"You're a wise woman. Great legs, too, so I guess I'll stick around a while."
Susie grinned again, propped a foot on a cooler, and said, "Just don't forget to tip or I'll start wearing jeans and flannel shirts."
I leered at her lovely upraised leg, shoved my change at her, and said, "Oh, heaven forbid, ma'am! Please, take this as a token of my sincerity!"
"I like men who learn fast. Oops, gotta go. Frank's run dry."
I watched her quick-step away, her skirt flipping with each stride. Susie refilled Frank and his pal, then bent at the waist to retrieve some dropped change. Frank and the others stopped talking and apparently also stopped thinking altogether for a moment as they watched her. When she straightened up, she winked at me and showed me the rather paltry three quarters in her hand.
Yes, indeed, folks. Poor, shy little Susie. There's always a show at the pub when Susie's on duty.
Once Susie had taken care of the others, she came back to my end of the bar and asked, "So where's your little friend? What was her name? Eileen?"
I gave her a wry grin and said, "Ellen. She wanted kids. Gone."
"Poor little you. Didn't you tell her up front?"
Susie was aware of my vasectomy from a previous discussion or two.
"I thought she was on the pill."
She nodded. "And let me guess, here. She stopped taking it and wondered what was wrong, right?"
I had to grin again. "You got it."
"Women can be so tacky. Take it from me, I know. What now?"
I gave her a little lost puppy look and asked, "Um, well, are you still married, ma'am? You're the one I really wanted anyway, you know."
Susie laughed. "Sorry. Still married, and thanks for the lie."
I peeked over the bar at her legs and said, "I'm not sure it was a lie, but do you mind if I find something to do in the meantime? Some second-best woman to help me through the long, cold Florida nights?"
"Nah. Go for it. Just be ready to dump her if I can shake what's-his-face."
"Done. I'll rig an ejection button for that side of the bed."
A car door slammed outside. I looked through the window to see Linda stalking quickly toward the door. She was wearing jeans and a shirt and looked pissed.
I muttered, "Oh, shit. Battle stations, Susie."
Susie gave me a sharp glance and said, "Another one? Do I want to know?"
I shook my head. "Not this one, you don't. She's a mean one."
Susie glanced over as the door opened and whispered, "She looks it. I'll stick around a few anyway, okay?"
I turned to see Linda bee-lining for me with a manila envelope in one hand. She barely glanced at Susie as she came to stand only inches from my knees. She slapped the envelope on the bar by my briefcase. Linda's tone was low and her teeth were clenched as she spoke.
"Your papers. Have them on my desk in the morning."
I looked into her angry gaze and said, "Can't do it. I told Gary I'd wait a week."
"I don't give a rat's ass what you told Gary. This ends now. Let's go outside."
Linda glanced at Susie and asked, "Don't you have something to do?"
I held up a hand and said, "She's my friend, and if she had something else to do, she'd be doing it. We aren't going outside, Linda. You delivered the papers and your attitude hasn't improved a damned bit, so why don't you go see if you have something else to do?"
Linda literally yanked me off the barstool by my shirt front and turned us so she faced away from Susie as she whispered, "You don't tell me what to do, Ed. You work for me, remember? Until those papers are approved, you work for me."
I reached to pull the barstool between us, then pried at her fingers. Susie was staring at us, unsure what to do. I looked over Linda's shoulder and shook my head to tell her not to call the cops.
I quietly said, "Let go and then leave, Linda. This is going too far."
She froze, then let her hands fall away. When her right fist came at my face, I almost didn't block it in time. She tried again, this time aiming at my stomach. There was no way to block and I couldn't back away, so I tried to meet it.
Linda stepped back a pace and glared at me.
"You... hit... hard... for a girl..." I managed.
Susie said, "I'm calling the cops," and started down the bar for the phone.
Almost in unison, Linda and I said, "No!"
Susie stopped and stared at us. "She hit you, Ed! If you're gonna hit her back, take it outside. If you won't hit her back, I want her out of here. Now!"
I nodded and looked at Linda.
