After Connor’s drink had arrived and he’d downed it in a single swallow, he’d looked at Nathan straight and delivered the news that Kelsey was among the top candidates being considered for a position at BHI.
“What the fuck do you mean, she’s been shortlisted?” he repeated. Through his shirtsleeve, he saw that annoying heart frantically pulsing. But this time it wasn’t pink. It was red. Blood-drippy red.
“If you remember, you’re the one who said it was okay for Lara to pursue Kelsey as a candidate at BHI.”
“I don’t give a shit what I said. That was before we acquired Newman Inland Marine. Our research on her was correct. She was more than Newman’s executive assistant, she was operating in the capacity of a VP. She knows every bit of the business and is considered a key employee. I want her removed from consideration.”
“Think about what you just said,” Connor encouraged, sitting back and stretching his legs in front of him.
“You can’t have her.”
“I’m telling you as a courtesy as your brother, but the loyalty stops there. If Lara wants to hire her, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it.”
Every muscle in Nathan’s neck froze.
“I debated whether or not I should tell you. Seems I made an error.”
“I want her name removed.”
The waitress had been heading their direction, but obviously sensing tension, she walked away.
Connor leaned forward. “Not going to happen. Donovan has no right to influence hiring at BHI.”
“You sit on their board, for Christ’s sake.”
“And I rarely have input on hiring.”
“At the C-level? That’s bullshit, and you know it.” Nathan narrowed his skeptical gaze at his older brother. Though they’d been at odds several times over the years about business decisions, things had never gotten physical the way they did between Cade and Connor. Nathan respected Connor, both as his older, wiser brother and as a man who’d become CEO of the entire company at far too young an age.
Likewise, Connor had extended his respect to Nathan. Nathan’s cool, calculating appraisal of numbers had been a valuable asset to Donovan Worldwide.
They settled their disagreements amicably, with each of them presenting a solid argument until they agreed upon a strategy.
Today was the first time in his life that he’d been tempted to haul off and hit his older brother with a right uppercut to his jaw.
“This seems a little personal.” Connor waved the waitress over to order another round.
“It’s business,” Nathan insisted.
“Is it?”
“What else could it be?”
“You tell me. I understand you took her to Deviation.”
“What the hell?”
“Anything you want to tell me?”
“No.” Nathan never discussed his relationships with other people. He preferred to work it through on his own. Of course, no one else had ever mattered to him like she did. He’d never invited a woman to move in with him. He’d never wanted it.
Her refusal had stunned him.
For the first time in his life, Nathan had been humbled. He was accustomed to breaking up, not being turned away.
Yesterday, he’d driven around for hours, trying to make sense of the senseless.
What in the fuck had gone wrong?
He’d had her on the Punishment Pole. He’d been attentive, taken care of her afterward. The sex at the hotel had been some of the hottest of his life.
And after breakfast, she’d blown him out of the water.
Finally, he’d gone home, changed clothes, attached his mountain bike to the bicycle rack on top of his vehicle and headed to Memorial Park for several grueling hours.
When he was done, he’d been no closer to an answer.
Though he’d been exhausted, he’d showered then worked for several hours in his home office.
“That’s the reason I’m telling you. If she’s been shortlisted, it means she interviewed with Lara. I don’t know whether or not Kelsey is actively seeking another job, but she’s at least willing to consider the idea of leaving Donovan Logistics. As CEO of Donovan Worldwide, I find that information interesting.”
The idea that she wanted to leave him had been devastating. The idea that she wanted to leave the company she’d helped grow perplexed him. Unless it was all about him. What the hell had he done so wrong that she wanted to leave his life completely?
Fuck.
“And I’m saying you may want to put in a call to Ted Ramirez at North Star as a precaution.”
“I need some time to think.”
“It’s what you do best. Strategy. Focus on that. We’ll talk more in Dallas.”
Dallas. He’d forgotten. This might have been the first time in his life that his obsession for a woman had taken priority over business.
“It’s this week,” Connor reminded him.
“I know. Dallas. I’m on it,” he lied.
The waitress brought their drinks.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Connor picked up his drink and regarded Nathan.
“About?” He played stupid. Then memories of his trip to the Running Wind collided in his mind. He remembered driving to the ranch to pull Cade’s head out of his ass when he’d fallen so hard for Sofia that he didn’t know what day of the week it was.
Nathan told himself he wasn’t the same.
Relationships were important, but they were like dessert. Wonderful, luscious, but not necessary. They could be compartmentalized, like everything else. The right amount of attention at the right time, and things were perfect.
Except it didn’t seem to work that way with Kelsey.
What the hell had he done wrong?
“You okay?” Connor asked.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know,” Connor replied carefully. Then he shrugged. “Maybe because your key employee, your personal assistant who you took to Deviation, is considering leaving. It would make most of us pause for reflection.”
“Not me.” He picked up his glass to take a drink then slammed it down, untouched.
Without a word, he stood.
On any other occasion, the stunning view of the city beneath him would capture his interest. Tonight he hardly noticed.
