by S. J. McCoy
~ ~ ~
Chase wandered into the bar. Practice was going well, but when the guys had wanted to break for lunch, he'd decided to get out of there for a while. It was weird how much he'd changed in such a short time. Just a few weeks ago, he'd have been making lunch for everyone, joining in the shit-talk about who would score this weekend. Which songs would get the hot chicks up and dancing? Now, though, he had no interest. It bored him. He felt as though he'd moved on a step. He'd grown up, and the others were still playing kid games. Not Eddie, but then Eddie had always been the grown-up. He'd wanted to take a run into town otherwise Chase would have asked him to come and grab some lunch at the resort. He was hoping he might spot Kenzie with the girls. He wouldn't interrupt them or anything, just seeing her from a distance would be enough.
Smoke and Jack were sitting in a corner booth. Chase raised a hand when Smoke spotted him and beckoned him over.
“How's it going?”
“Doing great and you?”
Smoke smiled at him through pursed lips. “Just great.”
Jack grinned. “So have you come to join the sad sack club?”
Chase raised his eyebrows. “Sad sack club?”
Smoke laughed. “When the ladies get together for lunch, we usually end up sitting in here like a pair of sad sacks.”
Chase laughed. “I'd never have guessed that with you two.”
Jack shook his head. “Neither would we or anyone else not so long ago, but when it hits you, it hits hard. By the looks of it, you know exactly what I'm talking about, too.”
Chase nodded. He could hardly deny it.
“Take a seat,” said Smoke. “Welcome to the club.”
Chase slid in next to Jack. “I'm not sure I'm going to get a chance to be a full member though.”
Jack frowned at him. “Why not? You two are already living together, aren't you?”
He shrugged. “I guess we are.” He and Kenzie had yet to spend a single night in separate beds. They were living as a couple, but more by circumstance than by choice. “Officially we are just sharing a house. She's scared. I'm not convinced she isn't going to pull the plug and run.”
Jack laughed. “Then you're definitely in the right company. Emma was scared to death.” He gave Chase a rueful grin. “As you may remember, she almost ran on me.”
Chase nodded. He had liked Emma himself when he first met her and thought he was in with a chance when she was running scared from Jack.
“And,” Jack continued, “Smoke here was the ultimate runner until he met Laura.” He grinned at Smoke. “It took him a while to get his shit together even after he met her.”
“Fuck you, Benson.” Smoke scowled at Jack, but Chase could see the smile lurking.
“So. If you need to talk about how to handle a runner, or you need to understand a runner, you came to the right place.”
Chase nodded. “I don't even know what to ask yet, but I'll keep it mind. I have a feeling I may need your help at some point.” He had a hundred questions he'd like to ask them right now. But as much as he liked these guys, he didn't know them that well yet. Besides he wasn't one to spill his guts about anything. And talk about feelings? About a girl? No. He couldn't go there no matter how much he might want to.
Smoke held his gaze for a moment. He seemed to understand. “Just remember, it's an option if you need it.”
“Thanks.”
Ben appeared and slid into the seat next to Smoke. He grinned at them. “You guys make me laugh. The girls are out there having a fine old time and you're sitting in here like old women. Have you got nothing to do with yourselves?”
Jack shrugged. “We're just a couple of old friends catching up over lunch.”
Ben laughed and shook his head. “Yeah, right.” He turned to Chase. “I guess that’s your excuse, too?”
Chase grinned back at him and nodded. “Just catching up with my buddies.”
“Are we working on a matching set of guys in here for the girls out there?”
Smoke laughed. “It'll probably end up that way. I mean you've got the three of us. Then who else is out there? Missy?”
“Well, that one won't work,” said Jack. “When Missy is here, it means Dan won't be joining us unless he brings Scot along too.”
Ben nodded. “That's true, and the same goes with Michael and Ethan.”
“So that's everyone right?” asked Smoke.
