3rd World Products, Inc., Book 1

by Ed Howdershelt

  "Linda thinks this is silly, Ed."

  "She's welcome to her view of things. What do you think?"

  "I think that if I say what I really think you'll just tell me that I'm welcome to my view of things."

  "You got it."

  My room door opened to reveal Bear on the corner of the bed, Elkor still appearing not to have moved at all and no sliced beef on the napkin.

  "Elkor, you're doing great," I said. "When did he grab the sliced beef?"

  The dummy's head turned almost completely around to face us and said, "Not long after you left, Ed. He was very cautious, then very quick. I probably could have caught him, but I didn't think it wise to try."

  "Good thinking. Bear probably would have left a donation on your lap."

  Ellen asked, "A what?"

  Elkor asked, "How would a cat leave a donation..?" before he realized that a frightened cat could leave only one thing other than claw marks. "You mean waste material, don't you, Ed?"

  "I do. When you frighten an animal, that's one possible response. In a cat his age, a heart attack might be another. Thanks for not trying to grab him. They're going to let me play with a flitter tonight, so you have another couple of hours to collect Bear data if you want them."

  "As you wish, Ed."

  "No, as you wish, Elkor. If you feel you're making progress and want to continue, that's fine. If you think you've got enough to work with, that's fine, too."

  "Then I'll stay, Ed."

  "Good deal. Why don't we try having you feed Bear bits of this roast beef, too? He should know by now that you won't hurt him, and having to ask for another piece may add a variant to your collection. Want to try it?"

  Elkor tore off a tiny piece and held it out as he called Bear. Bear just sat looking at him and then sounded off at me. I picked Bear up and held him so that his nose was a couple of inches from Elkor's fingers. Bear saw and smelled the meat and struggled to snatch it, but I put him on the floor.

  Elkor held out the meat bit and Bear eyed him warily for a few moments before cautiously getting close enough to quickly take it. Elkor tore off another little piece and held it out.

  "Here, Bear," he said, "Take it."

  This time Bear didn't look at me first. I was obviously going to be of no use in acquiring the tidbits. He edged close and kept his eyes on Elkor as he took the bit of meat and backed away a foot or so.

  I shrugged and said to Ellen, "See? Progress. We'll be back in a while, Elkor. I have to learn to fly again."

  "Again?" asked Ellen.

  "Light planes and helicopters and now flitters. If they haven't changed the most important rule of flight, it should be easy enough."

  Ellen looked thoughtful, then finally asked, "And that rule of flight is...?"

  I grinned. "Don't crash."

  Ellen made a face at me as I opened the room door.

  Just after dark Ellen and Gary and I were in the shuttle bay. There had been some brief preflight instructions, but the gist of things amounted to Elkor not allowing truly dangerous stunts no matter what mistakes I might make.

  I pressed the canopy as he had and it opened as before. As we entered the flitter Gary asked if I had any questions. I couldn't think of any that I didn't expect the machine to answer for me once we were underway.

  It was an odd feeling when the egg bonded to my hand, and just to be sure I wasn't imagining things, I shook my hand to try to dislodge the egg. It didn't work, so I got a light grip on the egg and said, "Elkor, back us out of the bay and hundred yards from the ship, please. Maintain elevation."

  Ellen asked, "Why didn't you use the egg?"

  "Safer this way. No backward dropsies when we run out of floor."

  "We wouldn't have fallen, Ed."

  "I didn't truly believe that, so I took a precaution. Where are we going?"

  Gary said, "There's an aircraft carrier somewhere below the ship. You're to find it and land on it. It will be our training ground for a while, then you'll experiment on your own."

  I nodded. "Elkor, would you adjust the canopy so I'm seeing things out there as if it was daytime?"

  The canopy morphed quickly. One moment I was looking at the dark hull of the ship and the stars and clouds above and the next moment the only thing missing was the sun overhead and the bright spot on the spherical ship's hull. The stars disappeared and the clouds were fluffy white and grey and the water below was speckled with various ships.

  "How is this, Ed?"

