by Janie Marie
“No, it’s not, Jane,” Arthur murmured. “You are none of the things she said, but I know how much they hurt you.”
“I’d rather not talk about it, Arthur,” Jane snapped. “Thank you for what you did, but I’m fine. I’ve been through worse.”
Arthur let go of her cheek. “I know you have.”
David nodded to Gawain when a knock sounded at the main door.
Gawain seemed to debate who to hand Natalie to, but she reached for Jason. Her brotherly knight handed her over to Jason and went to the door.
Jane knew Natalie was a daddy’s girl. In a way, it hurt that Natalie chose Jason more than her, but she understood. Why would anyone choose her?
David picked Nathan up, and as he began to situate him in his arms, Guinevere walked up to him. He eyed his sister, who seemed desperate to hold Nathan. David cast Jane a quick look, and she could only nod. She didn’t have it in her to hold her children right now.
David’s gaze softened as he observed her, but he quietly whispered in Nathan’s ear. It surprised Jane how quickly Nathan held his arms out for Guinevere. It was another blow to Jane’s heart, but she smiled as the queen squeaked and instantly snatched up her son.
“Be careful with him,” David warned as he tried to position his sister’s hands.
“Oh, leave me be.” Guinevere pushed his hand away. “Go to Jane. I shall spoil this little angel and serve him the best pizza his tummy has ever had.”
David hesitated but caressed Nathan’s head before he walked back to Jane. “Baby, let me take you somewhere.”
Jane shook her head. “I’m fine. And I’m hungry anyway.”
He turned to the others. “I need to speak to her alone.”
Arthur nodded and walked to his wife. Jason stood in the room until Arthur stepped beside him. “He needs to assist her. Do not interfere.”
Jason glared at Arthur, then at David and Jane. “Jane, I’d like you to eat with us. The kids will be happy to have you there.”
“I’m coming,” Jane said. “I’ll be there in a second.”
Jason huffed but walked out.
Arthur started to close the door, but Jane stopped him. “He will only get mad. Leave it open. We’re coming right out.”
“Jane,” Arthur said, gesturing for his wife to go.
“What don’t you get?” Jane snapped and glared at both men. “I’m fine.”
“Arthur, leave us,” David said, not averting his eyes from her glare.
She knew Arthur left and turned to David again. She shouldn’t be angry, but this was her defense for sorrow. “David, I swear—I’m fine. I’ve been teased before. I’m just tired and feeling sorry for myself because of everything. I don’t want to leave my kids. That’s all.”
“It’s not safe, Jane.”
She whined a little and pulled her hands from her lap when he went to hold them. “I know, but can you please stop touching me?”
He looked between her eyes. “Jane, I think it’s better we stay close while you are upset.”
Jane looked off to the side of the room. “I know, David. But it hurts me. My babies don’t understand why you’re close to me, and I promised Jason we would distance ourselves. And look, I already had to have you hold my hand. He’s going to be mad.”
David growled. “Jane, he is not helping you when you need him to.”
“He never has!” She almost broke down in tears. “I’m used to it.”
He actually looked like she’d punched him in the stomach. “Baby, don’t do this to yourself. No one can get used to never being helped. I have had help with my loneliness. My sister, Gawain, Arthur—they all helped.”
She shook her head. “It’s not the same.”
“Exactly,” he said. “I said I would be here. Let me be here for you.”
Jane’s heart pounded and the image of her daughter’s confused face came to her mind. “David, I chose Jason. That means you and I can’t do what we have been. I won’t even allow Death to be with me like he has been.”
David crossed his arms. “That’s a lie and you know it. When he comes back, you will run to him. I get it, baby, I really do. You love him and not me, but he’s not here—I am. And I know you love your husband and want to do right by your family; I want to respect your request, but I cannot sit by and watch this.”
“You’ll have to.”
He stared at her for what seemed like a lifetime. “Are you refusing to let me help?”
“I don’t want your pity, David.” She tried to be as nasty with him as she could. She hated herself for it, but she was dying every time she had to let him go.
“I’m not helping out of pity. I am supporting you because I love you.”
Jane’s eyes watered. “I don’t love you, David.”
His eyes paled as he nodded. “I know you do not. But I am the only person here with you who can help. If anything, think of your family. They do not benefit from watching you while you are miserable and unstable.”
“I know I’m crazy,” she muttered. “They know I am, too.”
“You’re not crazy. Baby, just stop this. You need to think rationally. Not loving me does not mean you should disregard the fact I was the one chosen to be with you.”
“David, I can’t go through this.”
“Through what?”
“I’m sorry for saying it.” She teared up as the lump in her throat became painful. “That I don’t love you, I mean. I just—”
He sighed and spoke softly. “You don’t have to apologize for that. Just stop pushing me away when it is clear I am trying to help.”
“You don’t understand,” she said. “I can’t love you.” The words were out before she could process them, and she didn’t have time to because he had already responded.
“I know. That does not mean I will abandon you. I will help you when you need me to.”
“I don’t want you helping by attacking a woman who’s only doing what every other girl has done to me.”