Chase was surprised to see the concern on Ben's face when he replied. “No. Holly's out there.” He turned to Jack. “Where's Pete?”
Jack's smile faded, too. “I don't know what his deal is at the moment. He's down in the city and said he couldn't come back this weekend. ”
Chase remembered reassuring Kenzie that Pete and Holly were solid. He hoped he was right, but he wasn't going to say anything. From the look on Ben's face, he was thinking the same thing.
“Anyway…” Ben got up. “I can't stick around with you old ladies. Some of us have work to do. Are you having lunch?”
They all nodded and Ben took their order. As Chase watched him walk back into the kitchen, he had to wonder why Ben didn't have a woman. He shook his head. Never mind Ben, did he have a woman of his own, or did he just have a roommate for now, until she decided to leave?
Chapter Eighteen
Kenzie smiled. She'd really enjoyed lunch with the girls. She'd seen things in a different light after her chat with Laura on the way over. Much as she liked them all, she'd felt a little intimidated by her sister's friends before. They all seemed to have such perfect lives. Today she had been aware of their fears when they spoke. Laura was right, they were all in the same boat as she was—afraid of messing up. There was still one big difference between her and them, though. They were all completely confident in their men. Emma was married, the rest of them were engaged. Each one of them lit up like a Christmas tree at the mention of their guy's name. She didn't have that. She was pretty sure she smiled like a crazy person when they talked about Chase, but the two of them didn't even know what they were doing, let alone where they were going together—if anywhere. Yes, they were living together. Kind of. Sharing a house at least. She was falling for him, she knew it. In fact, if she dared admit it, she already had. But, no. She didn't dare admit it, she couldn't even think about it for too long without getting anxious. How could she tell him? She'd thought a few times that he might be about to tell her that he loved her, but he hadn't done it. Perhaps she was just getting carried away?
“So what do you think?” asked Megan. “Ethan would love to see you.”
Kenzie looked at her sister. They'd said goodbye to the others and were now standing in the square out by Megan's car.
Megan laughed. “Are you with me or is your head off in the clouds with Chase somewhere?”
“I'm right here. And yes. I'd love to come see Ethan. I hate that he hasn't been able to come sleep over yet.”
“Well, he can't come on a school night and you work weekend nights.”
It was true, but Kenzie didn't like it. She'd told the little guy he could come and stay one night and she didn’t want to let him down. She was trying to be a better person now she was living here. She didn't want to live down to her old ways. She didn't want to let anyone down, but her nephew was most important. He was the last person she wanted to disappoint—well, him and Chase. “Let's go then,” she said. “I won't be able to stay too long because I'll have to get back for work later, but we should be able to get a couple of games of chess in.”
Megan laughed. “I love the way things are working out with you, and I'm so glad it's happening here.”
Kenzie shot her a puzzled look as she climbed into the car. “What do you mean?”
“Well, if I didn't see it with my own eyes, no way would I believe that you were playing chess at all, let alone with a little boy.” Megan gave her a sly smile. “And I certainly wouldn't believe that you were all settled down and lovey-dovey with a guy!”
> For once Kenzie didn't have a smart answer for her sister. She just shrugged. “I'm trying to be a good auntie that's all. Ethan is a little sweetheart. It surprises the hell out of me, but I just fell in love with him as soon as I met him.”
Megan kept her eyes fixed on the road as she asked, “Are we still talking about Ethan?”
Kenzie drew in a sharp breath. Was she?
They drove on in silence for a few minutes. It was Megan who broke the uncomfortable silence. “Sorry, Kenz. I didn't mean to upset you.”
Poor Megan. She was always so wary. It made Kenzie wonder if she'd been a bitch to her little sister without realizing it. She smiled and decided to just go with what Laura had said—be open and admit to her fears. “There's no need for you to be sorry, little sis. I'm sorry. I'm just scared. This is all new territory for me and I'm not sure what to do with it. I think I am falling for Chase. It scares me stupid. I do feel settled down and lovey-dovey. And that is so not me! I want it, but at the same time I want to run from it.”
