“Oh,” Keely manages to stutter the one syllable. There are too many thoughts and emotions battling each other inside of her. He has her all twisted up.
Asmoday reaches for Keely. Cups her face and caresses his thumb over her cheek. The sensation of touching her like this is incredible. He doesn’t use any of his charms on her and she isn’t stopping him. She isn’t cringing away from him. With his other hand, he touches his finger tips to her lips. Keely closes her eyes. He continues over her chin. Down her neck. Stops at the indentation between her collar bones. His hand rests against the warm skin over her heart. “This is all I ask to be mine. When you are ready.”
Keely opens her eyes and Asmoday is gone.
Thirty-Two:
Keely is alone. Really alone. Just her and her thoughts. There was a time when she preferred things this way. Back when she didn’t have much to think about. It seems so long ago. So much has happened. So much has changed. She’s changed. Maybe this is all a dream. A very long, very elaborate dream. She will wake up soon and find everything the same as it was before. Her biggest worry will be her senior year of high school.
Only, this doesn’t make her feel better.
She heard somewhere that God only gives you what He knows you can handle. Or something along that same line. But how strong does He think she is? And why does He have to give it all at once?
Though, she supposes, she could have it worse. How terrible is it for her to be torn between two guys that care about her? Or three.
Of course, that’s not her only problem which is really the point. Right?
Then why can she only think of Bryon, Nick, and Asmoday?
“Ugh!” Asmoday said if she needed out again he would take her, but where is he now? She knows the answer already. Knows he isn’t here because she needs to be alone. She needs to think. But she really wants out of this room. Really, really doesn’t want to think. Maybe if she puts it off long enough it will work itself out all on its own.
Not likely.
If she ignores it, she could wind up losing all of them. Then she’d truly be alone.
A light knock sounds at her door. “Keel, it’s Bryon.”
Keely opens the door happy for the distraction, but nervous to see him after the confusing feelings she’s been having. “You have good timing.”
“One of my many wonderful attributes. I also come bearing gifts.” He holds out a shopping bag.
“What is it?” She takes it from his hand and peeks inside. “Oh, thank you!” She pulls out the box housing her new cell phone. “You are awesome! This is a way better phone than my last one.”
Bryon smiles at her. “Just try not to lose this one.”
“You got me a phone case too?” She runs her fingers over the smooth black and pink zebra stripes.
“It came with it.”
Keely scrunches her brows. “You went to buy a phone and the salesperson gave you a pink case?”
Bryon takes the box from her and starts opening her phone. “I had to pick it, but it was free. Are you a detective now?”
“It just seemed weird. I’m so glad I have a phone again. It’s like walking around without pants.”
Bryon grins. “I feel naked without mine too. Thus the reason I took the time to go pick this up for you. Plus, you shouldn’t be without one, being who you are.”
“You mean a Doyenne? Or a Demon Princess? Or the girl that can end the world?”
“I mean the girl who has bad guys after her.”
“Oh, yeah. That too. Forgot that one.”
Bryon plugs the charger into the wall and connects it to the phone. He plops down on Keely’s bed and lies back. Puts an arm behind his head and starts reading the manual for her new phone.
There is something so comforting in this for Keely. It’s like old times. It’s exactly what she needs. “T.V. or music?”
Bryon looks over the top of the mini book in his hand. “I’m cool with either one.”
Keely flips the television on and begins channel surfing. “So how’s Lila?”
“She’s how you would expect her to be. In denial about how she feels. Covering her feelings up with being really pissed off and feeling guilty about it all.”
Keely rests the remote on her leg. She knows that feeling. “She shouldn’t feel guilty. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
Bryon throws the phone manual on Keely’s night stand. “I know that. You know that. Hell, Lila probably knows it too. But people can’t help how they feel.” He stares at her and sighs. “You want to get out of here for a little bit?”
Keely smiles. “Yes,” she says stretching out the word. “Where we going?”
“I wanna go buy a cowboy hat.”
“O.k.” She opens her mouth. Wants to say more, but it’s Bryon, so she doesn’t. Just shakes her head.
“I want to forewarn you,” Bryon says seriously. “It’s very possible that I may start talking with a southern accent.”
“That’s all right as long as I can do my British accent.”
He squints and shakes his head. “No. That’s stupid. Those don’t even match. Can you do a country backwoods toothless mumble? Because that’ll work.”
“Ew. No. If you get to be southern, I get to be British.”
“Gah. You’re ruining this for me, Kiem. What if I get you a cowgirl hat?”
Keely bites the inside of her lip as she thinks it over. “No. I don’t want a hat.”
“Fine. We’ll be British on the way to the store, and then we’ll be southerners on the way back.”
“Deal.”
Bryon holds out his hand and they shake on it.
Keely yells to her mom that they’re making a run to the store and rushes out the front door before Kimberly can stop her.
Bryon laughs at her. “Should we be running to the car?”
“Probably.”
They look at each other and smile before taking off into a sprint. Bryon slides across the hood and Keely is laughing so hard by the time she shuts the car door, she can barely breathe.
“Did you see that?”
