He is certain she does not care for him the way he cares for her. Would she trade everything she knows for him? Would she leave her life behind just for fleeting moments with him? Would she do anything to protect him? Would she, could she, die for him? He doesn’t allow himself much time to ponder these questions, and not just because he’s positive the answers are no, but because he wouldn’t want them to be yes. His life means nothing. She is everything. She is what matters and she should never sacrifice anything for the likes of him.
“Keely,” Nick sighs, relief coloring his tone thickly. “What happened?”
Keely looks up, tears in her eyes. “He was protecting me. They won’t let me see him. Won’t tell me anything. I’m not family.”
Nick’s gaze draws slowly over her. Takes in the big eyes, messy, blood streaked hair. Flinches at the fresh bruises on her neck that cover the old yellowing ones. Hovers on the red brown of dried blood that coats her clothing. “Is any of that yours?”
She looks down at herself. Eyes go wide. She begins to tremble. Shakes her head slowly. “Not mine. All his.”
Nick’s eyes dart over to Asmoday, looking as worried as he feels, then squats in front of her. He takes her hands in his. “His parents are on their way. We’ll find out how he is. He’s strong.”
“He lost so much blood, Nick.” She stares at her shirt again. “I can’t lose him. I can’t…”
Nick pulls her in for a hug. “Shh. It’s o.k.”
Keely allows him to hug her for a moment before pulling away. “We don’t know that yet. Please. Just… I just need…”
Asmoday clears his throat. “May I speak with you?”
Nick looks at him questioningly. Asmoday stands and begins walking down the hall. Nick hesitates, not sure if he should leave Keely, but Asmoday stops at the vending machines about twenty feet away.
“She needs to be left alone,” Asmoday begins as Nick comes up quickly behind him. “She doesn’t want anyone making her feel better.”
“Did she say that?”
Asmoday looks over his shoulder and gazes at him evenly. “She does not need to.” He turns his attention back to the machine and purchases a bottle of water. “She cannot allow herself to welcome comfort while she knows he is suffering. I am aware it makes little sense, but that is how she feels none the less.”
“I can’t leave her alone. She’s in constant danger. In case you haven’t noticed.”
“That has come to my attention,” he growls. “You do not need to be so literal. Just sit beside her. Do not touch her. Do not tell her everything is going to be all right. Let her think.”
“Let her suffer, you mean.”
“If that is how you want to look at it.” Asmoday nods his head. “It’s what she wants. Smothering her is what you want. It will do her no good.”
“I don’t trust you,” Nick admits. “I don’t believe you really care about what’s good for her.”
Asmoday twists around, hands in fists, squeezing the bottle. His eyes are slits of furry as he fixes them on the Guardian. “It is all I care about.”
“Then leave her alone. You can’t think you’re good for her?”
“No. I do not,” Asmoday admits. “But I do not know you are either.” He drops his gaze to the bottle in his hand. “At least I understand her. At least I am willing to give her what she needs.”
“You’re willing to give her what she wants. That’s not the same thing. I’m not afraid to push her where she needs to be.”
“Perhaps you push too hard.”
“Did she say that?”
Asmoday flashes a white smile. “She does not have to.” He moves to walk around Nick, but is stopped with a hand to his arm. Asmoday looks down at Nick’s hand and glowers at him.
“You can’t protect her like I can.”
“I have already protected her more than you will ever be able to.”
Nick scoffs. “Right. Whatever, man.”
“Apophis is no longer a threat,” Asmoday says quietly.
Nick looks around them. “You killed him?”
“No.”
Nick grunts out a laugh. “Then he’s still a threat.”
“I pledged my allegiance to him. He is inhibited from causing harm to her.”
“The Hierarchy will probably not agree to this. In fact, I can guarantee they won’t. If you are aligned with Apophis, then you will be considered an enemy of the Angel.”
“I am aware.”
“Why did you do it?”
Asmoday looks back at him and laughs softly. “Why do you think?”
Nick shakes his head. “Well you just made things real easy for me.”
“That was my intention. I was only thinking of how I could help you,” he spits sarcastically.
“Why didn’t you just kill him?”
“She was right there. He had his hands on her. Her friend was bleeding to death. I did what was necessary.”
“I still don’t trust you.”
“You will when I give you Apophis. I may not be able to kill him, but you are.” He shrugs and smiles innocently at Nick. “And if you kill each other in the process, well, that will just work out perfectly.”
“You don’t have a chance. Not even then,” Nick says wryly.
“It does not mean I am not going to try.” He leaves Nick to digest that and goes back to Keely. Opens the bottle of water and hands it to her. She looks at it as if she doesn’t have the slightest idea what to do with it.
“Drink,” he says gently.
Keely puts the bottle to her lips and sips the water. The cold trails down her throat and sits in her stomach, knotting it sharply. She stares at the double doors that lead into the emergency room. Watches Nick approach an older couple. The woman turns and Keely realizes they’re Bryon’s parents. “Why did it take you so long?”
