Before he realized it, Keisha asked everyone to put down their pencils. Antonyo had not put one letter of the alphabet on his paper. He had never felt so confused in his life. His mother spoke about God as if He were a personal, tangible friend. Clarke talked as if she and God had conversations over tea. Even though he and Minister Keisha had only limited contact with one another, it seemed to Antonyo as if she carried Him with her everywhere she went. Every time he was near Keisha, he felt that she believed God was right there too. Antonyo only knew God existed. He didn’t really talk to Him. He didn’t eat with Him. He definitely didn’t think about Him when he was with his women. He simply knew He existed.
“Okay, good people, let’s take some time and discuss our responses, please. We will go over them in order one at a time. Who wants to answer question number one?”
The young adults all looked at one another, each hoping one of the others would speak up so he or she wouldn’t have to. Antonyo was surprised to find the apprehension amongst the other people in the room. He was certain he was the only one who had a problem relating to the questions. Minister Keisha also noticed the uneasiness.
“Why don’t I start? Feel free to chime in as you began to relate to my experiences.” Keisha had come down from her post on the counter and now walked around the room as she spoke. “Question number one: How old were you when you realized there was a God? For me, the answer would be at age eight. At that time, my great-grandmother died. She and I were not very close, but my mother loved her dearly. I had only met her on a couple of occasions because she lived down in Alabama. I watched my mother’s sadness over the loss of her grandmother. I felt her sadness inside of me because I loved my mother so much. Then I heard my mother’s mother, my grandmother, tell my mother that her grandmother was now with God. At eight years old, I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but my heart was touched by the confidence that my grandmother had when she spoke to my mother about her own mother’s death. My grandmother, while sad, was . . . comfortable, shall we say, with her mother dying, because somebody named God now had her. And I remember it like it was yesterday, thinking, ‘Wow! I want to know this God.’ ”
Antonyo listened to Keisha’s impassioned speech, wondering if perhaps it took the death of a loved one to bring a person closer to God. He had never lost anyone close to him to death. His own grandmother died when he was three, so he really didn’t know her. The rest of his family was still alive and kicking, including deadbeat Sheldon.
Around Antonyo, others had opened up and added to the conversation. Some gave very definite answers to question number one. This also led into question number two. Most people seemed to express feelings kind of like his own uncertainty.
As the dialogue pressed forward and the other questions were being discussed, Antonyo listened intently. While he found most of his peers in the room shared in his confusion, it made him no more comfortable. He was used to being the man in the classroom, in business meetings, with the ladies, everywhere. He usually commanded any environment he was a part of. And if he had anything to do with it, this would be no different in the near future. His perplexity only served to make him determined to learn more about the role God currently played in his life.
In an effort to redeem himself even tonight, he decided to try his hand at giving his thoughts on question number three. The Kingdom of God seemed easy enough to handle.
Keisha resumed her speaking to her group. “Let’s not spend too much time on any one question. We have to be out of here in by eight-thirty. Who wants to try number three? What do you know about the Kingdom of God?”
“The Kingdom of God is heaven, right?” Antonyo answered with a confident outward bravado. In truth, he was somewhat nervous about his response. The murmurs from several of the other members of the group signaled agreement with his answer. His certainty level rose with the reactions.
“That is the normal answer to that question.” Keisha smiled. Antonyo smiled also. “But it’s not quite right.” Antonyo’s smile disappeared as quickly as doughnuts at a fat camp.
“I know I said there were no right or wrong answers. These questions are supposed to be based on your perceptions and experiences. So, Antonyo, I suppose that answer is based on your perspective. Would you like to elaborate?”
Antonyo prayed Keisha was not intentionally trying to put him on front street, trying to embarrass him. He looked into her eyes, a pair of the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen, and knew she would never deliberately try to hurt him. “I would like to elaborate, but I’m not sure what to say. I thought I knew what I was talking about when I said God’s Kingdom implied heaven. I don’t know how old I was when I initially believed God existed. I don’t believe I’ve had a true recognition of God in my life; I’m not sure where Jesus fits, and the only commandment I know is thou shall not kill. Right now, Keisha, I only know two things for sure, but I’ll only share one of them with this class. The other I’ll share with only you at a later date.” The others in the class chuckled, thinking he purposely made a joke. Antonyo, however, spoke with complete seriousness. “I do know there is a God!”
Keisha, moved by Antonyo’s heartfelt declaration about his faith that God existed, wanted to hear more from the handsome, self-proclaimed playboy. “How can you be so sure that there is a God if you can’t speak of how you have experienced Him personally?”
“I can see God in my mother. I’ve watched how she has changed since she started going to church. She is happy now. She’s getting ready to get married. She is so much better as a result of her finding God.”
Keisha felt something inside of her soften toward Antonyo. The minister was not immune to noticing an attractive man when he crossed her path, even taking a second glance on occasion. Antonyo, however, suddenly posed a threat, exposing a palpable stirring she had not experienced in quite some time. Keisha shook off the tremors in order to regain control of her meeting, but it was too late. Antonyo had already taken notice.
