Finally, the second day of the dark fortnight of Margashirsha dawned, which was the great day eagerly awaited by lakhs. Today my brothers and I got up at the Brahma Muhurta and after bathing and performing the morning rituals we arrived at the most elevated and capacious pavilion of Krishna in the Pandava encampment. Each one of us had tied thick woven strings of white jasmine flowers on our right wrists. We had strong iron armours on our chests. Each one of us carried his own special bow charged with mantras. On our backs were quivers full of arrows. Our swords were hanging, tied around our waists. In the back of each one’s chariot a variety of our weapons such as mace, chakra, pestle, Shataghni, Bhrushundi and Agnikankana were arranged.
Srikrishna sat on a neat, attractive golden seat facing the east. Though he was trying his best to refuse, Yudhishthira, Bhimsena and the rest of us had equally resolutely requested him to sit on his seat, accept our worship and give his blessings to us. He had finally given in. Yudhishthira washed his feet and worshiped him with full rituals. The rest of us put our heads on his feet one by one and sought his blessings. He said to Yudhishthira, “May you be victorious. May you be the king!” He blessed Bhimsena with, “May you be victorious and glorious.” I approached him for blessings. Without uttering any words, he immediately embraced me. I had obtained my desired blessing. He blessed Nakula-Sahadeva with, “May you live a long and glorious life”.
The Panchala prince Dhrishtadyumna was with us. As per Srikrishna’s advice the day before we had entrusted him with the commandership of our army and had performed a formal Abhishek for him as the commander. As the commander, he was wearing a fresh white-flowered garland around his neck which suited him perfectly. The Vaijayanti garland which was even longer than that was resting on Srikrishna’s chest.
With Srikrishna leading, we followed Dhrishtadyumna and left his pavilion. Every one mounted their own chariot. I also followed Srikrishna and climbed into my embellished chariot Nandighosha which was equipped with many weapons. The Kapidhwaja pennant on the flagpole was fluttering on the wind coming from river Drishadwati. The Kapi on it was as if jumping on the chest of the Unknown. The ocean of our seven-akshauhini army neatly organized in sections named Patti, Senamukha, Gulma, Gana, Vahini, Putana, Chamu, and Anakini, was spread behind us.
In front of us was the mammoth ocean of the eleven akshauhini Kaurava army organized in a similar manner. Leading it was the Gangaudha chariot of Grandsire Bhishma who was instated as the Kaurava commander today. On his right white-bearded Guru Drona was seen in his chariot leading the troop of chariots. On his right stood Aacharya Kripa. On the left of Grandsire Bhishma were the guru’s son Ashwatthama, Bhurishrava, and Vikarna.
Srikrishna had not yet taken the seat of the charioteer on my Nandighosha chariot. First, he checked that all the wheels of the chariot were properly fitted and functioning correctly, by moving them back and forth. He went near each horse and talked to each one of them in his own language by patting on the back of one, and stroking the mane of another. Then in one leap he reached the charioteer’s seat. He took the eight reins used for controlling, turning and boosting the horses, in his hands and assessed them. He touched and felt the Panchjanya conch tied in the blue shawl wrapped around his waist. He threw a glance at me and smiled. I had never ever seen that smile on his determined face. Only I could know how it looked. It was not possible for me to describe it in words.
Suddenly he remembered something and said, “Wait a minute, Dhananjaya. I will be back. He put down the reins again. He took a wooden tube kept near the charioteer’s seat and in a single leap he got down. He went near the front tall wheel of the chariot and bent down. He began applying the lubricant in the tube which he was holding, to the axle of the wheels with a cloth tied to a flexible stick. Seeing him apply the lubricant to the axles of my chariot’s wheels one thought made my entire body tremble. He was indeed a ‘charioteer’ in the true sense of the word. Whenever the chariot of life’s journey in Aaryavarta got stuck momentarily, wondering what next, hadn’t he lubricated it with his divine thoughts and accelerated it? Right up to this moment!
Just as quickly he had got down from the chariot he got back onto the charioteer’s seat after lubricating all the wheels of Nandighosha. He untied the Panchjanya conch from the blue shawl tied around his waist and held it in his hands. Raising his head high towards the sky, the veins in his throat protruding, he blew the Panchjanya conch with his soul. Hearing the sound goose bumps arose on my entire body. Meanwhile, Grandsire blew his Ganganabha conch in a similar manner from his chariot in front. Aacharya Drona and Kripa followed him and blew their conches. A cacophony of war instruments arose in the Kaurava army.
