by Helly Acton
‘What are you on about?’ Sasha says, staring at her.
‘I’m resigning,’ Millie replies, smiling. A few moments ago she might have been more dramatic about it. But Millie doesn’t do confrontation.
‘Sorry, what?’ Sasha says, louder. ‘Millie! Since when? You can’t just quit! We’re launching our biggest campaign ever next month. Are you going to walk out on that? You’re crazy! We could end up in San Francisco permanently, working at Human, not Slide. I mean, isn’t that the fucking dream?’
‘It used to be,’ Millie replies, calmly. ‘But to be honest, it’s more of a nightmare now.’
Millie reaches for her phone and scrolls through her contacts.
‘Millie, wait!’ Sasha calls to Millie from the boardroom door, as Millie storms into the office kitchen. She puts her phone in her pocket and turns round.
‘What now, Sasha?’ Millie sighs, as Sasha approaches her.
‘Can we . . .’ Sasha says, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable and pausing for a painfully long time.
‘Can we what?’ Millie says impatiently.
‘Look, can I buy you a drink?’
Millie is taken aback, but intrigued enough to say yes.
‘I’ve spent years trying to be your friend here,’ Sasha starts, after their first sip of wine. ‘It was impossible when Ruth was around, the two of you in your tiny two-woman clique, letting no one else get close. Those fucking Friday lunches that no one else was invited to.’
‘We didn’t exclude anyone on purpose,’ Millie replies. ‘It’s just that we worked together for a long time. We’d been doing Friday lunches since the start. It’s hard to break a habit. Believe me, I know. Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise how much it bothered you. To be honest, I thought you hated me. You don’t act like a fan. And accusing someone of stealing your yoghurt isn’t a great way to make friends, is it?’
‘I thought you were bullying the new girl!’ Sasha cries. ‘Like some kind of strange initiation. Weirdly marking your territory, or something.’
‘Do you still think I stole your fucking yoghurt?’ Millie asks, one eyebrow raised.
Sasha looks at her, then drops her gaze. ‘No,’ she mutters.
‘Come again?’ Millie asks.
‘No! OK? Fine. I didn’t want to look stupid in my first week here, so I couldn’t take it back. I thought it was better to just pretend I still thought it was you. I . . . find it hard to apologise. But, as we’re clearing the air, I’m . . . sorry.’
‘Thank you for that,’ Millie states. ‘And, what else are you sorry about?’
Sasha tightens her lips.
‘Go on,’ Millie encourages her.
‘I didn’t steal your research notes, Millie,’ Sasha replies. ‘I merely saw them. And I didn’t hack into your computer for them, I found photocopies of them in the print room. There was a huge pile of them, scattered all over the place. I read them while I was waiting for something to print, and . . . what can I say? I was inspired. And in the interests of making the best possible campaign, I used them. Can you honestly say you wouldn’t have glanced at my work, if you’d seen it lying there?’
Bloody Ben.
‘OK, I believe you,’ Millie says, stifling a giggle. ‘But I’m still waiting.’
‘Fine. I’m sorry,’ Sasha replies. ‘Even so, Millie, you and Ruth made me feel excluded from my first day. I felt like a third wheel for years. I feel like you owe me an apology too.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Millie replies genuinely.
‘When Ruth left, I thought we’d get closer. I thought we could start doing Friday lunches. Be a proper team.’ Sasha looks at Millie and shrugs.
‘If you were so desperate for us to be a team, why did you toss me over to the interns?’ Millie asks.
‘One word. Ben. I could see what was happening between you two! It was Ruth all over again. The private messages, the inside jokes. The adorable tea-making. Those fucking lunches!’
‘Ben and I just clicked. I’m sorry,’ Millie replies. ‘In hindsight, I guess we were cliquey. We should have included you more. But you and I, we’re just . . . different.’
‘Are we? I reckon we’re more alike than you think. We’re both ambitious. We’re both still here, working on Oxytoxin, unlike Ben and Ruth. You don’t see me dumping you to swan off with a girlfriend, or because I have a moral problem with the pill.’
‘When you got the promotion, I was devastated. I felt like everything I’d worked so hard for was for nothing. But the board picked the right person for the role. Go to San Francisco on your own, you don’t need me.’
