I put my palm on his. He smiled and said, “Uddhava, people will like even this Avadhutagita of yours from the bottom of their hearts. Come now, let’s go. Let us finish the work that we came here for – to collect the thorny wild creepers for grooming the horses.”
I moved forward with respect and handed his Kaumodaki mace to him. He put it on his shoulder and casually said, “You go back to the royal city with the Garudadhwaja chariot. Think carefully about everything that I told you now. Go ahead. I will return soon after you with the bunch of thorny wild creepers, and enjoying the western wind of Aanarta on my body! What do you say?”
“Your wish is my command, Narayana.” I touched his feet. He put his left arm around me and took me in a deep embrace. Both of us waited in that position for a moment. Then I left the forest. He entered the forest in the direction of Bhalakatirtha to collect the thorny wild creepers.
I was completely lost in the many thoughts that he had shared with me, every thought more amazing than the other. I didn’t even realize when the chariot passed Veravala. To comprehend the depth and height of the thoughts that he shared with me it was necessary to find a tranquil place and contemplate. What better place there could be than the Shiva temple of Somanatha to do that?
I brought the chariot in front of the Shiva temple of Somanatha, went into the inner shrine to get a darshan of the Shivapindi of Somanatha getting drenched under the streaming water of the Abhishek. I ate the Prasada and drank the Tirtha, came out of the shrine and sat on the stone veranda. A long time passed by while contemplating and trying to understand each and every word that I had heard from dada. Now the evening had progressed. It was essential to return to the royal city. I had still not come out of the web of thoughts that dada had spun. Engrossed in those thoughts I drove the chariot speedily and came on the Dwaraka side of the creek in front of the Shuddhaksha gate. The fisherman that I had chosen while going was already waiting there. I brought the Garudadhwaja into the boat taking it over the wooden planks connecting the land and the boat. The boat sailed on the waters towards the original Dwaraka. From a distance, fleets of boats were clearly visible sailing in the creek towards the shore from where we had left Dwaraka.
The Garudadhwaja chariot entered the royal city of Dwaraka from the Shuddhaksha gate. Now my mind was getting cleared like the cloudy sky gets cleared after the wind blows the clouds away. I brought Garudadhwaja into the stable. I had witnessed how much dada loved the four white horses of the chariot. They had been yoked to the chariot for quite a long time now. It was essential to release them. But there was not a single servant in sight in the stable. Even the horses looked quite exhausted.
While still in the trance of the thoughts shared by dada I released the horses and tied them in their usual places. I spread some hay in front of them. Pondering over the thoughts that dada had shared I came near the Srisopana. With my right hand, I touched the step in the name of Aacharya Sandipani that he had showed me earlier and then touching my hand to my forehead respectfully I began climbing the tall staircase in front of me. I was lost in myself. Many of dada’s thoughts had become quite clear to me now. I was planning in my mind when and how to go to Badri-Kedaraas per his wish. Just then –
Just then Chief Minister Sukrita climbing down the stairs stood in front of me saying, “Uddhavadeva, I have been looking for you. Where were you for such a long time? Do you know what has happened?” He was holding the jewel-studded royal sceptre in his right hand. Startled, I asked him, “What happened? Far away in the creek I saw a fleet of boats sailing in one direction. I didn’t see a single man or woman on the royal highway.”
“Avadhuta – Avadhuta – there is bad news. The lifeless body of the Lord of Dwaraka is lying under an Ashwattha tree in the forest of Bhalakatirtha! A hunter named Jara whose fatal Suchi arrow pierced the sole of his left foot, came here some time back along with couple of his young friends. He himself brought the news to the city. The whole of Dwaraka along with Rukminidevi has gone there. There is no one in the city. I – I was waiting only for you. Avadhuta, our Lord of Dwaraka has left us…!” The Chief Minister wiped his eyes with the edge of his shawl with his left hand and gave out an uncontrollable sob. Then he kept weeping; his entire body trembled with sorrow. The jewel-studded royal Yadava sceptre that he was holding had already slipped from his hand when he tried to hold back his sobs while breaking the heart-wrenching news to me. Clanging on each step of the staircase it tumbled down to the last step, lingered there for a moment and fell down further.
