The blue sky above, a crystal-clear spring in front of the cottage, with a continuous flow of gurgling water, thick forests beyond a circular area around the cottage with various creepers climbing up the tall trees and tangled in each other, various birds on those trees making distinct chirping sounds since sunrise – such was our charming ‘Pandava abode’ in the Kamyakavana. These five brothers started living with me in this abode just as happily as in the palace of Indraprasth.
Every morning Yudhishthira would worship the Shivapindi in the cottage. He would decorate it with Bela leaves. In the end, he would offer Shiva’s favourite white flowers. After that Bhima, Arjuna, Nakula, Sahadeva and I would offer Bela leaves and white wild flowers. Then with a calm and peaceful mind we all would repeat the hymn of Shiva after Yudhishthira. Closing his longish eyes, he would sing it in a peaceful rhythm
On the very first day while my eyes were closed, the hymn of Krishna spontaneously burst from my lips. I sang with inner inspiration. My five husbands also automatically and unanimously reiterated the hymn of Krishna. Thus, during our stay in the Kamyakavana unwritten tradition was followed – that of the hymn of Shiva in the clear voice of Yudhishthira at the crack of dawn followed by the hymn of Krishna in my feminine sweet voice.
Our days in the Kamyakavana started becoming more and more interesting due to the daily chores that we shared. Every day one of my five valiant husbands would keep me company in the cottage. The other four would go to the forest to hunt for food, to collect materials for daily worship, firewood and fodder for the wild cows that we had recently domesticated.
Dhaumyarishi with whom we had ageless close bonds, came to the forest along with his disciples, of his own accord. They also raised their huts near our cottage. Just as columns of smoke from the Yajna pit used to rise through the roofs of the huts in our Pandava colony every day, the ambrosial Vedic mantras incanted in the clear voice of Dhaumya rishi and his disciples too began reaching the sky. Giving a new dimension to the Kamyakavana our Pandava colony became fearless and puissant with emotions.
In the cottage, cooking was my job. I would be full of perspiration trying to ignite the fire in the clay stove by blowing repetitively. Though my original complexion was dusky I was probably getting a ruddy tone. Yudhishthira himself used to tell me so. That former Maharaja of Indraprastha would get engrossed in thoughts and become silent watching me blow in the clay stove to make fire. He would then leave the cottage and sit alone for a long time on the stone platform under the Pipal tree. Then he would do some kind of worship while meditating.
While performing the daily chores in the cottage, I would invariably remember Krishna. So many forms of him! So many memories related to me, my five husbands and Rajmata Kuntidevi!
I should clearly mention one thing though – I did not remember anybody else as much as I remembered him during our stay in the forest. For the first few days after coming here I missed Drupadababa, Sautramanimata, Dhrishtadada, Kampilyanagar and my sons – Prativindhya, Sutasoma, Shrutakirti, Shatanika and Shrutasena, who went to Kampilyanagar with dada, a lot. My only consolation was that they were under the care of their loving grandfather, grandmother, and dutiful mama. All my sons were virtuous. Each one had inherited their own father’s qualities by birth, and had also acquired the qualities of the four step-fathers by observation and imitation. I had no doubt in my heart that they were all going to exceed these five Pandavas in valour. For days, I would get lost in thoughts such as how big they would have grown and how would they look when we would meet them after thirteen long years.
I had not seen much of the other sons of my husbands. But as Subhadra and Arjuna’s son Abhimanyu was in Indraprastha, he had become my most favourite. The main reason for that was that while speaking in his sweet tongue he would unwittingly remind me of his mama – Krishna. I also remembered Rajmata Kuntidevi a lot.
But in the later period Krishna and only Krishna occupied my heart inside out. My heart ached due to one bitter truth. We had not even been able to fulfil our duty of meeting him at least once before coming to the forest. What would he be thinking of me? He must have labelled me as the most selfish person! Such a thought would leave me disturbed. Sometimes in that depressing thought I would sit alone at the front door of the cottage. My eyes would be moist with the profound memories of Krishna. At such times Bhimsena who would have returned from the forest would drop the bunch of wooden logs from his hefty shoulder near the cottage wall and sit by my side. He would wipe my eyes with his shawl and say to me, “Panchali, be patient, have faith. Krishna himself will come to this forest to meet you. My heart is intuitively telling me.” Just his sitting by my side would console me a lot.
