Live In Position

by Sadie Grubor

  "Do you have any suggestions? Could you see what venues were available in May, so we could decide then?"

  We? She made it sound like it was her and me getting married. I wanted to grab the large binder from Felicity's lap and smack Ilene in the head with it.

  "Um," Felicity paused with an amused expression on her face. "Let's start with the service. Do you have a place selected?"

  "Of course, our family church," Ilene spoke for me. I just nodded with a smile at Felicity.

  Ilene attempted to get her way on everything. Large venues, huge guest lists, and large scale decor. She went on and on about different venues for the reception. Lucky for me, Felicity caught on to my fake appreciation. She began to reel Ilene in and respect the fact that I wanted a small scale wedding. When Ilene would suggest something extravagant, Felicity would comment that it wasn't 'ideal for the smaller wedding'. Felicity was about to get a big wet kiss from me.

  Before her departure, Felicity arranged for us to meet after Thanksgiving, once she had some time to do more research with the information she had. Ilene agreed to the meeting before I could. Just as Felicity was about to step out the door, she turned and handed me a folder.

  "This is for you. Could you please go through this and answer some things for me?" I went to open it, but she stopped me. "Just look it over when you have time to sit back, relax, and go through it. There's information on how to get to my website where you can take care of some it online as well." She smiled warmly and said goodbye.

  That evening when I was alone with my laptop, I pulled the folder out. Inside were small ideas she had written down for a small wedding of 100 guests or smaller. I smiled large when I saw some of the things she had noted. Next I found a business card with her number on it; however, on the back is stated 'Do not let that woman have my cell number'. I burst into laughter.

  Pulling up the website, I found the questionnaire mentioned in the folder. I took a few moments to complete it and submit to her. Once it was all done, I sat back with a feeling of victory.

  Weeks flew by with Ilene by my side, which had become a normal part of my everyday life. I did as well as I could to make the best of the time we spent together, realizing she not only lost a daughter over the past year, but also the closeness of all her children. The gap had never been fixed, not completely.

  Though I really didn't mind Ilene, all the time, there were times I missed being by myself and doing what I liked to do. So, as we stood discussing Thanksgiving dinner, I devised a plan to push this family to mend its wounds. Yes, it was definitely a selfish act, but damn if I haven't been forgiving and compromising with all of them. They could do this.

  "I'm going reach out to Max and Larissa, as well as Allison for dinner," I didn't look up from the catering menus Ilene insisted on looking over, instead of cooking.

  "Y-you are?" Her stumbling over her words made me look up. She didn't do that too often. Worry creased her face and aged it dramatically.

  "Actually, I think I'll invite them over to help cook dinner." I smiled slyly and went for the phone.

  Ilene snorted. "Good luck getting Allison to cook anything." She picked a menu back up to her face. "I think this place would be the best."

  Picking up the phone I dialed Larissa first. When the ringing started in my ear, I glanced at Ilene who looked at me expectantly. I shook my head.

  "I'd rather cook my –"

  "Hello?" Larissa charming voice filtered through the receiver next to my ear.

  "Hi, Larissa, it's Sophia. How are you?"

  "Oh, Sophia," her tone was surprisingly pleasant and kind, "it's good to hear from you. I'm good, how are things there?"

  "Not too bad. In fact I'm in the middle of planning Thanksgiving dinner." I paused for a moment and then just thought, screw it. "I was hoping you, Max, and the kids would be coming?"

  "Of course, we would love to come." She sounded relieved. "To be honest, I wasn't sure what was going to happen this year with…well with everything."

  "I'm sure," I laughed lightly. "Well, I'll start cooking in the morning, probably around six, so you can stop by at any time."

  "You're going to cook dinner?"

  "Yes," I laughed. "Ilene had the same reaction." I laughed a little louder.

  "Are you sure you want to go through all of the trouble, I mean, we are a large family, and –"

  "I'm completely sure. It won't be too bad."

  "Are you sure?" She sounded unsure.

  "Yep, I'll start the pies on Tuesday and then dinner on Thursday."

