by Janie Marie
Nathan was there. His little boy hadn’t run with his sister. He was hugging his knees, crying as he watched this monster drinking his blood.
Melody noticed Nathan, and she leaned away, laughing as his little boy screamed.
Jason’s heart pounded in his chest at the same time Jane’s panicked eyes flashed in his mind, and he moved. He still had the knife, so he stabbed her in the side, burying it all the way to the handle.
She screamed so loud his ears rang, and he dropped his hand from the knife, his energy gone. The handle was sticking out of her side until she yanked it out.
He blinked as blood dripped into his eye, and he didn’t see the next blow to his face. Or his chest. She was ripping him apart with her hands.
“You had to be noble.” She spat at him, digging her nails into his chest.
He couldn’t yell even though this was the worst pain he’d ever experienced. All his focus was on staying conscious long enough for help to come. He didn’t want Melody getting bored with his corpse and attacking Nathan.
“Why do you all love her so much? Why?” she roared in his face, shoving her sharp talons into his chest.
He coughed, feeling his blood drip from his lips. Nathan’s screams intensified, and his heart began to break. He cried, finally, because Melody moved to Nathan again. He had to say something to get her attention away from him. He felt so cold as Jane’s smile suddenly formed in his mind again—he felt peace. “Because she’s Jane.”
Melody stopped and glared at him.
All Jason could do was smile back at the pretty girl in the blue dress.
His delirious smile enraged the vampire on top of him, but Jason didn’t care anymore. Not even when she yanked him to her and sank her fangs into his neck.
Jane kept smiling at him, and he could hear her saying, “I do . . . I’m pregnant . . . I love you.” All of those things brought him peace, and he was almost ready to let it all go, but Nathan’s scream woke him back up.
Jason made eye contact with his little boy. “Go, Nathan.”
Melody let go of him, and she grabbed Nathan’s arm when he tried to run past them.
“Let him go. He’s just a baby.” Jason kept his eyes open, praying for help to come when the wicked smile graced the monster’s lips.
“He’s her baby, and he will suffer because of her.” Melody snapped Nathan’s arm in her bloody hands.
Jason yelled when Nathan screamed.
Jason cried when those brown eyes filled with tears looked back at him. “I love you, buddy. Mommy and Daddy love you. It’s going to be okay. Be brave for Mommy.”
“Yes, be brave for Mommy. Let’s make sure she sees just how brave you were.” Melody laughed, lowering her mouth to Nathan’s tiny neck.
“Jane,” David said, touching her arm. “What are you doing?”
She looked around, realizing she’d just been staring at the corner while standing in the middle of the room. She frowned because she remembered coming back to the room like they had been doing. For weeks now, David had made a routine of taking her to meetings, training—never with her—and then coming back to their room when everyone was hanging out.
David sighed, cupping her cheeks so she’d look at him. “Baby, this is killing me. I don’t know what to do.”
Her lips trembled as she reached up to cover his hands. He hadn’t said anything about what had happened during the fight or between them after he told her what she’d done to Artemis. When he did talk, it was always ‘let’s go’, ‘you need to feed again’, ‘go shower’, ‘go to sleep.’ He looked at her as though he wasn’t sure who she was.
“I want my Jane,” he said softly.
“I’m still me.” A tear slipped free. “You just won’t look at me anymore.”
“Oh, baby.” He kissed her forehead. “I want to, but I’m afraid. I don’t want to do the wrong thing.”
“But you are doing the wrong thing, and it’s breaking me!” She took panicked breaths as an anguished look crossed his face. “I promise I’ll try to protect you from her. My family, you, Death, and the boys—you’re all I care about. I’ll do anything to keep you all safe. Please just forgive me for what I did. I didn’t want to, I swear. I was just so tired, but I didn’t want to do those things; I only let her. But I’m still me.” She began to cry hysterically. “I just want my David back. You haven’t been my David, and I need him. Death—he wouldn’t help me.” She gasped, crying harder. “He was there, and he wouldn’t help me.”
