Ston rolled his eyes, “You dwarves have no skills anymore. You no longer mine, you do not produce anything, you do not build or destroy. You all just roam around outside of your holes in the ground.”
“Holes in the ground?” I asked just as Cinder’s voice popped into my head.
Isn’t this a hole in the ground?
I thought it was, but perhaps it’s something else?
“Yes, holes,” Ston answered bitterly.
Naldri ignored him. “They are our homes. Not holes. Our ancestors were miners, so they built our cities even farther underground than you did to get away from the constant war of the dark elves. We do not enjoy the darkness and the loneliness down here, but it keeps us safe and far away from these animals. However, we don’t let anyone down in our cities, which is why they think we just live off the land now, lazy and stuck back in time. In fact, we stopped mining to start researching. We were thrown into this dark hell, and we have always been quite peaceful beings. We were like a child thrown into a troll pit and told to fight for our lives. Our first years here, we barely survived. Everyone was scrambling for territory, creatures who were natural enemies were thrown into close quarters and those in the middle were most likely killed. It took years for this place to settle down. But we never trusted the uneasy peace after that. So we dug our holes and began a new practice. Warfare.”
“Bullshit. We would have noticed,” Ston argued, but I could see doubt swimming in his eyes.
Naldri seemed to stand taller and adopted a scowl. “Perhaps if you didn’t write us off as useless, you would have. It was so easy to turn away the dark elves who came to us, demanding we help them fight the humans. It was almost like they wanted us to say no, that they were afraid we would get in the way of their war. Instead we have been creating weapons specifically for you, the trolls, ogres, the pixies, even the brownies. We have been training in our dirty holes on how to kill your kind. So do not cast us aside as lazy farmers. We have grown past you, ink skinned.”
I could see Ston visibly flinch at the term, and I stepped between the two. “Enough,” I snapped. Cinder finally stood up and padded over to me, raising his lip over his teeth and releasing a low growl. “No more of this. You are acting like children, pretending to be on the same team while taking digs at each other. I will not tolerate words like that. It’s obviously a slur, and I won’t have it while I’m around. Ston is who warned us of the dark elf attack. He brought us down here to help us find people who could help. He is on our side.” I cast a quick look to Cam who was staring straight at Ston, her fists clenched at her sides. “He is on our side. You wanna be an ally? Stop trying to tear him down. And you”—I turned to Ston, pointing a finger at him—“are going to shut the hell up with your stupid comments. You are not a dwarf; you do not know what goes on around here with them. It’s time that you both grew up and stopped trying to one-up each other. Now, if you’re both done, I would like to move on to something a little more pressing, like the incoming attack on my old home.”
It doesn’t seem like many of the different species down here get along, especially with the dark elves, Cinder commented while the two grumbled quietly and backed up a bit.
No. In that way it’s like the surface, just a little more violent. The dark elves are probably dominant down here, like the humans are, and dictate what happens to benefit them and ignore the needs of the rest. And if we don’t stop it, that’s how it will be on the surface soon enough.
I heard a rumble in agreement from Cinder, and I turned back to Naldri. “How many of these weapons do you have?”
“Not many. We didn’t have much warning before being chased out. A few of my friends here managed to take some before being found out, but in order to properly supply an army we would need to get back into the city,” they answered.
I nodded slowly. This wouldn’t be easy; we would have to wait to get back into the city until we were a little bit stronger. “Do you have enough for your men?”
Naldri nodded. “And a few more if need be.”
We should send someone with Naldri and the rest of the dwarves to meet the pixies, Cinder said, already knowing what I was thinking.
Not Cam. She’s not only supposed to be dead, but she’s also a mage who lived outside of the reaches of the Temple. If someone catches on, she’ll be taken and thrown in jail before anyone could explain. I want to send Flick and Twitch with them, but I need someone I can trust to take charge if we don’t make it back in time. Ston can’t go. I need to keep an eye on him.
So Regan has to go, he said softly.
Yes.
Good or bad thing?
I don’t know. Probably good. It’ll make her feel like she’s doing something important, which seems to have been getting to her lately. And she’ll be out of my hair. She’s been trying to do everything instead of just standing back and letting other people help.
She’s been suffocating in a way. She believes she’s doing the right thing by holding you back, when in actuality she’s making it harder for all of us. If it continues, someone could get hurt. This isn’t the time for her misguided “chivalry.” You are not incapable. You are getting ready to lead a war, and she is trying to stall you. I know you love her, but we don’t have time to let her continue this.
I do love her.
I know, Cinder said calmly, his voice soothing my anxiety about this slightly. He understood. He was on my side.
But she’s trying too hard to play protector instead of realizing that I don’t need protecting.
I agree.
“Regan, take the dwarves and meet the pixies on the mainland. Make sure you can see the Temple from where you are, but don’t draw attention. Don’t approach the Temple unless absolutely necessary. I’ll meet you all as soon as I can,” I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was doing.
“Casey, I don’t think that’s a great idea. You could get hurt or something. I want to be here with you. Send someone else.” Regan’s voice was a little higher than usual, and her eyes were wide.
