Hayden had never experienced such a connection with another human before. And he was desperate to get it back. It wasn’t just the mind-blowing sex, but the closeness and wholeness, too. Being with her soothed him, like a bath of peacefulness, easing the disquiet he’d always known. Holding Joy in his arms felt like coming home. And he’d seen the same feelings reflected in her eyes.
They needed each other. And if he had to be the one to strip off his pride and beg her to see that, he would.
I’m in love with you, Joy.
And love doesn’t give up.
But love does pause for a shower. And Hayden was in desperate need of one.
* * *
After killing some time with a long shower and hearty breakfast, Hayden headed to Joy’s. He’d had enough waiting. Now it was time to fight for his girl.
It was still early, but he was certain he couldn’t wait another moment without seeing her. He’d had nothing but time to think while he showered and ate. Besides regretting his behavior when he stormed out last night, Hayden also found some clarity.
Joy’s rules were starting to make sense to him now. She’d been trying to keep him at bay because she wasn’t free to give him her heart. She thought it belonged to Kai, but it didn’t, and Hayden was going to prove it to her. She couldn’t love Kai. Not when she loved Hayden the way she did. Joy didn’t seem like someone to admit love easily. But just because her mouth wouldn’t say the words, didn’t mean her body couldn’t.
She proved her love for Hayden every time they were together.
Every time she chose him.
Every time she kissed him back.
Every time she broke one of her rules.
Every time she made love to him last night.
Her actions spoke volumes. And there was no way Hayden was about to let this thing between them go. He knew what he felt when they were together wasn’t one-sided and it was much more than just a summer fling. It was something rare. Something meant to be cherished. And Hayden was determined not to waste it.
His long legs ate up the beach. The sand was warm under his bare feet and the sun baked his skin. He tented a hand over his eyes as he looked up at the blue sky. It was amazing what a difference the sun made. Last night, Hayden had been lost in the darkness of his own torment. But today, with the dawn, came hope and the strength to try again, even if the night threatened to bring the same ache with it.
Joy
There was a knock at Jo’s door. She wouldn’t have heard it over the chaos erupting in her tiny apartment if it hadn’t been for Piper. But the dog raced to the door barking, alerting Jo of more company. She couldn’t imagine who else was here. Her apartment was already bursting with her entire family and then some.
Brock had shown up at her place bright and early, and if it hadn’t been for the heavy bundle of happiness he’d shoved into her arms, she would’ve sent him packing. After the night she’d had with Hayden, Jo didn’t think she’d find a single reason to smile today, but Brock had proved her wrong.
Maybe he was right. Maybe he could be good for her if she’d let him.
“I’ll get it,” Lucas yelled, leaping up off the couch.
“You will not,” Jo shouted, beating him to the door.
Lucas acted like a child and tried to wrestle her away from the doorknob, causing Jo to yell for Ethan and Ryan. The rest of her brothers were more than happy for an excuse to pick on Lucas and give Jo a moment’s reprieve.
She grabbed Piper’s collar and opened the door, prepared to apologize for keeping whoever was on the other side waiting. But her words turned to ash on her lips, blown away in the breeze, as she saw who was waiting on her steps.
Hayden looked up at her with hope sparkling in his eyes. But Jo could offer him nothing in return as the sounds of footsteps raced toward her from inside the house. Her two worlds were racing toward each other, about to collide.
Jo wasn’t ready. But she knew she might never be.
Hayden
Hayden’s smile melted away when he saw the terrified expression sweep over Joy’s face. Before he could say any of the things he’d prepared on the way over, a little boy with blue-green eyes and dark curls distracted him. The child threw his arms around Joy’s legs and grinned at Hayden.
Everything stopped. His lungs. His heart. The world. The little boy with eyes like the world and a smile like fire stole Hayden’s ability to move.
