Tony: Alvarez Security Series

by Jordan, Maryann

  “Goodnight, Tony,” she said softly, almost afraid to speak and disturb his thoughts. “I hope you sleep well.” With that she turned and walked to the bathroom. Finishing in there, she moved into the bedroom. Slipping into her pajamas, she stood at the dresser brushing her long hair, exhaustion beginning to overtake her.

  “I was married,” came the deep voice from the doorway.

  Her gaze saw him in the mirror as her hand halted the progress of the brush. She stood frozen, eyes locked on the reflection. Indecision was written on his face and she was afraid to speak. Afraid to break the spell he had woven around himself.

  “I was overseas. Special Forces. I got to come back between missions when she went into labor. Made it just for the last few hours before our baby was born.”

  Silence.

  She slowly lay the brush down and turned to face him, no longer wanting to see him only through the mirror.

  “We had a baby girl. Named her Sofia. After my grandmother.” Another flash of pain crossed his face. “So fuckin’ perfect. So tiny. Never been around babies, so I had no idea how she’d fit in my hand.”

  He shuffled his feet momentarily as though the memory caused physical discomfort. She wanted to offer that they sit down, but was afraid to interrupt the moment.

  “Spent a week at home. A week with my wife and baby.” He rubbed his hand over his face and continued, “Went back and celebrated with the men.”

  His eyes sought hers, gauging how much she wanted to hear. She had no idea what expression was on her face but she wanted everything. She wanted him to give her everything. All of his pain. All of his memories.

  “Had a mission and when I came back, I was called into the office with the news. Car accident. No one’s fault. Just a fuckin’ car accident. And they were both gone.”

  “Oh, Tony,” she whispered, her heart aching for him. She wanted to go to him. Touch him. Hold him. But she held back, not knowing what he needed.

  “All my men came back stateside with me. Made arrangements. Had the funeral. Helped with everything. Then…we went back to Afghanistan. My life here was over and my country still needed me.”

  “Your men followed you when you left the Army, didn’t they?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Most of us were discharged within six months of each other and some of them followed me back and joined my company.”

  She walked over slowly until she was standing right in front of him. Reaching down, she took his hand, holding it tenderly. Raising her head, she saw a single tear slide down his cheek and she lifted her other hand to gently wipe it away.

  “So this is me, telling you, that no…I haven’t let go of the past that constantly hurts my heart.”

  She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, letting him know that she was still there…even if he can never be mine.

  This time, he squeezed back and her eyes sought his again. “But I want to,” came the simple words from his heart.

  He saw the questioning expression wrinkle her brow and with his free hand, reached up to smooth the lines.

  “What I’m saying, Sherrie, is that I want to remember the good times and learn to let go of the hurt. For so long I didn’t want that. They were gone, my little girl would never grow up,” he choked out. Clearing his throat, he continued, “So I wanted to be miserable too. I wrapped my grief around me like a blanket. As long as it was with me, surrounding me, they’d be with me. But the reality is that they aren’t with me.” Sighing deeply, he continued, “But now…I don’t. I don’t want to be miserable.”

  “Maybe,” she said softly, “We can help each other.” She added hesitantly, “Even just as friends, if that’s what you need.”

  A tiny smile appeared on his face as he pulled her a little closer. “Sherrie, you’re the only woman I’ve ever been interested in since…Marla. I’ve tried so hard to not be attracted to you. To not want you. Hell, to not like you. But I’m tired of fighting the feelings I have.”

  By now, he had slowly pulled her closer so that his arms wrapped around her body. He rested his head on the top of hers, noting how perfectly she fit. Heartbeat to heartbeat, they just stood in a doorway of a cabin in the middle of snow covered woods…grieving and letting go, together. He letting go of his fear of loving again and she letting go of her insecurities.

  She knew it would take time, but if he’s willing, then so am I. Sherrie had no idea how long they stood there, but she felt him gently push her away.