Asmoday looks at her quickly. “What?”
“Why did it take you so long to come for me? If you had gotten there sooner we could have gotten Bryon help quicker.”
Asmoday flinches at her words. His throat feels very dry. “I tried. I could not get inside. I knew you were scared. I knew you were suffering in some way, but I could not get to you.” His hands roll into fists, turning white at the knuckles. “There was some kind of spell on the building that prohibited me from entering. I didn’t know what to do or how to break such a spell.” He closes his eyes. “I went after the Grimoire. I thought perhaps there may be something in it to counteract the spell. That school, the Academy, it has the same spell around its grounds. I could not enter there either.
“Then I felt something change. You grew strong. Unafraid.” He shakes his head. “I thought you were out of danger. I thought you were with your Guardian, but then your fear came back and it only grew. I went back, determined to get into that building somehow, someway. I was readying myself to rip it apart, but then, there you were. I got to you as quickly as I could. I swear it.” He stares at her profile, urging her silently to face him.
“I am sorry I was not there sooner. Please believe me. I will always do whatever it takes to protect you. I cannot live without you. Without you, there is no life for me.” Something slides down Asmoday’s cheek, warm and wet. His fingers touch it hesitantly.
A tear.
His first.
He stares at it in shock. Rubs his fingers together until it dissolves into his skin. When he looks up, Keely is watching him. She brushes her palm across his cheek, drying the streak the tear left.
“I believe you.”
Thirty-Five:
She isn’t sure what draws her down this hallway until she stops in front of the door. The numbers blur in front of her as she recalls overhearing Nick tell Bryon the room number in which Dustin had been moved to. She pushes on the slightly opened door. It swings soundlessly inward and she steps inside th
e lightly illuminated room. He lies on his side, hand tucked under his sleeping head. Gauze is taped thickly over one eye and Keely shivers. What he’s been through, she can’t even begin to imagine.
She doesn’t know why she’s come here. She must be the last person in the world he would want to see. Rocking back on her heels, she turns to leave when something catches her eye. Blood drops on his blanket near the end of the bed. Six of them, side-by-side like a trail. Her eyes follow the drops off the bed and onto the floor. Her feet thrust her forward trying to piece it together in her head. They stop at the bathroom door. Keely’s hand shakes as she reaches for the knob.
“What are you doing here?” Dustin asks in a husky voice.
Keely whirls around, her hand flying to her heart. “You scared me.” Edging toward the bed, she licks her lips nervously. “I…I just came to tell you how sorry I am.”
Dustin’s face goes white with fear as he gets a better look at her, at the blood on her clothing. “What happened? Is Lila-”
“She’s fine. It’s Bryon’s. He’s in the emergency room. His parents are giving blood right now. Apparently he has a very rare type and it’s quicker just to get it from them.”
Dustin raises a brow. “Yeah, Watcher blood. We don’t have types like humans do,” he says coolly. “It’s nice to have a Guardian on the hospital staff to avoid that awkward moment when you have to explain why your blood doesn’t match any of the known types in the world.”
“Oh, right.” Keely scratches her arm uncomfortably. “They say he’s going to be o.k.”
“Great.”
“I really am sorry.”
Dustin looks at the blanket. “You ruined my life and all you have to say is you’re sorry?” He laughs bitterly.
Keely takes a step away. “I don’t know what else to say. I didn’t want to tell them. I tried not to.”
“Yet somehow you did. I suppose I can’t blame you. It wasn’t personal against you. I was just trying to save her.”
Keely nods. “I know.”
“I mean, the only reason we were there in the first place was because of you. If you hadn’t insisted on going, Apophis would never have gotten a hold of Lila to begin with. I never would have been faced with that decision.” His hands curl into the blanket. “I never would have been tortured by your brother. I would still have both of my eyes. I would still have my girlfriend.”
The room has gone very cold. Goosebumps raise the hairs on Keely’s arms. She takes a deep breath, ready to apologize again. She pauses. Inhales again. She picks up the distinct scent of vanilla, and underneath, lavender. Keely squints at Dustin, studying him for several seconds. She turns abruptly and moves to the bathroom door quickly, pulling it open. There is a small puddle of fresh blood on the floor. Several wrappers from bandages. A small bloody handprint on the sink.
Keely glares at Dustin. “Who was here?”
“I don’t get many visitors as you can imagine.”
“Then it shouldn’t be that hard to narrow it down.”
“I thought you came to apologize. Not interrogate. My mom was the only one here. She cut her finger.”
Keely glances around. “On what?”
“A box. She brings me dinner. I don’t like the hospital’s food,” he explains.
Keely stares at him. He answered rather quickly. She couldn’t lie that fast, but she isn’t much of a liar. She doesn’t know what to think.
“As nice as this has been, and it really has been wonderful, I am tired. If you’re done pestering me, I’d like to get back to my lonely existence.” He rolls back to his side.
“I know you don’t believe me, but I truly am sorry for all of it. I never meant any of it to happen,” she says quietly.
