by S. J. McCoy
She pondered it for a while. “I suppose it's because I didn't know those people. I didn't care what they thought of me. I didn't need their approval.”
He raised an eyebrow at her.
She nodded. “I know, I know. People here care about me and won't judge me even if I sound terrible. But I want them to think I'm good, I don't want them to realize how crappy I really am.”
He blew out an exasperated sigh. “You are not crappy, you have a beautiful voice. I just wish you'd have a little faith in yourself and in the people who care about you. Especially in me.”
“I do.”
“Then sing for me?”
She took him by surprise. “Okay. What do you want me to sing?”
“Anything you like,” he answered quickly—it didn't matter what, he just wanted her to sing before she changed her mind.
She turned away from him and walked behind a tree. He started to follow then understood what she was doing. She didn't want him to watch. He stayed put and waited. Just when he started to think that she must have changed her mind, she started to sing. Her voice wavered at first, she was wobbly for the first few lines of a song he'd never heard before.
You see me, you see the pain.
I swore I'd never sing again
You believe in me, you show you care
but how can I trust that you'll always be there?
My song rings true when I sing for you,
but how can I trust that you'll always be there?
Chase closed his eyes to listen, to focus on the words she was singing and the clear, sweet tone of her voice. She must have written it herself, that surprised him. He'd expected to hear some pop song, but this was folksier, leaning toward country and she was singing straight from the heart. It was beautiful.
When she finished, he waited. He wanted to see her face when he told her just how much he loved it, loved the song, and loved her voice. She didn't come out, though.
After a long silence, she asked, “Was it that bad?”
He went around the tree and took her hand. “No. Now I understand why you wouldn't sing for me.” When he saw the dismayed look on her face, he continued quickly. “You just don't want to show me up because you're so much better than I am.”
She shook her head. “Just be honest, Chase. There's no need to be kind.”
He tipped her chin to make her look up at him. “I am being honest, Kenzie. Own it. You have a gorgeous voice. But now I'm going to be pestering you all the time to sing with me.”
“If I was that good, why did I never get any of the jobs I auditioned for?”
He shrugged. “I have no idea. Unless...”
“Unless what?”
Why did she automatically assume the worst? “Unless nerves got the better of you. You want me to be honest, so I will. The first few lines were wobbly, I was a little scared that your voice might be thin and reedy. After that, I could hear you relax even though I couldn't see you. If you were tense in the auditions with all those people watching you, they might never have heard your real voice come through.”
She nodded slowly. “I know that's true. I told you. I just don't sound the same when people are watching. I can't do it.”
“Yes, you can. You just have a mental block that you need to get past. That's all.”
“That's all? You say it like it's nothing. How do I get past it?”
It was a valid question, but he knew they'd come up with something. “I don't know yet, but we'll figure it out. You could start with Ethan. He's hardly going to be a tough audience, is he? You could croak like a frog and he'd think it was awesome because it's you. You can do no wrong in his eyes.”
He was grateful to see her smile. She knew it was true.
“So let's start there. I'll teach him a song to play and when he's ready you can sing it with him. Yeah?”
She nodded reluctantly. “I suppose, but why is it so important to you that I should sing?”
“You remember the first night we were together?”
She nodded, looking puzzled.
“I asked you if you'd let me in, let your walls down? I wanted to see the real you. Singing, when you sing as well as you do, is about taking all your walls down and letting your real self shine through. When you can do that, I'll know you're not hiding anymore. I'll know that you are finally comfortable with who you are and don't mind letting the world see you. Then I'll know that nothing is going to scare you off because there will be nothing left to hide—or run from. Does that make any sense?”
She stared at him. “Not asking for much then, are you?”
He had to laugh. “Nah, not much. Just everything that you are.” He held her gaze. “Forever.”
~ ~ ~
As they drove back into town, Kenzie stared out of the window. She knew she'd sounded good when she sang for him, but was it a one-off? Had it just been the magic of the moment, out there in the hills? Chase was so sweet and so kind. His belief in her had given her the confidence. Perhaps that should be enough? She'd sung for him, showed him that she trusted him and was letting him in. Why did she need to do more than that? She watched the lake sparkle as they headed back down to the house. She knew why he wanted her to—it was because he wanted more than a one off. He said he wanted everything she was—forever! She loved the idea, she loved him, but would he really want all of her as time went by and he got to know all of her dark corners? Would he one day regret not having gone on with the band and the carefree life he'd been living until he met her?
She shot a glance at him and he reached over and took her hand with a smile. “What are you thinking, lover?”
“I'm trying to trust that this is all as perfect as it seems.”
He shook his head. “It's not perfect, it will never be perfect, nothing ever is. But it is great, we are great together. I told you that the first night we spent together. With time, we'll get even better, too.” He grinned. “I also told you this greatness has stamina.”
“You did.” And he had proved it, kept proving it. He was doing so much to make her believe, but she had a lifetime of experience that had taught her not to expect a happy ending, let alone a happily ever after.
