by Lucia Franco
Those two weeks were probably the most intense weeks of my life and I hadn’t even realized it at the time. Not only had I trained with a whole new team, but I’d been nervous about my medical file. The tests had come back clean like I knew they would, but I’d started to harbor animosity from the constant interrogation into me regardless. Each time I was interviewed, the anticipation mounted inside of me. I kept thinking the next question would be about Kova.
The doctors couldn't comprehend how I was training like the others who were relatively healthy, let alone hid my illnesses the way I had. Kova had reassured them it was under control. I’d told them I trained like I always had because I didn't know any other way, and Kova added that I actually challenged him as a coach while he was training me to see how far I could go. They’d seemed to like that and told me they could recall only three other athletes with health issues similar to mine who persevered against the odds. That gave me hope. But the two weeks after we arrived until now, was where things really started to shift.
It was crazy to me that I could be sitting right next to Kova yet feel miles and miles apart from him. Even crazier was it happened in the course of a month where we worked so near each other. The change in his demeanor left me confused. He was here, but he wasn't. Detached. He stood in front of me, but I couldn't feel his essence surround me like I usually did. Kova was never rude. On the outside he looked normal, like every other coach here. But when he looked at me and our gazes actually had the chance to meet, Kova appeared depressed for that brief moment. I tried to tell myself that we both were in the zone and he probably didn't even realize it. I had no real reason yet to believe otherwise since we hadn't talked.
My heart could only believe so many lies until it started to weep for the truth.
Reaching for the bag near my feet, I rummaged through and pulled out the notebook I got just for documenting my life once I had made the team. I'd done a little writing here and there, just not as much as I had hoped. Now I had time to kill.
I flipped open the notebook and ruffled some pages. I hoped the sound of the papers would make him curious to see what I was doing. At least initiate a conversation. But it didn't. Kova just stared ahead at the clouds, stuck in his thoughts. The look in his dead eyes made my stomach clench. This would've been the perfect opportunity to push him like he’d once begged me to, if only we weren't on a private plane filled with Olympic officials and athletes.
I wrote for a little while. Mostly things about Kova, and the feelings I was dealing with inside. How I fell for his flaws, my fears of the future and what I was up against. Where we would end up—yes, we. There was no fooling myself—I knew in my heart I would be wherever he was.
Closing the journal, I put it away safely hidden and took out the book Sophia gave me. I didn't want to be lost inside of my head anymore, and lately these words were an escapism for me. They gave me cause and a drive to be a better me.
I read for a little while then started to nod off. Kova still hadn't looked over at me, so I put the book away and shut my bag.
I couldn’t stand another second of seeing his head pressed against the glass any longer. Lifting the divider between us, I pushed it between the seats then pulled my legs up under me to get comfy. Without asking him, I leaned against his arm to rest my head on him.
That got his attention really quick.
Startled, Kova sat up straighter and immediately looked above my head. The tension in his shoulders loosened as he glanced around. I took that as a hint and nestled closer to him. Kova's gaze fell on me. Seconds ago, his eyes were vacant, now they were overflowing with turmoil.
I held my breath hoping he wouldn’t shake his head or push me away. Kova slouched at an angle in his black dress pants and stretched his legs out. His crisp, white long-sleeved shirt that'd been rolled up at the sleeves was wrinkled from sitting in the same position for so long. A few buttons were left undone and the collar bunched around his jaw. Muscular thighs filled out the material of his pants, and I couldn't help but notice his bulge when he shifted again. His length strained against his pants and it left nothing to my imagination. I stared longer, picturing how his cock looked bare and how it looked right then. My cheeks flamed and I clenched my eyes shut. I felt like I'd looked too long.
When I opened them and met his gaze, his eyes were a brilliant green from the way the golden sunlight was reflecting off them. A breath caught in the back of my throat. He studied me for a quiet moment, his softened gaze taking in every inch of my face. Truthfully, I was afraid I was going to lose him.
Kova turned slightly to the side and pulled the screen down to block the light. He reached for the blanket hanging off my chair and surprised me by fluffing it out before draping it around both of us. Kova raised his arm that I was leaning on and wrapped it around my shoulder. He snuggled me as close as he could get me until I repositioned myself. I was lying on half his side and half of his chest, so we had more of each other now.
I closed my eyes, and for a good moment, I didn't move. My thoughts were on him, how I felt at peace in my soul while in his arms, the way his warmth spread through me. I was secure and safe. His fingertips pressed into my upper arm and it just solidified how I felt. His body relaxed against mine and I heard him let out a long, relieved sigh under his breath.
We both held still for a long while. Together.
To my complete surprise, Kova's other hand slipped under the blanket. I stilled as he laced his fingers on top of mine and then curled them over to bring us to rest against his stomach. Kova exhaled slowly and I felt him unwind. Without moving, I lifted my eyes just enough to catch a glimpse of him. His eyes weren't squinting, and his jaw wasn't so tense. He looked…almost at peace.