Hayden didn’t know him, but his heart seemed to. Something about the boy called to Hayden in the most painful way. Before he had a chance to put his finger on the familiar sensation, Brock walked up behind the little boy. Their resemblance was undeniable. He had the same tan skin, the same dark curls, the same cunning grin. Only the eyes were different.
“Daddy!” the little boy crooned as Brock swept him up into his arms.
Pain sliced through Hayden like a hot knife through butter. He looked between Joy, Brock and the little boy.
No. Tell me it isn’t so, Joy.
“You know that’s not your daddy,” Joy said.
Brock smirked. “That’s right silly man,” he said flipping the little boy upside down until his curls hung around his face raining laughter. “I’m your uncle.”
“I know,” the boy said between giggles. “Uncle Broccoli!”
“That’s right!” Brock replied. “And who’s your daddy?”
“Mad Max!”
Max? Hayden’s mind was reeling.
“You’re so smart!” Brock continued. “You remember where he is, right?”
The little boy giggled. “Daddy’s in heaven.”
“Good man.” Brock placed the boy on his feet. “Pound it out.”
The boy fist pumped Brock, who glared at Hayden.
Joy watched the whole scene with a tight expression frozen on her face. She finally thawed and addressed the little boy. “Baby, please go inside, with Uncle Brock.”
“But Mommy . . .”
Mommy?
Joy cut Brock with a glare but softened when she looked at the little boy. “I’ll just be a few minutes, Kai. Go inside, baby.”
Mommy! Kai!
Realization swept through Hayden like a freight train.
Jesus Christ! Kai was her son?
Kai. Was. Her. Son!
Hayden was an idiot. He’d completely overacted. Last night came slamming back at him with unyielding clarity.
Why Joy wanted to hold back.
All her rules and hesitation to get involved.
The scar low on her belly.
Her reaction to his question about Kai.
Everything made sense now.
She did have another man in her life, and she did love him, but it wasn’t at all what Hayden had thought. Just as quickly as that thought bolstered him, it gutted him. Hayden wasn’t ready to play dad. He didn’t know how to be a role model. His own father was the source of all of Hayden’s torment. He wouldn’t know the first thing to say to the little boy, not that Jo would probably let Hayden anywhere near her son after the way he’d behaved last night.
Shame and fear and a million different emotions stormed through Hayden. His stomach felt like a blender on frappe and he instantly regretted the large breakfast he’d choked down.
Joy finally closed the door behind her and walked out onto her small porch. Hayden’s eyes followed her, studying her face as his own fell to pieces. She looked so vulnerable and young—much too young to have a son.
God, Joy, I don’t know what to do.
Tell me what to do.
Hayden wanted to pull her into his arms but he’d suddenly forgotten how to move. He stood boneless on her porch staring at her in disbelief as the world around him shifted, settling into a different landscape than the one Hayden thought he knew.
Thankfully, Joy spared him the embarrassment of his fumbling limbs when she reached for his hand. He let her pull him over to the porch rail where she stared silently out at the ocean.
Things began dawning on Hayden qui
ckly as he stared at Joy’s hand in his.
She probably hadn’t been ready to be a mother, but she was.
She probably hadn’t been ready to have Hayden complicate her life, but he had.
She probably hadn’t been ready to lose Max, but she did.
God, Max! He was Kai’s father. Kai said Max was in heaven. How had Hayden been so wrong about everything? And how did Joy deal with it all? Her heart must hold more scars than even his. The fact that she’d dealt with so much in her young life . . . it astounded him. But that was just life, wasn’t it?
We can’t prepare for it, we can only live it, Joy.
Will you still let me live it with you?
Hayden thought about all the things in his own life that he hadn’t been ready for. He hadn’t been ready to lose his mother to the heart disease that almost took his own life. He hadn’t been ready for the dozens of surgeries that started the day he was born, just to keep his heart beating in his chest. He hadn’t been ready for his father’s disappointment at his illness. He hadn’t been ready to commit his life to swimming just to please him. He hadn’t been ready to meet Joy. And he most certainly hadn’t been ready to fall in love. Yet all of those things had happened.