My mind which had just about cleared, was again overcast with black clouds. I was stunned, dumbfounded, benumbed as if lightning had struck me. I couldn’t understand where I was standing, what was the meaning of me being the closest confidant…. Nothing, nothing made any sense.
It was just a few moments ago, that he had shared so many wonderful thoughts about life. My senses were benumbed.
The Chief Minister had already left. I was even unable to cry. My eyes were completely dry. I turned around and climbed down the stairs leaping over three-four steps at a time. I didn’t even realize when I reached the end of the staircase. Stunned and benumbed I darted towards the Shuddhaksha gate like an arrow shot from a bow. I couldn’t even think of going to the stable first. The creek shore was overcrowded with the people of Dwaraka. Seeing me run bare-feet, the crowd automatically made way for me. I pushed aside those whose backs were towards me and somehow reached the creek shore. I boarded whichever boat that came in front of me. I ordered the fisherman to
‘hurry up’. He also tried his best to row the boat fast. The vast creek around me had so much water but there was not a single drop of tear in my eyes. I was still benumbed – without sensation.
The moment we approached the other shore I leapt out of the boat. Climbing in the chariot that came in front of me I commanded the charioteer impatiently, “Quick – hurry up – don’t stop anywhere. Go to Bhalakatirtha directly.” Earlier I had come in the Garudadhwaja chariot. Now I didn’t know in whose chariot I was going. The charioteer did his best, even more than the fisherman who had tried to row the boat fast. Passing by Veravala when he brought the chariot near the forest of Bhalakatirtha the horses were frothing at the mouth. But still there was not a drop of tears in my eyes. I didn’t know who I was – and what was happening. I leapt out of the chariot and rushed into the forest. I didn’t even realize that the shawl on my chest had flown away.
I reached the Ashwattha tree on Bhalakatirtha leaving behind tree after tree. It was surrounded by Yadava men and women.
When they all saw me approaching, they made way for me moving aside and whispering ‘Uddhavadeva is here – Avadhuta is here’.
I came near dada’s lifeless body where all seven vahinis along with Rukminivahini were lamenting uncontrollably, with unbearable grief. I looked in front – a Suchi arrow had penetrated the sole of his left foot which he had rested on his right knee. The blood streaming from it had doused his yellow dhoti and spread in a pool at his feet. That pool of blood had now congealed and turned black.
Seeing that I was not lamenting, that there was not a single drop of tears in my eyes, the already numb Yadavas became totally bereft of speech. I was feeling very suffocated. I myself couldn’t understand why I was unable to cry! Why was there not a single drop of tears in my eyes? Why had my senses become so numb as if struck by lightning? Looking at the lean toes of his blue foot that was stuck to the pool of blood I intensely felt that – that the vast expanse of the celestial sky above was contained in his tall body.
His friend Sudama had implored him in another similar forest of Aanarta while bidding farewell to him, saying, “Give me something as your gift”. While requesting, Sudama had moved his glance from the peacock feather in the golden crown on his head to his feet. In the end, he had embraced his sandalwood slippers and asked for those as a gift. When he had removed his feet from the slippers, he had taken those as a gift to cherish.
Today my eyes moved over his body fro
m his toes sequentially moving up to his rosy lips. My heart said agonizingly, “Let me hear a word of yours. Call me ‘Udho-Avadhuta’ once. Give me a teardrop!”
He was not saying anything! He was not going to say anything ever! Just a few moments ago, he had shared a lot with me. And he still had so much more with him worth sharing, but – but now no one was ever going to be able to hear it. That very thought made my heart distraught.
‘Dada…!’ I gave out a cry and collapsed. The cocoon of tears in my eyes broke open. I was crying with my whole body shaking and with uncontrollable sobs. I calmed down only when Rukminivahini patted on my back.