The waitress moved toward him. “Put my drinks on my brother’s tab.”
In the elevator, his watch lit up, and the image of Julien Bonds hovered above the screen. “You may want to get a little exercise to burn off some of your energy. I recommend a kale and protein smoothie and more than three hours’ sleep so that you can be more effective in your personal—”
Nathan powered down the watch. Bonds’ image slowly scattered into thousands of pieces of shimmering dust.
Something more explosive would have suited his mood.
Nathan drove home, pissed.
In his office, he tossed the watch and phone on his desk.
When he’d walked out of Kelsey’s house, he’d invited her to contact him when she changed her mind.
Obviously she hadn’t.
He stripped off his clothes in the master bath. Damn if he didn’t remember her being in there with him too. His entire house seemed to reflect her. Or worse, yearn for her. The study would be perfect for her camera equipment. This place was somewhere she could grow and flourish.
How the hell could she miss what he so easily saw?
Naked, Nathan entered the shower. And thoughts of Kelsey again returned to consume him.
What was it about her?
Yesterday, his ego had stung. He’d been so certain that she’d move in with him that he hadn’t considered any other possibility.
When she’d refused, he’d been stunned to the point he hadn’t known how to react.
To him, it had been the next logical step.
They worked together well. And outside of work? It was even better. She’d responded to him perfectly, they were in sync. The scene at Deviation had bee
n everything he’d hoped it would be. Yes, she’d initially been apprehensive, but she’d pivoted on that, turning fear into trust. He’d taken her trust and turned it into the most profound pleasure she’d experienced. He’d never been with a sub who suited him so well, whom he had been so in tune with.
Anything he offered, she accepted. And she met it with one perfect word. More.
He stroked his turgid dick, forehead pressed against the tiles, picturing her, thinking, remembering.
He was hard, ready.
And he couldn’t fucking get there.
His balls were full, and no matter how hard or soft he stroked, he couldn’t ejaculate.
Then it occurred to him.
He was missing something.
Something big.
Frustrated, he turned off the faucet. His dick was still erect.
After drying off, he dressed in a pair of shorts before heading back to his office, where he turned on the television. His hair was still damp as he started pedaling his exercise bike, forgetting reality, not watching the news, just allowing his thoughts to tumble over each other.
As he rode, memories flashed by, from his first meeting with Kelsey and her initial distrust, to the chocolate cake they’d shared at Marvin’s.
That evening, even before she’d known he was into BDSM, she’d opened up to him. And he recalled her talking about her mother’s death and the way her father had behaved.
He took his feet off the pedals and allowed the machine to slowly spin to a stop.
Shit.
That evening, she’d been honest with him, about her dreams, her determination to run a company, her need to prove herself, not just to herself but to her father, for her mother, for her sister.
He’d heard her. But not as completely as he should have. Not as deeply as she needed. As he needed to.
Protection didn’t matter to her. And she’d proven that she could take care of not only herself, but her sister as well, without anyone’s help.
She’d spent most of her life fighting for her independence. In him, she’d clearly seen a man who wanted to take that from her.
But that was the last thing he wanted.
In so many different ways, she’d told him she wanted to be with a man who nurtured her.
How could he have been so sublimely stupid?
He’d been so focused on dominating her and assuming what she wanted that he hadn’t taken the time to truly hear what she was asking for.
Independence, and even more, love. Real love. Not a love with expectations and limits, but something that empowered her to express every bit of her personality, to reach for every one of her dreams.
All of it could coexist in a D/s relationship, but he had acted too quickly without taking everything into consideration and thinking it through. After what they’d shared on Saturday night, he’d been hungry for the whole package. He’d wanted her in his bed, in his collar, in his life. And he’d moved too quickly to get it. He hadn’t appealed to her heart as well as her brain. Selfishly, probably.
He’d done a hell of a job of screwing things up. He hadn’t needed any help for that. But now how the hell did he fix it?
For the second time in his life, Nathan Donovan was at a loss.
* * * *
“Yeah, sorry, Kelsey. We’re out of the chocolate syrup for the mocha.”
“What?” She blinked back her disappointment. In all the years that she’d stopped at Marvin’s for her morning mix, this was the first time she hadn’t been able to get what she wanted. And she’d been counting on it. She hadn’t slept well for the last couple of nights, and she’d needed the pick-me-up.
“It’s on order,” Marvin went on. “Should have it in about an hour. I can get you a regular coffee, and you can come back for it?” he suggested.
“An hour?”
“Maybe a little less.”
“Do you have any spinach and feta scones?”
“Sold out a few minutes ago.”
“Before eight in the morning?”
“Been raining,” he said, as if that explained everything. “Lot of customers. Tell you what. You come back later, your mocha’s on the house. Hate to disappoint my favorite customer.”
“No problem.” But it was. Now she was tired, heartbroken, thirsty and hungry.
She popped up her umbrella the moment she stepped outside and made a dash through the wind and rain.
