“Don’t,” she said between shaky breaths. “Whatever you’re gonna tell me, just don’t, okay?”
“But I think you need to know.”
“I think I need you more than I need to know. And I can just tell whatever it is . . . it’s going to ruin this and . . . I . . . I don’t want to lose you.”
Hayden held her tighter, brushing a hand down her silky hair to sooth her. “You’ll never lose me, Joy. I’m not going anywhere.”
She pulled her head back to look at him. “You’re not?”
“No.”
“So, that’s not what you were going to say?”
Hayden shook his head, wishing it were that simple.
“I thought . . .” she wiped her tears away. “I thought now that you knew about Kai and everything that you wouldn’t . . .” She looked down searching for words. “That it would change things.”
Hayden’s heart constricted. “You thought I wouldn’t want you once I found out you had a son?”
Joy shrugged, unable to meet his eyes. It was such a weak gesture that it fueled him with unexpected anger, because Joy was a lot things, but weak was not one of them.
He took her chin gently in his hand and made her meet his gaze. “Listen to me, Joy. I didn’t think there was any way I could possibly want you more. But I was wrong. When I saw you with Kai, I knew I was wrong. The way you are with him . . . it only makes me love you more.”
There, I said it, Joy.
I love you.
And I’m not gonna stop.
Fat tears fell from her eyes as she collapsed against him. She was crying so hard he couldn’t make out anything she was trying to say. Hayden pulled her against him and lay back into their cozy nest of blankets and pillows.
“I love you, Joy. Nothing will ever change that.”
Joy
Jo clung to Hayden’s chest trying to control her tears, but she couldn’t seem to stop them. She didn’t think she’d ever hear someone say that they loved her for her again. And saying that he loved Kai too . . . it was beyond comprehension.
She didn’t realize how much she needed to hear every word Hayden said until he said them. And now that he had, Jo found herself wanting to believe them more than anything.
She pulled back to look at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I had a son,” she whispered, tracing the scars on his chest.
“Joy, you don’t owe me any explanations.”
She knew that was true. Keeping her son private was her right. But suddenly, Jo didn’t want Kai to be a secret. It made her feel like she was ashamed of him, and she wasn’t. Kai was the best part of her life and she wanted to be able to share that with Hayden. She didn’t want there to be any secrets between them. And with Hayden’s hand rubbing slow circles on her back, she finally had the courage to tear down the last of her walls.
“I found out I was pregnant three weeks after Max’s funeral.”
Hayden’s hand stilled.
“Max was my first boyfriend.” The word didn’t seem big enough. “He was my first everything.”
“Did you love him?”
She nodded. “Yes, and he loved me.”
Hayden placed a gentle kiss against her hair and started rubbing her back again. “Good. You deserve to be loved, Joy.”
She closed her eyes and tried to keep going. Talking about Max was so foreign to her it felt like trying to speak another language after years without practice. “Do you remember the beach where I took you surfing?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s where it happened. We were diving, me and Max. We dove all the time. I still don’t know what went wrong. I think about it all the time and I just . . . I don’t know why he drowned. He was under for so long, but he . . . he was a strong swimmer and I didn’t think he was in trouble or I would’ve helped him. I would’ve . . .” A sob finally strangled the rest of Jo’s words.
She hadn’t spoken about Max’s death in years. And this was why. The memories were riddled with pain and confusion. It still didn’t make any sense to her. Max was young and strong and healthy. He knew how to dive. He shouldn’t have gotten caught up. He shouldn’t have drowned. But he did. None of the should’ve, would’ve, could’ves mattered.
Hayden pressed his lips to Jo’s hair and held her tight while she cried. She cried tears for a boy she once loved all over the boy she now wanted to let herself love. How crazy did that make her? It was a goddamn miracle Hayden wasn’t running for the door. He’d said he loved her. He’d said nothing would change that . . .
But what about now, Hayden?
Can you still love me now?
She sighed and pulled herself up so she could sit against the headboard. “I’m sorry. I’m not very good at this.”
Hayden sat up, too. “You’re better than you think.”
Jo laughed, bitterly.
“I’m serious. You don’t give yourself enough credit, Joy. You lost someone you loved and you didn’t have any time to grieve because you were busy raising a son. That takes more strength than I can even put into words. You need to cut yourself some slack.”
She smiled tightly. “You sound like Ryan.”
“Ryan’s right.”
Jo took a shaky breath. “It’s been three years, Hayden. I feel like I should be further along. But sometimes it still hurts so bad and I swear . . . sometimes, I swear I can still feel Max with me. I just don’t know how to let go.”
Tears fell freely now and Jo barely noticed them. She was too busy looking at the pain and understanding in Hayden’s beautiful blue eyes. Those blue, blue eyes that were so much like Max’s.
Hayden reached out and took her hand. He pulled it to his chest, pressing it directly over his heart. “Joy, there’s something you need to know.”
She blinked at him, fear startling the tears from her eyes. She started to shake her head but he pressed her hand harder against his chest.
“It’s important, Joy.”
