by E. E. Cooper
“You made it go viral?”
“I put the picture on Craigslist, but it took on a life of its own from there.” Brit leaned back and turned on her thousand-watt smile for the coffee clerk who was delivering a plate with two steaming cookies to our table. “Thanks so much,” she gushed. She waited until he went back to the counter. “It warms my heart to think of hordes of loser geeks and stoners whacking off to her photo.” She broke off a corner of the cookie and popped it into her mouth.
“I heard Sara freaked out,” I said.
“If she’s going to act like a slut, I don’t know why she cares if everyone knows. She didn’t have any problem sending Jason the photo. She likes to show off her boobs; all I did was help her get some extra attention.”
I bought myself a second by sipping my tea. “How did you get the photo?”
“I went through Jason’s phone.” Brit licked a smear of chocolate off her finger. “Clearly, I was far too trusting before. You’d better believe I’m checking his phone on a regular basis now. I forwarded the photo to myself and uploaded it to Craigslist on one of the computers at the Apple Store at the mall Friday after school.”
“What if Jason finds out?”
Brit rolled her eyes. “It wouldn’t even occur to him. Just in case, I made sure to delete the email to myself.”
“Maybe you should just let all of this go,” I said.
Brit put her cup down hard on the table. “She stole Jason from me.”
I considered pointing out Jason hadn’t exactly been kidnapped. “But you’ve won. You’ve got him back.”
“That’s not enough,” Brit snapped. “Sara has to know she can’t just do something like that, not to me.”
I glanced down and realized that Brit’s nails were still chewed down to the quick and she’d chewed a strip of flesh from the side of her thumb. The skin was an angry red and puffy. “Maybe you should talk about it with Dr. Sherman,” I suggested.
She threw her head back and laughed. “You’re right, I should.” She winked. “But I might keep my plans for Sara just between us.”
“What else are you going to do?” I asked her.
Brit rolled her head in a circle to loosen the tightness in her neck. “I don’t know; that’s my problem. I thought the photo thing would make more of a splash.”
“Everyone’s talking about it,” I said. That was the truth, and it was disgusting.
Brit sighed. “Yeah, but I still think I can come up with something better. I hate her,” she said.
“I guessed that,” I said dryly.
Brit laughed again. She handed me the other cookie and then tapped hers against mine as if we were toasting. “You know me too well.”
We each took a bite. She was right. I knew every dark corner of her soul. The question was, how far would she go?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I hesitated in the doorway. When I was called down to Ms. Harding’s office, I knew it wasn’t going to be good news. There was no chance I’d been made student of the month and they just wanted to get a quick photo of me for the school paper. Sara and Brit were sitting across from Ms. Harding, their chairs pulled as far apart as the small office would allow. I wanted to back out and maybe pretend I’d never gotten the note or perhaps had gotten lost coming from calculus. That’s when Ms. Harding saw me and waved me in.
“Thanks for coming, Kalah,” she said. I shifted my books to the other arm and tried to act like I wasn’t suffocating from the tension in the room. “I’m hoping you can help us clear up something.”
“Will you tell the truth?” Sara asked. She was searching my face as if she could peel the skin off and see the thoughts in my head.
“Of course she’ll tell the truth. Do you think I hang out with liars?” Brit asked.
“Girls.” Ms. Harding stopped their sniping with the one word and turned to me. “I’m sure you’ll be honest, Kalah, but I want to start by making sure you know how serious Northside takes this situation.”
I thought about asking what situation she was talking about, but I figured playing dumb wasn’t going to help. “Sure,” I said.
“These types of photos are technically considered child pornography. It’s a felony. Our issue is less the legal standing—we’ll leave that to the police—instead we want to focus on the amount of damage that the release of these can cause. However, you should know sending them is a crime,” Ms. Harding said.
“The only person I sent it to was my boyfriend. It was private,” Sara said.