  “Darlin’, I’m sorry. You’re standing here in bare feet and your pjs. You need to get in bed and get warm.”

  She eyed the big, comfortable bed, thinking of lying in it with him. Comfort. Warmth. Caring. Leaning back, she asked, “Will you come to bed with me?”

  He smiled, answering, “As much as I would love crawling into bed with you, I want to do this right. And jumping into bed with you just because we gave in yesterday, isn’t what I want to do.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “Well, what I want is to take you to bed, make love to you and worship your body all night.”

  She blinked her large, blue eyes slowly not having a response to that.

  He chuckled, glad that she was innocent enough to not have a practiced comment to fling back. “But I don’t want sex to be what we do to forget when we’ve just had the conversations like we’ve had.”

  Nodding, she agreed. As he turned and started to walk away, she quickly said, “So just come and sleep. Hold me as we let it go.” Looking at the mattress, she added, “And the mattress is much more comfortable than the sofa.”

  She let go of him and walked over to the bed, turning down the covers. He looked at her ass as she bent over the bed. For the first time he really noticed what she was wearing. Over the last year that he had dreamed of her, he pictured her in sexy nighties, barely there wisps of silk. But this? The material looked soft, warm, and comfortable. And utterly sexy. How the fuck can she be covered and look sexy as hell? He did not have an answer but knew that he could be happy seeing her in those pajamas every night for the rest of his life. Happy? Smiling, he felt lighter than he had in years. Yeah, happy.

  “I’ll be right back,” he promised and headed back out into the great room. Checking the doors, he banked the fire before he walked back into the bedroom. She was already under the covers, her blonde hair spread across the pillow and her beautiful face beaming at him. Quickly shucking his clothes, he slid under the covers with her.

  Pulling her tightly into his embrace, feeling her warm breath against his skin, it only took a few minutes for him to slip into a peaceful sleep. I’m ready to live again, even if there’is pain, was his last thought.

  *

  The next morning Tony woke up to a warm body snuggled next to his. Answering the call of the wild, his cock was already twitching and eager to play. Down boy, none of that now. Determined to continue spending time with Sherrie that did not involve ravishing her again, he willed his dick to obey.

  The warm body rolled over, spearing him with her brilliant, blue eyes. “Good morning,” she said shyly, snuggling deeper into him. “This is nice. I’ve never woken up with someone before.”

  His heart pounding, he could not help the macho realization that he was her first. Her first in everything. Cupping her cheek, he kissed her with all the tenderness he felt inside.

  Smiling, she pushed the covers off and felt the chill of the room. “Ohhh,” she exclaimed as her bare feet hit the floor. She hustled to grab her jeans and sweatshirt before running into the bathroom.

  A few minutes later she emerged, dressed warmly, announcing that she was fixing breakfast.

  He lay in bed a few extra moments, not able to remember when he was this relaxed. Or lighthearted. Smiling, he jumped up as well and after taking care of his morning business he made his way into the living room to get the fire going again.

  “How’s the firewood holding out?” she called from the kitchen.

  He wandered in to help saying, “We should be good
for a while.”

  “Tony?” she said, turning from the stove. “How long do you think we’ll be stuck here?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck, saying, “Don’t know, darlin’. I figure they’ll get the road plowed today or tomorrow. The problem is this long-ass driveway. I’ll try getting hold of someone from VDOT and see if we can get a plow to get us out of here.”

  Nodding, she set plates on the table and they dug into the hearty, warm food. After cleaning up, he asked, “You wanna go outside and see what’s around?”

  Her smile lit her face as she glanced out of the windows to the glistening clearing and woods around. “I’d love to,” she agreed.

  Soon, they were layered in clothing, wrapped up like Eskimos, and tromping through the snow. Just like the day before, the sun shone brightly in a perfectly blue sky and they needed their sunglasses to ward off the snow blindness. There was more than a foot of snow on the ground, with drifts up to Sherrie’s knees in some places. Tony held tightly to her hand as they walked across the clearing toward the woods near the back of the cabin. During the storm they had not been able to see the small lake that was there. Ice covered the water for a ways from the shore, creating the perfect Norman Rockwell scene.