David pressed his lips to hers. “Shh . . . I’m so sorry, my love.” He kissed her again and again. “I see you. Forgive me. Forgive me for being afraid of losing you. I don’t know why Death hasn’t come for you, but I am still your David.”
A fire sparked in her heart, and she pulled away, her tears ceasing in an instant. “No, you’re not!”
He sighed. “I know I messed up. You have to help me because I have never had a romantic relationship, Jane.”
She rubbed her tears before jabbing her finger on his chest. “You hate me, David. You think I’m a monster. My David saw me and made me believe I wasn’t her. My David loved me even when she came out.”
“Jane,” he said, but she quickly cut him off.
“NO! It doesn’t feel good, does it? To be told you’re not who you believe you are. You let me cry at night and”—she pointed at the door—“in that bathroom! You’ve kept me either locked in here or by your side like a bad dog for two weeks! You haven’t tried to talk to me about anything. Instead of giving me a chance, you decided I was too dangerous and evil to be around anyone. You asked Arthur to pick at my mind instead of just asking me what happened.”
She wiped her wet cheeks again. “David, I know what I did. I know what she did and what she wanted. I know I shouldn’t have given up, but I did. I fucking gave up because I’m tired. I’m tired of everyone telling me I am this great person—this beautiful girl who is good and kind. Hermes freaking gave his life for me! He told me I was light in the darkness before shooting himself with a silver bullet just so I wouldn’t have to live with the guilt of taking his life. Others are sacrificing themselves because they believe I’m something I’m not. I can’t keep fighting her, David. I was tired of it all.
“I’m alone. I know that sounds awful because you’re always with me, but I feel alone. Something is broken in me, and I have a monster biding her time until I finally crack wide-open or maybe that light everyone keeps talking about dies. Maybe that’s what she’s waiting for.
“So, I just gave up when I saw what she did—what I did. I gave up when I saw you protecting Artemis.” She cried, her chest aching from her sobbing so hard. “You put her behind you, but you left me. And even when we got here, you worried about her instead of me. You didn’t care about the mean things you said; you ignored them and made me feel worse for what I allowed to happen. You put everyone before me!”
“Baby, that’s not true. I am thinking about you with every decision I make. Yes, I protected Artemis when she almost got herself killed, but so have you. You won’t let others die if you can help them, and I am the same. It has nothing to do with her. I certainly do not care for her as I do you, but she was next to me; I saved her.”
“But you left me!” She pointed to herself. “I fought so hard to get to you, and I got hurt. Everyone knew I was dying, and it was a Damned vampire who came to save me. Hermes came, protected me, and he was hurt too. He comforted me when I thought I was going to die without you or even Death. I even tried to send him to help you, but he chose to help me.”
“I COULDN’T FIND YOU!” He covered his face, breathing out before speaking in a calmer tone. “Baby, I can’t feel you like I used to. I don’t know why, but I was panicking when I lost track of you. I know I shouldn’t have left; I knew he was goading me so I would leave you, but I snapped. You snapped too, so please try to understand I am just a man. I have so much love for you, but I have anger, hate, and fear running through my veins just like everyone else.
I lost control, but I didn’t mean to leave you. I wanted to kill him. That’s how I can protect you from him. They all want you, and I’m just one man against all of them.”
She nodded, sniffling as she stepped farther away from him. “I get that, David. I know it’s not right for me to put that pressure on you to be perfect, but in my eyes, you have been. Even jumping after Lancelot and protecting her, even if I suffered for it, I understood and saw that as your perfectness—but I didn’t stop talking to you or begin analyzing you behind your back.
“You said the others wouldn’t understand and they’d judge me, but you judged me. You called me evil. You said I hurt Artemis. ME! You stopped separating me from that black-eyed girl inside me, and you made me realize, like I always feared, it was all me. That is the first time you have seemed less in my eyes. You turned your back on me, just like everyone has.”