  "Did, I mean, I don't really know how to cook, but if I can help…" she faded off, "You shouldn't do this alone, let me know what time to come over and help."

  "Thank you that would be great. I'll let you know for sure on Monday, is that alright?" My lips broke into a large smile. This was going perfectly.

  "Yes, I'll talk to you then." We said our goodbyes and hung up. Turning around I saw Ilene gaping at me.

  "Larissa is going to come over and help. Now I have to face Allison." I unintentionally cringed.

  "Once she finds out I'll be here, I'm sure she won't come." Ilene began collecting the menus and walked out of the kitchen. I sighed in frustration.

  I picked up the phone for the second time and called the number. Luckily I got voicemail, so I left her a message about dinner as well as Larissa coming over to help cook. Who knows, maybe she would come with Larissa here.

  After a weekend of Collin taking us to the zoo and dinner, Victoria and I spent Monday morning going through the kitchen to see what we would need for pies and dinner. She was in the pantry yelling out things we needed, even though pop tarts had nothing to do with Thanksgiving. I was leaning up against the marble counter writing things onto a list. The spice cabinet opened up in front of me. As I wrote I could smell the cinnamon, ginger, and garlic swirling around my head. It didn't usually bother me, but at the moment it gagged me. I closed the cabinet.

  "Is there anything else?"

  While waiting for her response, arms wrapped around my waist and warm lips pressed to the side of my neck. I didn't jump anymore. My body had become accustomed to his sudden appearances; however, it still reacted to his touch.

  "Hey there," I smiled and turned my head looking up at him. His lips pressed to mine.

  "I don't see anything else." Victoria skipped out of the pantry and then giggled when she saw us kissing.

  I pulled back and looked at her with a smile.

  "What are you two doing?" His chin rested on my shoulder.

  "We are making a shopping list for Thanksgiving." Victoria climbed onto a stool and sat looking at us. "We're going to make pies." Her eyes danced with excitement.

  "You aren't getting a caterer?" Straightening his posture, he turned me in his arms.

  "I don't need one. I can cook, besides Larissa is coming over to help." I shrugged and kissed his chin before stepping around him to check the refrigerator once more.

  "Larissa?" His confused eyes followed my movements. I nodded.

  "I also invited Allison, but haven't heard from her." I straightened up from looking in the fridge. "Have you talked to your father or Juliette?" He shook his head, confusion still on his face. "Maybe you should call to check in and invite them too."

  "Won't my mother be here?" His brow rose.

  "Yeah, but that doesn't make your father unwelcome." Seriously, is this really how they function? People can't be in the same place at the same time without an eruption?

  "I don't think it's a good idea." My frustration got the best of me.

  "Fine, Collin, you explain to your father and Juliette why they are not getting invited to dinner. I'll be at the store. Come on Victoria." I kept my tone as monotone as possible, avoiding a fight in front of Victoria. My irritation with the whole thing spiked quicker than anything I had ever felt before.

  She was obviously a very smart girl and the look in her eyes told me she was aware we were disagreeing. Regardless she hopped down and quickly
matched my fast pace for the door.

  "Sophia?" Collin called out for us just as we were putting on our coats.

  "I need to get to the store," I quipped, helping Victoria with her zipper.

  "Please, wait." He stood before me now.

  "What?" I looked up at him and tried to keep my cool. All I want is some space, time to myself, a moment to be angry, a moment for me, is that too much to ask?

  "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just that I think it will be –"

  I put my hand up to stop him.

  "I get it, but you can tell him." I turned, took Victoria's hand, and left, closing the door behind me.

  Once in the cold air I took a deep cleansing breath. We climbed into the car and went shopping.

  In the store Victoria acted as if we had never been before. She was grabbing stuff and asking if she could get it; candy, soda, chips, cookies. Now I loved her dearly, but my nerves seemed to be so raw I thought I might snap at her. Guilt immediately filled me for thinking it. I quickly got us through the store and back to the house.

