by Leslie Kelly
Knox had been ailing and out of sorts for so long it had simply become his state of being. He doubted that even Good Riddance could cure what ailed him since he wasn’t sure what was wrong. How did you accurately treat something undiagnosed?
“I’m sorry about your Grandmother. She was a fine person.”
“One of the best.” It had been nearly two years and some days he still forgot she was gone.
“Well, I’m glad you’re joining us again. We missed you last year, although I understand it would’ve probably been too painful to be here.”
Knox just offered a quick, hard nod.
“Coffee?” she said. “Straight-up, right?”
“You remember.”
“Of course. I’m not totally senile yet.” She laughed and he laughed along with her. She wasn’t remotely senile. “Here you go.”
He took the proffered cup. “Thanks.”
“So, how’s Trudie?”
Now that was the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question, wasn’t it?
“I...uh...I haven’t talked to Trudie lately.” He’d never called her. Everything inside him knotted at just saying her name aloud.
They hadn’t spoken, emailed, Facebooked, or Tweeted since that evening she’d walked as the summer sun sank behind the distant mountains. She’d accused him of becoming a stranger, but she was the one who’d changed. She’d been critical of him, critical of Elsa, and hadn’t seemed to understand when she, as his best friend, should have understood.
He’d felt so numb, so anchorless when Mormor had died.... And Elsa had been there to fill the void. She’d seemed to wrap herself around his numbness.
Trudie had had a problem with Elsa, had seemed totally oblivious to the need Elsa filled. Elsa wouldn’t have wanted him calling Trudie, but Trudie knew where to find him and she hadn’t bothered. Neither had he. It had just been easier that way.
“Hmm,” Merrilee said, her look full of speculation.
Knox shrugged off the question in her eyes. “Things change.” He glanced around. “There are more pictures on the wall than the last time I was here.” The log wall held an assortment of photos that relayed the history of Good Riddance and its inhabitants. “It still smells the same in here and welcomes the same—” the life-size moose replica in a Santa hat next to the decorated tree had been a staple for years
“—but there are changes.” He nodded toward the two men sitting opposite one another at a chess table. He didn’t have to say it. One of the old codgers who’d been a permanent fixture there had passed just as Mormor had. A grey-haired man who was something of a sophisticated dresser, especially for Good Riddance, had taken the spot.
“True enough, things change. I expected... Well, you and Trudie were always so close.” She shook her head as if clearing it. “Regardless, it’s nice to see you again. We’re glad you’re here. How’s the animal-doctoring business?”
“I can’t complain. I just took on a partner.” He’d known when he joined Mack Beasley’s vet practice a couple of years ago that Mack was planning to retire soon. He’d done so a year and a half ago and Knox had been so swamped with work he could barely breathe. He’d have been hard-pressed to attend Chrismoose if Luke Farmington hadn’t come on-board a couple of months ago. Relief vets were one thing but the real relief was having Luke to share the practice. “He’s a nice guy who moved to Anchorage from Denver.”
“That’s wonderful. You should’ve brought him to Chrismoose.”
The Twelve Days of Christmas started playing on the boombox over on the table. Damn—his and Trudie’s song. He could hardly change it.
Knox forced a grin and tried to focus on the conversation at hand. “Someone had to stay behind to take care of the business. It looks as if things are going well here. I noticed some new buildings when we were coming in.”
Merrilee nodded and was on the verge of saying one thing when something caught her eye. Like an internal alarm shrilling, the hair on the back of Knox’s neck stood at attention.
“Well,” Merrilee said, “you and Trudie are about to have the opportunity to catch up. She just walked through the door.”
He’d known it before she said it. He’d felt Trudie’s presence the way he always had. He could also feel her animosity. She was still pissed.
Damn, he might as well go ahead and get this over with. He turned.
He felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach. It was as if he was seeing her for the first time. She was familiar, but had he ever really looked at her?
The curve of her cheek, the sensual line of her lips, the hug of her jeans to her hips. And her hair was different.