Keely nods excitedly. “Very Dukes of Hazard.”
“Right? And where are the Duke boys from?”
Keely raises her eye brows. “I don’t…I don’t know?”
Bryon pulls away from the curb and shakes his head as if he is disappointed in her. “The south, Kiem.”
“Hey, we had a deal.”
“Well bloody hell. Right you are,” he says in a very high pitched British accent. Or at least his version of a British accent. “Cheerio bloke. Oh, Crikey, I left ma knickers at home.”
“You are terrible at this. I’m utterly ashamed.”
“This is why I wanted southern accents. It’s your own fault. Now you just have to deal with it.”
“You’re smiling. You’re doing it on purpose! Cheater.”
“I’m smiling because it’s funny.”
“Whatever. What’s this new obsession with the south about anyway?”
Bryon smirks at her, one of his super cute moves he uses on girls. Sometimes he forgets she’s not just any girl and tries it on Keely. “I decided I want to be a cowboy. Or that I am a cowboy, actually. So I need a hat of course.”
“You are not a cowboy, Bryon.”
“Uh. That’s what Lila said. Girls just don’t understand. I need to talk to Nick about this.”
“Nick’s not going to tell you you’re a cowboy either. Sorry.”
Bryon turns into the parking lot and searches for a space. “Speaking of Nick, what’s up with you guys?” he asks. Though he’s been waiting to ask her this question since he got to her house, he couldn’t figure out how to turn the conversation that way until now.
“What do you mean?” Keely asks.
“Why am I with you instead of h
im?”
Keely takes off her seat belt, but doesn’t make a move to leave the car. “We had a fight. But we worked it out. I think. Well, not really.”
“Because of what happened at the Academy?”
“If you are referring to the fact that I got busted lying about wanting to sever the cord binding me and Asmoday in front of everybody—then yes.”
“I can’t blame Nick for being upset about it,” he admits.
“I can’t either, Bry. I just wish someone could understand it. It’s not like I asked for this. It just happened and now I feel everything he feels. You can’t even imagine what that’s like. You know how sometimes you feel something, but you can’t really identify the feeling or even why you are feeling it?”
Bryon nods.
“It’s like that all the time. Because I’m not just confused about my own feelings anymore. Now I’m confused about his. And I’m confused which ones are his and which ones are mine.”
“So what you are trying to say is you’re confused?”
She smiles. “Very.” Keely takes a slow breath and forges on. “And I haven’t told anyone this because I just found out myself, but he’s not actually my brother.”
Bryon sits forward. “What?”
“It’s kind of like, my father adopted him, but not for the normal reasons of adopting a child. He did it for revenge. Asmoday’s grandfather was one of the fallen Watcher’s that returned to Heaven. I guess my father’s been holding a grudge and found a way—Asmoday—to stick it to him.
“So now that I know he’s not blood…”
Bryon stares at her, horrified. “Do you have feelings for him? Like real, you’re not my brother, let’s make babies feelings? For a Demon?”
Keely sighs. “Kind of?”
“You kind of have romantic feelings for your Demon brother.”
“He’s not my brother.”
Bryon laughs bitterly. “How do you go from hating men to falling in love with every other one you meet?”
“That’s seriously not fair.”
“I mean, it’s been what? A week? And you fall for two guys.”
“Hey, with Nick, I nearly died three different times, three different times that he saved me, so that should count for at least like, I don’t know…three weeks? And we were living with each other twenty-four seven under highly dangerous and stressful circumstances, so I think that should count for at least another week. Not to mention the fact that I thought he was dead, and even though it was only for a few minutes, it was horrible. Something like that makes you look at things differently. So by my count, I’ve been in at least a six week relationship. That is a perfectly acceptable time span for caring about someone.
“And as for Asmoday, I feel everything he feels. And he’s the only one that truly can understand what this is like. The things he’s giving up? The things he’s willing to do for me? The things he says when we’re alone. Asmoday is a different person than you think he is.”
“He’s not a person at all. He’s a Demon.”
“And I’m a Demon Princess.”
“You’re a Doyenne.”
“And you’re a Watcher, the sky is blue, and the grass is green. What is your point?”
Bryon shrugs. “I guess I don’t have one. I’m the wrong person to be talking to about this.”
“You’re the only one I can talk to. You’re my best friend.”
Bryon laughs. The sound is sad and cold. “You want to talk? All right. You just remember that you wanted this.” He turns so he’s facing her straight on. This was never how he imagined doing this, but you do what you got to do.
“I’m the one that has been your friend for the last year. I’m the one you tell all your shit to. I’m the one that listens. The one that makes you laugh. I’m the one you hung out with everyday. I’m the one you can do stupid accents with in the car. I’m the one that has taken the time to get to know you. I put in a year. And for that, I will always be the best friend. These other guys show up a week ago and they’re the ones who get a piece of your heart? And by the way, I saved your ass, too. I gave up shit, too. I’ve changed, too. I also respected your feelings when men scared the shit out of you. So I backed off and I waited in agony. Waited for the day you could look at me and see more than just another guy. I realize now that will never happen. It’s a little hard to sit here and listen to you talk about loving other guys. But you know what? I will freaking do it for you.