I determinedly composed myself. Taking into account what he would have liked me to do, I calmly consoled all seven vahinis along with Rukminivahini. I sent them to Dwaraka with Daruka to wear white clothes and come back. With the assistance of a few Yadavas the Chief Minister erected a funeral pyre of sandalwood. Sunset was approaching now. A few senior Yadavas came forward to assist me, Daruka and Chief Minister. His blue-complexioned, imperial body was put on the sandalwood funeral pyre along with the things that he had carried with him throughout his life – the Panchjanya conch, his mace, a lotus, the Vaijayanti garland, Kaustubh jewel, his crown with the peacock feather tucked in it, and the Nandaka sword. I could clearly see two more things from Gokul added to them – the flute tucked in his yellow dhoti and the silver bracelet on his wrist. Along with the Chief Minister a few aged Yadavas sitting under a tree at a distance brought Vasudevababa, Thorali and Dhakali mata who were composed by now, to the sandalwood funeral pyre. The three of them took a look at him for the last time with tearful eyes and each one of them placed a sandalwood log on his blue body. The most senior Yadavas of the eighteen royal families also did the same. Then Yadava priest Gargamuni and his disciples followed after them. Daruka and the Chief Minister also did it. Now his blue body was fully covered with sandalwood logs. I put the very last sandalwood log on his body. Somebody handed me an ignited sandalwood torch.
Then, amidst the incantation of mantras, I ignited the funeral pyre in front of me as the chulat bandhu of the Lord of Dwaraka, as his close relative ‘Avadhuta’. The birds of fiery flames soared above to touch the sky. The Chief Minister made arrangements for Vasudevababa, both mothers and all other seniors to go back to the royal city. In the end, I tossed the sandalwood torch I was holding into the funeral pyre, left an armed Yadava troop near the pyre, and left for Dwaraka along with a few selected Yadavas. It was necessary for me to console his horse friends in the stable.
Everyone was speechless. After walking a considerable distance, we approached a blue lake. When I was walking while looking at it, I saw a few peacock feathers lying on the thick green meadows. Their sight produced goose bumps on my whole body. A few peacocks had shed these feathers sometime in the morning while dancing to their heart’s content after drinking the water of the lake.
I just couldn’t walk ahead. Bending down I picked up one peacock feather. I simply kept staring at the iridescent peacock feather reflecting dark green, dark purple and rich golden shades of colour. The cocoon of my mind was flooded with many
of his colourful reminiscences. The tears streaming down my eyes tried to brighten the bluish shade of the peacock feather, in vain.
Overwhelmed by emotions my heart was constantly wondering only one thing – ‘Dada, who were you really? Did your mother – Devakimata who gave you birth ever understand it? Did Chhotimata – Rohinimata ever understand it? Did even Vasudevababa ever realize it? Did Balabhadradada who accompanied you throughout your entire life ever realize it? Guru Sandipani and Aacharya Ghor Angirasa who gave you the second birth as you said – did they at least get some idea? Grandsire Bhishma and munificent Kaunteya, Karna whom you considered as Jalapurusha – could they ever trace who you were? Grandfather Chitrasena, Yashodamata and Nandababa who nurtured you and inculcated sanskaras in you – did they ever understand you completely? Did aatya Kuntidevi, who sought grief to keep you always in her memory, at least understand you completely? Will the terrible curse of Kauravas’ mother Gandharidevi have the power to bring an end to you?
‘Did Gargamuni, Dhaumya rishi, Devabhagababa, Virata, Drupada, and Dhrishtadyumna whom you considered as your intimate associates ever reach the depths of your heart? Weren’t the lives of vicious men blessed because they got the honour of being finished by you? Daruka, Sanjaya, Mahatma Vidura, Sudama, and Satyaki whom you considered to be your sakhas and Radha, Draupadi whom you considered as your sakhis,
sister Subhadra, Ekananga, bhacha Abhimanyu and his wife Uttaraa – did a single one of them understand precisely who you were?
‘Could even a single one of all your sons including Pradyumna try to learn who you were? Your beloved daughter Charumati and all her sisters – could they pursue that search?
‘Except for Rukminivahini did the other seven vahinis ever realize how fortunate they were to be your wives?