"Linda, are you going to leave, now?"
"Not without you. We're going to settle this."
"You're the only one who needs settled, lady. Taking me on won't prove a damned thing for either of us and it won't look too good in your career file. Let's get a couple of drinks and find a table."
I waved at Susie and said, "Another Ice House for me and a white wine for her. We're gonna talk in the poolroom."
Susie looked dubious for a moment, but she said, "Okay, but if she goes off again, she's busted. Make sure she knows that."
I grabbed my beer and the briefcase and headed toward a table in the poolroom. After a moment, Linda followed. When I reached for her chair, she swatted my hand away and yanked the chair out, then sat down.
I put the case on the next table and found a coaster for my beer, then settled into the chair across from Linda's. Susie quickly brought our drinks and set them on the table. I gave her a five and told her to keep the change. She glanced meaningfully at Linda and left us.
My eyes remained on Susie's legs until she turned the corner. Linda gave me an arched eyebrow.
"Is that how you look at me when I'm walking away?"
"Usually. Depends on what you're wearing. Tonight she's got you beat."
"Obviously. Very obviously. You like women like that?"
"I like women who look like her. Susie's married, though."
"Would that stop you?"
"If you really have to ask that, finish your drink and leave. Anyway, it stops her, so it's a moot point."
The pool tables were empty of players. Pub crowds seem to come and go in shifts of some sort. The day crowd was leaving and the evening crowd hadn't arrived yet. I got up and put three quarters in the nearest table.
I asked, "You want to play?"
Linda said, "I thought we were here to talk."
"So talk. You're the one who needs to flush her system."
I racked and found a stick, then slammed the cue ball into motion. Two balls fell, both stripes.
"You break with one hand?"
"Old habit. I learned to play while my left arm was in a sling."
Linda watched me pocket four more stripes by laying the stick on the edge of the table and tapping the cue ball.
While I was eyeballing the last one, she said, "I didn't know you shot pool so well. It must represent a helluva lot of quarters."
"Time, mostly. I usually don't have to pay for most of the games."
I ignored the eight ball and began shooting the solids.
"Damn. Guess not. What do you think I need to talk about, Ed?"
"If I tell you, it will be hearsay. You tell me. Then you'll believe it. What's it gonna take to get you past this snit? Fighting me won't do it. It may prove that you'll keep getting up to come at me, but you know I won't kill you, so that won't really touch the element that cranked you off in the flitter."
I sank three more balls before she answered, "I need another ride in that flitter. I need to do what I couldn't do before."
I put the seven in the corner and lined up on the three.
"You mean you want to take that long dive? Would it be any different? You knew then that Stephie's safety protocols wouldn't let anything happen that could kill us."
Linda stood up and leaned on the table, swirling her wine.
"I knew it intellectually, but I wasn't ready when she offered to drop us at the ground like t
hat. I could see that you were ready to do it, Ed, and suddenly I couldn't let that happen. I need to try it again."
I popped the last balls in and put my stick away.
"Saddle up, then. What if you can't do it this time, either? Hell, what if I can't? I might have chickened out, too."
"Right. Sure. You were grinning like a kid at a carnival ride. I don't know what else to do, Ed. I have to do this. If I don't, I can't be 'Fearless Leader' anymore."
I ignored her attempt at humor and sipped my beer for a moment.
"Everybody has something they just can't do, Linda. If this turns out to be that thing for you, it won't matter a damn to anyone but you. I figure you're pretty good at other things, y'know. You've been running a spook shop for years."
I was grinning when she looked up from her wine. She gave me an 'oh, spare me the crap' look and took a sip, then set the glass down.
I took the bottle and the glass to the bar to save Susie a trip and told her we were leaving. She looked at me as if I might be less than sane and told me to be careful with another meaningful glance at Linda.
We drove our cars to my house and I showed Linda some of Steph's maneuvers on the PDA as she held Bear. After disengaging Bear from Linda's lap we each made a bathroom stop and I made mysef a fresh coffee in my travel mug, then took her car to the trailer in the woods. As I parked the car behind the trailer, I told Linda what I was thinking.