“I haven’t turned my back on you! My brothers haven’t either.”
“How would I know that, David?” She glared at him. “The one time any of them tried to talk to me, you came and dragged me away after scolding us. You barely treat me like a person!”
He looked away from her glare. “Baby, I was doing what I thought was best.”
“No, you just didn’t want to talk to an evil monster. You couldn’t kiss something as evil as me because Lancelot was right, you would toss me away when you saw what I was capable of.”
He stared her in the eye. “Jane, I think she is evil. I know you are not the same and that you do not wish to be anything like her. I have not tossed you away.”
“We’re the same, David.” She smiled sadly. “She is me. And while you haven’t exactly thrown me out of your room, you have set me aside until you can safely dispose of me.”
David shook his head. “I have not. I have been trying to figure out how to help you. I know you are that good person Arthur was talking about. She is who you want to be, who you really are. That thing that almost fucked a man on the battlefield just to piss off Lancelot—my enemy—she is not you. You would never do that. It ripped my fucking heart out to see you like that, but I know she was controlling you.”
“So why did you stop loving me?”
He looked at her like she’d lost her mind. “I haven’t. I tell you every single day—morning and night—that I love you.”
Another sad smile formed on her face. “David, you love your Jane. You don’t see me as your Jane anymore.”
“Yes, I do.”
“It’s okay.” She walked to her bag. “I’ll be sure to send your love to your Jane, whoever she is. If she’s that girl Arthur told you about, I’m sure she will understand. I disgust her too, by the way. Maybe even more than I disgust you.”
“Jane, please let me explain.”
She sent him a fierce look. “Like you let me?”
“Baby, I love you. I have always loved you. I will continue to love you.”
She walked to the bathroom door, her heartbeat speeding from the fear building in her. “David, you fell in love with your dream girl. You thought I was her—wanted me to be her—but no one told you about the bloody fine print that was written across my heart and soul.
“I know you have probably never gone to a used car dealer, but let me explain it this way. I’m like one of those cars that has been driven across the country and has had a collision every few hundred miles, but I still work. And then you came, and your blood was like magic. I got all shiny and new looking. My engine started purring a little louder; I was going faster, and everyone stopped to look at me because I looked brand-new.
“Only, I’m not brand-new—I’m still just a used car. My parts are worn, my circuits are a little iffy, and my window cleaner is definitely out of control.” She laughed. “You started to suspect something was wrong when I started burning through gas and overheating. I even broke down a few times and needed to have a jumpstart. Sure, my engine roared to life, but this”—she smacked her heart—“my battery—what makes me me is still the same.
“I’ve been getting juiced up by either you or Death, but I’m still dying—still weakening with every mile. I don’t know what part Evil Jane is, exactly. I would say she’s whichever parts draw everyone in. She’s able to touch every part of me. Maybe she’s a virus or bad wiring, and she loves to make all my warning lights flash on. She wants you to know I’m broken. She wants you to panic, and you do. You panic whenever I’m not what you dreamed me up to be—what the salesman said I would be. You still want me, but you know you might have invested your money into a busted little car.
“That evil girl, she wants to replace my battery with hers. I’ll still be here, I suppose, in the computer chips and the body, but I won’t be the same. My memory might exist here and there, too. Maybe you’ll see a scratch in the paint or remember me when you drive down a familiar road, but my little battery will be in the trash—forgotten. It will waste away in a landfill or in the garage while I watch her take off every day in my body, tooting her horn just to wound me further.”
She sobbed again. “You just got to experience the remodeled car version of me, but I’m too broken for you. I broke down too many times while you had me, so you just decided to put me away. You tried, you really tried, and you cared for me, tried to mend the broken parts, but you gave up when the mechanic—Arthur—told you that you put your money into a lost cause. He said you couldn’t let anyone drive me or I might hurt them. He said you were risking your life by keeping me so close. Oh, and then he said: ‘Did you know she needed premium gas? Yeah, it’s Death grade, but it’s rare to find. She might turn on, but she’ll never run like she’s supposed to without Death.’”