He, too, shuddered a little at how real Keisha became at that moment, her authenticity bringing his attraction to her to its highest level ever. He was amazed at how his sincerity had won points with Keisha, while his practiced charm and suaveness had been his claim to fame with other women. What a woman.
Unbeknownst to either of them, because they were simply reacting to each other, most other females in the class had also been affected by Antonyo’s transparency.
“We are really running behind schedule, so let’s move on. Would anyone else like to comment on any of the questions?” Keisha asked.
“Minister Keisha, you never explained the true concept of the Kingdom of God,” one of the group members stated.
Keisha had totally forgotten about where the discussions left off after listening to Antonyo speak. Although a little embarrassed, she was thankful for the reminder. “Oh, yes. I apologize. When we speak about the Kingdom of God, we are actually talking about a body of believers in Jesus Christ. The Kingdom of God is the church; not the building, but us, those of us who believe, who serve Jesus and who witness about Him as we are all doing here tonight. The Kingdom is more a state of being than an actual place.
“The Book of Matthew in your Bible gives great insight to the true meaning of the Kingdom of God. I would like you all to take some time and read about it.”
Antonyo mentally thanked tonight’s lecturer for that bit of helpful information. He planned on getting his study on. He intended to never get caught totally unaware again on the subject of God.
“That’s pretty much all the time we have tonight. I don’t want the custodians upset with me for keeping them past their scheduled work time. I certainly appreciate all of you for coming and for your helpful insight. Please leave the questionnaire on the counter on your way out. It doesn’t matter how you answered the questions. I just want to get a sense of what you feel. I hope to see each of you in the young adult Bible study on Tuesday at six-thirty. Thank you again so much.”
The group members b
egan filing out of the room. Antonyo stayed put, though, as if he were part of the fixtures in the room. He watched Keisha move about, gathering papers, putting desks back in place, restoring order. He got up and began to help just as the last person left.
“Antonyo, you don’t have to stay. Your participation was more than enough. It’s late. Go home.” Keisha valued his assistance, but his nearness caused the sensations from earlier to return. He was a temptation she undoubtedly needed to steer clear of.
“Now, what kind of man would I be if I left a lady to walk to her car alone in the darkness at this late hour? I’m going to wait for you.”
The finality of his reply both annoyed and intrigued Keisha. She wanted to be away from him for the sanctity of her libido, but she also enjoyed the authoritative way in which he announced his integrity. The two worked in companionable silence until Keisha turned off the light and they left the room together.
As they walked down the stairs, Antonyo asked, “How old are you, Keisha? Or is it inappropriate for me to address you by your first name? Do I have to say Minister Keisha?”
“You don’t have to be so formal when speaking to me. Keisha is fine. If anything is inappropriate, it’s that you asked my age.” Keisha smiled, letting him know she wasn’t really offended. “I’m twenty-seven, Antonyo.”
Only one year older than me, Antonyo thought. “Is the invitation to your Bible study class open to the public, or do I have to wait until next semester or something?”
“No. Bible study is an open class. You are welcome to come whenever you want to.” Keisha wished she felt as welcoming as she sounded. In truth, she was indeed skeptical about him being in her class. Antonyo did strange things to her thoughts.
“I’ll be there next week. Your meeting tonight provoked an interest in me. I didn’t like being so uninformed. Ignorance is not my strong suit.”
Keisha realized then that it was his pride that motivated his interest in Jesus, not a real desire to have a relationship with Him. Whatever the case, Keisha would accept his wish to be informed as simply the beginning. She recognized that it was merely her responsibility to catch the fish. It was God’s job to clean them. Right now, however, she could use some cleansing of her own thoughts. Antonyo was a powerfully potent man.
“I’ll be happy to have you. I hope you find what it is you’re looking for in class.” Keisha grasped the unintended invitation in her statement too late, and Antonyo bit right into the inadvertent bait.
“I’m sure I will. Is this your car?” He stopped walking as Keisha halted by the red old-school Camaro.
“Yes, sir, it is. Thank you for escorting me. I hope to see you in church on Sunday. If not, I’ll see you on Tuesday. Good night, Antonyo.” Keisha hastily stepped into her car after she unlocked the door.
“Good night, Minister Keisha.”
Jessica arrived at Antonyo’s right on schedule, just as always. She was one of the most punctual women he had ever dated. No matter how late or early they planned to get together, Jessica never showed late, nor did she ever cancel on him. It often made him wonder what her husband said about her impromptu departures. The other married woman that he dated, Claudia, went on and on about how her husband cheated on her with groupies and hoochies who were always hanging around the Pistons games and players. She complained about how her man never paid any attention to her or the twins. On and on. But not Jessica. She never vented about her marriage.
Antonyo escorted his beautiful companion into his house, greeting her with a very passionate kiss. Jessica was absolutely gorgeous: perfect hair, perfect skin, perfect teeth, perfect waistline, breasts, and backside. Simply perfect in every physical way possible. Jessica’s husband was a high school gym teacher, so Antonyo attributed her perfect body to what was probably her husband’s fitness regimen. He could not say for sure, however, because other than his name and occupation, Jessica never told Antonyo much else about Scott.