Sasha’s lips turn up at the corners. ‘Thank you.’
‘Now,’ Millie continues. ‘As long as we’re being honest, there’s something else I need to tell you.’
‘Sounds like we might need more of this.’ Sasha sighs, topping up their wine glasses.
‘I took Oxytoxin. Two weeks ago.’
Sasha pauses mid-pour and her eyes widen. ‘Why the hell would you do that?’
‘I . . . have my reasons. They aren’t important. What is important, though, is that I don’t think it worked. I feel no differently about my situation.’
‘Really?’ Sasha frowns, tilting her head. ‘It seemed to work for our test cases. Thandi emailed this morning confirming that she’s definitely felt a change.’
‘And the others?’ Millie asks. ‘Deion, Ginny, the Rogers?’
‘Deion and his dad have come to some sort of agreement about his schoolwork. Ginny has chosen to wait a bit before taking the pills, and the Rogers have decided against taking it at all. In fact, they’ve swung the other way and have started some kind of pro-couple petition which has about fifty thousand signatures. I suppose it’s a hundred thousand if each signature counts for two.’ She titters. ‘But I can’t work out why it wouldn’t work on you. Where did you get it from?’
‘I took a packet from the pitch,’ Millie says. ‘From your pop-up shop.’
Sasha throws her hand over her mouth and her shoulders start shaking.
‘Are you OK?’ Millie asks, leaning across the table. ‘I’m sorry, Sasha, I didn’t . . .’
‘Millie!’ She drops her hand, laughing. ‘Those packets were prototypes from the design studio. They weren’t real, they were filled with flour!’
Millie sits bolt upright in her chair as the news hits her. A wave of relief suddenly washes over her, and, when she realises that what she feels is relief, rather than disappointment, it all becomes clear. She knows what she has to do. And she knows who she has to call.
Millie:
I need to talk to you x
Millie rushes through the park towards home, holding tightly onto Ken Plant. She feels as light as a feather with the relief of being Oxytoxin-free, and she’s bubbling with excitement at the phone call she’s about to make.
She puts Ken carefully on her kitchen island and takes a seat on the stool, her hands shaking as she presses call on her phone.
‘I’ve changed my mind,’ she states decisively, grinning like a loon as she strokes Ken Plant’s sticky note face, but her smile fades as the silence stretches and she waits for an answer.
Thirty-Seven
One month later
The front door of the old warehouse is half rust, half steel. With Ken Plant in one hand, Millie pauses before knocking, checking her freshly manicured fingernails haven’t been chipped afterwards.
This is it. Deep breaths.
She quickly glances at her reflection in the window next to the door, and leans in. There’s nothing on her face. She’s lipstick-smudge-free. Her hair is behaving and . . .
She grins.
. . . there’s nothing lodged in her teeth.
She inhales, reaches up and knocks three times. The echoes reverberate inside. When she’s greeted by silence, she takes her phone out and dials Ruth.
‘Where are you?’ Ruth says.
‘Outside!’ Millie replies.
‘Oh, sorry! I’ll come
down now. It’s a bit of a trek. Great for the butt, though.’
A few minutes later and faint, squeaky footsteps from inside start to grow louder until they’re on the other side of the door. The door opens with an ear-piercing screech, making Millie’s spine tingle. It’s a far cry from the smooth, faint whooshes of the automatic doors at Human.
‘Welcome to Twocan!’ Ruth beams, wearing a pair of paint-splashed dungarees. ‘It still needs a spit, a lick and a polish, but it’s come on since last week, hasn’t it?’
‘It really has!’ Millie says as she steps inside and looks up at the skylights, which are covered in moss. The exposed brick walls of their new HQ are faded, and their eclectic mix of charity shop desks are stained, but it’s a start. Millie smooths her hair down one side, smiles and continues looking around.
‘He’s not here yet,’ Ruth says.
Millie releases her lungs.
‘You all right there?’ Ruth laughs.
‘I’m fine. Why do I feel so nervous?’ Millie says, breathily, placing Ken on the reception desk, which is currently a single chair with a Twocan sign swinging above it.
‘Because he doesn’t know you’re here and it’s going to be a rather huge surprise,’ Ruth replies.
