She turned away. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
He caught her arm. “Then why won’t you look at me?”
Hayden
Hayden’s heart was pounding. His hand was still wrapped around Joy’s arm and she’d yet to pull away. Still, it felt as if he were trying to hold onto water. He could feel her slipping through his fingers. He knew she was spooked after thinking they might have been caught together last night. But she’d brought him here, somewhere achingly personal to her. That had to mean that some part of her was still hanging onto whatever the hell was developing between them.
But Hayden needed answers. If Joy wanted to call it quits he needed to know now, before he spent another day falling hopelessly in love with her. Because as he saw the emotion flicker beneath the layers of cut emeralds that made up her stunning eyes, it was painfully obvious that he was falling for her. And that even if she told him there was no hope, that he should give up now, it might already be too late. He might already be endlessly devoted to her.
“Joy, we have to talk about this. I know the risk you’re taking—”
“We’re both taking risks,” she interrupted.
“I know and if . . .” he drew in a steadying breath. “If you want to end this . . .”
“I don’t.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but he heard it with every fiber of his being.
Thank God, because I don’t think I could give you up if my life depended on it, Joy.
Hayden pulled her closer, wrapping her securely in his arms. Her head settled against his chest and a feeling of wholeness overwhelmed him. Holding Joy felt like coming home. It felt like he’d finally found the thing he’d never known he was searching for. “You’re worth the risk,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her golden hair. “You’re worth everything.”
Her arms tightened around him and it was all the answer he needed.
They clung to each other in silence for a few moments longer and when Joy pulled away, there was a bit more brightness in her eyes. She still wasn’t the carefree girl from yesterday, but it was a start.
“So, what crazy surprises do you have planned for me today?” Hayden asked.
“Nothing crazy. Just what I said, some snorkeling and a little shallow water diving.”
Hayden raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “What no cliff jumping or swimming with sharks?”
She smiled. “It’s Sunday, Hayden.”
“So.”
“So, even God rested on Sunday.”
Hayden grinned at her. He liked the sound of that. It eased a bit more of his worry—like Joy was telling him they could table their problems, at least for today, and just enjoy their time together.
“Okay,” Joy said, getting back to business. “Let me show you how this equipment works. Then I want to take your vitals before and after we’re in the water.”
“Sounds good, boss.”
Jo smirked at him and another coil of tension unwound in Hayden’s heart.
Joy
After Jo charted Hayden’s vitals, she gave him a brief lesson on Snuba gear and how to use the breathing apparatus and fins. Then, they were ready to head into the water. Jo called to Piper to who was sitting on the stairs of the cottage. It seemed she remembered it, too. “Come on, girl. You can’t sit there. It’s not our place anymore.”
Hayden shook his head beside her. “She’s not hurting anyone. Let her sit up there in the shade.”
Jo shrugged. “I guess she’s fine. I already checked and the house isn’t rented today.”
Hayden silently absorbed her words as he looked at the house and the surrounding beach. “This beach is private property. Is that why you brought me here, so no one would see us?”
“Are you using one of your questions?”
Hayden’s eyes met hers and his quiet calm sobered Jo to his seriousness. “Yes, I’m using one of my questions, Joy. I want to know about this house and why you brought me here.”
Jo swallowed, knowing a half answer wouldn’t suffice. She could tell from the way Hayden was looking at her that he wanted the truth. “My great-grandparents used to own that house. It was passed down for generations. My mother and my uncle Jack grew up here. I was actually born in this house, but I didn’t live here long. We moved in with Jack because my mother couldn’t handle taking care of me on her own. My grandfather passed away shortly after I was born and my grandmother had to move into an assisted living home. But the house stayed in our family. Jack used to bring us back here all the time when we were little. Me and Ryan and Lucas and Ethan. It’s where we learned to surf and dive. It’s where we grew up.”
Joy felt her eyes mist over at the memories. “I had a lot of good times here, despite the fact that it reminded me of my mother. This is actually where she abandoned me. I was one and she left me all alone with a note telling Jack she wasn’t coming back.” Joy wiped at her tears. “I think Jack used to bring us here so much because he always hoped one day my mother would show up. Like she’d just be here, waiting, like she’d never left at all. But when we got the call from the bank, it killed any hope he might’ve been holding on to.”
“The bank took the house back?”
Jo huffed a laugh. “When my grandmother died, she left the house to my mother. I guess she thought it might bring her back to Hawaii. It didn’t. It just gave her something else to be irresponsible with. My mother took out some loans using the house as collateral. And when she didn’t make her payments, the bank took the house. I was ten when it happened. Jack didn’t have enough to pay the back taxes and fees, so an investor bought it and turned it into a fancy vacation rental. I don’t really come back here much now.”
“Only when you don’t want anyone to know where you are?”
It wasn’t really a question, but Jo nodded anyway, because that was the exact reason she’d chosen this location today. Jo had logged onto the rental site and when she saw no one had booked the cottage she knew it was the perfect place for them to spend what might be their last day together.