Innumerable conflicting thoughts began resonating in my mind like the conch sounds. Seeing white-bearded, aged grandsire I trembled. How could I shoot arrows at grandsire who took care of me as a child? How could I kill the person whom I paid my respects to? How could I slay Aacharya Drona and Kripa who loved me a lot as their disciple? Only for the sake of getting a kingdom? Instead, what is wrong with surviving on alms, like Sanjaya’s message said? Killing a guru – killing elders? Kingdom? Of Hastinapura? Alms – sought in holy places? Kingdom or alms? War or peace? Isn’t the forest stay that blesses many better than the war that takes lakhs of lives?
I could see in front of my eyes the lifeless bodies of grandsire, Guru Drona, and Kripacharya killed by my arrows. I – I – was the only one in the entire world who was going to be considered the most sinful man!
Darkness surrounded me instantly. My throat felt dry, my mouth parched. I began perspiring profusely. My soul ached like it was being pierced by innumerable spears. Tears filled my eyes. I began seeing many blood-soaked corpses killed by my arrows. My legs got heavy.
I didn’t even realize when my Gandiva bow which had never slipped from my hands, fell down. “No… No… Hrishikeshaa…! I am not going to fight at all!!” Somehow, I uttered these words, my legs gave way and I just sat down in the back of the Nandighosha chariot.
Uncontrollable streams of tears started rolling down my eyes. My head hung low like never before and couldn’t be raised, like a blue lotus with a broken stem!
Hrishikesha who was sitting in charioteer’s seat in front was probably stunned for a few moments. Then he jumped onto the ground and came to the back of the chariot. He affectionately put his hands on my shoulders and said, “What happened, Arjuna? Why is it that you are sitting down so dispirited? Why did your beloved Gandiva bow slip from your hands, which has never happened before?” His sweet voice had the colossal power of filling an ocean of meaning in just a few words.
I replied in a devastated voice, with my head hanging low and shaking, “Madhusudana, how can I kill esteemed and venerable grandsire and Aacharya Drona-Kripa? How can I aim my arrows at the throats of those whose feet I touch with respect? It is better to live on alms than kill such great souls. It is acceptable to me. It is the right thing to do!”
To this reply of mine the advice that he offered is so invaluable that every man should always remember it. Did he keep advising me for hours together? Was it even possible to do so on the battlefield? The answer to this and many such questions is a clear ‘No – not at all!’
He spoke very little. But those words were full of the essence of life. I am going to tell only that much. Many people have told my or even his life’s story exaggerating it as they liked and glorifying it unduly, for many years. Similarly, this advice has also been magnified beyond the limits of truth. I have always valued the essence of this advice more than such elaborations. When he asked me, ‘Why are you quiet, why don’t you say something?’ I said to him, “Venerable guru, elders and my own cousins are standing in front of us on the battlefield and I have no desire to live by killing them. The innate quality of being a Kshatriya within me has ceased to exist by seeing them. At this moment, I am caught in a terrible conflict of what is right and what is wrong, what is Dharma and what is Adharma. Therefore, tell me only the determinate truth. Mad
hava, I am your best Sakha, your disciple. Give me the right guidance. I don’t really see anything that will remove this confusion and grief in my mind that has absorbed all my senses.”
Srikrishna patted me with immense affection and said, “Arjuna, you are lamenting in vain for the things which should not be lamented over. You are talking as if suddenly you have obtained some divine knowledge. Wise men never mourn, whether someone’s life is lost or saved. It is not that you, I and these warriors did never exist before. It is also highly unlikely that we won’t exist in future. The Atmatattva (Universal Soul) that has occupied this whole world is indestructible. It is immortal. No one can destroy it.
“Oh Kaunteya, the one who thinks that he can slay such Atmatattva, or the one who believes that it can be slain, both lack true knowledge. Oh Bharata, this immortal soul never destroys anyone or never gets destroyed by anyone. It never takes birth or never dies. Nor is it that after having taken birth once it will not be born again. It is indestructible, perpetual, everlasting and ancient.” Once more he gently patted on my shoulders with affection.
