by Davis, Alexa
As she raced from the room, I picked up my cell phone to call Zack. I had promised to contact him as soon as I was feeling better, and I also wasn’t totally convinced that I’d told him I was going away for the weekend. Either way, I needed to talk to him.
Weirdly, Zack didn’t answer. It went straight through to voicemail, which was unusual for him. As the robotic voice asked me to leave a message, I felt bad for making this conversation in such an impersonal way. Then again, it wasn’t like I had any choice in the matter.
“Hi Zack,” I rasped. “Sorry I missed you, maybe you had a big night with Lark last night, and you’re hungover, or maybe you’re busy with your charity… Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I feel a little better now, and also that I’m going to Pennsylvania this weekend for my dad’s birthday. Erm… If I don’t speak to you before I guess I’ll see you when I get back on Sunday night.”
I felt a bit bad as I hung up the phone, but honestly, I didn’t have time to worry. I needed to get through the three-to-four-hour journey, depending on traffic, which was about to take every bit of my focus.
Right, get packed and get going. See Dad, give him a nice birthday, then come back home.
It all sounded a lot simpler than it felt. I wasn’t totally sure how the hell I was going to get through it. Sure, Mom seemed a bit more relaxed about things now. She liked Drea at any rate, but things would always be awkward with Dad now. I didn’t have the energy to face it…but I would have to find some inner strength somewhere. I needed it.
***
“Happy birthday, Dad!” I quietly said as we sat across from one another in the crowded steakhouse that was his absolute favorite. “I hope you’ve had a good day.”
As he picked up the sweater I’d brought him and raved about how awesome it was again; I couldn’t stop my eyes from roaming everywhere. This was a small place, and the fact that I could see Ben at any moment killed me. If he turned up with his new family, I might have given up completely and curled into a ball to weep. It wasn’t even that I wanted him, it wouldn’t be for me that I was hurt – what I had with Zack was a million times better. No, it would be for Meghan that my heart broke.
My daughter deserved so much better than that asshole would ever be.
“Thank you so much for coming home,” Dad continued, his voice thick with emotion. “It means so much to me. I don’t expect you to, now that you have your own life in New York.”
I gave him a confused look; this was the nicest thing that he’d said to me in a very long time. “Oh well, of course, Dad. Megs and I need an excuse to come home, don’t we, sweetheart?”
“We love you, Grandpa!”
Dad stared right at me, and I felt like he was seeing me for the first time since I told him I was pregnant. “You know we’re proud of you, don’t you?” he said softly. “I know things haven’t always been…straightforward, but you’ve made all your plans work out anyway, in the best way possible.”
I welled up; I couldn’t help myself. I felt like everything was finally coming together. I had my career; things were going well with Zack, Meghan was happy with Drea…and now my dad had seemingly forgiven me for falling for the wrong, idiot boy. It was perfect. “Thank you, Dad, that means a lot.”
As Meghan jumped in to tell Dad about her most recent trip to the Natural History Museum, the magic of the moment was broken, but inside, it shone brightly.
Mom leaned across to me and whispered into my ear, “He really means it, you know? I know things have been difficult since your little-unexpected surprise…”
“You mean the best thing to ever happen to me.” “Right, of course; I know things have been strained, but he loves you a lot. He talks about how well you’re doing all the time.”
“That’s good to hear, Mom. Thank you.” She gave me a confused look, and I got the impression that she was trying to decide whether or not she wanted to speak what was so clearly on her mind. “What is it, Mom? Whatever you want to say, you can say it.”
“I just don’t want to hurt you,” she mused. My chest tightened, my heart quickened. I had a feeling that I knew what this was going to be about, and I really didn’t want to hear it. At least, I didn’t think I did. “But I suppose it’s best you know.”
“What, Mom? Just tell me already!”
“It’s Ben.”
Of course, it was. I almost rolled my eyes, if I wasn’t so damn terrified about what I was about to learn.
