by Faye Avalon
Before she could change her mind, she raced around to the passenger side, yanked open the door and slid in beside him.
An imperious expression had now returned to his face, and his eyes had taken on a colder, harder quality. Connie drew in a breath. For some reason, she could deal easier with this Tor, the one she was more familiar with.
“I want straight answers.”
He said nothing, just looked ahead, his fingers tight around the wheel.
“If we’d stayed here at the villa, then returned to London, and during all that time I couldn’t learn to accept what you are, what would you have done?”
Still looking ahead, he frowned. “I’ve already told you.”
“But what if months went by, and nothing changed. I still didn’t accept you.”
No answer.
“How long would you have made me stay with you?”
“I’m letting you go. Be satisfied with that.”
Oh no, she thought. He wasn’t going to get off that easily. “So, all of a sudden you’ve decided you don’t want me any more. Bam. Just like that. I’m not worth the trouble? Which leads me to think I was right all along and you were just exerting power. Trying to control me. I dared to leave you, so you wanted a bit of payback. What happened, Tor? Did you finally decide another woman would give you less grief?”
He turned then, narrowing his eyes so that she couldn’t glimpse any emotion in them. “You know so little about me, milaya. Even though you are quick to judge me, you have learned little. With you in my life, even unwillingly, there would be no other woman for me.”
His words bordered on tender, but his tone and expression didn’t match. When he leaned across, lifting his arm to place it across the back of her seat, his scent, masculine and woodsy, made her insides tremble.
She shivered, and his gaze drifted over the light sweater she wore. With the engine still running, he turned up the heater. The gesture was achingly sweet, and it pinched at Connie’s heart.
“Alongside everything else, you’re an infuriating man, Tor Vladimir.”
Lightly, he touched the ends of her hair. “Take your freedom, milaya.”
He was giving her what she’d wanted, so why couldn’t she seem to get out of the car? Was it because her liberty didn’t seem quite so important anymore? Not if it meant leaving Tor.
A feeling of inexplicable sadness bore down on her. “You went about all this the wrong way.”
He sucked in a breath, his wide chest broadening. “I know.”
“If you’d come to me, given me time, without threatening me, or making your impossible demands, then things might have been different.”
Still he toyed with her hair. “Da.”
She barely resisted leaning in to his hand so close to her face. “I know I was judgmental, that I jumped to conclusions and was ready to think the worst of you, and I’m sorry for it. I wish we could go back to when I opened the door to you in Milan. I wish that I’d been willing to listen to you. If I had, we could have talked, you could have explained everything to me, answered all my questions.”
“What would you have asked?”
“I don’t know now. It’s too late to even think about it.”
“Humor me.”
She took a long inhale. “Well, first I would have asked how it was possible that you were a man who could change into a wolf. Then I would have asked how often you had to do that, and whether or not it hurts. When you go through the transformation, I mean.” She looked straight at him. “Does it?”
The hint of a smile passed over his beautiful mouth. “There is some discomfort, but nothing like it used to be, when I was a boy.”
“So, what actually happens? Do you feel … everything?”
“I feel my bones crack, elongate. I feel my skin burn as fur pushes through the pores. My jaw feels tight, and my teeth throb as they lengthen and sharpen.”
Connie hadn’t realized her hand had crept to her throat. She swallowed. “It sounds awful.”
Now he did smile, but his eyes remained circumspect. “It sounds worse than it feels.”
She nodded and dropped her hand away. “What do you do when you shift? I know you have to run, but is there anything else you need to do?”
“You mean, do I feel the need to kill?”
Having him spell it out quite so bluntly made her gasp. “No. That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t,” he said quickly, letting his hand drop from toying with her hair to rest on the back of her seat. “Not any more. Once the instinct was strong to hunt prey, but I have trained myself to ignore those instincts.” He turned in his seat, facing her fully. “I am more man than beast, Connie, despite what my actions might have led you to believe.”
“I’m sorry for calling you that. Sorry for the cruel accusations I’ve made. I allowed my fears and my prejudices to rule over my compassion. You didn’t deserve any of the things I said.”
He huffed a laugh. “I’m sure I deserved every one of them. My recent behavior has borne that out.”
“You’re not capable of the worst of my accusations,” she felt compelled to tell him. “When you gave me that ultimatum, that if I chose to come back with you I could have my old life back, I just assumed that meant us being together as we were before. Having sex.”
He said nothing.
“I know you’re not that man.”
No response.
She realized that his lack of response was an answer in itself. He was done with her. She had challenged him, accused him, and now he was ready to be shot of her.
Heartsick, Connie reached for the door latch. There didn’t seem to be anything more to say. Except one thing. The one thing she could give him and that he deserved to know. “I’ll keep my promise, Tor. I’ll never reveal your secret to anyone. I want you to rest easy knowing that I’d never betray you.”
“I have no doubt of that.”