“Let's go home before we head into work, shall we?”
“Okay.” She'd thought that's what they were doing anyway.
When they got there, he took her hand and led her up the stairs. She smiled to herself. They didn't really have time for another round, but she wasn't going to argue if that was what he wanted. He went into her room and picked up her clock and makeup bag.
She gave him a puzzled look.
He smiled and took her hand again and led her into his room where he set her things on the nightstand then looked at her questioningly.
“What?” She knew he was getting at something, but she didn't know what.
“Can we make it official?”
“Make what official?”
“Move in with me?”
She tilted her head to one side, not understanding. “Have you not noticed I moved in the same day you did? We've been living here for quite a while now.”
He shook his head. “That was circumstance. We agreed to share a house, and yeah we've been sharing a bed. But that's not the same. I'm asking you to move in with me because you want to be with me, not just because you need a housemate. I'm asking you to choose me. Do you want to?”
She was surprised to see the uncertainty in his eyes. “I want to, Chase. I want to move in with you more than I've ever wanted anything.” His happy smile made her nervous. She had to add, “I'm just scared I’ll screw it up somehow.”
He pulled her to him. “Will you stop that? We're good. Nothing's going to change that.”
She rested her head on his shoulder. “I hope not.”
Chapter Twenty-two
The band had set up outside tonight. While Chase used to enjoy playing out here on the deck, he was less keen on it now. It meant he didn't ge
t to watch Kenzie behind the bar. If he went to the very far side of the little stage they set up, then he could see inside, but he could hardly perform the entire set hanging out over there. He and the guys had their spots, he could wander a little while he sang, but that was all.
He'd stayed away from Robin the last couple of days. There was no point in calling him out, Chase knew that, but he didn't trust himself not to say anything either. He'd talked to Eddie. He was fed up with Robin, too, but had cautioned it was probably best to let it slide. Robin had had no right telling Kenzie she was messing things up, because she and Chase were good and that was all that mattered. Robin seemed to know that he'd screwed up and had kept to the usual light banter while they'd set up.
Chase watched the gang gather around one of the picnic tables. Emma and Jack were sitting with Missy and Dan. He smiled when he saw Michael and Megan arrive and join them. Megan caught his eye and gave him a little wave. He'd seen them earlier when they came to collect Ethan after his guitar lesson. The kid was learning fast, it wouldn't be long until he could play the song Chase was teaching him. He hoped it would give Kenzie long enough to get up the nerve to sing with him.
Holly and Pete joined the others and they had to pull two picnic benches together to make room for everyone. Chase couldn't help but notice the tension between the two of them. He had to wonder what was going on there, but at least Pete was here this time. It seemed Holly spent more time out by herself these days than with her fiancé. He made his way to the edge of the stage and spotted Kenzie. She was chatting with Smoke and Laura. He would be forever grateful to the two of them for taking him down to Nashville. He'd have to ask Kenzie about inviting them over for dinner one night. He chuckled to himself at the thought, amazed by how much his priorities had changed over the last couple of months.
“Are you ready?” Eddie asked.
He nodded. “Yeah, let's get this show started.” He looked over at Robin and raised an eyebrow. Robin nodded back and gave him an apologetic grin. How could he stay mad at the guy? He didn't mean any harm, he just needed to grow up a little. Chase grinned back and launched into the first song.
~ ~ ~
Kenzie set the drinks down and smiled at Laura. “Do you make him drive you home or something?”
Smoke laughed. “Usually she does, but I've got a late flight tonight. I stick to the apple juice when I'm flying.” He snaked an arm around Laura's waist and pulled her to his side. “I tried to talk my lady into coming with me, but I think she's getting bored with me. She won't come.”
Laura pushed at him. “Will you stop with that? You know I've got the big conference call with Levy in the morning. I can't risk going with you and being stuck at twenty thousand feet just at the time I need to be talking to them. Besides, it'll do you good to miss me for a night.”
Kenzie loved the way they were together. Smoke smiled at Laura through pursed lips. “Maybe I'll just take off and stay gone till you remember how much you miss me.”
“You can't stay away from me that long and we both know it.”
As Smoke pulled Laura against him, Kenzie turned away to take care of other customers. She envied what the two of them shared. They were completely confident in each other, so much so that they could spar like that. She wondered if she would ever feel that way. She peeked out at the stage on the deck and smiled when she found Chase smiling at her as he sang. Perhaps she should already feel that way? He'd never done anything to make her doubt the way he felt about her. And the way she felt about him continued to surprise her in the way it grew stronger every single day.
Ben came in through the bar and grinned at her. “How's it going?”
“All under control here, boss. I thought you were hanging out with the gang tonight. What's up, feeling like you need to check up on me?”