Hayden was too perceptive for his own good. Jo studied his face, waiting for his reaction. She didn’t want him to think she was ashamed of him, but the idea of being caught with him last night had shaken her. She wished she could be selfish and just give herself a few fun weeks with Hayden and not care about the repercussions, but she had never been good at putting herself first.
After a moment, Hayden reached for Jo’s hand, threading her fingers with his. He gave her a reassuring smile. “I’m glad you brought me here.”
The relief that flooded her heart was astounding. Hayden’s response was unexpected. Jo thought he’d be mad, but the fact that he wasn’t almost hurt worse.
Why? Why did she have to meet someone so kind and understanding when she wasn’t free to have him.
Sensing her silent turmoil, Hayden pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to her hair. “Let’s go have some fun, okay?”
“Okay.”
36
Hayden
The rest of the day went swimmingly—literally. They spent hours exploring the reef just a short distance off the beach. The Snuba equipment allowed them to pull air out of the long hose attached to the floating air tank whenever they needed, and after a few hours, Hayden felt like his fins and mask were an extension of his body.
Joy checked on him constantly, communicating underwater with hand signals she’d explained to him earlier. Each time she asked if he was okay he gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. And it was true. His heart and lungs were invigorated as they explored the reef. The sea life was incredible, and when they came upon a pod of dolphins Hayden could barely contain his excitement.
There was so much beauty in the world, so many things he hadn’t known he wanted to see. This—diving and swimming with dolphins—it was more than he’d ever dreamt of experiencing. In just three days with Joy, Hayden had seen more than he had in his entire life. Before her, his life was doctors, swimming, lectures, conditioning, everything pushing toward
one goal, one end game: a prize he didn’t even want.
But with Joy, there wasn’t an end game. The goal was just living, being, experiencing—existing to the fullest capacity. With Joy he felt alive, he saw the world through vibrant eyes. Joy made Hayden’s dull, sterile world bright with color and feeling, and he never wanted it to end.
He gazed at Joy swimming next to him. He loved watching her in her element. She looked like a graceful mermaid gliding through the cerulean blue. He could look at her for hours and never get bored. Each time he caught a glimpse of her he found new angles of her beauty to appreciate. The curve of her spine, the tantalizing indentations just above her hipbones, the delightful swell of her breasts, the inviting hollow at her collarbone, the soft line of her smooth stomach, the delicate structure of her ribs . . . Each part of her called to each part of him, begging to be touched and explored in the same way they explored the reef—with divine reverie.
Joy
The longer they were underwater, the more Joy’s mood lightened. She was less guarded in their sanctuary beneath the sea. The world couldn’t judge them here and that made her bold. She took Hayden’s hand, leading him through the underwater world. The warmth of his hand in hers enveloped her. She wanted more and he was eager to give it. She swam closer to him, letting her body brush against his, until they were tangled together in a passionate embrace. The sensation of his warmth against her water-cooled skin ignited a fire inside her. Each touch stoked the flame until she was convinced she was burning, her core flaming in a sinful way.
Joy wanted to stay with Hayden in the safety of their underwater universe forever, but they needed air. She slid her hand away from him long enough to signal it was time to go up again. The hard line of his mouth told her he was as disappointed as she was, but Hayden followed her to the surface anyway, his hand never letting go of hers.
When they surfaced, Jo frowned at the dark clouds moving in. It was going to storm again. Raindrops were already beginning to fall, threatening to extinguish the flames they’d only just begun to rebuild.
Hayden
Hayden helped Joy stow the last of their gear in the van, where Piper was grumpily waiting in the back seat. She wasn’t happy about her beach day being cut short either.
“Maybe it’ll blow over,” Hayden said, hopefully.
Joy joined him on the tailgate and looked up at the clouds. “I don’t know, this one looks like it’s gonna be here for a while.”
“Then it’s a good thing I brought rations.”
Joy arched an eyebrow as Hayden grabbed his backpack. “Whatcha got in there?”
“You didn’t think I was gonna let you be in charge of the food again, did you?”
Joy laughed, but Hayden noticed the impressed grin on her face as she watched him lay out their picnic in the back of the van. He had fresh bread, cheese, berries, grapes, almonds, olives and cured meats. He’d even scored a bottle of wine. He owed the lady at the grocery store big time for being a sucker for romance. As soon as Hayden mentioned he wanted to put together a picnic for a girl he was trying to impress, she melted, giving him the wine and picnic blanket for free.
He’d outdone himself, but it was worth it to see Joy’s amazed expression.
“Hayden, when did you have time to do all of this?” she asked in awe as he finished setting up their spread.
“I told you, I couldn’t sleep. I figured since I was up I might as well be productive. Plus, I knew if I left the food to you I’d probably slip into a diabetic coma before getting back into ACE.”
“Very funny,” she said bumping her shoulder into his. “But seriously, thank you. This is amazing.”
“You’re welcome.”
Joy settled into the back of the van, crossing her legs as Hayden did the same. The food was spread out between them and Piper inched forward to investigate.