Having him confirm so vehemently that he trusted her made her heart clench. His belief in her loyalty was humbling. Despite what had happened between them. If his secret ever came to light it would cost him dearly. If she revealed what he was and somebody actually believed her enough to investigate, heaven knew what can of worms it could open. There was no precedent. At best he could be ridiculed, investigated, taunted by the media. His reputation would be in tatters, his business destroyed. At worse, he could be imprisoned, tested, experimented on. How could she ever put him at that sort of risk?
She couldn’t. Wouldn’t. And he believed that.
She released the door latch and turned to face him. “You said that you’d wanted to tell me you were a shifter before I saw you that night in the New Forest.”
“I always wanted to tell you the truth of who I am. I’d planned to that weekend. I’d shifted and gone for a run, trying to work off some of the pent-up energy that had accumulated that evening while we’d dined. I’d tried to start a conversation, but each time all I could think was that when you knew you’d reject me, leave me.”
She shook her head, irritated with herself. “And that’s exactly what I did.”
“I’d planned to drip feed you pieces, give you the opportunity to slowly get used to the idea, the possibility of it. The time was right for you to know the truth.”
Connie held her breath. Had she been right about the reason he’d taken her away that weekend? That he’d wanted to take their relationship to a new level? Even tell her he loved her?
“Why? Why was it the right time?”
“Because I wanted more. I wanted you to move in with me. I knew it would strengthen the possibility that you’d discover the truth about me, and you deserved to know. Deserved to know what you’d be getting into if you’d accepted.”
His chest broadened as he sucked in a breath. “That weekend? I realized things weren’t as simple as asking you to move in with me. I wanted to make you mine. Truly make you mine. To mark you.”
“Mark me?” It should have scared her, but it sounded
so deliciously powerful and erotic. “You mean … bite me?”
“I wanted to possess you, to claim you. The need was almost overwhelming. Something snapped in me that night. I couldn’t think of anything else but making you mine.”
Connie reveled in the realization that he could want her that much. It was primitive, primal. And it sent strange and wonderful shivers rippling down her spine.
“The tension in me kept building until I needed to find release,” Tor continued. “I waited until you slept, and then I went into the woods.”
“And I saw you,” she said, unable to resist reaching out and touching his hand. “And I ran like a frightened rabbit.”
“Faced with what you saw, I don’t think there’s a person alive who wouldn’t run.”
She had a flash of memory. Of Tor in wolf form. Of him changing back to human form right in front of her. Unlike before, it didn’t fill her with terror. It filled her with wonder.
“I’ve gone over that night a thousand times,” he said. “Wondering if I could have handled if differently. If I had been able to hold back the need to shift until after I’d talked to you. Given the choice, I would never have allowed you to find out about me that way. What I am is a—”
“Gift,” she said quickly. “It’s a gift, Tor. You don’t hurt anyone or anything when you shift. All you do is run and release any pent-up tension. Your senses are enhanced, and you have the ability to heal fast. That makes it a gift.”
He turned the hand she had rested on his and kissed her palm. Briefly, he closed his eyes. “Thank you.”
“It doesn’t frighten me. Not anymore.”
“Connie…”
“There are still many things I don’t know about you, things we don’t know about each other, but I know the things that matter most. You’d never hurt me. You trust me to keep your secret. You care for me enough to let me go, in spite of what I know about you.” She tightened her fingers around his. “But here’s the thing, Tor. I don’t want to be let go. Not like this.”
His eyes, those beautiful dark gray wolf eyes, met hers. Because she saw the truth of him in that gaze, she found the courage to say what was in her heart.
“Maybe we could try again. You could let me show you how sorry I am about my attitudes and assumptions. How much I regret the things I’ve said, and the way I’ve acted.”
“You were afraid.”
She shook her head. “It’s really no excuse. I put you on trial and found you guilty for something that could never be your fault. It’s an aspect of myself that makes me far from proud. For some reason, I wanted to lash out at you, to make you hurt the same way I hurt. But it was cruel of me, heartless. And that’s no excuse either.”
“Connie…”
“I’d like you to give us another chance, Tor. Give me another chance. I still have dozens of questions, and I’ll probably drive you crazy asking them. But if you still want me, I’d like to stay. Not because you’re forcing me, blackmailing me, holding me hostage. I’d like to stay because I don’t want to be without you.”
He said nothing for several agonizing moments, and then he turned, shoved out of the car and stormed back into the villa.
Chapter Six
Connie sat glued to the seat. Of all his reactions, she hadn’t expected that. Did it mean he didn’t want her to stay? Didn’t want what she’d asked of him?
When she could think straight again, she went after him.
She looked everywhere. The kitchen, Living room. Bedrooms. He was nowhere to be found. Then it hit her.
She found him in the gym. His jacket strewn on a nearby bench, his shirt in disarray on the floor as if he’d tossed it there haphazardly. With his back to her he straddled a bench press and pulled down heavy bar weights as if his life depended on it. His shoulders and biceps bulged impressively beneath the muscle shirt. His breathing was hard, heavy.