“Nothing about digital photos is private,” Brit said. She smiled at Ms. Harding sweetly. “I remember the assembly we had last year, and you talked about how all that online stuff is forever.”
Sara’s jaw tightened. “That assembly also covered cyberbullying,” she said. “Do you remember that part?”
Brit looked innocent. “Of course, but I keep telling you, I’m not the one who posted the picture.”
“Then who did?”
Brit shrugged like the entire situation was a mystery to her. “I have no idea. How many people did you send it to?”
Sara’s mouth pursed and Ms. Harding raised a finger to stop her from whatever she was about to say. “I think that’s a bit unfair, Britney. Sara has been very clear that the only person she shared that photo with was Jason. Mr. Hamstead and I have both talked extensively with him and we’re certain he wasn’t the one who posted it, and he denies sharing it with anyone.”
“Of course he didn’t.” Brit huffed as if she found it insulting that she would date someone capable of such cruel acts.
Ms. Harding continued as if she hadn’t heard Britney. “The original Craigslist ad shows what time the ad was posted, and we know for a fact Jason was at his part-time job during that time. The police checked with his supervisor.”
“See?” Brit said to Sara. “Are you happy now?”
“I never thought Jason posted it. I know you’re responsible. I don’t know how you got the picture, but I know you did.” Sara’s hands were clenched in her lap as if it was taking everything she had to keep from reaching across and slapping Brit.
“My hope is that we can clear this up,” Ms. Harding said. “Kalah, Britney said she was with you last Friday around three.”
“We were going over equipment for the field hockey team,” Brit said. “I told you that we needed to do an audit so we can figure out if there’s stuff we need to replace for next year.”
“Stop feeding her your story,” Sara said.
The three of them turned to face me. My tongue felt huge and heavy in my mouth. “Um,” I managed to push out. Sara leaned forward as if she wanted to hear what I had to say first. Brit was leaning back in her chair, like she didn’t have a single worry.
“Do you remember what time you and Britney were together?” Ms. Harding asked. I noticed that she assumed that Brit’s story was at least partly true. She was wrong. I’d never known Brit to do any kind of equipment audit. That kind of thing was something she’d make the freshmen do. Friday I’d gone straight home since I was taking off for East Lansing the following morning.
“Right after school on Friday,” I lied. The words tasted sour in my mouth, but I had no choice. “We were going to do it on the weekend, but I had to go see some family.” I had to keep Brit on my side. Admitting that I wasn’t with her wouldn’t even be enough to prove she’d posted the picture of Sara. Brit would insist she must have just mistaken the time; she’d find another way to wiggle out of it. I would lose the advantage of keeping Brit close, and for nothing. It also put Sara at risk because she would keep pushing. If she lost here and now, maybe she would back down. Sara would never believe me, but I was doing her a favor. I had to back up Brit’s story even if it meant lying.
Sara stared at me. “I should have known you’d lie for her.” A wave of shame crashed over me.
Brit sat up straight. “That’s slander. Say what you want about me, but if you start calling my best friend names, then we’re going to have t
rouble. My family has a lawyer.”
Ms. Harding’s hand waved in the air like she was trying to clear it of smoke. “Okay, there’s no reason to allow things to become heated.”
Sara seemed to have shrunk since I’d lied, as if all the fight had gone out of her and she was deflating. “Fine. Whatever,” she said.
“I didn’t want to bring this up, but I think I have to,” Brit said. She pressed her lips together as if there was a painful secret wanting to escape. “I hate to even say it, but given that Sara’s now willing to attack my best friend I have no choice. . . .” Her voice trailed off.
Ms. Harding’s eyebrows were scrunched together. “Go on, Britney.”
Brit sighed. “I think it’s possible Sara put her own pictures online.” She looked down at her nails. “The picture is Photoshopped. It makes Sara look thinner.” She shrugged. “Who else would do that except someone who wanted to make sure Sara looked good?”