“So, how was your day, Tony?” Jessica asked as she sat down on the sofa in the living room. Immediately, Antonyo thought about Keisha and the vibes that had passed between them that evening. If Jessica knew how quickly that question made him think of another woman, he knew she would have chosen another one to ask.
“My day was interesting, to say the least. I attended a focus group for young adults this evening at my mother’s church. The moderator wanted to know how our age group felt about God and our relationship with Him.”
“I’m sure you were bored stiff there. Poor baby. Well, Mama’s here to completely take your mind off all that religious God mumbo jumbo.”
Jessica slid across the couch and began a very skilled performance of seduction. Antonyo, however, could not quite get into the dance. Jessica’s assessment of his feelings about the focus group captivated him. He wanted to know what provoked such thoughts with regard to how he would feel about God.
“Wait, Jess. Why would you think I would be bored by such a discussion? And why label God as religious mumbo jumbo? Don’t you believe in God?”
Okay, where did all of this come from? Jessica thought as she suddenly halted her foreplay. She stared at Antonyo as if he had two heads, and then blinked twice to be sure her focus was correct, that she indeed sat in the lap of Antonyo Simms. “Tony, you can’t possibly sit here and tell me you believe in God and Jesus and all those other religious hoaxes, do you?” Jessica chuckled at the humor those thoughts invoked in her.
Antonyo felt no comedic wit in her statements. He knew he was not a Bible-carrying, gospel-preaching, filled-with-the-Holy-Spirit believer. But neither was he a loud, rebellious agnostic either. “What have I ever said or done that gives you the impression that I don’t believe in God, Jessica?”
Jessica, again astonished by this conversation, slowly crawled from Antonyo’s lap. He seemed offended by her assumption, so she decided to tread lightly, hoping there would eventually be a punch line in this discussion. The truth of the matter was, what had he done or said to show he was a believer? That is not what she would say, however. She wanted to keep the peace between them, not get into a religious debate. She also wanted what she came over for: a never-disappointing roll in the hay with him.
“Tony, I certainly did not mean to upset you. I have actually never heard your views one way or the other about religion. It’s just that you have no problem having sex and being unmarried. Nor do you discriminate, because you have no problem sleeping with women who are married. I don’t know much about this God thing, but I’m pretty sure those two items are high on the no-no list of those who do follow religious practices. So, forgive me for being just a little confused here.”
Antonyo thought about Jessica’s rebuttal, acknowledging its weight, but only for a second. The fact that he was not perfect gave her no right to assume he did not believe in his Creator simply because she apparently did not. Not that he’d had this discussion with all of the women he slept with, but Antonyo did not realize he even knew anyone who did not believe in God.
“Jess, why don’t we change the subject? I guess it’s true what they say about religion and politics being subjects to stay away from.”
Jessica, being more than happy to oblige, quickly agreed. “I hear you. I mean, who knew this is where our conversations would ever end up going?” She smiled her perfect smile, and business as usual resumed for them.
After their romp, however, Antonyo felt compelled to know more about Jessica and her disbelief, so he underhandedly started the dialogue again. “Jessica, how long have you been married?”
Totally satisfied with what just happened between them, Jessica would have gratified him in any way he asked at the moment. So, she answered his question, though the subject of her marriage was normally off limits. “Four years.”
“Do you consider what we do cheating on your marriage, on your husband?”
“Under normal circumstances, I would say yes. But my circumstances are somewhat different.”
Okay, now he was confused. He wanted to know
why someone who didn’t believe in God would partake in the institution of marriage, which God created. But her answer about her circumstances made him curious. His curiosity won out.
“What about your circumstances makes it okay to cheat on your husband?”
Jessica shifted her position on the bed in an effort to put a little distance between her and Antonyo. Having still been on a high from their lovemaking, she didn’t realize what she had let slip. She hung out with Antonyo to get away from her “circumstances” at home, in her marriage. She did not want to discuss them with him or anyone else. Not even her mother knew what she lived with every day.
Antonyo noticed the change in her demeanor. What could possibly be so wrong in her marriage that every time the subject came up she became really uncomfortable? “Talk to me, Jess. What’s going on at home? Is your husband cheating and his affair bothers you? Is he hurting you? Hitting you?”
Maybe if she told him the entire story she would feel better. Keeping it all to herself surely had not done anything to alleviate her stress. The only person who gave her peace, even temporarily, was Antonyo. Maybe he would understand her pain.
Jessica sat up in the bed, pulling the covers up to shield her nakedness. She stared straight ahead for several long seconds, leaving Antonyo wondering what could be so deep. He, too, sat up, making sure that their bodies did not touch. He wanted Jessica to feel at ease, without the normal sexual parameters of their association. He wanted to truly be a friend, a sounding board for her if she decided to open up to him.
Wow, where had those thoughts come from? He questioned himself. He never thought beyond the bedroom with any of the women he dated. Why, suddenly, had he cared enough to listen to the problems of one of them? Jessica started speaking, and he returned his full attention back to what she had to say.
“Antonyo, Scott and I have an unconventional marriage. It started out normal, at least for me, but about two years ago, things changed drastically.
From Sinner to Saint Page 20