I molded against the length of his body. Something in my stomach was warning me this was the calm before the storm. I blocked it out, not wanting to ruin this moment we both needed by overanalyzing it.
Kova shifted ever so slightly.
"I still love you, Malysh," he whispered, his lips brushing the shell of my ear. "Forever."
We stayed like this for the remainder of the flight and didn't move.
Thirty
"This is what you worked for. Are you ready?" Kova asked, running his hands up and down my arms. I nodded, blinking a little faster and breathing quickly through my nose. "Look at me."
My eyes snapped to his. I was feeling a little frantic. Kova was kneeling on one knee in front of me. For once I stood a little taller than him. We were standing in the back where only coaches and athletes were allowed, waiting to be called by country for introductions.
"Now take a deep breath and exhale."
I looked right into Kova's unwavering eyes and showed him how nervous I was. He glared back and shook his head, silently telling me to let it go. His gaze didn't waver until he felt I had. I expelled a tight breath and rubbed my chest.
The nerves from being in the Olympic arena were impossible to ignore. The moment I stepped off the plane, I felt the eagerness in the air. So much hope was packed into the city of Athens that would host seventeen days' worth of sporting events. It had been decorated and cleaned for the arrival of those participating and those who traveled to watch. There were rainbows of colors everywhere, each participating country brilliantly represented, and attendants walked around with massive smiles. The Olympics were the one place where every nationality came together and let bygones be bygones.
"Do not let this experience pass you by like most of us do. This is your moment and you need to enjoy it. You trained, you worked hard to get here. Nothing, and no one, can take this away from you. You may not realize it yet, but you are an inspiration to me and to people of all ages. So, take this moment in as much as you can, and let your body take over and do what you were born to do—perform. Do not let up here"—he pressed a gentle finger to my temple—"take away what is in here." He laid his finger over the left side of my chest, right over my racing heart. "You bloom under pressure where most crumble, Adrianna. You
are so incredible to watch. Believe me when I say, the world is waiting to see you walk out there today."
His eyes bore into mine. I could tell by how tight his words were and how stiff he spoke that he wanted me to believe him and trust what he said.
Like I'd done many times in the past, I trusted him.
Behind the glitz and glamour of one of the most esthetically appealing Olympic sports, were hours and hours of tears, blood, and sweat I'd put in for this moment. All the preparations, the mistakes I'd made that brought on a series of ups and downs, the rigorous long training that sometimes made me want to give up, outrageous coaching methods that ended with positive results because my coach demanded nothing less than perfection, it all came down to this. This was it. This was what it had all been for.
"Gymnastics is seventy percent mental, thirty percent physical. Your body already knows what comes next. All you need to do is have trust in yourself." His brows rose. "Prove yourself to you," he said, and it reminded me of what I'd read in that book Sophia gave me.
I nodded again.
"Talk to me, Adrianna. Tell me what is on your mind."
Taking another deep breath, my shoulders fell when I exhaled. I looked at him and said, "I'm nervous. I can't concentrate. All I keep thinking about is what if I mess up. I think about my routines. Who my biggest competitor is on each event. My mind is all over the place."
I clenched my fingers into a fist and felt how swollen they were. I was beyond anxious from the moment I opened my puffy eyes in the tiny room I shared with one of my teammates in the Olympic Village. My bones ached, my skin was tight and inflamed.
When I woke up, I'd immediately taken all of my medications, then I ate a banana. I wasn't supposed to have them, but it was all there was in the room since the cafeteria was too far to walk to with the little time I had to get ready. This was the first time I didn't have to hide the bottles, and it felt good.
My teammate didn't stare at me like I was contagious while she watched from her bed. She didn't question me. She didn't even bat an eye when I threw back eight different pills, and dramatically said, "Make way world, here I come." She just laughed. She was a freshly turned sixteen-year-old, but she looked twelve. She was also the alternate who'd been given a chance.
The four of us had decided to get ready in one room this morning. My chest had been so tight that I couldn’t even get in a proper deep breath. Nerves hung in the air like black dripping tar. We joined hands to form a circle and prayed together silently to our higher ups, preparing to take on the biggest event of our lives. The confidence shone brightly, quietly, as we bowed our heads and closed our eyes.
The United States had won gold in the last two Olympics. The pressure was on. Determined to take the prized medal home, we dubbed ourselves the Phenomenal Four.
After our prayer session, one of the girls had played Beyoncé's "Run the World (Girls)" and the mood instantly changed. Giggles and smiles replaced the distressing fear. Our hair was intricately braided into stylish ponytails topped with spray glitter, and our makeup was naturally done. Sports bras and bloomers were tucked in and hidden, hairspray was applied to our butt cheeks and thighs so the leos didn't move too much. After shedding a few more tears, we took turns posing for pictures solo and grouped together.