“Are you crazy?” Sara looked back and forth between Ms. Harding and me, hoping we’d see that Brit had gone around the bend. “Why would I humiliate myself?”
Brit picked at her thumbnail. “I know you hate me because Jason chose me.”
“How I feel about you has nothing to do with what happened to me,” Sara said.
“I think you thought if you did this Jason would feel guilty and come back to you,” Brit said. “Plus, you could blame me. Attention and a chance to strike out—I mean, it makes sense. You’ve already pointed out that you and I aren’t friends. There would be no reason for me to make you look better in a picture. That’s pure vanity.”
Ms. Harding glanced over at Sara as if seeing her for the first time. I could practically see the idea turning over in her mind. Jesus, Brit was good. Not only was she going to get away with this, she was going to manage to convince everyone Sara was nothing but a vindictive attention whore.
“That’s absurd,” Sara said. “I didn’t do this. I would never have posted that picture.”
Ms. Harding laced her hands together and put them on her desk. “I think what we can all agree on is that Kalah has verified Britney’s story. If the two of them were together in the equipment room, then she couldn’t have been the one to post the fake advertisement.”
Sara’s eyes were filling with tears. She didn’t point out the million flaws with that explanation. Brit could have convinced someone else to post the pictures while she was with me as her alibi. The two of us could have posted them together from the equipment room. Or the truth: that Brit had made her entire story up and I was all too willing to lie right along with her. Guilt squatted heavy and dull in my stomach. I hated who I was becoming.
“Britney, you and Kalah are free to go. Sara, why don’t you stay so we can talk further?” Ms. Harding had on her calm counseling face. I bet as soon as we were gone she was going to tell Sara it was okay for her to admit that she’d done it.
I glanced back at Sara as we left, but she wouldn’t look at me. I’d let her down. She must have hoped when pushed I’d tell the truth, but she had no idea what we were up against. I wanted to tell her that I would make it up to her when I could, but proving what Brit had done to Beth was more important than what had happened to her. Sara could survive a few embarrassing pictures. Beth hadn’t survived her conflict with Brit.
Unless . . .
I stared at Sara. Her mouth was set in a tight line. She was barely holding it together. What would she do if Brit kept this up?
As soon as we closed the office door behind us, Brit linked arms with me. She pulled me along down the hall, practically skipping. When we rounded the corner Brit stopped and leaned against the lockers.
“Oh my god, did you see her face when I suggested she did it?” Brit laughed. “That may have been the best moment ever. It made it worth it to make her a bit thinner. You could tell she never saw that coming.”
“I’m sure she didn’t,” I said.
“I knew you’d back me up. I meant to tell you yesterday when we went out, but I forgot and then I couldn’t find you at lunch today.”
“I was in the library,” I said. “Trying to cram for finals.”
Brit made a gagging sound. “Ugh, finals. I’m so over school. What’s the point? I’ve already been accepted to Cornell. Are they really going to rescind their offer if my spring grades aren’t stellar?”
“Not studying isn’t really an option for me,” I said. “I haven’t even started applying yet. It doesn’t help that my grades took a hit with everything that happened.”
Brit ignored my worries. My grades weren’t her problem. “You should apply to Cornell in the fall. Wouldn’t that be amazing if you went?” Brit’s eyes were shining. “We could be roommates in a year, maybe get a cute apartment off campus somewhere.”
The idea of being trapped with Britney forever was terrifying. “I thought you wanted to get an apartment with Jason. You used to talk about it all the time,” I said.
Brit sighed. “I’m glad Jason and I were together for prom, but I don’t know. . . .” Her voice trailed off as if she couldn’t even be bothered to finish the thought.
What do you mean you don’t know? I wanted to scream in her face. She’d turned me into a liar, and she didn’t even want him.
“I’m not sure. I know it’s horrible. I was in love with him forever, and when I thought I’d lost him it felt like my heart was being ripped out, but now that we’re back together it feels like . . . I don’t know, flat.” Brit chewed absently on her thumbnail.