Megan nodded. “Believe me. I understand. But Chase is a good guy. I'd guess he's in love with you. It'll all work out. I'm sure it will.”
Kenzie decided to just keep being honest. It felt good. It was scary, but so much better than hiding from the truth and putting up walls so no one else knew. “I want him to be in love with me. If I'm honest, I don't just think I'm falling for him, I know I already have. I love him. There have been a few times when I thought he was going to say it to me, but he hasn't.”
Megan turned to her. “So why don't you tell him?”
“Hell no! No way!”
“Why not?” Megan looked genuinely puzzled.
“Because what if he doesn't love me?”
“What difference does it make? You love him anyway.”
“Yeah, but what if I tell him, and it's not right or he doesn't want me to, or it's too much, or...”
“It's your truth. Why not speak it? It's not affected by anything else. I told Michael I loved him. I just had to. Of course, I wanted him to love me back. I hoped he did, but I didn't know. And whether he did or he didn't, I thought he should know how I felt.”
Kenzie pondered that one. It was her truth. Megan was saying she should own it. She'd spent most of her life being a chameleon—adapting, fitting in with what other people wanted or expected. Her truth was only for her to know. If she didn't speak it, no one could judge her for it. To just throw it out there? To say what she wanted? It made sense. But it would mean she had no place left to hide. No defenses. Now that was scary! Yet, Megan had done it. Quiet, shy, timid, little Megan had spoken her truth. In fact, she always had. She might have spent most of her time avoiding people altogether, but when she had to talk to them, she was straight-up honest about things. Kenzie's head was spinning. So much was changing, her ways of dealing with the world were being challenged. She was going to need to take some time to catch up.
Megan got out of the car. “I don't mean to tell you what to do. I'm only trying to help.”
Kenzie smiled. “I know that and I appreciate it. I'm just playing catch-up, you may need to bear with me.”
“I'll bear with you and do whatever I can to help. As I said, I'm just glad you're sticking around and considering it. Please promise me you won't run away?”
“Promises mean nothing. You know how I feel about promises.”
Megan nodded sadly. “I just don't want to wake up one morning and find out that you left. Please say you won’t do that. Say you'll stay.”
“I'll do my best.” How the hell was she supposed to make Megan a promise she didn't know she could keep?
Megan pulled into the driveway. She smiled, but it was a forced smile. “Well, that's better than I would have hoped for not so long ago, so I'll take it.”
Kenzie smiled. “Thanks, sis.”
~ ~ ~
Chase pulled up a seat at the bar. It seemed he was spending a lot of time in here today. Band practice was done and the guys were hanging out at the cabin until it was time to come over and get set up for the night. He hadn't wanted to stick around with them, but he hadn't wanted to go back to the house either. Kenzie wasn't going to be there. He hadn't managed to catch her at lunchtime, but he had seen her leave with Megan. He was glad that they were getting some sister time, even though he'd rather be getting some time with her himself. She wasn't due in here to work for another hour, but he'd probably just hang out until she arrived.
Ben was working the bar. “What can I get you, bud?”
“I'll take an orange juice.”
Ben put it in front of him then jerked his head toward a guy sitting a few feet away. “Have you met Michael's brother, Gabe?”
Chase smiled and nodded at the guy. “I think we met last weekend?”
Gabe nodded. “You're with Kenzie?”
“Yep.”
“Will you do me a favor and tell her I said thanks?”
Chase had to wonder what for. “You can tell her yourself, she'll be here in a little while.”
Gabe's phone buzzed and he checked it. “She might not, apparently she's over at Michael's raising hell with Ethan.”
“She'd better be here,” said Ben. “She's working, and I don’t want to go back to Saturday mayhem without Kenzie. She's the best bar manager I've ever had.”
Chase had to smile. Ben said that about her every chance he got. He noticed Gabe wasn't smiling, though.