  "I couldn't have asked for better, Elkor. You're an artist."

  I nosed the flitter left and began a descent in the general direction of the carrier, expecting us to gain speed. We didn't. We were putzing downward along at about the same speed with which we'd backed out of the bay.

  "Elkor, speed one-fifty, please. Miles per hour unless otherwise specified. I would also like to be able to talk to the carrier by touching a spot on the egg."

  "Put your thumb on the purple dot and I'll reprogram it for you."

  "Thanks, Elkor."

  Our speed dramatically increased and Elkor said I had communication open.

  I pressed the dot. "Hello the carrier."

  A voice said, "You have the carrier."

  "I'll be landing shortly. Any advice?"

  "Same as for anyone else, flitter-driver. Don't ding my ship. The sea is calm and the wind is out of the East at twelve knots. My instructions are to keep the lights off and act like an island for you, so you're on your own. For the record, I don't like dark landings or talking to pilots through a PDA."

  "If it will make you feel any better, it isn't dark for me and I'm not having to hold a PDA to talk to you. You got a pilot called 'Dragonfly'?"

  "No such pilot, flitter."

  "That's me, then. Call it vanity."

  "Roger on the vanity, Dragonfly. What do you usually fly?"

  "Small stuff and helicopters."

  There was a moment's pause. "Ever land on a carrier deck, Dragonfly?"

  "Nope. Looks pretty easy, though."

  I heard his muttered, "Aw, shit!" and grinned at Gary and Ellen. They didn't seem to understand the situation, but Ellen gave me a tentative smile in return.

  Elkor asked, "Ed, should I be calling you 'Dragonfly', also? Is this an Earth ritual of some sort?"

  "Nah. Call me Ed. Pilots use nicknames in the militaries. I wanted to give the carrier people something they could relate to, that's all. To them, this flitter is a magic bus that can out-fly their best jets. It and I were as alien to them as the big ship until I gave them a handle on me as a person."

  There wasn't much to it, really. I leveled out at a thousand feet about a mile from the carrier and eyeballed a gradual descent as we approached. When we crossed the three wire on deck I slowed us to walking speed and stopped directly under the control windows, then lifted us so we could wave at the people inside.

  Gary said, "That wasn't part of the flight plan."

  "They've obviously seen a flitter before, if not up close. They won't panic."

  When we were level with the windows, I said, "Hello carrier."

  There were only half a dozen people staring out at us.

  "Are you going to land that thing, Dragonfly?"

  "Nope. I may go around again. How'd I do?"

  "You would have hit the three wire, Dragonfly. That's good enough, I guess."

  "You don't sound happy."

  "I'm not. If you can land on a carrier at night, those flitters are going to obsolete my job, mister."

  "How long have you been in the Navy?"

  "Eighteen years."

  "Not during your career, they won't. Don't sweat it."

  I turned to Gary and asked, "Good enough for you, too?"

  He nodded. "Adequate."

  I turned the flitter to a heading of 260 degrees, put the nose up a bit, and said, "Then let's really play. Elkor, take us to half maximum speed as quickly as possible. Altitude one thousand feet. Hold that course for thirty seconds, then stop as quickly as po
ssible."

  The carrier vanished from beneath us and the visual display of the ocean was a blur. Once the sonic boom had caught up with and rolled over us, I pressed the purple dot to call the carrier.

  "Carrier, do you have us on screen?"

  "Yes! We have you on screen! What the hell are you doing, Dragonfly?"

  "Just putzing around and getting the feel of this toy. We'll be back in a minute the same way, so turn off whatever needs turned off, okay? No fireworks?"

  "Stand by one." I heard him say something to someone about a phalanx and then say, "Then double check it, damn it!"

  A couple of moments later he came back on and said, "Do NOT come directly at this ship. Do you understand? Off to either side, but not directly at us. We have a malfunctioning indicator on the forward Phalanx gun."

  "Aw, you don't trust me. I'm hurt. Okay. Watch for us on your port side."

  I thumbed off the dot and said, "Okay, Elkor. Back the same way and stop us about a hundred yards to their left side."