‘Thank you,’ Millie says. ‘For this. For bringing me on. And for bringing him on.’
‘I hardly needed much persuading, Mils,’ Ruth said. ‘You two are the dream team. Hey, who’s this little guy?’ Ruth asks.
‘Ken Plant. Temporary receptionist,’ Millie smiles, dusting his face. ‘Calm, but prickly.’
A loud bang on the door makes them jump.
‘Oh my god, it’s him,’ Millie says, swatting at her hair again, sitting on the reception chair and then standing up again, pulling her blouse down and leaning on the counter.
‘Can you calm down, please? It’ll be fine,’ Ruth says as she shoves on the front door handle and yanks it open. The light streams in and the silhouette in the doorway steps forward.
‘What are you doing here?’ Millie says, relaxing her pose.
‘Well, it’s nice to see you too, Millabelle. What a welcome,’ Vivian says, removing her massive sunglasses. ‘Who were you expecting?’
‘Our new chief strategy officer,’ Millie replies.
‘Vivian!’ Ruth cries. ‘Come in. It’s far from done, so you’ll have to use a little imagination. Maybe a lot of imagination, looking at it. We’re probably two weeks away from completion.’
‘I think it’s fabulous!’ Vivian smiles. ‘It reminds me of when I set up on my own. Big ceilings, open pipes, exposed brick. Very urban chic. Anyway, I’m sorry to arrive unannounced, but Millie didn’t invite me or answer my calls, so I had no choice. I just wanted to pop round to congratulate you on your first official day, Chief Creative Officer.’
‘You could have waited for an invite, or for me to answer your calls,’ Millie says under her breath, next to Ruth. Millie and Ruth exchange glances and stifle their smiles with pursed lips.
‘Oh dear, what’s happened here? What’s this sorry little excuse for greenery?’ Vivian says, poking Ken with the arm of her sunglasses. ‘I’ll put you in touch with my urban landscape architect. If I invest in a company, I want to make sure it creates a decent impression.’
Millie steps forward and rolls the chair away from her mother’s reach. ‘That’s Ken Plant, and I like him just the way he is,’ Millie says, frowning.
‘Small, wrinkly and limp?’ Vivian replies.
‘Hey, who’s been reading my old Slide reviews?’ chirps a familiar voice at the front door.
Millie’s heartbeat goes into overdrive as she turns round and sees him for the first time since the park. Since she ran away. Since that kiss.
‘Millie!’ Ben cries with a strange expression – half smile, half frown, putting his cartoon coffee cup down slowly on a cardboard box next to him. He wipes his hands on his trousers, then through his hair before extending an arm towards Vivian for a handshake, which is reciprocated half-heartedly. ‘Hello, I’m Ben! Are you our new Chief Welcome Officer?’ He smiles, glancing at Millie and frowning again.
Vivian stares at him with her icy eyes while Millie shakes her head vigorously in the background.
Ben soon realises that the safest thing to do is stop talking, and instead darts his wide eyes between them both in confusion.
‘Ben, this is my mum, Vivian. Mum, this is Ben, our chief strategy officer. Also, hi,’ Millie says, stepping forward.
Millie and Ben do an awkward arms-outstretched dance before hugging.
‘It’s good to see you,’ Millie says softly in his ear.
‘You too, Belle,’ Ben replies, even more softly. ‘I had no idea you’d be here. Are you joining Twocan?’
Millie nods her head excitedly and opens her mouth to explain, when her mum interrupts.
‘Lovely to meet you, Ben, I’m Vivian. And one of your investors,’ Vivian says, interrupting the moment and forcing a smile before giving Millie a withering look.
‘Oh, right, sorry.’ Ben squeezes his eyes shut. ‘Just give me a moment to remove this giant foot from my mouth!’
‘You look very tanned, have you been on holiday?’ Vivian asks.
‘I’ve been in Australia for a few weeks. Sorry, can I just make it very clear that I’m not really on Slide?’ Ben says with a serious face.
Millie mouths sorry from behind her mum’s back.
‘Mum, let’s go to the balcony. We have an amazing view from up there that I’d love you to see.’