“He’s left his new girl, too, just as the baby was born. I guess I just want you to know that it isn’t anything that you’ve ever done. He’s just a loser who won’t stick around for anyone.”
I thought I’d feel elated by that news: Ben was the problem, not me. Not Meghan. But I didn’t feel good at all. I felt sorry for the single mom left behind and the other poor child who would have to grow up without a father.
At least Meghan and I were well out of it in the city. I wouldn’t want him to come back for me in a rebound phase, and I certainly didn’t feel like I wanted to connect with the other woman left behind in Ben’s trail of destruction, or the child. Maybe in the future, if Meghan wanted to meet her half-brother or sister, but not now.
“That’s too bad.” I turned to smile at Mom so she knew I wasn’t mad at her at all. “But I don’t ever want to talk about Ben again; he doesn’t deserve my words. He’s clearly worthless, that’s all there is to it.”
“You’re right.” She patted my hand lovingly. “Of course you’re right, I’m sorry. Let’s just enjoy the rest of your visit. It’s good to have you home.”
***
“Right, sweetheart,” I murmured quietly into Meghan’s ears as I carried her out of the elevator. “I’ll get you into bed in a moment. First I just want to check on Zack, see if he’s okay.”
It was easy to push it to one side when I was in a different state, but now that I was back, I couldn’t think of anything else. It was weird that I hadn’t heard from Zack in days. He didn’t return my call, he seemingly ignored my voicemail, and I hadn’t even had a text from him. That wasn’t like him at all, and it had me worried.
Maybe he was just trying to give me time with my parents; I tried to convince myself. I’m sure nothing’s wrong.
I rested Meghan’s half-sleeping body onto my hip to free up one of my hands so I could knock. I pounded on the door hard, growing excited about the possibility of seeing him again. I couldn’t deny it; I’d missed Zack. In a way, it would have been nice to have him with me at home this weekend.
Nothing. No one answered. It didn’t even sound like anyone was in. I was concerned, but I couldn’t exactly do anything about it now. Disappointment crushed me, but I needed to get Meg to bed. The more time she spent in my arms, the heavier she felt, and the last thing I wanted to do was drop her.
I carried my little girl inside and rested her on the bed. She was already snoring, exhausted from her crazy weekend, which gave me the time I needed to call Zack again. I desperately wanted to know what was going on in his life; I hoped I hadn’t missed anything dramatic.
Again the phone rang out. My lips curled downwards into a frown. Was he ignoring me? Had I done something to offend him?
“Hey, Zack, it’s me again. Erm, Olivia.” I sounded about as downtrodden as I felt. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m back in New York now and that I’m all virus free. I guess… Well, I don’t know what’s going on with you, you must still be busy. Give me a call when you get this.”
Something didn’t feel right. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I had a cold, instinctive feeling that something was really wrong. The last time I saw Zack was when he was with his father when we talked outside the apartment. Everything seemed okay then. I couldn’t think of anything that I’d done particularly wrong…
Unless it was when I kissed him on the cheek. Maybe he hadn’t told his dad about us, and maybe he felt embarrassed. Was it possible that he wanted to keep us a secret more than I did?
God, every single t
ime I thought I had things worked out with me and Zack I got another curve ball! This time I had no idea what the hell was going on with Zack, and quite frankly I was a little-pissed off that he wouldn’t just talk to me about things. I thought we were passed this now; I thought things were better.
Clearly not.
Chapter Thirty-One
Zack
Sunday
Fucking hell, I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it.
Two days later and I still couldn’t get over it. I didn’t know what I was supposed to think. I’d been over it and over it in my mind, but still, nothing made sense.
“Zack Taylor: Ex-Navy Seal, Billionaire Lottery Winner.”
The headline hadn’t changed, nor had the story, but that didn’t stop me from searching for it to find the answer I so desperately needed. After all the effort I went to conceal my identity, all the money I paid out to ensure I could keep my privacy because I never wanted any of my personal details to be revealed, and here I was, looking at the evidence of betrayal.