“Don’t worry,” Hayden said, reaching back into his bag. “I got something for you too, girl.” He pulled out a large dog bone and gave it to Piper, who snatched it up and scurried to the front of the van, leaving them in peace.
When Hayden looked back at Joy, she was studying him with an astonished expression on her lovely face.
“What?” Hayden asked.
“Nothing.”
He smirked as a feeling of accomplishment washed over him. Joy might have said nothing but the look on her face betrayed her. He’d caught her looking at him like he was everything. He knew, because it was the way he looked at her.
37
Joy
As Jo and Hayden shared a delicious meal in the back of Jezebel, the rain poured down around them. When they were finally done eating, Jo lay back against her backpack, using it as a pillow as she gazed out at the stormy beach. Hayden settled beside her and the sound of the rain mixed with the pounding of Jo’s heart. The soft melody of reggae played on Jezebel’s radio, rounding out the perfectness of the moment.
Turning toward Hayden, Jo propped herself on her elbow to look at him. “Thank you, Hayden. This was incredible.”
He grinned. “See the difference real food makes?”
She laughed. “No, not the food. I mean it was great, but I meant thank you for today. I think I needed this. Some quiet and space to remind me what we’re risking is worth it.”
“Is it worth it for you, Joy?”
She nodded slowly.
“I don’t want to make things more difficult for you.”
Jo huffed a laugh. “You definitely have. But I don’t think I know how to stop this . . . and I don’t want to. You’re worth the risk.”
Hayden’s eyes slid closed and he breathed in deeply. When he opened them again they were endless pools of desire. “You have no idea what hearing that means to me.”
“Show me,” she whispered.
Hayden
Hayden pulled Joy into his arms, and as the rain pounded down around them, drowning out the rest of the world, he showed her every single way he desired her. He took painstaking care not to break their one remaining rule. It was a battle of sheer will and determination not to get carried away. But as his hands and lips worshiped Joy’s heavenly body, Hayden realized having her at all was more than he’d ever hoped for. He wanted this moment to last forever.
When they finally exhausted themselves, going as far as their rules would allow, Joy collapsed in his arms. She lay panting against him, her bare skin pressed to his. Hayden wound his arms around her closing his eyes as he exhaled into her silky hair, pressing kisses to her head between each breath.
Joy’s soft cheek rested on his chest and Hayden wished so badly that he could tell her every word his heart was shouting. He wanted her to know he’d never felt this way before. That no person had ever shown him this amount of kindness or love. That she made him feel desired and worthy. And that he wanted to spend every moment doing the same for her. He wanted to beg her to let him love her. To let him stay with her for more than five weeks. He wanted forever. He wanted to tell her that even eternity wouldn’t be enough.
The fact that they’d somehow found each other made Hayden’s head spin. He hated that it had to happen now. If only they’d met in a year, after he fulfilled his promise to his father, after he was free to follow his own dreams.
He wanted to beg her to wait for him. To tell her that in one year he would have the freedom to make her his, and she would never have to worry about losing a job to be with him. She wouldn’t even need a job. He would take care of her until his dying day. He would worship her the way she was meant to be worshiped. He wanted to tell her his heart wasn’t his own, that it belonged to her now. He wanted to tell her so many things.
But Hayden’s mouth was a fortress. No matter how many things he wished to say to Joy, he was at a loss to form words. All his mouth seemed capable of doing was kissing her. So he did. He kissed her temple and sealed their perfect moment, locking it in his heart, where it would live forever.
38
3 years ago . . .
Dear diary,
/>
A boy wrote me a poem today.
‘Your heart and my heart they sing the same song.
Your heart and my heart when together nothing can go wrong.
Your heart and my heart, a love was never so strong.’
I want to keep his heart forever.
Do you think I can?
39
Joy
The beeping of her phone alarm jarred Jo from her sleep. As she sat up looking for it, bewilderment settled over her. Why was she in the back of her van? Why was it dark?
The beeping continued as Jo struggled to pull her mind from the fog of wine and sleep. Movement next to her startled her so severely that she nearly screamed.
Hayden lay next to her, naked except for where a thin picnic blanket was draped over his hips. Reality slammed into Jo so quickly her head spun. They’d fallen asleep!
Shit!
Jo fumbled through their discarded clothes for her phone. When she found it she quickly turned off the alarm. Shame heated her cheeks. The alarm was a harsh reminder of why she shouldn’t be here. She read the note attached to her phone alarm as tears formed in her eyes. 8 pm: call Kai.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
She couldn’t call him now. Not with Hayden laying next to her. Jo tapped out a quick text to Kai. I’m sorry, baby. I can’t call you right now. I’ll call you in a half hour. I promise. Love you.
“Joy?”
She turned around. Hayden was sitting up, his hair rumpled and his face so hauntingly beautiful in the moonlight that it only made Jo want to cry even more.
His sleepy smile faded when he caught the anguish on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“We have to go.”
Hayden
The Summer Boyfriend Page 18