Trudie Brown was a beautiful woman.
* * *
SHE’D HEARD he would be here since Elsa was coming in her capacity as Snow Queen. She’d known she’d see him. She’d thought she was prepared. She’d thought she was over him.
She wasn’t.
Knox. She stood immobilized. And that song... Seeing him was like ripping open an old wound. All the missing, wanting, hurting, surged through her anew. Yet she couldn’t stop looking at him, soaking up the sight of him. She’d cried and ranted and tried so hard to forget him. She had kept herself busy, throwing herself into work, joining friends for outings, dating. But busy hadn’t remedied the sleepless nights when she’d longed for him, ached for the sound of his voice, the magic of his smile.
So many times she’d thought about calling him and telling him she loved him. But their friendship hadn’t meant enough for him to salvage. Why would he possibly want to know she loved him like a woman loved a man? So, she’d kept that part to herself, not even sharing it with her girlfriends.
Now here he was in front of her, all sturdy six feet of him. His dark hair was a little longer. He was perhaps a bit thinner. There were a few lines bracketing his eyes that hadn’t been there before. He looked weary...but wonderful.
Thunk. Instinctively she reached back and braced her hand against the wall, barely staying upright. Jessup, all eighty-something pounds of him, was on her, licking her neck. Obviously his joy at seeing her outweighed his obedience training.
She’d missed Jessup almost as much as she’d missed Knox.
“Jessup, down!” Knox commanded in his most censuring tone. The dog glanced back at his master, but just couldn’t contain his joy at seeing Trudie. She buried her face in the fur of his neck. “Hey, sweet boy. How’ve you been?”
Jessup licked her hand and her neck again as if to say he’d been okay but he was much better now that she was here.
Trudie straightened and dredged up a smile as she walked forward, Jessup glued to her side. “Merrilee,” she said by way of greeting as Merrilee enveloped her in a hug.
“It’s so good to see you again, Trudie. How are you?”
“Fine, thanks. And you?” God, she felt so awkward with Knox in the background. Funny how their lives had been so intertwined—they’d shared some of the same friends, liked to eat at the same restaurants—but they’d still managed to avoid one another for the last year and a half. Trudie found it richly ironic that she and Knox were crossing paths in a place where the town slogan was Welcome to Good Riddance, where you got to leave behind what ailed you. Apparently, she was an exception because she was coming face-to-face with what ailed her, or had ailed him.
“No complaints,” Merrilee said by way of answering Trudie’s inquiry.
“That’s good.” Okay, just say it. Do it. She finally spoke directly to him. She tried not to stare. She’d missed him so much it was hard not to soak him up like a dry sponge. “Hi, Knox.”
“Hey, Trudie.”
She wasn’t sure what to do and neither was he. They both stepped forward, reaching for one another. Should she hug him? Shake his hand? Neither seemed right. She stepped back to where she’d started and Knox mirrored her. It all felt incredibly awkward but also rather wonderful to see him again. It felt as if it had been forever.
“It’s been a while,” she said. She hadn’t int
ended to sound accusatory, but the censorious note crept in nonetheless. And Jessup was still by her side.
Merrilee looked from Trudie to Knox and nodded. “Excuse me, I need to check on something and I’m sure you two are eager to catch up.”
Merrilee had neatly backed them into a corner. Either of them could hardly declare they had no interest in sitting down with the other.
“So, how have you been, Trudie?” Knox said. “You look good. Real good.”
A shiver slid through her at the tone of his voice, at the words. How many times, in the last year and a half, had she wondered what it would be like if he saw her as a woman? Now it seemed that perhaps he did. “Thanks. I cut my hair.”
She’d always kept her light brown hair long. Now it swung against her shoulders and bangs feathered her forehead. The hairdresser had woven in low lights and the style framed her face.
“I like it.” The look in his eyes sent heat coursing through her.