I simply kept staring at him with tearful eyes and a distraught mind. Explaining it to me again he said, “Just as one discards one’s old clothes and dons new ones the Soul that is the master of the body discards old bodies and takes new ones!”
His speech had such an edge today that I had never heard before. His virtuous speech was flowing like the torrent of Ganga cascading down the Himalayas with a roaring sound. He continued speaking, I kept listening. He said, “Dhananjaya, weapons cannot break the Soul; fire cannot burn it; water cannot soak it, and wind cannot dry it. It is stable, perpetual, immovable, ancient and everlasting.”
Every word of his was compelling me to introspect and take a deeper look into my own psyche. I kept listening, and he kept talking. He said, “Oh Parakrami Partha, this Soul is invisible. It cannot be seen easily by human sense organs. It is highly impossible to perceive it only with one’s intellect and mind.
“And, oh Mahabaho – Partha! Even if you believe that the Soul does take birth or it does die, it is not right for you to lament over it. Because one that is born is sure to die, and one that dies is sure to be reborn. Therefore, do you think it is appropriate for you to lament over the things that are not in your control at all?
“Oh Sanyami – Gudakesha, you are a Kshatriya. Remember that there is nothing more appropriate for a Kshatriya than to fight a war that upholds Dharma. If you lose courage at this point and abandon the battlefield, you will be condemned as a runaway and a coward for generations to come. You will be disgraced. And remember well that for a man of honour infamy is worse than death. All maharathis standing here will think that you retreated from this holy land of Kurukshetra because of fear. They will slander your strength in unbearably obscene words. The enemies standing against you will spread unspeakable gossips about you. Indeed, if you die fighting this war, you will attain heaven that a true Kshatriya deserves, and if you win this war you will enjoy the kingdom on earth with honour.
“Therefore, oh Asharan – Arjuna, rise and fight the war determinedly! Regard joy and sorrow, loss and gain, victory and defeat as the same and get ready to fight. If you do this, you will not be committing any sin.
“Oh Savyasachi – Arjuna! As a well loses its significance when there is flood all over, rites and rituals become insignificant to the one who has gained knowledge.
“Oh Bibhatsu – Kaunteya! You must remember throughout your life that you have a right only on your Karmas – performing your duty; it should never be over the fruits of your actions. Never become a person who performs his duties in anticipation of the fruitful results of his actions. And also, don’t be so foolish as to stubbornly remain inactive. Remember, Karma is inevitable for every living being, even during one’s sleep!
“The sagacity or wisdom in performing such inevitable Karma is called Karmayoga. It is to be achieved by a balanced intellect and a stable mind. Oh Gudakesha, Sankhyayoga preached by eminent knowledgeable people is the only remedy for your Vishadayoga – a confused state of mind. Nothing else will work.”
Now I was much composed. The commotion in my mind had reduced considerably. Instead my mind was now quite eager to hear every word coming from his holy mouth. This was the moment when I was going to get an opportunity to hear the truth about many facets of life. Pulling myself together I asked him humbly, “Oh Keshava - Hrishikesha, you mentioned a ‘Sthitaprajna’ – one who possesses a steady mind – how should I recognize him? Tell me at least once how such a person talks, walks and behaves?” This time I lifted my head and looked at him with determination. He gave me the sweetest smile. Caressing the thick Vaijayanti garland on his chest he said, “Oh Jishnu Arjuna! Listen carefully to the characteristics of a Sthitaprajna that you are so intent upon knowing. He who abandons all desires of the heart and finds satisfaction in his own self, is called a Sthitaprajna.
“Oh Falguni – Dhananjaya! He, who doesn’t get upset by miseries, is free from the yen for happiness, one who is free from the feelings of attachment, fear and anger is called a Sthitaprajna.
“Oh Kiritin – Kaunteya! The man who withdraws his senses from material pleasures and keeps his desires under control like a turtle drawing its limbs within its shell is called a Sthitaprajna.
“Oh Jayishnu – Pandava! He, whose mind is stable and doesn’t get elated or dejected when he receives good or bad, such a person is called a Sthitaprajna.