‘Have you gone completely mad?’ Vivian says, folding her arms and leaning sideways on against the balcony railing. ‘I mean, I thought the whole idea of Twocan was off the wall, but then you go and hire a man you have history with? Do you know how complicated and messy that could get? And what if you start falling for him again, surrounded by all this talk of couples?’
‘I don’t have a history with him, Mum,’ Millie says. ‘And, technically, Ruth hired him.’
‘Oh, stop trying to deny it, Millie, you’ve already confessed to everything,’ Vivian replies.
‘No, I mean—’ Millie tries to continue, but Vivian interrupts her.
‘Wait a moment,’ Vivian says, as if a light bulb has suddenly been switched on. ‘You took Oxytoxin, didn’t you? So, maybe this will be OK? Unless he’s the type to hold a grudge. Is he? What if he’s a stalker? Maybe you should slip some Oxytoxin into his coffee when he’s not looking. From what I can tell, he isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the box.’
‘Well,’ Millie starts. ‘Funny thing, actually. As it turns out, the Oxytoxin pills weren’t Oxytoxin after all. So I haven’t taken it.’
‘What were they?’
‘They were fake pills. Filled with flour. For the pitch.’
‘So when are you going to get some real ones?’ Vivian says, starting to fluster.
‘I’m not.’
‘I think it would be sensible, Millie.’
‘Mum, I’m still in love with Ben.’
Vivian blanches.
‘I haven’t told him yet, but I’m planning to, this weekend. I’m just hoping he still feels the same way about me.’
‘Millie, no!’ Vivian throws her head in her hands. ‘No, no, no! You’ve been brainwashed, haven’t you? I knew this would happen, working here, with Ruth. You want to be in a couple, Millie? And you work together? What’s got into you? Is this some kind of delayed teenage rebellion? What happens when you break up and you’re stuck working with him? You’re honestly going to take that risk?’
Her mother’s stream of consciousness eventually fades, making room for Millie to speak.
‘It might seem like a risk to you, but it isn’t for me,’ Millie responds calmly. ‘Look. You’ve always told me to stand up for myself and go after what I really want. That’s what I’m doing. I’m standing up for myself. I’m standing up to you. I’m standing up to everyone who thinks there’s something wrong with being in a couple. And I know I used to be one of th
em.’
‘You know full well that I meant stand up for yourself at work!’ Vivian cries. ‘Can’t you see how being in a couple could hold you back? You’re going to be distracted, you’re going to lose focus, you’re going to lose time, money. You’re going to be trapped, Millie.’
‘It might be hard for you to believe,’ Millie says. ‘But I think I feel more trapped being single and set in my ways. I used to think that being in a relationship would make me lose out. But Ben feels like a . . . a bonus. Besides, I’m only twenty-nine, Mum. I’ve got thirty years of work ahead of me. I have time for both Ben and my career.’
‘Next you’ll be calling him your other half,’ Vivian tuts.
‘I promise you, I’ll never call him that,’ Millie winces. ‘We’re both our own, independent people who just happen to enjoy spending time together. Hopefully.’
‘But you enjoy spending time with June. I used to think you enjoyed spending time with me. You’ve got Al and Ruth. Aren’t we enough? I mean, how much time can you possibly have to spare on him? You’re too good to be in a relationship, Millie. Why would you want to share all this with someone? Why would you want to make that sacrifice? This is Mandy all over again. You’re going to lose your spark, just like she did.’
‘Mum, I know it’s hard for you to believe, but you don’t need to be worried about me sharing my life or making sacrifices. I’m very happy. Being in a couple will be my choice. I’m not ill. I don’t need to be rescued. I don’t need to be pitied. You know me, I only make sensible decisions, and I’m sure this is one of them.’
‘I used to know you,’ Vivian said. ‘Now I’m not so sure.’
Vivian puts her sunglasses back on firmly.
‘I’m sorry I’m not the perfect daughter you thought I was. Although if you think about it, being in a couple makes me more like you than ever. I’ve inherited your rebellious streak. You rebelled against Veronica when you chose to have me in your twenties, and now I’m rebelling against you. You wanted to prove Veronica wrong with me, and I’m sorry, but I want to prove you wrong with Ben. I want to show you that I can be happy and successful and in a couple, despite your concerns. I do appreciate you want what’s best for me. And I’m convinced this is it.’