Trudie nodded. “So do I.” She wasn’t quite sure what to do with herself and she was suddenly burning up. She unwound the scarf from her neck and tugged it off. It didn’t do much to cool her down. “You look good, too.”
“Thanks,” he said. He shoved his hands in his blue-jean pockets and shifted from one foot to another. “Want to grab a bite to eat next door?”
She hesitated. She should say she had other things to do. She should politely decline because he was here with Elsa. She should just let him...it...them go...but Trudie found she couldn’t. How much harm could come from a half-hour lunch?
She thought she’d steeled herself for seeing him again, but she wasn’t immune to him. She wasn’t so much hungry for food as she was to know how he was and what had been going on in his life. Half an hour, an hour tops. “Sure. You know I can always eat.” She tacked on the last bit so that he didn’t think sitting down at Gus’s, the restaurant right next door to the bed and breakfast and the airstrip center, was personal.
Of course, Gus’s was the gathering place and news spread in Good Riddance like wildfire during a drought. Elsa would know Trudie and Knox were eating together before they finished the meal. She almost asked him if that was going to be a problem but decided to keep her mouth shut.
Knox knew how things were in Good Riddance. But he was a big boy, and if his sharing a table with Trudie posed a problem with Elsa, then that was between the two of them, wasn’t it?
Knox had ceased being her business when he walked out of her life.
2
KNOX INSTRUCTED Jessup to wait for them in the airstrip center—the dog was normally very well disciplined, but Knox cut the canine some slack. He understood. Knox had never been much of a hugger, but he’d had an almost overwhelming urge to touch Trudie, to feel her warmth next to his, to inhale her scent. He had, however, not done any of those things. He wasn’t sure that Trudie would welcome a hug from him these days. He wasn’t so great at people interactions but he was tuned into animals and she’d reminded him of a wounded cat that called for a very cautious approach.
He held the door leading from the airstrip to Gus’s for Trudie. Her scent, the sound of her voice, her presence stirred a slew of memories—of Christmases past, nearly a lifetime past, decorating Christmas trees, cross-country skiing. She’d assisted him as he doctored a hurt cat who turned out to be Mr. Finch’s feline from down the street, which had started a precedent of wounded animals seeming to find their way to him. Trudie had always been by his side to help out. He’d wondered more than once if wounded animals found their way to him when he was a kid because they’d sensed a kindred spirit in him. He’d had a connection with animals that he simply hadn’t found with humans...except for Mormor and, in retrospect, Trudie.
Elsa would probably flip a bitch when she found out that he and Trudie were hanging out at Gus’s, but she’d get over it. He and Trudie were just two old friends catching up and he and Elsa were only here together for appearance sake—the sake of her appearance as Snow Queen.
Gus’s was jam-packed. The place was a mix of laughter and loud conversation. A soap opera blared on one of the wall-mounted televisions while “Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer” played at a high volume on the jukebox in the back corner. The smell of grilled food set his stomach growling.
“Wow, it’s busy,” Trudie said, stopping right inside the door, mainly because there wasn’t enough room to continue walking.
Knox, caught unawares, bumped into the back of her. Instinctively, he grabbed her to keep from pitching forward. Instead, the back of her pressed hard against the front of him. Her hair brushed against his chin and cheek while her scent, light and innocent yet seductive, teased him. Something wild and hot coursed through him—desire of such a magnitude that he didn’t initially recognize it as such. He wanted to wrap his arms around her from behind, press more firmly into the cushion of her backside, test the area of her exposed neck with his lips to see if it was as sweet as it was tantalizing.
Instead, he immediately released her. She took a half step forward as he half stepped back.
Crap, he was turned on...by Trudie. That was the feeling he’d felt when he’d first seen her, but it had been so foreign in conjunction with Trudie that he hadn’t recognized it. He knew it now. Blood had rushed hard, fast and hot to his head, the one between his thighs that tended to fog the thinking of the one on his shoulders.
Trudie glanced behind at him. “Are you okay? Did I step on your toes?”