Under the portico of the building that housed Donovan Logistics, she closed the umbrella, shook it off then headed for the elevators.
Rankowski lifted a hand in greeting as she walked by.
After pushing the button for the fortieth floor, she closed her eyes and exhaled. Until this week, she had never dreaded going to work.
Then again, she’d never stupidly had an affair with the boss.
Yesterday, tension had radiated from Nathan. They had treated each other cordially but had only interacted to talk about business matters. They were back to Mr. Donovan and Ms. Lane, but not in a friendly, teasing way.
She’d sent Lara Donovan a text message around nine a.m. By ten, they’d set up a lunchtime meeting. The meeting had gone well, and she and Lara had instantly related to each another. At the end of the meeting, Kelsey had told Lara she’d like to be considered for the job.
Because of the way she felt about Nathan, she was confident in that decision.
She fucking loved the man. Working with him threatened to destroy her a day at a time.
It had been hard to watch him come and go without remembering the way he’d touched her, the way he’d said dirty things to her that no one else ever had, the way he’d seared the word slut into her ass cheeks.
She couldn’t pretend it hadn’t happened.
Worse, she couldn’t pretend she didn’t want it to happen again.
This morning she’d woken up needy. She’d tossed and turned. Finally, with thoughts of him rolling over each other in her brain, she’d turned onto her belly and worked a hand between her pelvis and the mattress until she’d found her pussy.
Since he wasn’t there to tell her she couldn’t, she’d played with her pussy, thinking about the Punishment Pole, and the way he’d fucked her ass.
Memories of the last look he’d given her before walking out of the door had crashed into her, and the chance at an orgasm had vanished.
In frustration, she’d gotten out of bed far too early and heading to her office to do some work. She’d found herself looking at photographs, though, of Galveston and the Bolivar Peninsula. And she’d recalled his invitation to attend the family meeting at the ranch. The opportunity to take pictures in Corpus Christi had excited her. She also knew that the ranch was home to some unusual birds, including the stunning green jay, something she’d never seen.
She sighed. If she’d been able to accept Nathan’s offer to move in, she would have had access to the amazing habitat on a daily basis.
The elevator slid to a stop. She exited before walking down the corridor to the office suite.
As it had been the day she’d met Nathan, the office light was on.
A feeling of déjà vu swept over her, and she paused to check the nameplate on the wall before opening the door and walking in.
Nathan stood there, near her desk, looking like…
He shocked her.
His suit was immaculate, but he hadn’t shaved. His hair was unkempt, a lock falling over his forehead, green eyes dark, tortured, looking so ragged that she hardly recognized him as her boss and former Dominant.
She hesitated before adjusting her bag on her shoulder and heading toward her desk. “Good morning, Mr. Donovan.”
He pulled up a chair, sat across from her then slid across a gigantic cup that had the word employee written on it.
“Your mocha,” he said.
She frowned. But recognizing the logo and Marvin’s handwriting, she accepted it before putting her purse in a desk drawer and taking a seat. “I’m confused.”
“I stop
ped in. I asked Marvin to tell you they were out of mocha.”
“He did.” She took a big drink, and the hot, creamy chocolate and coffee taste went a long way toward her forgiving both of them. “I don’t understand.”
He slid a bag toward her.
“He wasn’t out of scones, either?”
“I had a drink with Connor yesterday,” he said instead of responding.
She froze, her hand midway to her mouth. “Oh?” She pretended to be uninterested.
“You’ve been shortlisted for the position at BHI.”
Her hand trembling, she put down the cup. She hadn’t heard. But he shouldn’t have been informed before she was.
“I asked Connor to remove you from the list.”
She stood. “Wait a minute! You can’t do that. You shouldn’t even know I applied, let alone be able to—”
“Stop. Please.”
If he’d used a sharp tone or held up a hand, she would have gathered her belongings and left or snapped back, but there was a tone in his voice that she’d never heard before.
“Please, Kelsey. I don’t deserve to have you hear me out. But I’m asking. Five minutes of your time. That’s all. If you want to be angry, rage, fine. You’ll get all the time you want and need to ask me questions and have your say. Please give me the chance to talk. Five minutes. Please.”
She sat back down.
“I screwed up. I’ve had plenty of time to think over the last couple of days. I’m a bit ashamed of how long it took me to figure it out. And unless I’d had that drink with Connor, I still might not have. Let me start over, pretend it’s Sunday morning at your condo.”
She took a sip, listening.
Obviously filled with nervous energy, he stood.
“I should have asked what you wanted to do with the rest of the day. I should have asked what you wanted out of a relationship, what mattered to you. And I should have listened.” He raked both hands in his hair then he propped his palms on his hips, holding back his suit coat. “I’m an idiot. I want you.”
Unable to pretend disinterest, she put down her cup again.
“And I want to know from you how that can happen. If you want to move in, I’d love it. If you want to stay at your house a few nights a week, fine. If you want to firebomb my place and build a castle with a turret, fine.”
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