  Walking to the snow covered dock, she pulled out her phone and declared, “Selfie time,” handing it to him. With his long arms, he made several pictures of the two of them, tucked tightly together with the winter landscape in the background. Before handing the phone back to her, he quickly sent the pictures to his phone.

  He wanted to keep them from the edge of the water for safety’s sake, so they made their way back around the cabin and down the driveway. Tony walked a little way ahead to see if he could tell where the path lie. Suddenly he was smacked in the back with a snowball.

  Whirling around, he saw Sherrie trying to look innocent. “Where did that come from, I wonder?” she shouted.

  Without saying a word, he stalked toward her. “Oh, I think I know exactly where it came from, darlin’. And you’re gonna pay.”

  Screaming, she tried to run but he caught up to her in just a couple of steps, tackling her around the waist. They rolled over several times in the snow. He moved so that she was on top, but held her tightly in place. Tendrils of blonde hair fell from her cap, framing her porcelain skin with pink tinged cheeks. Her smiling lips were rosy red and as she looked down at him, her luminescent blue eyes once again saw deep inside of him.

  “I thought we needed a little roll in the snow,” she giggled.

  “Oh, yeah? Well, I guess you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

  She softly said, “I did get what I wanted, Tony. What I wanted was you. All of you.”

  He lifted his head to capture her cold lips in a searing kiss. The kiss quickly heated her lips and other parts of him as well. Wondering how the snow was not melting all around them, he rolled her to the side so that he could hoist himself up, pulling her along with him.

  Her kiss-warmed lips opened slightly in surprise. “Where are we going in such a hurry?”

  He swooped her up in his arms, kissing her soundly once again. “Wanna get you inside and get you warm, baby.”

  Baby? He called me baby. She could not help the grin on her face, realizing that she had never been anyone’s ‘baby’. Holding tightly to his neck, she pulled him in closer.

  Walking through the front door, he kicked it closed behind him, then carried her over to the fireplace. Setting her down gently, he noticed her wet pants. “Start stripping and I’ll get you something warm to put on.”

  She watched as he took off his jacket, pulling a gun out from the pocket, checking it and then laying it on the table by the sofa.

  He saw her questioning look and smiled. “I carry a weapon, darlin’. Never know what critters may have been out there. Four-legged or two.”

  “Will you show me how to shoot sometime?” she asked, looking down at it.

  “Absolutely. We’ll practice later. Right now, you need to finish getting out of those wet clothes.”

  Her fingers and toes ached as she pulled off her boots and wet socks. She managed to get out of her jacket by the time he returned with her sweatpants, but her fingers fumbled with the button on her jeans.

  Brushing them aside, he quickly had her jeans unzipped and slid them down her legs.

  “How do you do that? You were outside too, so how is it that your fingers work and mine don’t?” she asked, trying to pull her sweatpants up.

  He was attempting to not look at her near nakedness as he stripped out of his outer garments as well. “Training,” was his reply.

  Cocking her hip, she looked up at him. “Training? How on earth can you train to not have cold fingers?”

  He laughed as he pulled dry socks onto her feet and moved her closer to the fire. “I was Special Forces in the Army.”

  “Oh.”

  He looked at her and smiled. “You don’t know what that means, do you?”

  “Well, kind of. I’ve seen it in movies. It means you earned the Green Beret, right?” She pushed him down on the rug in front of the fire and said, “Let me get some hot chocolate for us and I want to hear about it.”

  Returning a few minutes later with steaming mugs, she sat down next to him. “Okay, Mr. Green Beret, tell me how you learned to not have cold fingers.”

  Laughing, he said, “Not much to tell you other than we trained for-fuckin-ever, in the water, in the cold, in the heat. You learn to withstand the elements, work through them, keep going.”