No, you rocked against my penis and turned my world upside down. “I’m fine. You didn’t catch my toes. How about you? You okay?”
“Yes,” she said, “but I think we’re out of luck. There’s no room to sit and standing room is crowded over at the bar.”
Knox glanced around the room. Booths lined the wall to the right of the main doorway. Every seat at the bar was taken. More booths formed a short L shape against the back wall while tables filled the open floor space ahead of them. Both pool tables were in use and a couple of guys were arguing good-naturedly over a dart game. It didn’t look as if anyone was on the verge of giving up a spot.
“You’re right.”
“I usually am.”
He wondered how long she’d been waiting to say that. Maybe a year and a half? “We could get it to go,” Knox said.
“And eat where?”
“Elsa’s staying here, but I’m staying out at the cabin.”
“You’re at the cabin?”
“Well, I will be. I haven’t made it that far yet.”
“Have you been since...”
She didn’t have to say it. She was asking if he’d been there since he’d lost Mormor. “No. This is the first time.” He paused and she said it before he could ask.
“Do you want me there?”
He hadn’t realized it until that instant, but he didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
She paused. “What about Elsa?”
He deliberately answered as if he’d misunderstood. “She’s busy with some Chrismoose activities. I think she had an interview over at the community center with a newspaper person. You want a burger?” Trudie loved burgers, fries and a good, cold beer.
“Sure. Medium—”
“Well,” he finished. He knew what she liked, at least food-wise. Now he was foolishly burning to know what she liked in other respects. Did she like kissing? How did she like to be kissed? How had he missed the tempting, succulent fullness of her lower lip? Was her neck sensitive? How did she like to be touched? And that was some dangerous thought paths to follow.... He brought his attention back to burgers and beers. “And I have some Mad Moose in the ice chest.”
They’d “discovered” the micro-brewed beer about eight years ago.
“But of course,” Trudie said with a smile that struck him as a bit forced. He knew the feeling.
“Wait here and I’ll go put in our order.”
The wait was saved from awkwardness when several people stopped by to chat, many to offer condolences for his grandmother. Su
rprisingly, given how crowded the place was, a quarter of an hour later they were making their way out of Gus’s, to-go boxes in hand.
They stopped by the airstrip and picked up Jessup. A sense of déjà vu washed over him. It was so much like old times—her, him, the dog. Yet it was all different and had changed so drastically. Showed how deceptive outward appearances could be.
“How are your parents? Are they here?” Knox said as they stepped out onto the sidewalk. Snow crunched underfoot. Christmas lights winked and blinked in the business windows lining the street. Snow drifted down lazily while children played with a puppy on the corner, their laughter mingling with the pup’s shrill bark.
“They’re both fine, just really busy. Mom’s got meetings she can’t get out of until later in the week and you know Dad isn’t going anywhere without her so they’ll be up in a couple of days.”
Trudie’s folks had gotten married in high school when Harriet had turned up pregnant. They were one of those rare cases where things had worked out and they’d not only stayed together but were incredibly devoted to one another. They each had their own interests, but Eldon Brown would never come to Chrismoose without Harriet.
Knox nodded. “You’re actually here a little earlier than usual,” he said as he steered her.
“I came ahead to get the cabin set up and to help with the floral stuff.” Trudie had always loved flowers and had an artistic streak to boot so it had been a no-brainer when she’d gone to work with a floral center and had done quite well at it. Knox knew she ultimately wanted to have her own shop one day...or at least that had been the plan once upon a time.
She paused as if unsure whether to continue and then obviously chose to go ahead. “They’ve missed you. Mom worries about you.”
Something inside him turned over, touched by her words. Funny how much it meant to hear that Harriet Brown worried about him. He’d been an orphan at the age of eight, but with Mormor he’d never felt like one. He didn’t suppose that twenty-eight year old men could feel orphaned, but dammit, he had when he lost Mormor. It had been traumatic when his parents had died, but Mormor had anchored him and he’d adjusted.