“My opinion? Stay with Nick. He’s a good guy and he loves you. And you won’t lose everyone that matters to you by being with him.”
Keely stares at Bryon in nothing short of pure shock. She couldn’t have seen this coming with a telescope. She’s been fighting these feelings growing inside of her, never thinking for even a moment that he may actually, truly return them. Now that she knows, it kind of scares her.
Bryon laughs again. “Don’t even worry about it, Kiem. I’ll be just fine. I don’t want any explanations. You didn’t know. Now it’s too late. It’s all good.” He opens his door. “There’s a hat in there calling my name. You coming?”
Keely nods stiffly. Opens her door mechanically. How did this happen? How did three guys end up caring about her? Most girls would love this. It makes Keely feel sick. She thinks of all the times she would blow off his flirtations, chalking it up to Bryon being Bryon. What an idiot she has been.
So now what happens?
Bryon holds the door open for her and she walks silently into the store. “I’m thinking black,” he says picking up a hat from a display. He twirls it on his finger. “But I want a soft leather. And I don’t like this stuff.” He points to the detailing on the rim.
Keely understands. What happens now is they pretend everything is fine. Nothing’s changed. Nothing’s happened.
Only, it did happen.
And now Keely is more confused than ever.
And sad.
Because she can’t have them all.
“What about this one?” she says quietly, picking up a hat similar to what he described.
“Let me see.” He reaches for it and Keely freezes, going absolutely still. Her eyes lock on his. Bryon pauses, his hand outstretched. “Don’t do that.”
Keely blinks. “What?”
“Just don’t.”
Keely lowers the hat to her side. “I don’t know what I did.”
He shakes his head. “The way you just looked at me.”
“Yeah?”
He laughs in a soft, sad way. “Don’t give me hope where there isn’t any.”
Thirty-Three:
Keely licks her lips. They feel so dry suddenly. “I don’t know if that’s true.”
Bryon squints at her. “You don’t know if what is true?”
She shoves the hat at him and turns away. Stares at the row of cowboy hats without really seeing them. Her hands shake. Her whole body trembles. Eyes sting. Head throbs. If she goes there, she will never be able to take it back.
“Keely?”
She crosses her arms in front of her. Holds her elbows tightly. Digs her nails into her skin trying to feel a different kind of pain for at least a moment.
Bryon pries her fingers loose and turns her gently toward him. “What isn’t true?” His blue eyes lock onto hers. Searching. This is her Bryon. Sweet. Sensitive. Caring. Open. All the arrogance lost. The boy that made her laugh when her whole world was crashing around her. The guy that remembered the little things about her, like how she didn’t like to be touched. The man who thinks enough about her needs to stop and pick her up a new cell phone. Her best friend. Hers. There is a longing in her chest. She could heal it so easily. All she would have to do is move forward. He is right here.
Bryon’s hands tighten on her, holding her in place. Keely realizes she hadn’t just thought about it, she had been doing it. Drifting in the direct
ion of his lips like an idiot.
“Keely.” He swallows, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat like he swallowed a rock. “What are you doing?”
What is she doing? She doesn’t know.
Keely pulls away from him, her blond hair spills around her as she drops her head. She takes a step back. Then another. She turns and escapes through the door.
Once outside, Keely takes a deep breath. Inhales like it’s her first breath after nearly suffocating. Sinks to the curb. What is wrong with her? Had she really just tried to kiss Bryon? And after his speech in the car, did he just turn her down flat? A slow realization sinks in. She is seriously, truly, one hundred percent, demented. She is disgusted with herself because she knows exactly why Bryon had stopped her from kissing him. Nick.
Keely hears the door open. Hears it slide closed again. Sees his shoes from the corner of her eye. Slowly, she looks up at Bryon. Words unwilling to come.
He lowers himself to sit beside her. “It’s not that I don’t want to, Keel. Because I do. I really do. It’s just, I can’t do it like this. You have too much already going on. You just told me you can’t choose between Nick and the Demon. I don’t want to be another option for you to choose from. And I can’t just be a distraction. I could say screw it and enjoy this moment, but we would both regret it. Nick’s my friend, and the way I want to be with you, it’s sort of in a long term way. I’m smart enough to know that if I kissed you now, it would end up being a bitter memory for both of us. I can’t share you. And I can’t lose you.”
Keely nods her head as his arms circle around her. The warmth of his body against hers chases away the chilling cold inside. “I am so confused, Bry. I feel so…much. You don’t know how long I had been going without feeling anything. Just shoving everything down. Now, it’s like I can’t stop it.”
“What do you feel for me?” he asks, looking down at her. “Just so I know. Just in case…” He shakes his head. “Just so I know.”
Keely nearly gasps at the look on his face. The longing in his eyes that must mirror her own. She doesn’t know what to say. Will telling the truth make things worse? Because the truth is, she loves him. She always has. But not more than she loves Nick. Not more than Asmoday. But love is love. Filling her heart. Making it feel as if it is about to burst.
Dark Calling Page 31