“How's Renée doing in the bakery?” he asked.
Chase couldn't figure out the look that Ben gave Gabe at that question. It didn't look good though. “She's doing great.”
He'd always thought that Ben might be sweet on Renée. He was very protective of her, whatever current was passing between him and Gabe was weird. He took a drink of his orange juice and kept out of it.
“She's doing great, or she's doing great in the bakery?” asked Gabe.
“In the bakery, yeah. Otherwise, not so much. Nothing's changed.”
The look on Gabe's face as he nodded made Chase make a mental note never to cross the guy. He decided to risk an attempt to lighten the mood.
“How's little Ethan doing?” he asked.
As Gabe turned to him, the hint of a smile touched his lips. “Don't tell me you want to get on the right side of him?”
Chase grinned sheepishly and nodded. There, would be no point in trying to deny it, he could tell that. Gabe was one of those guys who would see through a lie, call you out for it and worse, lose all respect for you. “Yeah, he and Kenzie got quite close when she was staying with them. Michael said Ethan sees me as the competition for Auntie Kenzie's affection. I'd love to make a friend out of the little guy.”
Gabe nodded. “Well for starters, don't ever let him know he has the upper hand. He'll run rings around you.”
Chase laughed. “I kind of figured that one out already. Anything else I should know?”
“Don't try to bullshit him. He'll see through it and call you on it. Then he won't trust you.”
Chase felt the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he returned Gabe's stare. Had the guy just read his mind? “So he's just like his uncle then?”
Gabe's face transformed as he laughed. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. It must be a family trait. We don't tolerate lies or liars well and we can spot them a mile off.”
Chase stared at him and was relieved when he smiled. “We can also spot a genuine guy too, and though we may give him a little shit, he gets our respect.”
Chase nodded. “Thanks.”
“Just telling you how it is. Do you play chess?”
“No. I never learned.” He felt dumb admitting that, but it just wasn't something he'd ever felt the need to do. He wouldn't have been caught dead near the chess club at school. He’d been a jock, not a nerd.
Gabe was grinning. “Well, if you can stand to lose to a very ungracious winner, let him teach you. He's good—I lose to him half the time. But it's
something he loves and he loves to share.”
“Okay. I'll give it a try. I can stand to lose.”
“I'll ask if you still feel that way next time I see you. He really is a bad winner.”
Chase smiled. “I can take it, and it'll be worth it.”
Gabe's smile faded. “Isn't it amazing the shit we'll put ourselves through for a woman?”
Chase wasn't sure whether he was really asking the question or just musing out loud. He nodded but said nothing.
“Well, I'm out of here. Good luck. I guess I'll see you around. Looks like we're going to be kind of family thanks to Ethan.”
Chase nodded again. He hoped so.
Gabe paused before leaving. “It'll do the kid good to have another uncle.”
That made Chase laugh. “If I qualify. He already told me I can be his uncle-for-now, I'm on trial as to whether I get to be his uncle-forever.”
“That sounds like Ethan, but I guess it's Kenzie who gets the final say on that one.”
“Yep, that's why I won't mind losing at chess, or anything else he comes up with.”
Gabe slapped his shoulder as he left. “Good luck.”
Chase sat sipping his orange juice and thinking about Kenzie. He needed to tell her how he felt. He'd been on the verge of saying it three or four times in the last week alone. He wanted her to know. If he was honest, he wanted her to tell him that she loved him right back. He was scared though. Scared it might be too much for her. It might not be what she wanted to hear—might make her run. That was the last thing he wanted.
He smiled when he saw Eddie come in. He spotted him and came over. “I thought you'd be at home hanging out with your lady.”
Chase smiled. Eddie wouldn't give him any shit. “I would be, if she were home, but she went to see her sister.”
“Okay. Do you want to help me get set up then? I came over early to do it, had to get out of the cabin. The guys are driving me nuts, and they drive me nuts while we set up too. I'd sooner just take care of it myself before they get here.”