He laughed and ran both hands over his face. “Honestly? I'm enjoying myself far too much and feeling guilty about it. In all the years since I took over the place, I've never felt I could turn my back on anything for more than a minute. Running this place is like spinning plates. You've taken over the plate that is the bar and you're keeping it spinning better than I did. It's just too weird though. I sit out there and I know you've got everything running so well I can forget about it. I actually do forget and then I remember and feel guilty because I feel like something should be going wrong by now. I have to come check.” He looked at her face. “Don't look like that, I mean I can't get used to how good it is.”
Kenzie smiled. It meant the world to her that he felt that way and trusted her so much. “I'll do my best not to screw anything up.”
“The only way you could screw anything up is by leaving.”
That sent cold shivers down her spine. She didn't want to leave, but you just never knew what could come up to change things.
Ben sensed her hesitation. “You're not thinking of leaving are you?”
She shook her head quickly. “No.”
He didn't look convinced. “Now you've got me worried.”
She smiled. “You're just too used to worrying. Get on back out there and let me get on with it.” She turned away from him to get fresh drinks for a group of girls at the end of the bar. When she looked again, Ben was making his way back out to the deck, but he had a worried look on his face. She sighed. Would it be possible for her to accept that life was as good as it seemed and wasn't going to go up in flames at any moment? She had a great guy in her life, a great job, a great boss, a great group of friends and family too. She had everything she could want.
She went back to check on Smoke and Laura, surprised they were still at the bar and not out with the others. She wondered if she and Chase would ever have what they did. Laura looked up as she saw her approach.
“I told you, you have a great career. You work the bar like you were born to do this.”
She smiled. “I'm surprised you're still here to see. I thought you'd be out with the others.”
“I like to keep my lady to myself sometimes,” said Smoke. “They're all joiners, I'm more of a loner.” He gave her a knowing look. “You get that, right?”
She nodded. She loved the friendships that the gang shared, but she could see why these two would want to be by themselves sometimes, too.
Laura laughed. “If you were still a loner, you'd stop pawing at me and be on your way to Santa Monica.”
Smoke grinned at her. “Alright. This is me gone. But I'll be back early. I'll SEE you in the morning.”
Laura's cheeks tinged with pink as she pushed at him again. “Get out of here, you big Neanderthal.” She cupped her hands around the back of his head and pulled him down for a kiss. “I'll SEE you tomorrow. Fly safely.”
“Always.” Smoke kissed her one last time, then nodded at Kenzie and left.
“Is it okay if I hang with you for a while?” asked Laura.
Kenzie nodded. “I'd love it, just let me take care of them.” She nodded toward a group of guys farther down the bar who were getting a little loud.
“What can I get you, sugar?” she asked the loudest of them.
He ran his eyes over her with a dirty grin. “What's on offer?”
She shook her head. “Beer, wine or liquor, that's all. The rest is off limits. You can look, but you can't touch.”
He laughed at that. “Let me touch. You don't know how much you'll like it till you try.”
“Thanks, but no thanks.”
“We'll take a fresh bucket of beer then.”
As she bent to the fridge, she heard him speak to his friend. “Check out the ass on that. I'll be doing a lot more than just touching it before we leave here.”
She turned back around to put the beers on the bar. “You can forget that, sugar.”
He held her gaze for a moment as he handed over the cash. His eyes bored into hers. He was a good-looking guy, but he did nothing for her. Not so long ago she would have been flirting with him, wondering what it would be like later if she went hom
e with him. Now all she wanted was for him to stop looking at her like that so she could get on with her job. “I can't forget it. I want it.”
She laughed. “It's a tough old world. We can't always have what we want.” She turned away from him, eager to get back to chatting with Laura.
“I always get what I want. I'll see you later.”
She heard it, but she didn't bother to look back. Typical ego-ridden guy, out with his friends, trying to look like the big man.
“Do you get a lot of that?” Laura looked horrified.
She shrugged. “It's kind of a hazard of the job. It's like water off a duck's back. They're mostly harmless, I can handle it.”
Laura frowned at her. “Mostly maybe. I'm sorry, but I came to Nashville to get you remember? I worry about you being able to handle it.”
Kenzie took a deep breath. “That was nothing like this.”
“Sorry. I just worry about you that's all. Maybe Ben should be back here with you?”
“No way! I'm fine. You know the score. There will always be guys who think they have a chance.”
Laura smiled. “I know that much. I know they don't stand a chance either.” She looked out to where Chase was singing. A group of girls sitting at one of the picnic benches, right next to the stage were all watching him. “Any more than those girls stand a chance with Chase,” she said. She looked back at Kenzie. “I don't know how you stand it though. That would drive me nuts. All those women drooling over my man all the time? No, I don't know how you do it.”
Kenzie thought about that. It hadn't occurred to her before. Laura was right, there were always women watching Chase, hanging around him. It didn't bother her though. It was like she'd just said—a hazard of the job. She watched Chase sing. He smiled at the table full of women, he was kind of flirting with them, but she knew it meant nothing. She looked at Laura and shrugged. “It's just how it is. If he wanted any of them, he could snap his fingers and they'd come running.”