Their eyes met, and though she knew she wasn’t ready for whatever he was about to say, she owed him the same respect he’d shown her. She owed him more. If it weren’t for Hayden, she might not even be alive to have this conversation right now. So she steeled her nerves the best she could and nodded. “Okay.”
Hayden exhaled and squeezed her fingers, still pressing them against his chest. “I was born with congenital heart disease. I had a hole in my heart when I came into this world and I’ve never really felt whole until I met you.” He huffed a laugh at the irony of his words. “I’ve had thirty-six surgeries to repair valves, replace stints, etcetera. You name it, I’ve tried it. When I was sixteen my doctors told me we’d exhausted all conventional options. They said my only hope was a transplant. But even with my father’s connections, a heart wasn’t something I could go out and buy. I had to wait for the right one.”
Hayden pulled her fingers to the center of his chest, stopping when they were over the thick red scar that split him.
“But I got lucky, Joy. When I was seventeen I got a second chance at life because the right heart came along at just the right time. The only catch was, I had only a few hours to get it.”
There was pain in his eyes, pleading her to understand what he was getting at so he didn’t have to say it. But she didn’t understand.
I’m not there yet, Hayden.
But you can tell me.
I can take it.
“I got my transplant, three years ago, Joy. Three years ago in Hawaii.”
Hawaii. It was a word she’d heard a million times, but never had it felt so foreign.
No, Hayden.
Not my Hawaii.
You’re not telling me your heart was in my Hawaii . . .
You’re not saying . . .
Three years ago.
Three years ago.
Three years ago.
The words battered her over and over until she was sputtering for breath. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t. But she had to ask.
“When?” she wh
ispered.
But Hayden didn’t hear her. He was saying something else. Something about records. Something about not being sure. But she didn’t care. She just needed to know one thing.
“When!” she shouted. “When, Hayden?”
“June,” he murmured.
“The nineteenth?”
Hayden’s nod hurt worse than all the broken pieces of Jo’s heart.
“No.” She pulled her hand from his chest, only to push it back. “No,” she whispered. “No . . .”
It seemed to be the only word she could say. And maybe it was because none of it seemed real. None of it made sense. It was the best news and the worst news all rolled into one. If it was true, then there was one more piece of Max still in the world, one more piece of him that she never thought she’d hold again. But if it was true then it meant that she would lose that piece of him all over again. Because it belonged to Hayden now. And he would take it back to New York with him, right when she finally felt strong enough to ask him to stay.
It wasn’t fair. She’d waited three whole years to finally open her heart to the idea of love again. And it changed nothing. She was right back where she started. Grieving the same heart. Feeling the same pain. But this time it was worse. Because not only was she losing a part of Max again, but she was losing Hayden. All of Hayden.
His kind eyes and easy smile.
His gentle hands and warm touch.
His perfect kisses and strong embrace.
His bright healing soul and all the hope it awoke inside her.
Tears choked Jo as she gasped for breath. Her mind was reeling and her body trembled as it resisted the impossible possibility that Max’s heart was currently beating in Hayden’s chest.
Hayden pulled her to him and Jo let him. She had no strength left to fight.
“Please say something,” he urged.
What could she say?
What Hayden was suggesting was unbelievable, but so was Jo’s life.
She never thought her mother would abandon her, but she did.
She never thought she’d have Max’s son after he died, but she did.
She never thought she’d find love again, but she did.
So what could she say to Hayden?
That she loved him, but this was too much?
Jo took a shuddering breath and collected herself as she tried to make sense of the feelings shifting through her chest like tectonic plates. She pulled away from Hayden just enough so she could look at him. His blue eyes bore into hers and words failed her. The only thing that felt right were her lips when Hayden pressed a kiss against them.
It nearly broke her when she pulled away from him. She couldn’t take it. She couldn’t take losing him. She had already lost too much. If she lost Hayden too, she’d have nothing . . . nothing left to lose.
The thought gutted her, only to leave hope in its wake.
Jo, if you have nothing left to lose . . .
She was done holding back, done being scared. It hadn’t helped. It hadn’t protected her heart. Because here she was, three years later, sitting in front of a boy she could love about to hold her heart out and beg him not to break it.
Maybe courage and vulnerability would protect her, because she was done with regret and fear. It was time to lay it all on the line. It was time to let go.
“Hayden, I don’t know whose heart is beating in your chest, but I know that there’s more to you than just your heart. You’re so much more than the parts and pieces that pump blood through your body. You’re selfless and brave, and you love without fear and you never give up. And you make me want to do the same. I love all the parts of you, Hayden. Even the thousands of parts that I haven’t experienced yet. But I know I’ll love every part of you. Because I’ve fallen in love with you, Hayden, as a whole. And I don’t want to give that up.”
Hayden
Hayden was sure he was hallucinating. There was no way Joy was saying she loved him. Not after he’d told her the truth. This response was never anything he predicted during the countless hours imagining every outcome.
But then again, this girl staring back at him with fierce eyes and an open heart was not the same girl he knew a few days ago.