The tension emanating from him was a tangible thing, and Connie wondered if he needed to shift. To run. From her.
Too bad. He could lift those freaking weights until the cows came home, but he wasn’t leaving the gym until she’d had her say.
“I want to stay, Tor,” she said again. “If that’s not what you want any more you have to tell me straight.”
When he said nothing, but just kept pumping those damn weights, she came around in front of him. His expression was pure focus, pure determination, and a slight sheen glimmered across his brow. Due to his enhanced strength and stamina, she imagined those weights must have weighed a ton or two for him to break into even a light sweat.
“Do you want me to leave? Do you really want me to go?”
He carried on as if he hadn’t heard her, but then he reached up and secured the weights. Not looking at her, he grabbed a towel from beside the bench and wiped his forehead before placing the towel around his broad shoulders.
“I don’t have the right to keep you here,” he said gruffly as he stood. “You’ve got your own life to lead. Your own choices to make. It’s not up to me to coerce you into anything. Like I said, I’ll give you good references. You can get a job anywhere.”
“I already have a job. One I’d like to keep.” She stepped forward and drew the towel from around his shoulders. “As you said, my choices are mine to make, and I choose to be with you.”
Connie couldn’t believe how light she suddenly felt, as if the biggest weight had been lifted from her shoulders, while the darkest cloud disintegrated above her head. It felt right. Everything felt right. She was truly free. And she wanted Tor.
“Go back to London,” he snapped. “Get as far away from me as you can get.”
For a moment, his words threw her. “Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve said?”
Something flickered in his eyes, but she wasn’t entirely sure what it was.
“I’ve listened. To every word.”
He moved up close, towering over her. He was hot, sweaty and so ridiculously masculine she felt her knees go weak.
“But you don’t get it, Connie. You don’t get that while I might have learned to control the impulse to maim and kill for food, there are other more potent instincts that I’m not entirely sure I can master.”
Determined to stand her ground, she raised her chin and faced him. “Like what?”
“Like you,” he grated. “You say I’d never force you, I’d never hurt you. Maybe you’re right. But I can’t entirely trust myself where you’re concerned. I meant what I said about being prepared to do anything to have you.”
“But you didn’t. You had a point beyond which you wouldn’t go. That’s pretty good mastery of your instincts in my book.”
“Connie…”
“No, you listen to me, Tor, and you listen with that sharpened sense of hearing that you’ve been gifted with.” She placed her hands on his chest, feeling his warmth permeate her palms, the solid planes of muscle firm beneath her touch. “I didn’t exactly care for the way you came after me, thinking that you could make threats and throw your weight around. It’s not something I’m prepared to tolerate. Yet despite your unorthodox methods, I find myself understanding them a little, forgiving them even. I know too well what frustration and fear can do, how it can make us say things, do things, that in our saner moments we wouldn’t even consider saying and doing. In spite of all that, I find myself wanting to stay. With you.”
She drew her arms around his neck, pleased when his initial reluctance eased and she felt the tension in him loosen. She smiled up at him. “Cat got your tongue?”
His eyes narrowed, but not before she caught the glint in them. “You bring me to my knees, Connie. You humble me. That you can forgive my arrogance, my conceit, my selfish demands.”
“Well, it took some doing, but I’m thinking you’re worth it.” Her heart turned over. “And if we’re talking about being forgiven, I would ask that you forgive me, Tor. You’ve made me see aspects of myself I don’t especially like that much. You’ve made me question myself, to look deepl
y at my narrow-mindedness, my intolerance, my inability to listen and to make assumptions. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
He didn’t return her smile, just kept looking at her with that fierce glow that made her stomach tumble for all the right reasons. “It seems we both have lessons to learn.” Then his arms came slowly around her. “You will never have cause to regret offering me your forgiveness.”
“Neither will you.” If she had to prove it every day, she would. “I promise you that.”
The way he pulled her so close up against him belied the tenderness of his kiss. His mouth angled over hers, his tongue teasing, testing. When she opened to him, he took what she offered. The kiss wasn’t tender any longer.
Connie tightened her arms around his neck as he manoeuvred them around and hefted her onto the workout bench. He moved into her, his legs parting her knees so that he stood between them. All the while he didn’t stop kissing her, and Connie held tight. He smelled warm, faintly of the forest, and something distinctly and devastatingly Tor.
She moaned softly, sliding her fingers into his hair.
He broke the kiss only to bite gently along her lower lip.
“Tor?”
“Hmm?”
“I have a few questions about the marking thing. The biting thing.”
His eyebrows rose. She could see that she’d surprised him. “Will it hurt?”
“Connie…”
“Will it hurt?”
She felt his arms loosen around her, and he stepped back a little. “It’s not a thing to take lightly, milaya. If I bite you, put my mark on you, it binds us together in a primal way.”
“Okay.”
“You’re okay with that?”
“I am. Truth be told, there are times I want to bite you, too.”
This time he did return her smile, and his expression turned serious. “Are you certain it’s what you want? You must be sure, my love.”