“You’re right. I should not have attacked her. I apologize for reacting that way. I only fight females in battle and I dislike it very much. Melody, though—she—” He shook his head again. “My past with her makes it difficult for me not to see her as an enemy. I took what she said as an attack, I suppose. It does not excuse my actions; harming a woman is wrong. I simply saw what you did: Jason staring at her, and I felt pain that was not my own. Your pain . . . I’m sorry. There are not many men who can ignore her.”
Jane didn’t respond and wondered how many times David couldn’t ignore her.
He seemed to know what she was thinking and spoke quickly. “If you are thinking I have had a relationship with her, or have been intimate with her, you are mistaken.”
She smiled. “It shouldn’t matter to me. You are free to go with whoever you like. I have no claim to you. If you want her, that’s completely understandable. She’s gorgeous. She’s tall, blond—she has a perfect body and expensive clothes. If I were a guy, I’d pick her too.”
He smiled sadly. “Perhaps other men prefer a woman like her, but I do not. Stop assuming I am every other man. And I quite enjoy you wearing my clothes.” He cupped her cheeks and leaned down. “Baby, please see what I do when I look at you: my beautiful Jane. You do not have to look like anyone else. And, yes, you are right, I am free to go. You chose to keep your family together, and you still love Death, but I am still yours whether you accept me or not.”
Jane shook her head. “But you don’t see me at all, David. And you deserve better than me. I can’t be the one to ruin you.”
David caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. “I see you. Only you. And you will not ruin me. You make me a better man. It doesn’t matter that your heart isn’t mine. Mine is still yours.”
“I don’t think I have a heart anymore.”
He smiled sadly as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “You do. It’s beautiful.” He rubbed a tear away from her cheek. “Don’t you remember—you left it with
me for safekeeping.” David moved back just enough to rest his forehead on hers. “I love you. Push me away if you must, but I will stay. I think you have gotten used to pushing everyone away and never having anyone come back. You don’t have to worry about that with me. I’ll never leave.”
Jane sobbed and wrapped her arms around his waist.
He straightened and pulled her up.
“David, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do . . . I’m just trying to do what’s right. Please forgive me, I don’t mean to be like this.”
He chuckled and hugged her tightly. “Sit next to me at dinner and I will forgive you. We will figure out what to do together.”
She hugged him as tight as she could. “I’m sorry for the way I am.”
“I love you for who you are. So brave, my love. It’s okay to lean on me. I respect your choices, but lean on me.” He tilted her face up. “Let me feed you before we go out there.”
Jane let go and stepped back. “I can’t.”
He looked at her sternly. “Jane—”
“David, you’re still hurt, and I can’t moan out like a freaking whore with my kids and husband right there.”
His gaze softened. “But you need blood.”
Jane shook her head and stepped back. “No, David.”
He reached for her, but she darted out the door. “Jane—”
David glared at Jason, who was staring at Jane. She had at least kept her word and sat next to David, but she had refused to look at him or speak to him since he followed her out of the room. She’d even taken off his jacket. He didn’t know if she had done it because she was hot or because he’d said he liked her in his clothes.
He sighed, thinking everything over. He understood her reasons for not feeding, but he was beginning to have a difficult time figuring out what he should do now. She was so volatile. Her choice to do what she thought was right only broke her. He didn’t know how to help her see that sometimes she needed to pick herself. She was too selfless. She actually felt bad about trying to be happy. Her view of herself and how other people should treat her was skewed, and he was lost on how to make her see clearly.
“Jane, are you feeling well?” Arthur asked.
“I’m fine,” she said, handing Nathan another slice of pizza.
David watched her as discreetly as possible for a minute as she grinned at her son. Besides her obvious attempt to pretend all was well, she did actually appear okay. He wondered if this was normal for her since Jason didn’t seem to pick up anything strange. David glanced at him before Gawain elbowed his side.
“Stop glaring at him. You’re uglier than normal when you glare.”
David elbowed him back and reached for a slice of pizza. He hated the stuff, but he was starving. “You know when you spout too many lies, you will eventually taste sh—” David hesitated when he caught Natalie’s eye—“shiny pennies?”
Gawain threw his head back, laughing loudly. David chuckled and tried to break eye contact with the little girl. He felt like a little boy who was about to get scolded by his mother.
“DAVID!” Arthur yelled, jumping up.
David turned in an instant, yanking Jane back as she lunged for Nathan. Arthur had done the same with Nathan, but David was too busy with the hissing woman in his arms to make sure the little boy wasn’t hurt.
She thrashed in his hold as he gripped her tight and quickly walked to the door. “No, Jane! Control yourself.”
“He’s fine, David. Get her out of here,” Arthur yelled.
Jane let out the most vicious snarl as cries erupted behind them. David opened the door with one hand as she focused on his neck. He grabbed the back of her head as he watched her eyes shift from shades of jade to black.
“No, baby. Stay with me.” He pulled her legs around him as he took the first step out of the room. “I’ll feed you. Calm down.”
Her fight ceased, and she focused on his neck again. David put his hands on the doorknob just as the children cried louder and Nathan called for her.
