by Janie Marie
Jane scanned his face and panicked. She could only picture him dying or leaving her. Different scenarios kept destroying her mind. She didn’t want to lose him. She couldn’t. She wanted him by her side like he promised he would be.
Through teary eyes, she continued to stare at his handsome face, and she knew she wanted to be his. Please don’t hurt me, David.
She leaned forward, watching him carefully for a moment. He wasn’t waking, and she tried her best to steady her breathing as her lips hovered over his. I shouldn’t do this, she thought, but she shut her eyes and closed the distance between them anyway.
The burn she always felt from their skin touching was nothing compared to the scorching heat she now felt on her lips. She sighed out in ecstasy, willingly letting the fire spread across her lips before sinking into her pores.
It felt like hours, but it was only a second before she felt his lips move against hers. She nearly moaned when he pulled her tighter, and his manhood hardened against her. She had thrown her leg over his waist at some point in their sleep, so they were lined up perfectly.
Not to mention, she only wore a shirt and panties.
David smiled and murmured sleepily, “I love you, Jane.”
Jane gasped, trying to push her lips back to his, but David abruptly opened his eyes. He looked at her in complete shock, and when she tried to kiss him again, he held her away.
“What are you doing?” The harshness of his whisper nearly knocked the wind out of her.
She froze and stared back, hurt. “I’m kissing you. I pick you.”
He said nothing, did nothing, for seconds—maybe minutes, before finally shaking his head and speaking. “Jane, we’ve been over this—you don’t mean it.”
She tried to pull his face to hers, but he shook her hands away. Tears welled up in her eyes as he watched her, completely confused.
“I want you,” she whimpered.
“Oh, baby,” he said softly before removing her leg from his waist. “There is nothing I want more than for that to be true, but you’re not thinking clearly. You’re sad and hurting right now.” Jane shook her head, but he continued, his tone becoming firmer. “I can’t take advantage of your pain. Please understand, I love you more than anything, but this isn’t right.”
He doesn’t want you, that horrible but honest voice returned. He thinks you’re broken. He wants perfection.
“David, please, I’m picking you.” She tried again. Her heart was ready to destroy itself if he refused her. She was finally admitting she wanted him, picking him over Jason and Death, but he didn’t want her.
David smoothed her hair back. “No, Jane. I cannot let us happen like this.” He stared at her, and she wondered if he could see her heart breaking.
This was a nightmare—it had to be.
An anguished noise slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it, and she shook her head, hoping to rid herself of the cruel way her life had to play out.
Rejected. Lonely. Abandoned. No one wanted her, and the man she desired most was refusing her.
Death had done this to her, too. He had rejected her, with gentleness, yes, but nonetheless he’d rejected her when she’d declared her feelings for him. Now David was doing the same. He was just another form of torture for her. They were lies. Love wasn’t real. Or maybe it was just her. Maybe she really wasn’t supposed to be loved.
I should have just accepted my life with Jason.
“Jane,” David said.
She stayed still, trapped in her misery. He doesn’t want me.
He grabbed her face to make her look at him. “Jane, I’m not saying never. I am just saying not right now. You’re not ready for this. I want you. I want you to be mine so badly, but we have to wait.”
Lies, her mind screamed. They’re just empty words. He’s only saying that to keep me controlled.
She couldn’t let herself hope anymore. Was that really what it was all about? Controlling her?
“I love you, Jane,” he said, staring at her. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, her nose, and cheeks. “I love you,” he repeated, hugging her.
Jane was done, though. All her strength was nearly wasted, and although she could hear his sweet words, she couldn’t believe them anymore. To do so would destroy her completely now.
“I need to feed, David.” Her voice sounded like someone else was speaking. So empty, defeated.
David pulled away. “Don’t shut off, Jane. You told me not to let you go, and I will not. I’m right here. I just can’t let us start like this. Do you understand me?”
A flicker of hope stirred in her heart, but she pushed it back like she always did.
“Yes. I just want to feed so I can go to my family. Will you feed me, or do I have to go get some from someone else?”
“Jane.” He tried to start again, but she cut him off.
“David, it’s fine.” You just don’t want me, were her finishing thoughts.
He sighed, nodding, and slowly pulled away so he could sit up. Jane stayed still for a moment, just watching him get situated until he held out his hand for her to take. She did, and she let him pull her up next to him, but this time, refused to straddle him like she always had. It made the angle awkward, but she would manage.
Instead, she stayed kneeling beside him, trying to push back all her abusive thoughts without success.
David’s hand cupped her cheek, startling her before she could begin.
“I love you,” he said.
Rather than comforting her, it angered her. “Please stop saying that.”
His gaze drifted over her face frantically, and Jane didn’t wait for him to respond. She leaned down, not testing her location at all, and bit.
David tensed beneath her, and while she felt all the same explosions of heaven that his sweet taste brought, she did not allow herself any sense of enjoyment.
David gripped her arms, but she shut down any pleasure his touch brought. Surprisingly, she felt less and less as she drank. It seemed easy now that she accepted she was nothing to him.