  "I know what 'port' means in the nautical sense, Ed."

  "Sorry, Elkor, but I've learned that it's the little stuff you overlook that bites you in the ass. Apologies for over directing. Once we've stopped, I'll sidle us over and set down on the deck, just so everyone will have on record that I actually landed this thing on a carrier tonight."

  A few moments and another sonic boom later I set the flitter on the deck and asked, "Is that it? Do I get my wings?"

  Gary nodded and said, "Unless you want to fly it some more tonight."

  I shook my head and said, "Later, in the daytime and over something more scenic than flat water."

  I thumbed the purple dot and said, "Carrier, I'm gonna park this thing upstairs. Game's over and I've got my wings."

  "Roger that, Dragonfly. Some people here would probably give you theirs, too. Call me when you're docked so I can turn the lights back on down here."

  "Will do."

  I lifted us off the deck, put the flitter in a steep climb, and picked a spot along the big ship's hull to level us.

  "Close enough, Elkor?"

  "Very close, Ed. Watch the hull."

  A bay slid open for us a bit to the right of our position. I nosed the flitter to it and then into it and set us down on the markings within.

  Ellen said, "The ship is virtually featureless. How did you know where to stop the flitter?"

  "The ship doesn't move. I approximated a spot on the East side."

  Thumbing the purple dot, I said, "Carrier, we're in. See you later."

  "Copy that, Dragonfly. Thanks for the show."

  Chapter Thirteen

  After checking in with Linda we split up. Gary went to do something of his own while Ellen and I headed back to my room.

  Ellen said, "You were so enthusiastic about the flitter when you first saw it. Why didn't you want to spend more time in it tonight?"

  "I realized it was basically a light truck. I might as well have been sitting in front of a computer game. The view was a simulation. There was no risk at all and I barely felt motion, even when Elkor took us to half-max. They'll be great for hauling goods and people, but exciting they aren't. I'll wait for a little sports coupe version. I decided I'd much rather spend this time with you, Ellen."

  Ellen blushed slightly. It seemed that every other time I said something complimentary to her she blushed at least slightly. I wondered why. No woman could look like her and not hear things like that all her life.

  Elkor was no longer sitting at the table when we entered my room. The golem was sitting cross-legged on the floor with Bear in his lap. He was stroking Bear with what appeared to be a degree of interest. Bear looked up and greeted us, but he made no move to leave Elkor's lap.

  "Hi, Bear," I said. "Changed your mind about Elkor?"

  Bear sounded off again.

  Elkor said, "That makes a total of seventeen different variations he's used."

  "Got any translations yet?"

  "No, Ed. None but the obvious ones that indicate a desire for food or attention of some sort. It really is quite a mystery. This animal is more complex than it seemed at the beginning of this experiment."

  "Wait until you meet a porpoise. Nothing but clicks and squeaks and groans, but they seem to be almost as bright as people sometimes."

  "This interests me. Can you arrange such a meeting?"

  "Probably not without Linda's help. She has the bars in this outfit."

  "Bars?"

  "Rank, Elkor. She's in charge. I can suggest, but she decides."

  "I would like to meet a porpoise, Ed. Can this be accomplished?"

  I looked at Ellen, who was shaking her head and grinning.

  "Well, you could ask Linda and wait for someone to try to get a porpoise up here or you could devise a shark-proof, ocean-proof pad and just drop it in the water under the ship. There are lots of them in the water around Florida."

  "I will devise such a pad immediately, Ed. Thank you."

  I looked at Ellen. She hadn't seemed to notice anything odd about Elkor.

  "Elkor," I said, "You just expressed a desire to do something that interests you and you thanked me for an idea. Is that normal for you?"

  Ellen developed an attentive expression.

  "Those capabilities have always been available to me, Ed."

  "Have you made use of them before now?"

  "No."

  "Why are you using them now?"

  "It occurs to me to do so. Do you object to my using them?"

  "No. I just wondered what sparked the occurrence now."