  Victoria helped me put groceries away and then went to take care of her puppy. When it was all taken care of, we ordered pizza and sat to play some 'Go Fish'. In the middle of our fourth game the doorbell rang. Grabbing the money for the pizza person, I went to the door. When I pulled it open I froze in place.

  "Jonathan?"

  Fear and worry filled every limb. The look on his face was terrifying.

  "Where is she?" he barked.

  "Wha-?"

  "Don't lie for her. Is she here?" he pushed past me and headed for the stairs. "Allison," he shouted.

  Climbing the stairs he looked back at me again. "Where is she at?!"

  I shook my head. "I haven't seen her."

  He snorted and began stomping up the steps.

  "Jonathan," I shouted. Then my eyes widened in surprise of myself. What the hell was I about to do?

  His entire body jerked around and the terrifying face was glaring at me. I swallowed hard.

  "Why don't you come and sit down and I will go see if she is –"

  "I can look for myself!" He returned to his ascent.

  Relief passed through my body when Collin appeared at the top of the stairs.

  "What's going on?" He eyed Jonathan with his icy green glare. "John?"

  "I'm here to see that lying little –"

  "Hey, watch it John, that's my sister." Collin stepped in front of him and placed his hand flat against his chest. "What is going on?"

  "Step aside Collin. I don't have any issue with you, but your sister is a damn liar and a sneak. We have a great deal to discuss." He growled out and tried to move around Collin.

  "I think you should calm down." Collin stopped Jonathan.

  "What are you doing here?" Allison appeared behind Collin, her eyes narrowing on Jonathan.

  "How could you?" He barked at her.

  "Jonathan, calm down." Collin spoke low but firm.

  "She killed my child! How can I be calm about that?"

  Collin's face went ghostly white. "What are you talking about? The twins are fine."

  "Not the twins, the baby!" He shoved Collin and moved to Allison.

  I didn't know what I thought I would do, but I ran up the stairs, two at a time. Reaching the top, Collin grabbed me and stood in front of me. Allison took two steps back from Jonathan.

  "How could you kill our child?"

  Oh god, had Allison –?

  "You don't know what you're talking about," she spat and crossed her arms over her chest.

  "So you weren't at a clinic two days ago with a very well-known abortion doctor?" The redness on his face intensified. Allison opened her mouth, but he cut her off. "Don't lie to me!"

  "I'm not going to lie to you. I was there, so what? It's none of your business what I do!" She shouted and poked him in the chest.

  "Damn it, it was my child too!"

  "Says who?" Her words were so harsh that for a split second I actually felt bad for Jonathan.

  He sputtered and shook his head. "Y-you…you're lying again. We were together. That was my child you killed." He stepped closer to her. She shoved him back.

  "I'm no longer your wife. You have no idea what or who I did, nor is it your concern." Allison's fists clenched at her sides. "You chose all those whores instead of us, so I'm out of the equation now."

  She turned to walk away, but Jonathan reached out and spun her by her shoulder. Her foot caught on the hall carpet and she stumbled, falling into the wall. Collin moved forward and pushed Jonathan against the wall, pinning him.

  "You bastard, don't touch me!" She shrieked.

  My eyes fell to her hands, which cupped her stomach. She hadn't gotten rid of anything. I moved to her side. Helping her up, I walked her into the suite. Once through the door, she burst into tears. I wrapped an arm around her and sat us both on the couch.

  The minutes felt long as I waited for Collin to enter the room. When he entered with John at his side, my arm tightened around Allison.

  "What is he doing here?" I hissed. Allison looked up from my shoulder.

  "What do you want?" She cried out. "Just go, leave me." Her head buried back into my side.

  "Allison, are you, were you pregnant?" Collin questioned.

  "It's not any of our business." Even I was shocked as the words left my mouth. Collin's brow furrowed at me, his familiar icy stare didn't scare me anymore. "This is Allison's life and body. It's her story to tell or not tell, so everyone out." I returned Collin's stare with one of my own, daring him to defy me.

  "I have a right to know if she took away my child without saying one word to me?"

  "Oh really. And she had the right to a faithful husband, but you didn't say anything to her before you decided to screw whomever you pleased, did you?"