With a fledgling spark of hope gathering in his chest, Hayden lifted his eyes to Joy’s. What he saw sent his momentary courage scattering. Joy’s eyes were full of regret. Not regret for keeping the truth from him, but regret that she’d ever met Hayden at all.
A single tear streaked down Joy’s cheek and Hayden lifted a hand to catch it, but she pulled away.
“Joy . . .”
“I’m sorry, Hayden. I can’t do this.”
“You mean like right now, or ever?”
Joy
Jo squeezed her eyes shut. She wasn’t ready for this. She always knew it would end this way, but she still wasn’t prepared. She wanted more time. She wanted to steal a tiny bit more happiness for herself. She wanted Hayden for just a little while longer.
But more than all of those things, Jo wanted Hayden to be anywhere else at this moment. She didn’t want him to walk in on her messy life like this. She didn’t want him to be standing here looking at her the way he was.
Just like always, Hayden’s eyes told her everything she needed to know. They were like mirrors, displaying her own broken heart back at her.
Knowing he hurt the way she did made this even harder. It was like they’d been cut from the same stone only to be cast oceans apart. Somehow, against all odds they’d found each other. They’d found a way to be whole, to make the hurt stop. But it wasn’t meant to last. Because Max had found Jo first. He was the one she’d given her heart to and he’d taken it with him when he died.
Jo couldn’t give Hayden what he needed, what he deserved. He needed someone who could love him with a whole heart. And that was something Jo could never do. She couldn’t even miss him with a whole heart. She looked up at his face one last time, committing it to memory.
I wish I had enough heart left to love you with, Hayden.
As she studied his gorgeous face she felt the wounded space in her chest cave in. The pain filled her with anger. It wasn’t fair that she didn’t have enough heart left to give him, when every bit of her soul belonged to him.
What remained of Jo’s heart belonged to her son. Kai needed her. He deserved all she had left to give. And she would sacrifice everything for him, even the possibility of love.
Hayden
Joy’s eyes squeezed shut and Hayden knew her answer before she spoke, but he listened anyway.
“I’m so sorry, Hayden. I thought our rules would be enough. I should’ve never let it get this far. But it has to stop. I have to put my son first.”
“I would never do anything to hurt him.”
“Not on purpose, but he’s a toddler. He needs stability. And honestly, so do I.”
That was something Hayden could offer. He had a fortune with his name on it waiting in New York. He could buy Joy and Kai all the stability they would ever need. But she didn’t give him the chance to say that.
Joy simply stood on her tiptoes, pressed a light kiss to Hayden’s cheek and turned to go back inside.
46
Hayden
Hours later, Hayden could still feel the press of Joy’s lips on his cheek. That kiss was a goodbye. She may not have said it out loud, but he knew that’s what she meant. The fact that she didn’t have the heart to say it proved how much it hurt her. Hayden could understand it, but he couldn’t accept it.
Yes, she had a son.
Yes, she lived in Hawaii.
Yes, he lived in New York.
But if those were the only obstacles, they weren’t nearly enough to keep them apart.
In one year, Hayden would be free. He’d make the Olympic team, claim his father’s medal and then he’d come back for her. He’d move to Hawaii. Hell, he’d move anywhere Joy wanted. As long as she wanted him—that was truly the only thing that mattered.
He sat in his hotel room stewing over all the new information he’d absorbed during his short visit to Joy’s this morning. He glanced at his laptop, sitting innocently open at his desk.
An hour ago, Hayden had been sitting there searching for answers. As soon as he’d come home from Joy’s he’d typed Max Keller into the search bar. Keller was Brock’s last name. Hayden knew this because he’d dug through the ACE staff section on the program’s webpage.