She glanced around the room. “When we came back here, you put your broken car in your garage. She’s still yours, but you decided not to waste any more money on your investment. So, you’ll just leave her there, away from everyone because that’s safer. Maybe one day you’ll call for her to be towed off when a new model with no problems comes along. You might feel bad because you know it will hurt your old car’s feelings to start parking her outside while the new one gets the cleaned-out garage. So, it’s better just to let her go.”
“Baby, no.” He walked to her and held her face. “You are not my broken down car. Even if you were, I would always love you and do everything I could to keep you running. Even if I had to search the world for your Death.”
“No, you wouldn’t.” She sucked in a trembling breath. “You stuck me in here. You didn’t even want to find out what was broken in me.”
He smiled. It was a sad smile, but it was the first time he had done it since everything happened. “Maybe I am an awful mechanic, but I didn’t trust anyone to look after you. Maybe I have been researching the history of my one of a kind Jane-mobile, but I didn’t want to read aloud or force her to tell me all the times she’s been wrecked or broken down. Maybe I didn’t want the entire town aware of every time my beautiful car had to be taken to get fixed by her green-eyed mechanic.”
She smiled, leaning into his hand. She missed him so much.
He caressed her cheek with his thumb. “Maybe I love her so much I have been afraid to touch her, fearing it would only cause more damage. I was terrified that if I touched the wrong thing I would break her. I’ve only had her for a short time, and I let her get into horrible accidents. Even after getting her repaired, I didn’t care for her properly. And now I have no way to find her personal mechanic. So, I ignored the warning lights because I didn’t want to believe I was doing something wrong. I didn’t want to accept I might lose her.”
He caressed her hair, gliding his fingers through the long strands as he pulled their bodies even closer. “Baby, I love you. Whatever you are, I love you. If she is you, I love you, but I prefer to think of her as a part we can remove.” He chuckled as he glanced around the room. “Forgive me, I am not a car expert, so I do not know which parts are disposable.”
Jane laughed, sniffling as she watched him study her face. “Maybe she’s bad
oil. She’s running all through my system and ruining everything.”
He grinned, sliding a hand across her waist to rest on her back. “I was hoping I could say something clever, but I fear suggesting I give you an oil change would translate to an upset stomach. Although, she resembles dark, sickening oil.”
She laughed hard, closing her eyes as she envisioned David carrying her to the toilet again and again.
David pushed her hair back. “Baby, I’m with you no matter what. Please forgive me for being an asshole to you. I have honestly been trying to figure out how to help you. I fear I will lose you to her every time she comes forward, but I have never been more afraid than I was when she considered leaving with him. I don’t care what she said about destroying me or even what she wanted to do with Lance—but I feared that she would leave and take you with her. I wanted to cry because I saw her beating you for the first time. I saw you giving up. She admitted she wanted to destroy you. I have feared this, but I had hoped there was a purpose to her being there. She only seems like destruction, though. You, my love, are not destruction.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but he spoke again. “Intentionally destructive. To go along with your car theme, you would be my pretty car a dangerous driver stole. It’s not the car’s fault she put others in danger. It is my fault for not protecting her. And I have felt disappointed with myself for not protecting you.”
“You can’t protect me if I’m her.”
“I think you two are separate. I’m sure we’ll figure it out one day, but this woman looking at me right now is the woman I love. As far as protecting you, you’re right; I can’t protect you from something inside you, but I can be there for you. I can support you as you fight her. I failed at that by letting my fear of losing you distract me. I will never forgive myself for treating you this way. I swear I never meant to hurt you. I simply don’t know what to do. Honestly, I have been praying for guidance. I even prayed for Death to return. I let you cry in that shower because I hoped he would come help you if he saw how much pain you were in.”