I did not have to wait for long. One day Bhimsena entered the fence of the cottage shouting loudly, raising his hands high. He was continuously shouting so loudly that he could be heard throughout Kamyakavana, “He has come! He has come! The Lord of Dwaraka – Krishna has come!” He came in front of me panting and said, “Krishney, Krishna has come! I recognized the saffron-coloured golden-bordered pennant of his chariot. There are two more chariots.”
There were four stone platforms around the cottage in four directions that were built by Bhimsena himself. It was a convenience that he had created for himself. Whenever it was needed he would stand on those stone platforms and shout loudly, to convey a message to his brothers who would be somewhere in the forest. Then within a short time his four brothers would arrive in the cottage one after the other. Today he shouted so loudly in the excitement of Krishna’s arrival that even the wild animals like tigers and hyenas waiting for a chance to pounce on the cows in the colony got scared and ran away frantically. One after the other the four Pandavas arrived from the eastern gate of the fence around the cottage. Immediately after them three-four chariots stood in front of our colony. Standing at the cottage door I eagerly started looking. My beloved friend, dusky complexioned Krishna descended from his Garudadhwaja chariot harnessed with four white horses. Charioteer Daruka and Uddhavadeva followed him. From the chariot behind, my brother Dhrishtadyumnadada descended. Behind him were the commander and the Chief Minister of the Panchalas. From the last chariot, only the charioteer got down. That chariot was overflowing with household goods required for a family.
Leaving all his brothers behind only Arjuna walked briskly towards Krishna. He leaned forward and was about to touch his feet when Krishna pulled him in a deep embrace. Such a master archer but he was moved by this affection. He started sobbing dejectedly on Krishna’s strong and bare shoulder. Krishna patted and comforted him. The remaining four brothers followed and touched Krishna’s feet. I was still watching from the door. His long fish-shaped eyes kept frequently turning towards the door. It became unbearable for me to stand there. I actually went to the inner chamber of the cottage. I just didn’t know what to say to him and how.
He came in the cottage with his brothers. Still I did not come out of the inner chamber. My heart was overflowing with mixed emotions. All sages and hermits, venerable kings, citizens of many kingdoms – all considered him omniscient. Then how come he did not understand my humiliation? Instantly my heart was filled with rage for him. The next moment it was filled with joy that he had come to meet me. I didn’t know what to say.
I had thought that he will immediately come in, but he didn’t. This was his specialty that left me and many others disconcerted. He was the one who understood the sentiments but he himself was not at all sentimental. He could get one with everyone’s emotions but would never get carried away with them. I remembered his thoughts that he shared with me from time to time and finally was able to compose myself with determination.
Lunch was over. Everybody took rest along with him. At dusk our meeting in the forest commenced in the front yard of the cottage on the grass mats. A seat was reserved for me in that meeting. Nobody was speaking anything as Krishna stood in person along with Uddhavadeva in front of us. The searing rage due to the events that had taken place since we left
Indraprastha for the Vishnuyaga yajna of the Kauravas and my mortifying humiliation, that I had kept suppressed in my mind with efforts so far, burst out. Looking sternly at Krishna I said, “The sages, hermits and yogis consider you as the manifestation of forgiveness and Truth. They say that you existed even before the world that is perceptible to the eyes, that you are the creator of all animate and inanimate beings. Everybody says that you are the universe that consists of the three worlds, all the Nakshatras, the ten directions, the sky, the Sun, and the Moon. Then doesn’t this universe of yours include my hair that I have kept open? Each one of these strands of hair carries a trauma at its root. Don’t you see that?
“Tell me oh Purushottama, who am I? Am I really the beloved wife of these five so-called valiant husbands? Tell me, what if a similar calamity had befallen Rukminivahini who is dear to your heart!”