“Flat?” My voice rang with disbelief. She’d killed Beth over him, and now the relationship wasn’t exciting enough for her.
“Given everything that’s happened you’d think that it would take our love to the next level, but it’s the same as before. It’s like nothing happened. He still kisses the same. He still says he loves me to the moon and back, which, by the way, is a line he totally stole from a Hallmark card. He’s still thrilled for us to spend a Saturday night seeing some lame superhero movie and then hanging out with his friends.” Brit’s expression broadcast what she thought of these social plans. She fidgeted as if she couldn’t get comfortable. “What I went through changed me. I realize I’m the kind of person who will do anything for the people in my life and I think I deserve someone who will do anything for me too.”
“What do you want him to do differently?” I asked her.
“That’s the problem. I can’t figure it out. It’s like that feeling when something doesn’t fit you—maybe the sleeves are too tight or the waist is high, or maybe the tag is scratchy, but you can’t stop fidgeting with it. My life feels like that: not quite right.”
I knew what she meant. My life hadn’t been right since Beth had disappeared. I never felt settled or really at rest. “I get that,” I said.
Brit smiled. “I knew you would. This is why we’re best friends, because you get me.”
My brain was spinning through this new information. Her words bounced around inside my head. It was like nothing made her happy. She hadn’t been happy, so she’d taken off, but being dead hadn’t met her expectations so she’d come back. But now that wasn’t working out either. “But if you’re over Jason, why do you care what happens to Sara? I mean, the way you twisted it so it looked like she was the one who posted the photo for attention was cold. Heartless.” Once I asked the question I wanted to take it back. Brit was going to be pissed, but instead of the tight wrinkle forming between her eyes, she broke into a laugh and hugged me.
When I’d first become friends with Brit, I would have done anything for her to embrace me like this. To feel that I really belonged. She started back down the hall, linking arms again. “In order to really make someone pay, to get them like I got Sara, you have to be cold. You have to divorce yourself from feeling so you can focus.”
Did she mean she didn’t feel anything? I nodded like I agreed with her.
Brit clutched my arm even tighter. “It’s like ever since I came back things are so much clearer. I u
sed to spend all this time worrying about what other people thought, or about how to make my parents happy, but what I realized is that it doesn’t matter. Who gives a shit? All those times I was upset it didn’t make a difference. When I clear my head of that stuff, it is like I can see what I need to do, and it’s so much easier. I think I was always like this. I tried to fit in, to be what people wanted, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t wired that way.” She seemed relieved to have this out. As if she’d admitted a sin and could be forgiven. Except she didn’t seem remotely sorry. “Now I don’t worry about their feelings and instead focus on how they’re like a puzzle I need to solve to get what I want.”
I felt a shiver down my spine. Did she mean for me to know this about her? Was it a threat—a way of subtly letting me know she could cut me off as easily as she had anyone else—or was it mistake? “I suspect you can do anything you put your mind to,” I said.
Brit stopped and spun me so we were facing. Her eyes were really bright and she looked almost ready to cry. “You really understand me,” she said.
“Of course,” I said. “We’re best friends. You’re my Brit-bear,” I added, trying to lighten the mood.
“I’m so sick of having to hide who I really am. I tried forever to be this perfect Britney, the daughter my parents wanted, the girlfriend Jason wanted, the captain the team wanted, and even the friend that Beth wanted. I think if they knew how I really felt they would be disappointed.”
“No one could be disappointed in you,” I said.
“The thing is, I’m learning that I don’t care if they are or not. I mean, it never really mattered, other than I felt somehow ashamed of how I was.” She looked away.
“And you’re not ashamed anymore?”
“Nope. People like my parents and Jason are so worried about doing the right thing, about making sure that everyone approves of every little thing they do, it’s like they’re afraid to go after what they really want. They’ll always have these small little lives because they don’t let themselves do what they need to.”