But Hayden had yet to hit search. He didn’t know why he was resisting. Maybe he didn’t think he could handle seeing photos of Max and Joy together. Maybe he didn’t want to read about their epic love story and compare himself to Max, the father of Joy’s gorgeous little boy.
Whatever the reason, Hayden knew it was a losing battle. It was Saturday, and with the whole weekend looming ahead and no distractions in sight, Hayden knew he would eventually cave.
To put himself out of his misery, he stood up, walked over to the desk and sat down. He hit search. Apparently, Max Keller was a popular name. There were way too many results to sort through. Hayden added Hawaii to the search bar. The results narrowed significantly. He added one more word to the search bar. He read them together: Max Keller Hawaii Death.
Hayden took a deep breath and hit search. Three articles popped up. All three were dated from three years ago. All three held photos of the same smiling boy. He looked like a sixteen-year-old version of Brock. The same tan skin, dark curls, broad shoulders, narrow waist. But this boy had a kinder smile, and his eyes were blue. Blue like the ocean. Blue like Hayden’s own. Blue like the color of lips when life ceases to exist.
Hayden read every article word-for-word, twice. Certain things stuck with him. Diver drowns. Found by teenaged girlfriend. Death ruled accidental. Survived by mother and brother. There was no mention of a child. But the one thing that stood out to Hayden even more than that, was the date the accident occurred.
The date was significant to Hayden. He knew it as well as his own birthday. It was the exact date of his last surgery. The one that saved his life. The one that gave him a new heart.
Goosebumps crawled up Hayden’s spine like spiders, spinning webs of ice. Shivers quickly ran from scalp to his toes. He swallowed the stones in his throat and fought the uneasiness blossoming in his chest. It was too much to be a coincidence. But if it were true . . . If it were true that meant . . .
Hayden couldn’t even finish his thought. He raced to his bathroom and vomited. He raged as he gripped the edges of the toilet, wishing he’d never pressed search. Because surely there could be no other answer than the one hammering against his skull.
His.
His.
His!
Hayden had only been to Hawaii one other time. It was three years ago. The same day Max had died. The same day Hayden got his new heart. That same heart that beat frantically in his chest, telling him it was true.
His.
His.
His!
Hayden owed his life to Max. Hayden was al
ive because Max was dead. And nothing would ever be the same again.
His.
His.
His heart!
You have Max’s heart!
Memories from Hayden’s hectic heart transplant rushed back to him. He’d been in California with his father, meeting with a new cardiologist that was starting an experimental medical trial. Things were going downhill rapidly for Hayden’s health.
At fifteen he’d surpassed his life expectancy, by sixteen he could no longer swim competitively, by seventeen it was clear that his heart wouldn’t hold out much longer. Hayden’s father was getting desperate. He searched out experimental trials all over the world before settling on Dr. Bosh in San Diego.
They flew out to meet with Bosh, but after three days of tests, the doctor was hesitant to admit Hayden into his trial. He didn’t think he would survive it. But Hayden’s father wasn’t one to take no for an answer. He wanted Hayden in the trial and was in the middle of negotiating just how much it would cost to get the deal done when a phone call came in. It was Hayden’s cardiologist in New York.
Hayden closed his eyes and sent up a silent prayer. His doctor only ever called when there was a problem. What now? Did he have an infection? Did he need another catheterization? Was there a recall on his medication?
He sent up a silent prayer for strength. Hayden wanted to live. Living with congenital heart disease wasn’t easy, but he still wasn’t ready to give up. He felt like he’d only scratched the surface of his life and he didn’t want it to end. So, he closed his eyes and prayed for strength and he prayed for time.
When his father hung up the phone he clamped a hand on Hayden’s shoulder and shook him with enthusiasm. Shock threatened to squeeze the remaining life out of Hayden then and there, because the look in his father’s eyes could almost be mistaken as love. And if that didn’t kill him, the next words out of his father’s mouth nearly did. “You got a heart, Hayden.”
The Summer Boyfriend Page 23