This was the Joy he’d seen light up playing with her son.
The Joy who battled to protect her dog.
The Joy who fought off a psychotic would-be-rapist.
This girl—no, this woman—she had been drowning under years of guilt and grief. And somehow, the words that Hayden thought would be the final blow actually set her free and straight into his arms.
“I’m sorry, Joy,” he stammered. “But . . . am I losing my mind or did you just say you love me, despite the very real possibility that I stole Max’s heart?”
Joy smiled, sorrowfully. “You didn’t steal it, Hayden. I think he meant for you to have it.”
“Joy . . .” Hayden didn’t know what he planned to say, but it didn’t matter, his kiss could say it better.
His lips found Joy’s and he pulled her into his arms. And for the very first time, he felt like he could finally hold her close enough. Their secrets laid bare, their walls stripped away—they were finally free.
Joy melted into him and it felt like he was holding onto the sun—warm and true, and full of hope so bright it was blinding.
Hayden kissed her until she was breathless. When they came up for air, Joy’s eyes were sparkling and her lips were the color of ripe watermelon. That beautiful coral tint flushed her cheeks and he smiled. “I love you, Joy.”
“I love you, too.”
“I know this is breaking a rule, but I have a really important question to ask you.”
She smiled. “Someone once told me rules were meant to be broken.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
Hayden quickly untangled himself from Joy and the sheets. He hopped off the bed and rummaged around on the food cart until he found what he was looking for. Then he returned to the bed, took Joy’s hand and lowered himself down to one knee.
A look of beautiful confusion flickered across Joy’s face as he held up a simple white plumeria flower to her.
“Hayden . . .”
Hearing his name on her lips nearly made him rush through what he wanted to say, but he couldn’t. He needed to do at least this one thing right. “Joy, I want to ask you if you’ll be my girlfriend.”
She laughed. “Hayden! You nearly gave me a heart attack. That’s not how you ask a girl out.”
He crawled back into the bed and pulled her into his arms. “It’s not?”
“No!”
“Well, I guess I wouldn’t know since I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”
“Now I know you’re lying.”
“I’m not.”
“How is that remotely possible?”
He shrugged. “I guess I was just waiting for the right girl.”
Joy smirked. “Oh, you’re good.”
“Is that a yes?”
Joy took the flower he was still holding and tucked it behind her ear. Then she nodded.
Hayden didn’t spare a second. He pounced pinning Joy to the bed, peppering her with kissing. “You still didn’t say it.”
She laughed. “Yes! Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”
Hayden’s grin widened.
I knew you’d fall in love with me, Joy.
He pressed his lips to hers and all the teasing was gone, replaced with molten desire. But it was interrupted far too soon by Piper’s persistent barking.
Joy bolted upright and Hayden followed shortly. They both trained their eyes to the suite’s private patio where Piper was barking furiously at a hulking figure stalking toward their room.
Shit! It was Jack, and he didn’t look happy.
Two members of the Four Seasons staff trailed after him voicing their objections, but they might as well have been gnats for all the attention Jack paid them. His eyes were fixed on the open patio door and the fact that Hayden was hiding his comple
tely naked niece.
56
Joy
This is not happening. This is not happening! Except that it was, and Jo had somehow forgotten how to move. Thankfully, Hayden had not. He leapt off the bed and tugged on his shorts, throwing one of his shirts at Jo.
“Get dressed,” he ordered.
Jo was just pulling the shirt down past her hips when her uncle barreled through the patio doors and into the hotel room with two staff members right behind him. Jack went straight for Hayden but Piper raced to intervene. She growled at Jack and lowered her head in warning as she showed her teeth.
Jack stopped moving. So did everyone for that matter. In the four years Jo had owned Piper, the dog had never once growled at Jack. But the fact that she was doing it now, to protect Hayden, said so much.
Seeing where Piper’s loyalties lay, Jack took a step back. The submissive move gave Jo the courage to get out of the bed and rush to Hayden’s side.
Jack gave her a look of contempt. He was out for blood and even Piper wasn’t going to stop him. “Jo, take your dog and go home, now. I need to speak with this little prick.”
Jo cringed. “Jack, it’s not what you think.”
“Joy Alexandra Wright, I just caught you in bed with him. It’s exactly what I think.”
“No, really, sir, it’s not,” Hayden said, taking a step toward Jack.
Jack swung his scornful gaze at Hayden. “And you. You have about two seconds to tell me why I shouldn’t castrate you.”
“Mr. Wright, I really must insist you leave,” one of the staff members said.
“I’ll leave when I’m damn good and ready.”
The man gave Hayden an apologetic look. “Mr. Anderson, I’m so sorry for this intrusion. Would you like us to call security to have this man removed?”
Jack growled at the tiny man who was walking a thin line with his temper.
“No, that won’t be necessary,” Hayden replied. “There are a few things Jack and I need to discuss.”
Jack gave Hayden a nod of respect and the staff members began backing out of the room. “On behalf of Four Seasons please accept our sincerest apologies,” the brave one said.
The Summer Boyfriend Page 29