your dad pull the trigger. But my dad did. He threw himself in front of me and took the bullet.” He drew in a shuddering breath. “Then everything was a blur. I ran at your dad, pounded on him ’till he was down. Then I ran back to check on my old man. Your dad came at us with the gun. His fucking eyes were wild. I reached for my dad’s weapon…”
“No, Zane.” Tears streaked Evie’s cheeks. “No, don’t tell me. I changed my mind.”
“I’m gonna tell you sweetheart ‘cause I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you. I should have told you before, but I didn’t want to hurt you. But now I know how strong you are. Stronger than me.”
Evie leaned up, brushed a kiss over her lips. “We’re strong together.”
Damn, what a woman. But she was wrong about being strong together. He’d never met anyone like Evie. She’d gone through hell and come out of it unscathed, made a life for herself and his son, and still saw joy in the world. “My old man grabbed his gun off me.” He spoke quickly now, desperate to get it done. “He told me once I killed someone there was no going back. He said he’d been no dad to me but he knew he wasn’t going to make it and he wanted to do one thing for me before he died. He wanted just one time to be a good dad. Then he pulled the trigger.”
The Sinner’s Tribe Motorcycle Club, Books 1-3 Page 87