Jane removed her mouth and briefly watched the puncture wounds heal right before her eyes. “Thank you,” she murmured, finally meeting his gaze. “I think I’ll go back to my room now.”
“No, stay with me.” He cupped her cheeks “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m trying to do what is right. You know this isn’t it.”
He means you—you’re not right.
She looked down, away from his pleading gaze. “I just want to be alone for a little while. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for what I am; I don’t mean to be like this. I don’t mean to hurt you or anyone else.”
“There is nothing wrong with who you are, Jane. You are not what you think. Horrible things have been done to you, and they’ve shaped you into the strong person you are. Those things are not you, baby. They are painful and awful, but that isn’t you. To me, you are perfect, but this right here is what I’m talking about. You need to get past this way of thinking about yourself. I want you to pick me because you are sure that you love me, not because you are hurting and feel this is the only way to be cared for. I will always take care of you.” He looked at her tenderly and turned her face up. “I will stop saying those words to you for now, but they won’t stop being true.”
So badly she wanted to believe that, but she couldn’t bring herself to hope. Jason said the same things, only to later admit he wasn’t in love with her. Death barely declared his love, and he left. He abandoned her.
I’m not worth loving.
“Okay,” she said, her voice hollower. “But I really want to get changed. I want to be there when the kids have lunch.” She paused, worrying over her delicate mind-set. “Will you come with me? I don’t want anything to happen.”
“Of course,” he answered quickly. “Go get changed, and I’ll come get you.”
She wanted to cry, her heart was aching so badly. She didn’t want to go, but she was afraid to watch her fears come true.
/>
There was still that little voice, the one that whispered not to give up and to have faith in David. It told her to have faith in herself.
He caressed her cheek before kissing her forehead. “You know I am true. Believe in me.” His thumb caressed her cheek as he placed another kiss on her forehead, and she reached up to cover his hand, terrified suddenly to let him go. “I’m here. I’m not leaving, Jane.”
Jane didn’t want to shut down like before. As she looked up, she pressed his hand harder to her cheek and stared into his blue eyes. “I’m slipping.”
His eyes widened, but he only took her hand and gripped it. “Baby, I’m not going to let you fall. If you slip, I’ll pull you back up.”
Her chest warmed, and she let out a panicked breath as he pulled her into a hug.
“Oh, my love. Tell me how to help you.”
She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, her heartbeat slowing instead of speeding up. “You can’t.”
David watched Jane stare at Nathan as he drew a picture. He smiled softly, noticing the little boy had reached out to keep one hand on hers, but as David looked at Jane, he saw she wasn’t really there. He’d seen this look on her before, an emptiness. She was slipping away again, but this time, she wasn’t hiding. She was letting herself be tormented.
“Babe,” Jason said to her.
She blinked, and David frowned as he watched her clearly come out of whatever her mind had been inflicting on her. He glanced at Jason, and he knew Jason wasn’t acknowledging any of her distress. His fangs grew, but he kept his lips pressed together as she responded.
“What?”
“Why don’t you stay here tonight? Or at least let David go do whatever he does around here? You should be with us for a while.”
Her eyes widened, and she lifted her gaze to David.
He saw her pleading and fear, and he spoke before Jason could guilt her into making a mistake. “Jason, she is not well. I am staying out of your way for your children’s sake. Do not forget, she comes first to me. And her first priority is them. I will do what is necessary to see that both are kept safe.”
Jason glared at him. “You don’t have to treat her like she’s a ticking time bomb.”
David stared at him in silence for a few seconds. “Because of her and your children, I will not say what I’d like to you. Do not speak about her this way again.” He glanced at Jane and saw she’d zoned out again. “Jane? Take a deep breath, baby. Remember I’m here if you need me.”
Those hazel eyes locked on his, and he saw the woman he loved barely hanging on. “I know.” She shifted her gaze to her husband. “He needs to stay, Jason.”
Jason scoffed and got up. “Since you’re playing house with him, I’ll go take care of your cats that you’ve forgotten about.”
David clenched his fist and looked back at Jane. The pain flickered across her beautiful face, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss her frown away.
She stood up, and his eyes followed her as she walked past Jason. “I’m sorry. I forgot. I’ll take care of it. Go relax.”
Jason stood there, stunned as she sped off, too fast to appear human, and disappeared into the bedroom Jason occupied.
David listened to her sniffling and sighed. He expected Jason to return to his kids, but he truly did go relax in the dining room, reading a magazine at the table. He kept his senses trained on Jane, his disbelief and anger rising as he contemplated what to do.
“Is Mama okay?” Natalie asked.
David snapped his gaze over to her and smiled. “She will be, princess. Just give her time. She’s really tired, but you do not need to worry; I will take care of her.”
Natalie stared at him for a few seconds before getting up and walking over to Jason. She asked her dad the same question, and he responded with, “She’s fine.”
The fire in David’s veins was becoming unbearable as he looked toward the bedroom door. It was improper to enter Jason’s chambers, but he was ready to take Jane and leave. She didn’t need this right now.