The most emotional part of the morning had been when I stepped into my leotard with USA stamped on the back. There were swirls and swirls of red and blue crystals against a white background. I ran my hands down my flat stomach and then over my long sleeves, feeling the decorations under my palms. I had allowed myself to take in the moment and smiled, hugging myself.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, could describe the feeling that had rushed through me as I pulled up the sparkly, stretchy material for the first time.
I had done it.
By some miracle, I had made it to the Olympics.
"It is not only about how good you are as a gymnast physically, it is about how good you are here, too," Kova said, his fingertips back on my temples, pulling me from my thoughts. "You have shown there is no limit to your dreams. You rose to the challenge. It has been a privilege to coach you. Watching your growth in the sport has been the highlight of my career. You are my biggest accomplishment. You withstood the pressure and odds and proved everyone wrong. I am proud of you and cannot wait to watch you out there."
Damn it. Tears filled my eyes. I blinked rapidly, trying to hold them in, but his words, they were spoken from his heart and not because he was trying to encourage me. I knew by his intimate tone that Kova meant them. Without another thought, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and leaned down for a hug.
It was hard for me to talk. I wanted to say something back to him, but my emotions were too strong and I couldn't find words good enough for him. I'd only been with Kova and his gym for a few years now, but it felt more like a lifetime when we worked so closely together. He motivated me. He critiqued every little thing I did to help me perfect it, knowing I wanted nothing less. Kova helped me see that I could resist the fall that so many easily succumbed to on this journey.
This was our last competition together. The final show.
The last time that Kova would stand before me and make sure I was mentally prepared.
My heart pounded against my ribs so hard, I could feel it in my throat.
It didn't hit me until right now that this truly was the end in so many ways. Even if I hadn't wanted to train in college, I wouldn't be walking into World Cup again to prepare for another Olympics.
While I could mentally handle the training, my body could not physically endure another four years. I didn't want to ever admit it, but the truth was, I was too weak to continue. I'd maxed out. Stubbornness, willpower, ambition, call it what you wanted, it's what got me here to this moment, but I didn't have a death wish. I knew that after the Olympics this really was the last time for us.
One last squeeze, I missed the comfort of his arms so much. If only after the competition I could end the night with him just like this. Kova meant so much to me, he gave me more than he realized. Without him by my side, I don't think I would've made it this far.
Sniffling, I pulled back and looked at him. Before I could wipe away my tears, Kova's thumbs were already there. He dried his hands on his pants. I expelled a tight breath, trying to exhale the nerves and shook my fingers out.
My jaw trembled as our eyes met. My teeth dug into my lip as I fought the surge of feelings flushing through me. There was so much commotion around us as staff instructed the athletes where to line up and where the coaches needed to be. We were just getting ready to walk out to be introduced.
"This is our last competition together," I said.
Kova’s tongue ran over his bottom lip as he studied my eyes. "Let us make it the best one yet."
I nodded, and he stood.
Bending down, Kova picked up my duffle bag and placed it over his shoulder. Just as he was about to walk away to stand with the other coaches behind us, I reached for his wrist. Kova glanced down.
"Thank you…for everything," I said.
Kova shifted his hand over mine and gave me a little squeeze.
I dropped my arm then turned around to find my place in line. My teammates and I bounced on our toes waiting to be announced in our matching royal blue sweat suits with USA printed down the spine in white and then over the left side of our chest in red.
This was my proudest moment.
I drew in a deep breath and closed my eyes, taking it all in as I tried to steady my racing heart.
"Team USA, they're ready for you," someone yelled. She had a microphone attached to her head and a clipboard glued to her chest. She dipped her head then waved her hand at us.
I exhaled slowly and a smile that I wasn't prepared for spread across my face.
I still couldn't believe I’d made it.
Thirty-One
Double doors were held open as the four of us walked behind an employee who held a white sign high in the air that rea
d USA in black, bold letters.
The crowd exploded the moment we stepped inside the stadium. It was loud. A massive smile split across my face at the jolt of excitement it gave me. The fans had to reach an octave that was earsplitting. It was really cool and made me feel alive. My eyes ran over the crowd in a blur. The fans stood waving flags, air of enthusiasm surrounded all of us, welcoming us… I was still in shock. I couldn't believe after all the hard work that I was actually here. We followed the woman in a straight line to the floor. Walking up the three steps, we stood next to Team China on one side, and Team Romania on the other. My eyes skimmed the gymnasts. Some exchanged smiles, some didn't. I smiled brightly, though, feeling the thunder of adrenaline course through me. It was empowering to look around at the faces of girls who gave up so much of their youth to be here, fighting for a dream just like I had. We may not have a lot in common, but we had that, and it connected us for a moment in our lifetime forever. I may have missed out on football games, high school dances and prom, making memories with friends, but I didn't regret it because nothing could top this moment. How often did one get to say they went to the freaking Olympics?
Music blared through the speakers and my smile grew larger, happiness taking over me. The crowd clapped and shouted as introductions were made by team before we departed to the first event. I was eager and couldn't wait for the Games to begin.