All my husbands dropped their heads and just kept listening. I looked at Krishna. He still kept smiling gently as usual. It enraged me further and I said, “Was it appropriate that the perverted Kauravas dragged me, who is the wife of these five brothers, your best friend, the sister of this Dhrishtadyumnadada, by pulling my hair in a hall full of people as a maid? Krishna, I was dressed in a single saree, in my menses! Was it proper that during such a condition the Kauravas romping with joy put me to shame in front of all? Was I the daughter-in-law of grandsire Bhishma, Maharaja Dhritarashtra and Maharani Gandharidevi or a maid? Guru Drona, Kripa, grandsire Bhishma, Vidura and Sanjaya kept mum as if their lips were sealed, since they are the slaves of wealth. Is money so destructive? Is wealth so powerful?” I realized that even he didn’t have an answer to a single question of mine, yet I could not stop before pouring out my heart’s discontent. The anger that I had suppressed so far erupted like a volcano. “The person who tolerates injustice without resistance is as guilty as the person who inflicts it. Why blame the Kauravas? These five husbands of mine – in spite of being very powerful and great warriors silently kept watching the gross insult, shameless ignominy and injustice to their wife. These five husbands of mine never disappoint the one who surrenders to them. Then how come they kept quiet when I sought refuge? I have borne each one of these husbands one radiant son. How are they going to stand up to the next generation and confess that they were unable to protect the honour of their mother?
“The Kauravas played a deceptive game of dice by making the dice fraudulently. They swindled the kingdom out of the Pandavas and made all of them their slaves. While I was dressed in a single saree and in my menses, they humiliated me in front of all the elders in the ancient gambling hall. What use is the valour of my five husbands if it cannot help me in such a shameful time? Of what use is Arjuna’s Gandiva and Bhimsena’s mace? Shame, shame to the power of Bhimsena and the valour of Arjuna. How can despicable people like Duryodhana and Dushasana remain alive even for a moment when Arjuna and Bhimsena exist? Arjuna had won me in the Swayamwar but I became the wife of five as per my mother-in-law’s instruction and the wish of the elders. Pointing to that fact the Kauravas giggled loudly and shamelessly asking me in a hall full of people, ‘What does it matter if you belong to five husbands or a hundred and five?’
“As if it was any less demeaning, this so-called glory of the family, the eldest Pandava, played another game of dice. Why? With the greedy expectation that he will win back all that he had lost. Krishna, didn’t you ever sense that foolish, destructive greed of him that has been present throughout his life?”
That omniscient Krishna, who was called the Lord of Dwaraka was not answering a single question. He was sitting silent in that forest meeting. His silence became totally unbearable to me. In a fit of anger, I said, “These five are not fit to be my husbands. I have no husbands. I am neither a wife nor a daughter-in-law, nor a daughter to anybody. And yes, oh Krishna of Dwaraka, you are neither a brother to me, nor a friend. You are nothing to me. I am all alone – lonely!” With overwhelming grief, I buried my face in my palms and began sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t see anything; couldn’t lift my face up.
I could barely speak between my sobs, “Neither these husbands are mine; nor the sons are mine; and nor are the brothers mine. My father the king of Panchala and this brother Dhrishtadyumna are not mine. My heart-wrenching pain of all is that Krishna, you… you are also not mine, which is why the shameless Kauravas could humiliate me. I have to live in a forest in spite of being the Maharani of Indraprastha. In spite of being so heroic, you all are not having any regret and are utterly ignoring me. Karna called me a prostitute in front of all the elders and laughed disdainfully at me. Oh Krishna, the fire that his actions have flared in my heart never calms down even for a moment.
“You consider me a Sakhi and call me so. I also worship you ardently. You possess indomitable and mighty power. When I was being disgraced in the gambling hall I surrendered only to you from the bottom of my heart. I desperately invoked only you. Even today I do so and tomorrow also I will. Oh Krishna… tell me very clearly, are you going to punish these sinners who have disgraced my honour, or not?”