“You’ll take Twitch and Flick as well. I want Flick to be trained in how to use these weapons, and he will decide on the few others to train as well. Twitch will look at how they work. Perhaps he can help the dwarves improve them. If he can’t, then at least he’ll learn something and may be able to help create something farther down the road that could help.”
“Casey—”
“Regan, I will be fine. I don’t need protecting. I’m gathering an army, surrounded by people who can help me if I need it. You’re most useful taking them to the Temple right now.” The second the words left my tongue I knew they were the wrong ones.
She stiffened and then looked away. I could see her jaw clenching like it always did when she was trying not to cry. “Fine,” she whispered after a moment. “Let’s get going, then. Grab whatever you all need so we can get on the road.”
The dwarves began to move about the small pub, and I walked to Regan. “I didn’t mean it like that, Regan—”
“I’m in the way down here, and we both know it. I’m best used as a guide right now. I don’t blame you. If we had been on the surface and someone was holding the team back, I’d give them something meaningless to do. You’re going to be good at this whole commanding thing.” She smiled weakly. “I’ll see you on the surface.”
“Regan,” I whispered quietly, but she didn’t even look back at me.
She walked out of the pub, raising her hand above her head. “Let’s move out.”
Twitch gave me a sad look as he passed, and Flick’s hand rested on my shoulder for a moment before he walked by, following the dwarves outside.
I kept waiting for the door to swing back open and Regan to come in with a smile and say that she loved me and would see me soon. It didn’t happen.
“Casey.” Ston’s voice was quiet. He knew I needed a moment, but he also knew we didn’t have the time. “Casey, we need to get going too. We have two or three days before we get to Scanton. The
sooner we leave, the sooner we get to the surface.”
I nodded. “Right. Yeah. We should go now.”
It’ll be all right. We’ll see her again soon. Cinder’s cold, wet nose touched my cheek, but I couldn’t even pretend to be disgusted by it.
Chapter 10
IT HAD been a quiet and tense few days, taking us two and a half to reach the exit by Scanton. Cinder, Ston, Cam, and Skye had barely said anything after we left The Dirty Gem. Cinder wouldn’t even talk, and normally I couldn’t get him to shut up. Then again, I was probably giving off some pretty bad vibes. Regan and I never used to be like this. I kept trying to pinpoint when things started becoming so forced. It must have been recent; not too long ago getting married was all I could think about.
Unconsciously I touched the ring hanging around my neck.
This doesn’t mean the end, Cinder commented, knowing what was swimming around in my head.
Maybe not.
She loves you. It’s why she’s so protective of you. She wants to take care of you. But she also needs to know that right now isn’t the time to try and do that. Right now you need to take care of other people, and I wish things were different, but she isn’t like us. She’s human. She can’t stand up to the types of enemies we face. I’m surprised this didn’t come up last year with Jaysun.
The memory of the necromancer made me shudder. He was a reminder of how anyone could go off the deep end. I worried about Regan. I worried about what she would do to try to keep up with us now.
Casey, Regan isn’t like Jaysun. She is better than that. She would never let heartbreak ruin her to that extent.
You’re right. Regan would never kill so many people just because she was mad at one. I took a deep breath, finding a little peace of mind in that one thought. Regan wasn’t Jaysun. She was Regan. And that would never change, no matter where our fights took us.
Ston’s voice interrupted my train of thought. “It’s pretty late. I was wondering if you wanted to make camp in here or if you wanted to go out—”
“Yes.” Ston blinked in surprise at my hasty answer. “Sorry. I just need out of this place before I go insane.” I laughed hesitantly and then turned to the exit. My next steps felt shaky, almost like I was afraid to step back outside. What was the world like again? Could I even remember? What had changed?
I knew nothing would be different, but part of me wasn’t ready to face the world and see that nothing at all had changed when, in fact, so much was changing. In days the world would be turned upside down.
Someone nudged my shoulder with their own. I looked over to see Cam staring down at me. Those ice blue eyes that had haunted my dreams for so long were finally back. I had the sudden urge to hug her and never let go, but I suppressed it. After all, I couldn’t actually hold on forever. I would be needing my hands to save the world again.
“I felt the same way when I was told I was coming back here. I had become so used to the Veil. And to watching you from so far away. I wasn’t sure I’d be ready to be back home, to be so close, to walk the same streets we did last year. I remember my knees were shaking so much that I was afraid I’d fall over. But I’m home, and I’ve never been happier. Take a deep breath. This is all going to be all right.” I nodded stiffly. Cam chewed her lip and then added, “And the sooner you take that step, the sooner you’ll be back with Regan.”
I looked away, not wanting her to see doubt in my eyes. Regan and I would make it through this; we had to. At least I hoped that was true.
Cinder, who had been waiting patiently on my other side, nudged my arm. I touched his shoulder, my fingers running through his thick fur. He was warm to the touch, just like I was. The fire in our blood kept us hot. Regan would complain about it at night when we went to bed, but it gave me comfort in knowing Cinder was like me. We were both warmer than others due to the excess Life Force in us.