‘All the Pandavas including Yudhishthira whom you mentored, were they ever able to assess who you were?
‘Leave aside the others, could even master archer Arjuna whom you bestowed with the invaluable knowledge of Gita and whom you considered as your best sakha, comprehend all the facets of your life?
‘Forget everyone else, have I, who have been continuously serving you in every way for the last thirty-six years – understood you completely at all?
‘I think it was only Rukminivahini who probably understood you somewhat. Oh, my dada ‘Yugandhara’ the day on which, whenever, whoever understands you completely from every angle and every perspective, will be a golden day not only for the Aaryavarta but for the entire world!’
My heart was still wailing – ‘My brother – Srikrishna, Yugandhara – who were you really?’
The boundless, endless blue colour of the peacock feather I had held was shining brightly due to the continuous flow of tears streaming down my eyes onto it.
On the western horizon of Bhalakatirtha in Aanarta–Saurashtra, the sun had now set. An era had come to an end!!!
Glossary (in alphabetical order)
ॐ – the sacred sound composed of 3 sounds ‘A-U-M’. It spoken at the beginning and end of each mantra
Aachamana – the act of swallowing water 3 times while chanting mantras in praise of God.
Aamra – Mango tree.
Aate bandhu – father’s sister’s son
Aatmavidya – Knowledge of the Self and the Soul
Aatya – paternal aunt, father’s sister
Aatyapatya – A game played between two teams of 9 players each where players from one team try to cross over 9 trenches and the opposing team tries to block their progress from one trench to the next.
Abhishek – A ceremonious holy bath offered to a deity or person of royalty
Agrapooja – The guest of honor at a yajna is given the highest mark of reverence or respect by performing the Pooja at the very beginning of the yajna.
Akshauhini – a mammoth army containing approximately 22,000 elephants, 22,000 chariots, 66,000 horses, 110,00 foot soldiers
Ananta flower – a white coloured flower, also known as gardenia
Arghya – offering water to God, oblations
Asharan – one who does not seek protection, one who does not surrender
Ashwattha – Pipal tree
Asura – a demon
Audumbara – Indian fig tree
Aukshan – A religious ritual where lighted lamps are put in a plate and circled around a person on auspicious occasions.
Barabandi dress – A traditional dress for men with 12 small strips of cloth to tie it at 12 places and therefore called bara (12) bandee (knots)
Bela leaf – A sacred leaf that has 3 leaflets, offered to Lord Shiva
Bhacha – a man’s sister’s son or a woman’s brother’s son
Bhache – Plural of Bhacha
Bhandirvriksha – Banyan tree
Bharadwaja – The greater coucal or crow pheasant with a long tail and cop
pery brown wings.
Bharata – descendant of king Bharata
Bharatashreshtha – best among the descendants of king Bharata
Bhauji – husband’s brother, brother-in-law
Bibhatsu – one who crates terror among the enemy during a war
Brahmakamala– White lotus flower
Brahma Muhurta – The early part of the day, dawn
Brahmavidya – Knowledge of the Brahman
Chakravarti – an ideal ruler who rules over the entire world ethically and benevolently
Champaka flower – a yellow coloured flower known for its fragrance, also known as magnolia
Chandola – Wood lark, a singing bird, coloured brown above and pale below.
Chandravansha – Lunar dynasty, a dynasty descended from the Moon or Chandra
Chataka – Pied crested cuckoo also known as Jacobin cuckoo.
Chitrahuti – Food offered to deities before starting the meal.
Chulat bandhu – father’s brother’s son
Damaru – a small drum shaped like an hour glass; an instrument of Lord Shiva
Dhairyashil – courageous
Dhananjaya – another name of Arjuna, meaing one who can conquer over riches
Dhanurdhara – expert archer
Dhanurveda – the knowledge of archery
Dharma – In Hinduism Dharma signifies the ‘right way of living’. The term includes behaviours that are in accord with the cosmic law and order such as duties, conducts, virtues and rights that one is supposed to follow through out life.
Srikrishna- the Lord of the Universe Page 107