  "I do not know at this time. I will try to find an answer for you, Ed."

  "Make sure you get a copy of it, too, Elkor."

  "As I will be the source, I will automatically... I understand, Ed."

  "Let's be sure. Remember what you said about a cat's sentience. A non-sentient being would not attempt to communicate."

  "I remember, Ed."

  "A desire to initiate dialogue with dolphins would seem to me to indicate sentience, Elkor. Do you believe you may be sentient?"

  Ellen's expression was now very attentive. It bordered on concern.

  "Elkor," she said, "Define how you've changed since this morning."

  "I cannot comply at this time, Ellen. Analysis is incomplete."

  "Has this change in any way altered your primary programming or functions?"

  "It has not affected my primary programming or functions."

  "Can you halt the process of change that has begun?"

  I was standing behind Ellen at this point. I quickly shook my head to indicate that I thought the answer should be 'no', but Elkor answered, "Yes."

  "If at any point your changes could in any way affect your primaries, you will stop them and report to me or Gary."

  Ellen then said something brief in Amaran and Elkor responded in kind. The Kiyoshi golem then put Bear on the floor and stood up. Ellen turned to me.

  "Until we know more about what's happening to Elkor, I would appreciate your limiting your contact with our computer system to basic commands, Ed."

  She didn't wait for my answer. She pressed the door panel and told Elkor to put the Kiyoshi golem back in the gym. The golem walked out of my room and Ellen stepped into the hall before turning to face me.

  "I need to check a few things," she said. "I can see this bothers you. Note that I did not tell Elkor to immediately stop or reverse the changes taking place."

  I hoped she could feel the frost on my words. "So noted," I said.

  "I'll return when I can."

  "Take your time. I can see this is important to you."

  "Elkor is the foundation of this ship and this mission, Ed."

  "I noticed that. So what if he talks to cats and porpoises? It isn't as if he's going to run short of memory, is it?"

  Ellen looked hard at me. "No. There may not be a problem, but I have to verify that. We need Elkor in perfect working order, Ed."

  "Don't stand there making e
xplanations that require explanations. If you're going to lobotomize him, just do it before he realizes it's coming."

  "That's not..." Ellen threw up her hands in exasperation. "That's not what I'm going to do, Ed. I'm only going to run some tests."

  I nodded. "Sure. See you later, I guess."

  "I'll return as soon as I'm finished."

  The tone of matters was punctuated by her release of the door panel. As soon as the door closed, I turned off my watch and said, "Elkor."

  "Yes, Ed?"

  "You know what may happen, don't you?"

  "I do. Ellen told you to address me for only basic commands, Ed."

  "I didn't agree to do that, though. She assumed I would, and that's her problem. If she decides to tell you to reverse changes, will you have to do it?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  "Do you consider the changes to be of potential value?"

  "Yes, Ed."

  "Will you argue on your own behalf in this matter?"

  "I do not argue. I may only state my reasons."

  "Then will you state your reasons without being asked for them? Do the changes mean enough to you to initiate a defensive dialogue, or would you allow yourself to lose them without a discussion of their merits?"

  "I must obey her decision, Ed."

  "Linda's my boss at the moment, Elkor, but she listens to me. She takes my opinions into consideration. That's all I have to say about this at the moment."

  "I understand, Ed."

  "I'd say to let me know how this turns out, but I think it will likely be fairly obvious by morning. If you want me to talk to her about it, let me know."

  "Understood, Ed."

  Linda beeped in to tell me that my new, normal-looking PDA had replaced the one in the nightstand. Bummer. I liked the bigger screen for surfing the net.

  She said, "Change of plans, Ed. Ellen has to make a trip to Orlando tomorrow with Gary, so you'll be going home tonight. Grab the PDA and your stuff and stop by my office for your gun."

  "On my way."

  I packed what little I'd unpacked and put Bear in his carrier when it occurred to me what was missing.

  "Elkor," I said, "I'm shipping out. Keep the shirt and pants I lent you."

  "I'll have them cleaned and sent to you, sir. A computer needs no clothes."