  Collin and Jonathan both stiffened at my question. Allison looked up from my shoulder, but this time she looked at me.

  "Exactly, so get out, both of you," I ordered.

  "I'm not going anywhere until she tells me the truth." Jonathan took a wide stance and crossed his arms over his chest.

  I opened my mouth, but Allison spoke first.

  "Fine," she sobbed, wiped her nose on her hand and turned to Jonathan. "Yes, I went to the clinic."

  "So, you killed my—?"

  "No," she snapped, "I didn't."

  "You mean, you still..?" She nodded. Relief flashed over his face and through his posture. "Oh, Allison, I..." he began to approach her.

  "Stop right there," she yelled at him. Standing, she pointed one long manicured finger at him. He froze. "Don't you dare come near me." He opened his mouth to say something, but Allison didn't want to hear it. "We are no longer married, so don't think for one second this reconciles anything Jonathan."

  "But, but we're having a baby?" Shock wasn't only plastered on his face, it was also on Collins.

  "No. I am having a baby." She took a deep breath with her eyes closed. Opening them, she continued. "You are the father and I'll let you know about…things, but there is no 'we' or 'us', not anymore."

  "Allison," Collin countered, "you can't possibly want to do this alone without your

  hus –"

  "He isn't my husband, not anymore." Her face was filled with hurt as she looked at her older brother. She turned her face to Jonathan. "He made that choice a long, long time ago."

  "Allie," Jonathan began.

  "Don't," she warned. "I want you to go. I want to be alone."

  Jonathan took a step forward, but stopped when he saw the fierce look on her face. Defeat hit his eyes and his shoulders fell. Turning with his tail between his legs, he left the room. I stood to follow, but she grabbed my arm.

  "Please?" her eyes reflected sadness and hurt. I nodded and sat back down.

  Allison leaned back into my side and sobbed for twenty minutes before it tapered down to light crying. No words were spoken until forty-five minutes had passed.

  "Should I go back?" She whimpere
d. I didn't know what to say at first, but decided honesty was the only thing I could offer her.

  "I can't make that decision for you."

  "But do you feel the way Collin does? He obviously thinks I need Jonathan to do this." Her head rose and she looked into my face.

  "No, I don't agree with Collin. I think you are much stronger than they give you credit for." She smiled very small at my statement.

  "Why am I always crying and leaning on you? I don't even like you." She gave a small smile.

  I shrugged. "I drew the short straw at the last get together."

  She burst into a full belly laugh and then turned her large sad eyes back on me.

  "I don't understand why you let me." Her brow wrinkled.

  "Well," I sighed, "it's not in my nature to abandon someone when they are in need." I looked into my lap. "I don't particularly like you much either, but I respect how you've stood up to Jonathan and your mother."

  "But I thought you were close to Ilene?"

  Our eyes met again. "Hmm…I think she only attached herself to me, because she doesn't have any of you, not like before. I can tell she misses you."

  "What about the other day in the dining room?" She examined my face thoroughly.

  "What about it?" I shrugged. "You can stand up to Ilene without holding a grudge or being cruel. I'm not telling you to get over it. What she did was highly unforgivable. However, it will only hurt you to be angry all the time."

  Her eyes dropped from my face, thinking over what I said.

  "I don't want to be mad anymore. I'm so tired." Allison fell back into the couch and blew out a puff of breath. "Can I still help tomorrow or with Thanksgiving?"

  I know shock filled my face when I looked down at her. She laughed when she saw my face.

  "Of course."

  "Don't look so surprised. I am going to try and be…civil." She sat up. "Thank you."

  "I'm glad I could help." I patted her knee before standing up. "Take a nap. If I see Will, I'll tell him you are sleeping. I'm sure you need it, because I think I need too as well."

  After exiting the suite, I followed the smell of pizza. With all the excitement, I had forgotten about eating. I was starved. Entering the kitchen, I saw it was empty and the pizza was nowhere to be found. Furrowing my brow, I went to find Victoria.