Many a times a person observing abstinence refrains from enjoyment of the senses yet the taste for material objects remains. The one who experiences the taste of divine consciousness and thus attains freedom from both, the enjoyment of the senses and the desire for such enjoyment is called a Sthitaprajna.
Oh Dhanurdhara – Dhananjaya! Even the mind of a wise man, who is endeavouring to control his own senses, is forcibly carried away by the impetuous, powerful senses. Therefore, he who attains the stability of mind by restraining his senses and mastering control over them is known as a Sthitaprajna.
Oh Kaunteya – Gudakesha! Understand it well that a person who pursues material pleasures develops an attachment for the objects of enjoyment. Such attachment generates lust towards the desired object. And when there are obstructions in the path of satisfying that lust, it gives rise to anger.
Oh, my Savyasachi Sakhya! Such anger eventually leads to delusion. Delusion leads to loss of memory and then to loss of intellect and finally to total destruction of self.” His speech was now getting more and more interesting.
“Oh Vikrami – Veera! Remember well that when anger and hatred end, all senses come under one’s control. One remains in a blissful state in spite of living among material pleasures.
“Oh Savyasachi – Dhanurdhara! Once the mind attains such bliss all sorrow gets destroyed. Because he who has attained such a blissful state is called a Sthitaprajna.
“Oh Digvijayi – Kaunteya! He who is not engaged in divine consciousness has no control over his mind and hence no faith. How can he who has no faith achieve peace of mind? And how can he who has no peace of mind gain happiness of any kind at all?
“Oh Maharathi – Arjuna! Just as a boat on water is swept away by a strong wind, the mind of a person who dwells amongst material desires gets carried away by his senses.
“Oh Mahabaho – Arjuna! He whose senses refrain from material desires is called a Sthitaprajna.
“Oh Gudakesha – Arjuna! When it is night for all beings, the self-controlled and stable-minded person is awake. When all beings are awake, it is night for the introspective Yogi.
“Oh Kaunteya – Kiriti! The person who never loses his peace of mind by the incessant flow of desires, just as the ocean never gets disturbed when rivers merge in it from all sides, is called a Sthitaprajna. He who strives to satisfy his own material desires can never attain such peace of mind. When a person is devoid of ego and pride, and performs his worldly duties selflessly, only then he attains peace of mind.
“Oh Jayishnu –
Dhananjaya! This is how a Sthitaprajna attains the state of spirituality. He doesn’t go astray even at the end of life and thus attains Moksha.”
At this point I came to realize subtly and strongly that he has been living like a Sthitaprajna throughout his life. I stretched my memory to see if I could find a single moment in the flow of his life, when he had acted in anticipation of getting something in return. My mind full of doubts began to clear just like the sky filled with dark clouds begins to clear with the arrival of the radiant sun! The first thick layer of delusions that covered it was removed. The ‘Sri’ in the name of Srikrishna that I couldn’t comprehend before, began to unravel slowly with each word. The biggest surprise was that I began understanding my own self gradually. My limitations as an ordinary man were becoming clearly apparent to me. Half the truth was clear to me – that I am a confused man. The other half was not yet clear – who is He?
The clever and alert disciple in me was awake now. This was the right time to make him speak everything about himself. I joined my palms humbly and asked him, “Oh Janardana, you say that balanced intellect is superior to Karma. Then oh venerable Keshava, why do you want me to engage in this ghastly karma of war?
“Oh Achyuta, why are you making equivocal statements that bewilder my brains? So Madhava, please be kind to me and tell me decisively what exactly is most beneficial for me.”
He looked at the confusion on my face and again gave me a sweet smile. Looking deep into my eyes, in his inspiring tone he said, “Oh Nishpaap Arjuna, merely abstaining from work doesn’t give one the freedom from it. One cannot achieve perfection only by renunciation of karma. No one can live without doing something even for a moment. Basic instincts compel one to do something or the other every moment. He who outwardly restrains his senses and organs but dwells on material desires in his heart is called a hypocrite. Oh Arjuna, he who controls his senses and keeps them engaged in activity without any attachment is considered superior. And oh Nidrajayi – Partha, he who takes pleasure in the Self, rejoices in and is contented with the Self, is free from duty.
Srikrishna- the Lord of the Universe Page 75