The LyricsTo His Song

by Krystal Armstead

  “What part of ‘pack your shit, you and that bitch’ don’t you understand, Sean?” I strolled over to the coach where he sat, standing before him.

  Sean looked at me, exhaling smoke from his mouth and nose, watching me fold my arms. “The part that doesn’t explain how the fuck you figure that I’m fuckin’ around with Brandie. The part that doesn’t explain why the fuck you think it was cool to pop up at a club where muthafuckas get sprayed just about every other weekend. The part that explains why you think I’m about to let you work with Antwan Jared.” Sean got up from the couch.

  “Let me work with Antwan? Nigga, you don’t own me!” I pushed him in his chest.

  “What do you mean how do I figure you’re fuckin’ around with Brandie? Nigga, y’all were holding hands and the same shade of lipstick she wears was on your collar! You bought me the same bracelet that you bought her!” I shoved him again. “And I showed up to the club because that’s exactly where you weren’t supposed to be tonight, since you said your ass was supposed to be in the studio with the crew! You didn’t tell me that they were airing the talent show live! You didn’t tell me that Instinctive Entertainment needed another songwriter. You didn’t tell me that you were working for A.J. Miller or that the company was merging with his.”

  “Merging?” Sean made a face. “The nigga is taking over the shit. Ervin sold his company to A.J. Your boy will be glad to hear his father is about to own every right to every song that he’s ever written. You don’t wanna get in the middle of that family shit, shorty, I’m telling you. I’ve protected you from the shit all these years, and your dumb-ass wants to jump right into it because you think by working with this nigga you’re hurting me.”

  “I’m tired of not meaning shit to you, Sean. I’m somebody. I’m fuckin’ important. You might not think I am but—” I yelped when Sean snatched my forearm, pulling my body up against his.

  “But what?” Sean snarled in my face. “He thinks you’re important? You fuck around with that nigga and see what the fuck I do to your ass, Audrey.”

  I tried to pull from him, but he wouldn’t let me go. That look in his eyes scared the hell out of me. He was drunk. Probably had been doing some of every type of drug that night. Who knows. All I knew was he wasn’t exactly himself. We stayed arguing. Stayed waking up the neighbors when we argued. But one thing he’d never done was put his hands on me. That was going to change that night. Steel already started growling, pressing his face against the glass sliding door.

  “Nigga, you ain’t gonna do shit!” I finally yanked from him. “You’re fuckin’ around with my sister and have the nerve to tell me who you don’t want me to be around? Fuck you and that bitch!” I turned around to walk away from Sean when he yanked me back to him by my hair. I grabbed his hands, trying to pull them from my hair, but he was gripping the shit out of my hair.

  “The next time you embarrass me out in public, in front of hundreds of muthafuckas, on got damn television, in front of reporters and shit, I will beat your muthafuckin’ ass!” He gripped my hair in his hands, pulling my body up against his, his eyes tracing my profile, my hands gripping his wrist. “You got that shit?”

  “Sean!” I squealed as this muthafucka pushed my body over the arm of the sofa, yanking my jeans and panties down over my hips. I screamed out, Sean still gripping my hair with all of his might. Steel started barking and howling outside of my door. As loud as he was barking, you would have thought the neighbors would have been banging on my door, but no one showed up to help me.

  “You’re mine. Do you get that shit, Audrey?” Sean growled. “You belong to me. You let that nigga know that shit. I told you that I didn’t wanna include you in this lifestyle. You never listen to me, Audrey. I bet you’ll listen now, won’t you?” I felt him pulling his pants down, his hard dick poking me in my butt cheek.

  I cried out. “Sean, no! What are you doing?” I felt him search for the opening to my butt with his dick. And as soon as he found it, he shoved all eleven inches of his dick through my rectum, into my body. My legs damn near gave out from under me. It hurt so bad that I couldn’t even scream at first. My body tensed for a few seconds before I could even let out a shriek or make any sound at that. “Sean, stop!” I screamed.