Everyone in the meeting was thoroughly shaken by my fiery words. Everybody fell silent. Only Krishna spoke then, very little but quite reassuring, “Krishney, my beloved friend, all those who are the target of your anger, all those who disgraced you in front of the elders will be killed by Arjuna’s arrows and Bhimsena’s mace! And I will be a witness to that. I will do everything possible for the Pandavas and you. Just as you move about grief-stricken, leaving your hair open, the wives of Kauravas would also lament for their husbands, leaving their hair open. I did not take any vows in my life, but today I am taking one. Only for your sake. Krishney, stop crying. Have faith Draupadi, that these words of your Krishna will never prove to be false. The Pandavas will become kings again, and you will be their Maharani.”
Arjuna who felt revitalized by hearing Krishna’s words couldn’t keep quiet and said, “Draupadi, everything will happen just as Krishna said.”
Now my brother Dhrishtadada also said with courage, “Oh Bhamini, I will kill Drona, who has insulted our father and who helplessly and silently watched your humiliation being a slave of wealth in spite of being a guru. Our Shikhandi will destroy Bhishma at the right time. And mighty Bhima will break Duryodhana’s thigh as per his vow. Master archer Dhananjaya will decapitate Karna – the son of a charioteer who called you a prostitute. With the backing of Bhagvan Vaasudeva Srikrishna we will always be invincible. The imprudent sons of Dhritarashtra will be nowhere!”
The forest meeting became peaceful after hearing the words of Dhrishtadada and my husband Arjuna. Krishna said, “Krishney, had I been in Dwaraka I would have come to the Vishnuyaga yajna just as I came to Indraprastha for the Rajasuya yajna. I would have never let that destructive game of dice take place. I would have compelled Maharaja Dhritarashtra to open the eyes of his mind by describing Dushasana’s actions to him in my elucidating language. I would have forced him to speak. If that would have been unsuccessful I would have appealed to the femininity in Maharani Gandharidevi and compelled her to pull down the cloth strip on her eyes for the first time in her life. Had that also been unsuccessful, I would have certainly invoked the divine mantras of Sudarshan just as you invoked me. I am certain that I would have clearly recalled the mantras and I would have annihilated those who touched the saree on your body, and called you a prostitute.
“But Yajnaseni, I was engaged in a war with Shalva at that time, on the coast of the western ocean. Chief Minister Vipruthu told me everything after returning to Dwaraka. I immediately came here after hearing what had happened. Yudhishthira, I do not hold any resentment in my mind that all of you came to the forest without meeting me. I never gave any importance to any social formalities with regards to you Pandavas and Krishnaa. I have been disciplining the evil-minded as much as possible all my life. Henceforth my life’s mission will be to seek justice for you.”
Now I, along with my husbands, were quite composed. Suddenly Yudhishthira remembered something
and excusing himself, went from the front yard into the cottage. He brought something with him and sat on his mat again. He held a platter of copper in his hands. Giving it to Krishna he said, “I did extreme penance to worship the Sun god as Draupadi has to take a lot of efforts while igniting the fire in the stove. A radiant Yogi appeared in front of me and presented this platter to me. He simply said, ‘Whenever your wife needs to cook food this will be useful. But this platter should be put under the rays of the sun and you will have to do your usual worship at that time.’ I bowed down to him to pay obeisance and closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them, he had already turned back and gone far away. I kept asking myself, ‘Who could he be?’ and kept looking in the direction that he went. I could clearly see that the grass under his footsteps was burnt and scorched.” Yudhishthira reported what had happened.
Krishna took the copper platter in his hands and observed it once. He smiled to himself, and closing his eyes he muttered something. Handing the platter back to Yudhishthira he smilingly said, “This is a very special platter. It will never let you fall short of food!”
Krishna and the others stayed with us in Kamyakavana for a few days. Once Uddhavadeva said to me, “Draupadi, you and your five husbands are indeed fortunate. Don’t feel sad about your living in the forest. I have complete faith that things will happen just as dada said. He himself will make it happen. You know him even better than me!”
I became cautious and immediately said to him, “It is true that I know him quite well, but not as much as you, Deva!” Hearing that, Uddhavadeva gave a pious smile. His smile reminded me of Krishna’s smile which gave me a different experience every time. Looking at him was like having a pleasant experience of looking at Krishna’s reflection in a mirror.
Srikrishna- the Lord of the Universe Page 60