Dustin continues to ignore her as she leaves.
Outside in the hall, the world moves faster. Seems brighter, warmer. She can’t help but feel bad for Dustin. Everything he said was absolutely true. Every single last thing that happened to him, to Lila, to Bryon, to Nick, to her parents—it was all her fault. Her parents were kidnapped. Dustin lost his eye. Nick was attacked in his own home. And Bryon. Poor Bryon. He suffered a Leech Demon, got kidnapped and locked in a cell in darkness for days, just to get ambushed by more Demons. And if it weren’t for her, none of it would have ever happened.
Suddenly, Keely can’t breathe. She gasps for air and chokes. Gags. Her heart slams against her tightening chest. She runs, pushing past a nurse hurrying down the hall.
Keely doesn’t stop. She bursts through the door to the stair well and continues running. Her feet skip a step and she nearly falls. Still she runs. Out the door, down another hallway. Out of the building. Her legs pump, faster and faster. Her feet pad rhythmically on the asphalt as she pushes herself forward. Her hair whips behind her and she feels as though she is flying. It doesn’t occur to her where she’s going until she is nearly home. It does occur to her, as her house comes into view, that it probably wasn’t the brightest idea to leave the hospital alone. It’s too late now.
Keely uses the spare key to let herself into the house and takes the steps two at a time up to her room. She slams the door and begins stripping her clothes off. They are stiff from the dried blood. Her skin is stained a vivid red as if she’s sun burnt.
Kimberly knocks at the door and Keely assures her that everything is fine. She stalks into her bathroom and sets the shower on hot. Stares at her trembling reflection in the mirror.
“You are so weak,” she spits at the girl staring back at her. “Everyone is getting hurt because of you.” She pulls the cabinet open and retrieves her pills. She fumbles with the lid that refuses to budge. Keely screams out in frustration and throws the bottle against the wall. The lid flies in one direction, the bottle in the other. The small pills scatter over the floor. She slams the cabinet door shut and the mirror cracks diagonally.
Keely laughs without humor. Perfect.
Stepping into the shower, the water scalds her skin. She ignores the pain as she soaps her loofah and scrubs her skin raw. Satisfied that all of Bryon’s blood is washed from her skin, she shampoos her hair quickly. That was probably one of the worst panic attacks she has ever had. She’s beginning to feel guilty. Nick’s probably worried about her. She should call him right away. Keely turns the water off and wraps a towel around her securely.
Asmoday is sitting on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankle. His arms are folded across his chest and his head rests back against the wall. There are dark circles around his eyes, Keely notices.
“Hey,” she whispers.
“I was sitting there, waiting for you to come back from the bathroom, and trying to ignore your Guardian, when I was hit with an urgent desire to kill myself. It took me several minutes before I realized these were not my feelings.” He plucks a pill from the floor and examines it before looking up at her sadly. “Why?”
Keely steps over him into her bedroom. He’s in front of her before she can make it to her closet. “Why,” he pleads.
“I’m all right now,” she says, focusing on the curtains as they billow in and out. “Can’t you just let it go?”
“Let it go?” He repeats her words slowly. She walks around him and digs through her closet.
“No. I can’t let it go.” He grabs her shoulder and turns her around. “Do you know what will happen to you if you commit suicide? Do you not remember what happened to my mother? I cannot protect you in Purgatory.” His eyes flash with concern and he grips her tightly.
“I didn’t do it. It was just a passing thought.”
“I know it was more than that.”
Keely pulls away from him. “I freaked out for a minute. All these bad things keep happening to people I care about because of me. For a moment I considered whether they would be better off without me.”
“They would not. All you would accomplish is
trapping yourself with the Demon King until your debt of punishment was paid in full. For most, that is eternity. I left that life, Keely. I cannot go back. He would never allow it. You would be alone. The things they would do to you…” He shakes his head. “I need you. I do not know who I would be without you.”
Keely meets his eyes. They are so incredibly sad. Guilt pulls at her heart. She hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. She didn’t realize how close she had come to doing something so stupid. So, so stupid. It wouldn’t have even done any good. She would have given herself over to her father. She would have brought even more misery to the people she loves.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think it through. I am just really tired of causing so much pain.”
“You would cause a great deal more if you were not here,” Asmoday says softly.
She nods. “Damnation.”
He cups her face in his hands. “Yes, there is that as well.”
Keely is still as his fingers move gently over her jaw. She becomes very aware she is only in a towel. His fingertips slip from her face to her neck, light as a feather over her bruises. Trace across her collar bones. “I want to kiss you.” His fingers continue onto her shoulders. “I want to kiss you more than I have ever wanted anything else in my life.” Fingers caress the smooth skin of her arms. Find her hands. He pulls her into him. His breath is sweet and cool on her heated skin. With a shudder, she closes her eyes. His hands slide around her, press into the small of her back. She tilts her head up and her new cell phone rings loudly. She jumps guiltily and stares at it.
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