  “You wanna feel how these niggas do these bitches in this industry? A’ight. I’ll show your hard-headed ass.” Sean let go of my hair and gripped my neck instead. With his free hand, he pressed my back down, my stomach digging into the arm of the chair. He didn’t ease his way through me; he forced his way through me. Through the ridges and over the hump until he found the perfect fit. He started to stroke, despite my screams and efforts to get him off of me. I started kicking and screaming, and Sean could care less. He stroked the dry walls of my anus, deeper, longer, stronger faster, until I couldn’t fight him anymore. Steel barked, damn near trying to fight his way through my back door. He barked, hollered and whimpered, watching through the slightly opened blinds handing over my backdoor. He wanted to help me and couldn’t. Sean knew he wouldn’t have tried that shit had my Pit been in the house; that’s why the nigga put him outside.

  “You fuck around with that nigga, you gonna get yourself and that nigga fucked up. No Vaseline, Audrey, just like this! You got that shit?” Sean’s breathing was heavy. “It doesn’t feel good to you, does it? The shit hurts, don’t it?” Sean rested his body on top of mine, slowing his stroke down, his dick stiffening inside of me.

  It hurt like a muthafucka. Sean had done a lot of shit to hurt me, but he’d never done anything like this before. He was really pissed at me. I’d apparently overstepped my boundaries. And so had he.

  “Fuck you, Sean!” I managed to scream out, despite the fact that he was gripping the shit out of my neck.

  Sean gripped my neck, digging his nails into my skin that time, pressing my face into the couch so I really couldn’t breathe. “Nah, I’m fuckin’ you! Take this dick, all this shit.” Sean hissed in my ear, stroking the shit out of me. He gripped my neck so hard in his hand that he was damn near cutting off my airway.

  My screams were muffled by the soft, fluffy cushion of my couch, the couch I would no longer be able to sit in comfortably. I wasn’t even sure how long Sean took my shit because I must have passed out twice from the intensity of the pain. All I know was that as soon as Sean climaxed, he pulled out of me and ejaculate on my butt. He slapped his dick on my cheeks, thick fluid dripping down my cheeks.

  I cried out loud, my face still buried in the couch. That was until Sean pulled me from the couch by my hair. He turned my body around to face his, and I smacked him dead in his face before he let go of my hair and smacked the fuck out of mine.

  I yelled out, about to smack this dude back, when he grabbed me by my forearms. “Get the fuck out, Sean!” I screamed, face throbbing.

  “I don’t gotta go no muthafuckin’ where. You added my name to this got damn lease too, remember? I leave when I choose.” Sean slung my ass to the side before walking past me, pulling up his boxers and then his pants.

  I cried out, pulling up my panties and then easing my way back into my jeans. My knees were weak; I felt pressure in my chest. I felt like I was about to have a panic attack; I was in so much pain.

  “You don’t even know this nigga, Audrey, but you wanna work with this muthafucka? The same muthafucka who is the reason I’m not getting paid like I’m supposed to? I produce his shit and come up with these phat ass beats. I write all these songs for this nigga, and he is the mutahfucka who gets all the credit?” Sean yelled out, walking down the hallway.

  “No, nigga, I write all the songs!” I cried out, limping behind him.

  Sean stopped in his tracks, turning around to face me. His nostrils flared as he walked up to me, standing before me, eying the side of my face that he’d hit me in. “You wanna repeat that shit?”

  “I said that I write the music, Sean. It’s about time that I get paid for it! I’m through with you! Get the fuck out!” I pushed him in his chest. “I’v
e known you all my life, and this is how you do me? What kind of man rapes a woman who would give him anything he asked her for? What kind of man takes what’s already his? You don’t love me! You never did! You come in here, high as fuck off of whatever you don’ shot into your veins this time, and you’re fuckin’ my sister, yet you have the nerve to treat me like shit because I want to do something different with my life than smell muthafuckas feet and watch people try to walk out the got damn store with our new releases? Nigga, you’s a bitch! Get the fuck—”

  Sean grabbed me by my throat, slamming me into the wall. “Say one more muthafuckin’ thing! One more muthafuckin’ thing!”

  That time, Sean choked me until everything blacked out. When I awoke, I was laying naked in my bed, under the sheets. I was hoping the night before was a dream until I turned over, seeing an open closet with half of the clothes gone out of it. Sean had left; and a part of me did too.