“…a source close to Mr. Taylor told us that he won the money just after leaving the military…”
A source close to me. That could only be one person: Olivia. The only other people who knew were Lark and my dad, and I knew for a fact they hadn’t done it. For one, they could’ve done it a long time ago if they wanted to; it was no coincidence this happened straight after me letting another person in, and for another, I trusted them implicitly. They’d proved to me over and over again that they had my best interests at heart, and I had no reason to doubt that.
I’d thought that I could trust Olivia too, but clearly, I was wrong about that one. That was what you got for putting too much trust into someone you didn’t know very well. I should’ve known better. I got too carried away.
Maybe once she learned about the money, dollar signs filled her eyes. She didn’t want to get the money from me because that would be too cliché, so she sold the story instead.
Maybe I couldn’t blame her; she did have a small child to support and no father in the picture. If she spent all her modeling money on the apartment, then maybe she found herself struggling. Childcare probably took a lot of her wages away; she probably didn’t have a lot.
Maybe betraying me was the only option she had… Not that it made it any better.
The only small mercy was that she’d kept Patrick’s name out of the papers. If anyone knew that I’d used numbers relating to him to obtain my winnings, I couldn’t have continued to live in the country. I’d have been forced out, and I would never have returned. The other positive was that my address hadn’t been revealed, and it didn’t seem that any journalists had been able to locate me yet, so I got to live in semi-privacy.
They were the only positives, though; everything else was totally negative. The actual amount of money I won was published in the paper, stories about my time in the military with absolutely no fact behind them, even information about the injury to my leg which caused me to be honorably discharged from the Navy… It was all too much.
When I got lost in the bubble of only me reading it, it was bad enough, but every time it hit me that everyone in the whole damn city was reading the same thing, it left me breathless and sick.
Why would anyone do this to me? Why would Olivia do this to me? Even if she felt like she needed to, why would she lie so expertly? And, why the fuck was she still trying to be in my life?
I glanced over at my phone, seeing the light flashing to indicate that I had messages waiting to be read. All her, I was sure of it, but what could she possibly have to say to me? Why in any universe would she think that I would ever want to see her again? When she knocked on my door last night, I hid from her like a frightened mouse because I was too freaked out to see her. I’m not even ready to yell and scream at her yet; I haven’t gotten to that place.
Right now, I was just trying to adjust. There was no doubt in my mind that things were going to be very different from here on out. I wouldn’t be able to live in the way that I once had.
I didn’t know how to do that.
“Fuck it,” I muttered, chucking the paper to the ground. “Fuck, fuck, fuck it.”
I couldn’t keep staring at the page. I needed to do something; I had to burn off some of this pent-up energy before I went stir crazy. Of course one of the things I could’ve done was go to see Olivia, but I wasn’t in the mood. What I needed to do was escape.
I grabbed my keys and stomped on the newspaper, leaving a footprint upon it as I walked outside. I slammed my apartment door shut with a bang and stomped down the stairs before anyone could come out to speak with me.
I needed to get out of the stifling city and to my father’s home upstate. I hadn’t been much in the last few years – I could see what he meant by the reminder of Mom. He hadn’t changed it since her death.
I needed Mom’s presence around me today, though, so I was grateful for it.
***
“Hi, Dad, are you alright?” I asked him wearily as I staggered through his front door. The train journey wore me out more than I thought it would, and all I needed to do was relax. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” As he stepped to one side, his sad eyes told me that he’d already seen the paper. He didn’t know how to address it, and to be honest, neither did I. I just wanted to forget all about it for a little while. “Come in. I think there’s an NFL game on, do you want a beer?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
I walked slowly into the front room, lightly brushing my fingers against the old photographs of Mom as I went. She was such a lovely woman, with keen common sense. If she were still alive today, she would know exactly what to do. She would’ve known what to do over the last few years of my life. I never would’ve been allowed to fall into such a deep, black cloud.