"Whether you do this or not, I don't want you for a boss, Linda."
Her expression went from startlement to a pretense of dispassion. She turned her gaze forward and said, "I understand, Ed."
"No, you don't. I want you, but not as a boss. That's where we were going before the fall didn't happen and that's where I'd like to continue going. I don't want to work for Clark, either, or the agency. I just wanted you. Still do. What you're doing tonight has to be only for you, Linda. I'm just along for the ride."
Linda looked at me in the twilight for a moment and almost said something, then settled for a nod. I called Stephanie as I got my briefcase out of the car.
When Stephie landed, we got in and took our seats.
"Linda, are you sure you wouldn't rather do this in the daytime?"
"No. Well, no, I'm not sure, but the problem happened at night, didn't it? I don't want to change anything, Ed. I just want to do it and get it over with."
"Yas'm. Doing it. Stephie, take us up to twelve hundred miles, please, as quickly as you can. Do you go up as fast as you can come down?"
"Yes, Ed. Travel time will be twenty-one point one-seven minutes."
Linda had time to glance at me in startlement before our ascent began, then she swept her attention upward. For some time she remained that way as we flashed through the clouds and kept going straight up, then she spoke softly.
"Ed, do you realize that we're travelling at almost sixty miles a minute?"
"Yup. Fifty-six point six-six. Want the miles per hour?"
"Uh... Okay. Sure. Why not?"
"Thirty-four hundred. Right, Stephie?"
"Yes, Ed. We are travelling at thirty-four hundred miles per hour, but the total of your calculations would be incorrect by four-tenths of one mile per hour."
"Picky. So I left off some sixes. People tend to round off numbers, Steph."
"I am unable to be imprecise, Ed."
"That's fine, Stephie. It's one of the things I appreciate about you."
Speeds like that are abstracts to people. Linda tried to wrap her mind around the number and didn't quite succeed. She was staring at me. I told her what my first thought had been to make it easier for her.
"Thirty-four hundred is Miami to Seattle in less than an hour, Linda."
Stephanie said, "Fifty-eight minutes, twenty-three seconds, Ed."
"Yeah, yeah, right, Steph. I was rounding again. Sorry for making you twitch, ma'am."
"I don't understand, Ed. I..."
"Aw, geez. Yeah, Stephie, I know. You don't twitch. Look up euphemisms and metaphors, please. Become familiar with as many as you can in your spare time."
"Spare time, Ed?"
Linda giggled. "You're losing ground, Ed."
"I can see that. Stephie, just look that phrase up, too."
"Yes, Ed."
The line demarking night and day was easily visible on the Earth below us well before we stopped. Linda looked outside the flitter and sucked in her breath. For long moments she stared downward, studying the Earth as if she felt she might never see it again. After another staring glance at me, she simply sat watching the Earth recede below us.
Linda almost jumped out of her skin when Stephanie said, "Twelve hundred miles, Ed." She looked at the console, then looked at me.
I said, "We're here, ma'am. Top floor. Let me know when you're ready."
Linda seemed to somehow anchor herself in her seat as she said, "Let's do it."
"Stephie, the Earth has moved a bit since we started this trip. How long would it take to drop right back to where we started, near the trailer? Make it to the nearest whole minute, okay?"
"That would be twenty three minutes, Ed."
"Thank you, Stephie."
"I rounded up from twenty-two minutes, forty-three seconds, Ed."
Linda laughed and kept laughing.
I said, "I just knew you wouldn't be able to stand it, Stephie. Okay."
Linda said, "She had to tell you what you wanted to hear, but she didn't have to like it, Ed."
"Take us down the way we came up, Steph. Land near the trailer."
Linda's eyes bugged a bit and she got a grip on her seat as our plummeting descent began. She was staring over the side at the Earth below and seemed so stiff she'd shatter if I touched her.
I slipped my shoes off, tilted my seat back, and propped my feet on the console.
"Hey, Linda, what kind of music would go well right now?"