  Chapter Three

  The Brothers

  “You a’ight, boo?” Mariah watched me tagging the new shirts that came in with the truck the next morning.

  I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. The pressure had been there ever since what happened the night before with Sean. I needed to go to the hospital, but I refused to go. My heart was already in distress enough. I had gone on ignoring the signs that Sean had lost his mind for years. He’d never violated me or put his hands on me. He was cocky, yes; he was arrogant, but he wasn’t abusive. He was really pissed that I wanted to work with Antwan. Up until that point, I thought he and Antwan were friends. But from the moment that Sean saw that I was entering into Antwan’s world, he was furious with the entire situation. As far as I knew, Antwan was all about music. He was all about the money. His life was all over the media; it was no secret that the furthest thing from Antwan’s mind was a relationship. And if he was ever to get into one, it sure as hell wouldn’t have been with me, a girl who didn’t have a gangsta bone in her body. But for whatever reason, Sean was threatened by me going anywhere near Antwan or the music industry.

  “You’ve been quiet all morning, hun. You wanna talk about it?” Mariah eyed my profile, watching my eyes water. “What did Sean do this time?”

  I didn’t say anything; I just kept on tagging. That day, I wore my tinted reading glasses with thick black and white frames made by Chanel. I wore my curly hair clipped to one side so that no one would see the mark that Sean left on my face.

  “Well,” Mariah sighed. “I found out who Sean was fuckin’ with, and it wasn’t Brandie.”

  I looked at Mariah.

  Mariah shook her head. “Yeah, I punched that bitch for nothing.”

  I turned to her, “What you mean?”

  Mariah sighed. “So, last night, Fatima dropped me and Elle back off at my crib so that we could change clothes. We planned on stepping out to the club for a few hours before we headed out to Antwan’s party. On our way to the club, around like 11:30, I heard something vibrating in my purse. Elle goes through my purse to get the phone. She looks at the phone and was like, ‘Boo, why do you have Fatima’s phone?’ Girl, you already know we’re some nosy bitches, and you already know Fatima never keeps a lock on her phone. Soooo…”

  I already shook my head to myself because I knew it was about to be some shit.

  “Turns out, Sean was texting her! Asking her was she going to the party tonight!” Mariah exclaimed.

  I sighed, heart aching in my chest. Man, muthafuckas liked seeing me hurt. I guess my life was just too perfect to them. I hadn’t been through enough. Losing a brother wasn’t enough. My parents weren’t dead, but they hadn’t been the same since my brother passed, so it was almost as if I’d lost them too. My entire support system was shattered. All I had were my girls. And that circle was apparently becoming smaller. Fatima used to date my muthafuckin’ brother, and now she was fuckin’ around with Sean. Guess the bitch was trying to keep it all in the family.

  “So, me, being the text-and-drive bitch that I am, I was looking through the phone, trying to see exactly when these two muthafuckas started texting each other. Girl, that shit went all the way back about seven months! I mean, the bitch was on tour with the muthafucka. He didn’t bring you with him because he was fuckin’ around with her! Sean used your sister as a cover-up to cover up the fact that he was fuckin’ around with Fatima!” Mariah watched my fists clench. Mariah shook her head to herself. “That’s not even the worst part of it.”

  I continued tagging clothes, not really in the mood to hear any more, but with Mariah’s mouth, you might as well just chill, sit back, and pop some popcorn because her tell-you-exactly-what-I-saw speeches could go on for hours.

  “We went to the club and ran into that chick, Brenda. You know, the girl who Antwan was supposed to be dating back in high school. You remember big booty Brenda? Well, you never met her, but you read about that chick in the magazines. Turns out, your man, Sean, got the bitch pregnant a little over four years ago!” Mariah watched me drop the tagging gun.

  I looked at Mariah, watching her eyes water. This muthafucka had Antwan’s girl pregnant at the same time that I was pregnant. I lost my baby, and he wasn’t there for me because the bastard was there for her. I was in an accident that took his baby, and the nigga didn’t even give a fuck. Never once felt any sympathy for me for losing my baby. I worked my ass off for years at Foot Locker until I finally became the store manager. I paid all of my bills alone. The only thing Sean ever did for me was bring home expensive shoes and clothes, which the nigga probably got for free from the wardrobe room on the set of Antwan’s music videos. The muthafucka was probably in debt because he was paying Brenda to keep quiet. Antwan’s girl Brenda.