She hissed, and he rushed to the door that would be her room.
“Drink, now,” he ordered harshly when she fought him, and he shoved her door open.
Luckily, he didn’t have to ask again. She bit down hard on his neck. David slammed the door shut behind him. Despite his fear of what nearly happened, he wanted nothing more than to pin her against it and take her until she was hoarse from screaming his name.
“Fuck,” he said, forcing himself to keep walking.
She moaned and squeezed her legs around him. When he reached her bed, he imagined what it’d be like to drop her on it and just rip off her clothes.
Somehow, he controlled his urges and sat down. He held her close as she straddled him, sucking his blood and grinding her hips against his.
David was so angry at himself. He should have made her drink. He should have paid closer attention.
He squeezed her hips to stop her from moving so much. He felt weaker than normal. Thankfully, she seemed to be satisfied. Her thirst for blood, at least.
She let go but licked his neck and sucked her bite until it healed. David groaned but stayed in control of his desire for her. He knew this was Jane the vampire. She was in danger of becoming consumed, not just by her immortal needs, but also by the dark beast waiting inside her.
He grabbed a hold of her face, and the lustful look in her eyes had him swallowing. “Sweetheart, you need to concentrate. This is not you. Come back to me.”
It took her a few seconds, but she blinked, frowning before she glanced around the room. She had that innocent look she usually wore when she wasn’t completely aware of what she’d just done.
Nathan’s and Natalie’s cries suddenly reached their ears, and she quickly looked back at him in horror. “David,” she whined, her eyes filling with tears. “Oh, God . . . Please.”
He smoothed her hair back. “He’s fine. I stopped you. Arthur grabbed him in time.”
“I tried to kill my baby,” she cried. “It’s just like before!”
“Shh…”
“David.” She cried again. “My baby.”
“I know. I swear he’s safe.”
The cries were cut off with the sounds of several doors. David realized Jane’s door hadn’t shut all the way and figured he must not have closed the other door either.
He continued to wipe her tears and felt terrible when she let out a small sob. He shushed her and pulled her head to his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, my love.”
“No.” She whined, squeezing him tightly.
“No, what?” he asked as she shook in his arms. “Jane?”
You’re a monster.
Jane opened her eyes, shoving David back as she crawled to the headboard.
David raised his hands in a surrender type of gesture. “Baby, calm down. Everyone is okay. They don’t even know what happened. Come here. Let me take care of you like we talked about.”
This is all his fault.
She shook back and forth. It wasn’t his fault. She wanted to listen to him and let him take care of her.
If it wasn’t for him, you would not be the monster you are now.
“No, leave me alone,” she yelled, not sure if she was speaking to him or the thoughts in her head. “Leave me the fuck alone.”
“Sweetheart—”
“No, David. I’m not your sweetheart. I can’t do this anymore. Please, I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m a monster! I tried to kill my son.”
“Jane, you didn’t hurt him. Don’t push me away again. Please, ba—”
She cut him off again, shrieking, “No, David!”
You will destroy them all.
“No!” she screamed. “Stay away from me. I don’t want you here. I don’t want you near me. This is your fault!”
His eyes saddened, but he looked at her firmly as he stood.
Jane couldn’t believe she’d said that, but she had to get him away. She was going to kill them all. They were stupid to think she could
be stopped.
David took a step closer and knelt on the bed before he grabbed her chin. He gently forced her to look at him when she tried to turn away and stared into her eyes as he spoke. “Baby, I see you. I see no monster. You were weak and stressed. Do not destroy yourself. This was a series of mistakes made on both our parts, but we will get through it. You already knew there were risks. We have to learn how to deal with them.”
“Just go,” she said, utterly defeated.
“I will leave you alone, but I will never leave you. I love you, Jane. Nothing will ever change that and nothing will stop your children from loving you either. Your son watched me attack another person, and he still understood that I was not myself.”
“Neither is a drunk driver, David. And we’re both still capable of killing.”
He stared at her for a while until he finally nodded and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. She whimpered because she really didn’t want him to leave.
David didn’t pull back as he whispered against her skin, “I’ll always be here. I will always wait. Never think that you’ve lost me.” He kissed her cheek again and pushed himself up.
After he stood, he gave her a sad smile and added, “I will go check on everyone and then I will be right across the hall. If you need anything, come get me or yell—I’ll leave my door open.” With that, he turned his back on her and left the room.
Jane slid to her side and curled herself into a ball as she cried softly. “Death. Please come back. Please stop me. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
She whimpered, realizing he wasn’t coming.
And he didn’t.
For hours, she continued to call his name with no sign of her dark angel. She felt drained and lost. The hateful whispers had gone, but that didn’t stop them from being right.
“Death.” Her voice cracked. “I’ll go with you.” She shut her eyes, exhausted, but kept quietly asking Death to take her.
A numbing sensation trailed along her arm. Jane opened her eyes, quieting a little as the cold spread through her. Her tears had yet to dry, and more fell as the numbness swept across her cheek. It smothered the pain until her eyes closed again, and she sighed, letting the chilly embrace take her.