She wrenched her eyes from the quickly approaching Earth below and asked, "Huh? What? Music? How the hell should I know?"
Her gaze immediately returned to the scene below us.
I nodded. "Yeah. Big decision. How about 'Ride of the Valkyries' Steph? Got that one in your collection?"
"One moment while I contact Elkor, Ed. Yes, it is now available."
"Put it on and turn it up about halfway, Stephie. Oh, and Linda's about to get a crick in her neck. How about dropping the nose thirty degrees so she can see better?"
"Yes, Ed."
I thought Linda's scream as the nose tilted downward added something to the opening strains of the music. It took her long moments to fully realize that she wasn't going to slide out of her seat. She finally looked over at me and yelled over the music, "Are you fucking crazy?!"
I yelled back, "Hah? Can't hear you! Wanna hear something else?"
I grinned and whispered, "Stephie, change the music to 'I Can't Drive Fifty-five'. Sammy Hagar did it, I think. Same volume, please."
Linda's stark stare was turning into a glare as I sang along with the tune.
"Take my license and all that jive; I... can't... drive... fifty-fiiiiive!"
After some moments of glaring at me, Linda said, "Very funny." I could see what she said, but I couldn't hear it.
"What'd you say?" I yelled.
She yelled, "VERY FUNNY! Now turn it down!"
"Stephie," I said, "Back Sammy down to half current volume, please."
I peered over my toes and the nose of the flitter at the upward-rushing Earth and then looked at Linda. She was still glaring at me.
"You feeling better, ma'am? You're getting kind of bossy again. Should I take that as a good sign or just find a place to hide?"
"Why do we need all that noise, Ed?"
"Felt like it," I said. Sammy's song was ending. I told Stephie to find Madonna's 'Ray of Light' and fire it up as soon as 'Fifty-five' ended.
"How much time we got left, Steph?"
"Seventeen minutes, twenty-one seconds, Ed."
"Kewl. Find 'Doreen' and 'Baby Likes to Roc
k It' by the Tractors and play them after Madonna. I'll try to think of something else if there's time."
"Yes, Ed."
'Ray of Light' began. I sang along with it as Linda continued to glare at me, but her glare was beginning to soften a bit. I picked my coffee mug up from the deck and took a sip, then put it back.
Linda seemed to take note of the fact that the cup didn't slide, even though the nose was tilted steeply downward. She looked at my propped-up feet and then at me again. I gave her a grin. After a moment she turned to face forward and watched the Earth approach for a while.
A few more minutes passed before Linda toed her shoes off and asked Stephanie for some kind of a footrest like mine. A field effect shimmered about two feet in the air above the deck and Linda propped her feet up on it.
Linda said, "Thank you, Stephanie. If he doesn't treat you right, you let me know. I'll straighten him out for you."
"Please define what would constitute mistreatment."
"I'll let you decide if he's being nice to you, Stephie. If you have any complaints, you call me, okay?"
"Yes, Linda. If Ed says I may do so and I have a complaint, I'll call you."
I held up a hand to forestall any further comments from Linda.
"Stephie, if you have complaints, talk to me. Nobody else unless I'm dead. If I'm dead, talk to Sharon. If we can't help you, get with Elkor. Until you become a sentient being in your own right, you belong to someone, but that someone owes you good care and consideration."
"Yes, Ed."
Linda said, "Elkor is leaving with the ship's core, Ed."
I said, "Elkor, speak to me through Stephanie. Can you leave a copy of yourself here on Earth and can that copy contact your original self later?"
"Yes, Ed, but not a complete copy."
"Will your copy be missing only the necessities of the ship?"
"Yes, Ed."
"Great, Elkor. Problem solved, Linda. How's your trepidation coming along?"
"My what? Oh. That."
"Just the answer I was looking for. We'll be down soon. Where to next?"
"Uh... I hadn't given that much thought, I guess."
"How about dinner and a movie on the ship?"
Linda looked at me for a moment and said, "Well, you're a cheap date, aren't you? You wouldn't just be trying to get me alone in my room, would you?"
3rd World Products, Inc., Book 1 Page 31