“All right, I guess we should head out,” I said and walked up the slope, which ended at a crevice we had to squeeze through to enter a small cave.
The cave was on the outskirts of the town, maybe a mile or so away, which was why I didn’t say anything when Skye flew past me. She launched herself into the air, her arms held out and only a faint outline of her wings was discernible. She had a light and airy laugh as she did loops in the air.
I saw Cam watching her with a bemused look, and I pushed my hands in my pockets. “She’s quite beautiful.”
Cam turned to me and cocked her head to the side. “I suppose. I hadn’t really noticed, to be honest. She’s fun. And interesting.” She looked back at the pixie and smiled a little. “Yes, I guess she is beautiful. But not my type, I don’t think.”
“And what’s that? Maybe I could help you find someone.” I tried my best to ignore the twisting in my gut at the idea of helping Cam fall in love with someone. I knew it was wrong to feel this while I was with Regan. To have these types of feelings and be engaged—it wasn’t right to expect someone to ignore their wants and needs for someone who had no intention of fulfilling them. I was going to help her find someone despite these feelings; it was the right thing to do.
Cam chuckled to herself. “Short, brunette, fierce, smart, beautiful as a summer day, with scars as twisted and lovely as a frozen lake at sunset. Her touch is as warm as a fire and as soft as clouds. Someone who works hard for what they want and doesn’t let anything stand in her way, someone who pushes boundaries, does what she knows is right. She is the kind of person I dream about, awake or asleep.” Cam closed her eyes and tilted her head back slightly with a trace of a grin along her lips. “My type is someone whose kisses are desperate, like I am air and she is coming back up from the water, but also tender. Her eyes are like the forest, full of different shades and colors, and every time I look I see something I’d never noticed before. They are protective of their oh-so-soft center, a wall to stop the harsh winds, and full of cracks and breaks where she holds all the pain she’s been through. And her hair—” Cam opened her eyes again, seeing my flushed face, and studied my hair for a moment. “—well, her hair is wild, like fallen leaves in the wind, and just as beautiful. That’s my type.”
I tried swallowing the lump in my throat. I even went to say something, but I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there with my mouth open like an idiot.
“If you find someone like that, let me know,” Cam said, giving me her usual smirk and reaching up to touch the top of my head as she walked past to talk to Ston.
Wow, Cinder commented.
Yeah was all I could manage to even think, let alone say. I reached up and touched my hair that was currently being whipped around by the wind. I nervously took a hair tie from my pocket and put it up in a loose ponytail, trying not to think about what Cam had said, even though I was pretty sure it would be all I would be able to think about for days.
It’s been a year. She’s been dead for a year. And she’s still this in love with you.
I know. I felt horrible. I felt sick to my stomach. I felt like I had stolen her from anyone else, but at the same time put her in my closet with toys I didn’t want to play with. Like I had taken her just so no one would have her. I didn’t want to be that person. I wanted her to have someone. To love someone who could love her the way she loved.
You didn’t make her feel this. She feels it, and there’s nothing you can do to stop what she says or feels. You can’t make her fall in love with someone else.
The problem is that I don’t want her to. I can’t explain it. I don’t want Cam to be with someone else.
But you’re with Regan, so you don’t want to be with her. He didn’t sound like he was accusing me of anything, just stating a fact.
And with Regan and I having this problem right now, it’s even worse. What am I supposed to do? I felt like collapsing to the ground and being left here, letting people move on with their lives without having to worry about me. I felt like I was just making things more difficult for everyone.
Simply? You fight a war. Cam and R
egan are important, and your happiness is important, but what is going on in the world around you is more important right now. If you can’t juggle personal happiness and your duty, then you need to put one aside for another time. And one of these matters is a little more pressing than the other. It isn’t what you want to hear. You want to hear a straight answer for your romantic problems, but nobody is going to have that answer but you. Not even I, and I’m in your head almost all day. If you can’t answer it now, put it to the side and work on something you can do right now. And what you can do is make camp and find this Wulf person and get back to the Temple and save the people you care about. Cinder’s voice was rougher than usual. I could tell he wasn’t angry, but he knew it was the only way to get across what I needed to hear.
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. You’re right, I concluded. The dark elves and underfae are what I need to focus on. I’m sorry, Cinder. I spent the last year being able to put whatever I wanted first. Sometimes I forget that I can’t do that anymore. Everything so far has felt like a dream. The underfae? Cam being back? None of it feels real. But you’re right. I need to focus on my priorities. And finding Cam someone to be with, worrying about Regan and me fighting, figuring out this jealousy, there’s so much I’m trying to do that can wait until I have less on my plate. Or at least until I’m a little more used to all of this.
There you go. Now, get camp set up so we can get some rest. Cinder trotted away, and I looked out to Scanton. Its lights shone brightly, and I could see some of the tall buildings even from here.
“I’ll see you soon, Wulf,” I said under my breath before walking over to Ston and calling Skye down to start getting everything ready for the night.
CINDER WOKE me the next morning before anyone else. I followed him out of our small shelter and toward Scanton.
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