“Stay,” a quiet voice whispered. Nathan.
“What was that, little man?” David asked.
Nathan didn’t look up from his drawing. “David stay for Mommy.”
His heart hurt. “I won’t leave her. I give you my word.”
Nathan didn’t acknowledge him, and he continued drawing his picture.
David sighed and turned his head, listening in on Jane. He heard her trying to coax her cats out from under the bed, her voice cracking when she promised she wouldn’t hurt them. He started to get up, but again, Nathan spoke.
“Not yet.”
David was baffled and torn. He didn’t want to hurt Nathan’s feelings, but he was confused by the cryptic speech he used. Obviously Nathan didn’t communicate verbally as well as his sister, but he seemed more attuned to Jane than her other family members.
“What do you mean, not yet?”
“Not yet,” Nathan repeated, still drawing a picture.
David glanced at it and noticed the little boy was very talented. There was no mistaking what everything was. He even drew without lifting his pencil for each image. There were various dinosaurs but also a dragon, a wolf, a horse, and four males spread out over the page. He frowned when he noticed a female figure in the middle. She was turned away in the picture with what looked like words going in one of her ears, though he didn’t think they were real words, more like hieroglyphics, and the woman was holding her hands out in front of her. David realized each male had something blocking them from her. The largest one stood with a horse. While he was turned away from the woman, the horse stood between them, its attention on her. The next male had two baby dragons and a wolf between him and the woman. The male and one of the smaller dragons looked to the left of the page while the other baby dragon and wolf stared toward the woman.
David glanced at Nathan, but the boy never looked up. As David went back to studying the picture, he looked at the third male. This one had a dragon by his side, but David realized another figure was hidden behind the man. At first it seemed like a shadow, but David realized the shadow didn’t match the male’s body shape. It was larger and seemed too different to be the man. Considering Nathan’s drawing skills were so impressive, David assumed this was done on purpose but didn’t understand what it represented.
Finally, David looked at the fourth male closest to the woman. As he searched for what must be blocking him, he realized this man was actually behind the other three, not close after all. It only seemed that way because he was in the middle of the picture, directly across from the woman. He had a clear path if he wanted it, but he was staying back.
“Nathan, what are you drawing?” he asked him slowly, the picture causing the hairs to stand on his neck.
“Not yet,” was Nathan’s only reply.
As David went to inspect the drawing again, a knock sounded, and he turned to find Jason walking toward the door. At that same moment, Jane walked out of the bedroom. She didn’t look at him or anyone else and automatically went to the kitchen where she gathered plates. That vacant look was in her eyes again, but he noticed her lips trembling from time to time before she’d go blank once more.
“Not yet,” Nathan whispered.
David closed his eyes for a few seconds, praying for understanding because something in his gut was telling him to listen to this child. “Little man, she needs me.”
Nathan finally looked up. They stared at each other, but slowly Nathan looked over at Jane. The sadness in the boy’s brown eyes made David’s chest ache.
“Not yet,” Nathan said again before standing and walking to Jane.
David stood quickly and walked over as Jason placed a tray of pizza down. It had surprised him they wanted to eat that again, but Jane had smiled softly at the time and said it was usually what Nathan liked eating.
David stepped back to observe for a moment. Jane automatically began preparing each plate, and Jason got himself a drink and went to the t
able without helping her, without getting the kids or Jane a drink, just himself.
“Baby,” David said as he came up behind her. He stayed far enough away that they weren’t touching because she’d been shying away from him and constantly glancing at her kids whenever he was near her.
“Did you want to eat this?” she asked, not looking at him.
He realized she’d only made three. “This is fine, Jane. As long as you are eating, too. Do you want me to ask for something else for you?”
“No.” She pulled another plate over and loaded it with five slices. “Can you carry yours and one other?”
David wanted to kiss her so badly; she was serving everyone but herself. “I’ll take their plates. Make yours.”
She finally turned to him, her forehead crinkled as she stared at him. “Thank you, David.”
He lifted his hand and watched again as her eyes darted over to her family, her breath hitching. It broke him, but he lowered his hand and avoided touching her. “Make your plate, Jane. I’ll take them their meal.”
This time she turned away and reached for a plate. He lingered long enough to see her get a slice for herself before he grabbed all three plates and walked to the dining table. He felt Jason’s stare, all of them. They stared at him as though this was something unnatural.
After placing their plates down, he ignored Jason’s glare and went back to the kitchen. Jane was in front of the refrigerator, her head tilted to the side while she stared at nothing.
He paused, watching her lips tremble, and he quickly stepped up behind her. “Jane, baby, I’m here.”
She reached behind her frantically, and he grabbed her hand, thankful when she allowed him to touch her.
“Da-avid?” Her voice was so shaky, she was stuttering.
“Yes, Jane.” He gently squeezed her hand. “I’m here. Stay with me.”
“I’m trying,” she whispered and let go, leaving him after grabbing juices from the fridge along with his plate.