Dad and I were bumbling through life without her. “It’s nice to have you here,” Dad smiled as he handed me my drink. “It’s good to have one last drink together before I pack up and move completely.”
Urgh , in my moment of anger I’d almost forgotten that he was going through a massive life upheaval, too. It would be a positive move in the end, but it was going to be hard. “You know you don’t have to sell this place, don’t you?” I tried to reassure him. “If you want, you can split your time between both homes?”
“No, no, it’s for the best. This isn’t the sort of house that wants to sit around gathering dust.” He gave me a bright smile. “Our family made a lot of happy memories here; now it’s time for another family to do the same.”
An unexpected ball of emotion bubbled in my throat. All of a sudden, I didn’t totally feel ready to give up the last link to Mom that I had left. “Well, I’m gonna stay here tonight, if that’s okay? I want to say goodbye to my old bedroom.”
“Of course. It’s exactly the same; I haven’t changed it at all.”
I tried to recall what my old room looked like, but it had been such a long time. I could hardly recall the teenage version of myself that I once was. Maybe it’d be fun for a little trip down memory lane. It would certainly beat the shit storm I was currently in.
“Perfect, thank you.”
I slugged the beer back a little too quick, safe in the knowledge that I didn’t have to go anywhere else tonight.
I lay in bed a little later on, staring up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling wondering how I ever used to sleep with them twinkling above me. After examining all my teenage posters and photos stuck to the walls, I realized that I couldn’t hide from who I was anymore. It was all well and good running out of the city, but it didn’t solve anything. I couldn’t escape my face being in the papers; I couldn’t get away from Olivia’s betrayal. Eventually, I was going to have to face it.
I couldn’t go back to being a teenager – I needed to tackle my adult problems head-on.
***
As I stepped off the subway with a new surge of emotions, I grabbed a newspaper from the stand. I practically threw t
he money at the young guy sitting there before I flicked through the pages to search for my face. I wanted to know if the news was still talking about me. I needed to know if anything new had been reported. I wanted to be armed with all the information possible when I finally tackled Olivia.
Nothing.
My heart soared as it seemed the public had already grown bored of me. There mustn’t have been anything new to say and a whole lot going on the cities. I’d never been so glad to flick through stories of political scandals, home robberies, and the affair of a baseball player in my life. At least no one was talking about me.
I walked quickly, probably too fast for my leg, but I wasn’t thinking too much about the pain today. With the anger burning brightly, boiling hotly in my stomach, it was easy to forget about everything else. I moved until I got to the building, and I slammed angrily on the elevator button.
“This damn apartment building,” I growled to myself. “Nothing ever fucking works.”
I really needed to move – this was getting ridiculous now. I wasn’t sure what the hell was keeping me here. Now that everyone in the world knew about my damn money, maybe it was time for me just to start fucking spending it. Maybe it was time for me to get a fucking luxurious house worthy of a billionaire. It’d help me to escape Olivia, at any rate.
Her face had been on my mind all night long. I hadn’t slept well because of it, and that combined with the hangover I’d given myself with the beer, left me cranky and annoyed. Olivia was about to get a mouthful, that was for sure.
I forced myself up the stairs, and soon heard the rapid steps of a young person racing down the stairs. I stiffened, close to throwing up. As bad-tempered as I felt, I couldn’t say anything in front of Meghan. There were loads of kids in this building, but somehow I knew it would be her.
“Hi, Zack!” she cried out as she ran past me. “I’m going to the zoo.”
Unfortunately – or maybe fortunately – it wasn’t Olivia with her. As Drea walked down the stairs with barely a nod in my direction, I knew Olivia was at work, which meant I was going to have to wait. It was going to be a long day of stewing, but I wouldn’t let another night pass without speaking with her. I needed to get this out in the open now. I needed closure if I was ever going to get past this.