  “Brenda was with Antwan when this nigga got her pregnant, Audrey. This girl grew up with Antwan. From the same hood as Antwan. He did every muthafuckin’ thing for this bitch, and she had the nerve to get pregnant by this muthafucka! No wonder why Antwan is on that no-love shit these days! And Sean makes me sick! These bitches are so fuckin’ stupid over this nigga!” Mariah was pissed.

  I shook my head, bending over to pick up the tagging gun from the floor. “Yeah, apparently I am too.”

  Mariah shook her head at me, watching me adjust the glasses on my face. “A fool in love, yes. Stupid, no.”

  “Then why does this shit hurt so bad? It shouldn’t hurt this bad! I have known him forever, Mariah! I should have seen these signs! I missed shit that I shouldn’t have. There’s no way that I should have missed that he has a baby or that he was fuckin’ around with my best friend!” I exclaimed.

  “He kept you out of the loop. Shit, I was out of the loop, and you know my ass finds out everything!” Mariah rolled her eyes. “The only reason why Brenda came clean last night is because Sean skipped a child support payment. Oh, best believe this bitch is gonna show up to your rehearsal today. Shit, she showed up to Antwan’s man Drizzle’s after party last night to confront Sean. And guess who Sean’s ass was with?”

  I just looked at Mariah.

  “Yup, Fatima! We caught the muthafuckas in one of the bedrooms, Sean’s hands up the bitch’s dress!” Mariah clapped her hands together with each word she spoke. “Girl, I don’t even like Brenda, but last night, I helped Brenda get that bitch! Two faces busted in one night over that nigga! I’ma have to apologize to Brandie; she’s a hoe, but she wasn’t hoeing around with Sean.”

  My heart pounded in my chest.

  “I know Sean’s ass showed out when I left last night. I know that nigga came back in Rhymes to confront your ass, huh?” Mariah eyed the hurt expression on my face before pushing my hair from my face. “What the—?” She pushed my hair back behind my ear and then slowly removed my glasses from my face. She stumbled back a little before tossing my glasses over on top of one of the boxes I still had to open and tag. “What the fuck, Audrey?” Mariah exclaimed, eying the bruises on my neck and left side of my face. “Did Sean do this to your face?”

  I snatched my glasses from on top of the box
and put my hair back the way that I had it.

  “Mariah, leave it alone, okay?”

  Mariah’s eyes widened. “What? What the fuck happened, Audrey? I ain’t leaving shit alone! What happened last night? Aren’t you about to go into the studio in a few hours? You’re gonna go in that muthafucka with your face looking like this? What do you think Karen is gonna say? Shit, what the fuck do you think Antwan’s gonna say? I’m pretty sure the beef that we now know Sean has with Antwan has Sean feeling some type of way that you’re gonna be working with the muthafucka!”

  I looked at Mariah. I hadn’t told her anything about signing the contract or that I was meeting Antwan and his team that morning. I was sure Antwan told everyone at the after party.

  “Yeah, Antwan told us that you signed the contract to work for not Instinctive Entertainment but for his new label, Jewels Entertainment.” Mariah’s eyes were still glued to my face, still glued to the bruises that I tried to cover.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t even read the contract. And apparently Karen didn’t either. She thought I was signing with her, but I was signing with Antwan. As soon as I heard I was working for Antwan, I signed that contract. I think a part of me did the shit just to spite Sean.”

  Mariah nodded in agreement. “Yeah, boo, you’ve got skills, but I think Antwan signed you just to spite Sean too.”

  I nodded, sighing. “Yeah, that’s what it seems like. Damn.” I shook my head. “Brenda’s got a baby for real, huh?”

  “Yeah, Sean was on that Tupac shit for real.” Mariah shook her head.

  I looked at her.

  She looked at me, a slight grin growing across her face before fading away. “I can’t believe that nigga put his hands on you.”