  “Did you always want to go into the Special Forces?” she asked, noting the pride in his voice as he spoke.

  “My father was Army. My grandfather was Army. I did college and then officer training school, by that time I knew I wanted to be part of the elite.”

  “What about the others? Gabe and Vinny and Jobe?”

  “We all were assigned to the same unit. They were under me. We worked in squads of twelve. Tighter than brothers. You gotta know their thoughts as well as their moves and they sure as hell had to know mine.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  Tony thought for a moment, the firelight playing across the angles in his face. He shook his head slowly. “Nah. I don’t miss it. If I didn’t have them working with me, then yeah, I’d miss the camaraderie. The closeness. That bond that just happens when you share the good as well as the worst. But it was time for me to get out and as it happens, they felt the same.”

  “What about the security business? When did that become your dream?”

  “I started thinking about it a year before I got out. I didn’t have anything except for the Army. Not after…” Rubbing his hand over his face, he said, “Just felt the need to use my skills. To protect. To…” Looking at her, he said, “You know those commercials about serving in the military to make Americans safe? Well, I knew that you don’t have to go overseas to fight in a war to want to make people safe. I could do it here in my own backyard.”

  They sat quietly for a few minutes, letting the crackle of the fireplace fill the silence. He leaned back and watched her as she closed her eyes inhaling the scent of the hot chocolate. Haven’t talked so goddamn much in years as I have in the past two days. Smiling, he realized that it felt fuckin’ good.

  *

  As Sherrie cleaned up from dinner, she heard Tony on the phone. “Tomorrow? Any chance you can get to the Marks’ cabin? It’s a driveway right off of County Road 147, Lakeview Road. Yeah, if you can get someone to plow a path from the cabin to the road, we’d appreciate it.”

  She watched as he moved into the kitchen. She could watch him move forever. Lithe. Like a panther. Big and strong, but silent and always moved with a purpose. Tomorrow? Why, suddenly, did tomorrow not sound good? Why did she find herself wanting more days stuck out here with him? Because I love him. I’ve loved him for a very long time. And now, maybe, it will finally go somewhere.

  “So the snow plow’s coming tomorrow?” she asked, trying to keep the longing out of he
r voice.

  He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around and pulling her into his chest. Leaning down, he nuzzled her neck. “You don’t want to leave? You’re not sick of my company?”

  She turned in his embrace, saying, “You want honesty?”

  “Always, baby.”

  “I came up here to get away. Get away from everyone and everything. Including you.” She leaned way back to see into his eyes. “I know what my sister became and no one in my life knew what she was like before. I felt so sick at heart after we found her. And then just numb. And then angry. And then just incredibly sad.”

  He brushed her hair back from her face, listening to the words but hearing with his soul as well. Been there. Oh, yeah. I’ve been there. Nodding his understanding, he encouraged her to continue.

  “The past couple of days with you have been a whirlwind. You want honest, Tony? I’ve cared for you for a really long time. In fact, ever since I first saw you. But I figured I was never going to be good enough for you.”

  At this, his eyebrows rose in surprise. “What the hell? You not good enough for me?”

  Shrugging, she said, “I always thought you just saw me as an extension of my sister. You know…guilty by association.”

  “Baby, I never thought that. I got a dossier on you when I was sent in to rescue you. I knew you were nothing like Charisse. In fact, I had nothing but the highest respect for you.”

  “Then why? Why did you always avoid me?”

  “I promised myself after Marla and Sofia died that I’d never get that involved with someone else again. The pain of losing them was too much. I had feelings for you immediately, but tried for almost a year to bury them.”

  “But Tony, life without pain isn’t really living. It’s just existing.”

  He stiffened in her arms and she shot a look of concern at him. He leaned his head back, eyes closed tightly, trying to block out…what? She gave him a little squeeze and he dropped his head, his warm gaze spearing her.