Murmurs rippled through the students and Selene heard a hissed "blasphemer!" as well as several comments in her favor.
Hypatia's eyes narrowed as she raked the crowd. "Take your differences outside. This is an open forum for reasoned discourse not a gymnasium for pugilists. Selonius is correct. We do not know. Yet, the search for knowledge is the essence of divine philosophy – that most ineffable of ineffable things."
She pointed to another boy further down the row from Selene. "Clement, take us back to Plotinus. What does he say of beauty and the soul?"
Selene took her seat as the boy rose. "Plotinus urges us to seek the spark from the One. He says the fount of all that is good or beautiful is within us and not of this world. The beauty we experience with our senses is but a hazy shadow in twilight compared to the beauty we can find through the examination of our mind."
Clement looked at Hypatia as if for confirmation.
"Yes! The mind contemplates the ultimate Beauty and Goodness and not the contrived shifting and ephemera that man beholds in the material order of existence. Life lived according to reason is the purpose of men. Let us pursue that life. We must, through strenuous effort of mind and heart, extract from our inner selves the eye buried within us. This intellectual eye, this luminous child of reason, allows the individual to burst the shackles of matter where beauty cannot remain."
Selene flushed, breathing hard. The words rang in her ears, but did not resonate with her heart. She did not want a life of contemplation, but of action. She gloried in the world of the senses. Would Hypatia understand that? Was she the wrong person to help? Disturbed, Selene listened to the continued discourse.
When Hypatia called an end to the lecture, Antonius dug his elbow into her ribs and hissed, "Ready to go now?"
"No. I have to talk to her."
"But you said…"
Antonius' words were drowned by the voices of the other students as Selene pushed her way toward Hypatia. She crept closer as the crowd thinned. Antonius caught up with her but she ignored his threats to drag her back to her father's house by her hair. He hadn't earlier and she doubted he would at this late date. Being so close to her goal, Selene redoubled her efforts. She needed to petition the great lady and determine her fate.
Hypatia rose, dismissing the remaining students in preparation for leaving. Selene, her heart in her throat, stepped into Hypatia's path and bowed gracefully. "I wish to speak to you, Honored Teacher."
The diminutive woman looked her up and down, starting with the dusty sandals, dwelling on her bitten fingernails and finally searching her face. Selene put her hands behind her back and shifted from foot to foot.
"Many wish to speak to me, but I have time for only a few. Who recommends you to me?"
"I come on my own behalf, at great personal risk." Selene's voice edged up in her nervousness. "I will take little of your time, Lady."
"I think I see." Hypatia reseated herself and patted the stone next to her. "Please sit down. I'm straining my neck looking up at you." Antonius stood back several paces, a scowl marring his dark good looks. "Antonius, isn't it? Don't just stand there. Come join us."
Selene perched on the edge of the tier. Antonius approached, bowed, and murmured, "Thank you, Honored Teacher," then took a seat on the other side of Selene.
"Now, my dear, what is so important that you must risk disgrace and your family's displeasure roaming around the city in that costume?"
Blood rushed to Selene's cheeks. "You knew?"
"Not for sure until just now. You are tall for a girl and chose your draperies well to disguise the most obvious features of your sex. But there is a certain fineness of bone and variability of voice that give you away to any keen observer."
"I tried to get her to go home," Antonius grumbled.
Hypatia smiled. "I'm sure you did. Now...Selonius…?"
"Selene."
"Selene, the changeable moon. Calistus' daughter?" Selene nodded. "You still have not answered my question."
"I wished to hear you speak. I wanted to see you."
"Why?"
Selene sat silent, staring at her hands clasped in her lap without seeing them. She raised her head and looked steadily into the questioning eyes of the older woman. "Soon I will be of an age to marry. My father will choose my husband. My husband will choose where we live, what social relationships we honor, even how we educate our children. The Church will dictate my conduct in public and private. I want to make some choices for myself. I wanted to meet a woman who made choices for herself."
"Ah, my child, that is where you are wrong. I did not choose this life. I was born to it as you are born to yours. My father Theon was a mathematician with the Museum. He was graying when I was born, and my mother died before my second birthday. I grew up reading from his texts, listening to his scholar friends arguing over meals. The Great Library was my playground. In form, I am a woman, but in the content of my mind and the nature of my soul, I am a philosopher. This is not a life you choose but one that chooses you."
Tears threatened to spill from Selene's eyes. She rapidly blinked them away. "But I do feel chosen. I want to study." She hesitated before telling her innermost secret; afraid Antonius would laugh, or, worse, Hypatia would. She took a deep breath. "I know you feel philosophy is the highest calling of man, nurturing the soul. I wish to follow a humbler path and study medicine. Not just midwifery or the herbals and nostrums the wise women sell in the market. I want to study anatomy, surgery and the works of Galen and Hippocrates."
"Philosophy is a fit subject for men or women of your rank but medicine is work for freedmen. Why would a girl of your birth wish to study to be a physician?"
"I want to know 'why.' Why do some wounds heal and others don't? What is the function of our organs – heart, brain, lungs, muscles? Why do some of our parts get diseased? Why do we have hot fevers, but shiver as if we are cold? I want to know and I want to help people with what I know. I've already been practicing."
Antonius snorted. "Splinting a bird's wing or tending a sick kitten doesn't make you a physician."
Selene rounded on him, chin high. "Who sewed you up when Nicaeus clouted you on the head with a practice sword last year? You almost fainted at the sight of all that blood. I didn't even twitch." She grabbed him by the forelock and pulled his head down. "Show Hypatia your scar."
"Ouch!" He batted her hand away and rubbed at the stinging spot.
"Children!" Both sets of eyes turned to the stern voice. "I've never been one to discourage a true calling, even for one of the humbler arts. If your soul leads you to this, it is a powerful force for learning. Most people with a passion will not be denied. They find a way to live their dreams or they turn into bitter, destructive people."
Hypatia cupped Selene's chin with her hand. "We are so different, yet in this, I think we are very alike. 'Why' is the great question of scholars. Most people leave that question behind in childhood after being told 'it's God's mystery.' But some few search beyond and find answers for the rest of us. You will find your way, I'm sure of it. Come tomorrow just after mid-day meal to the Great Library and I'll show you where to look for the texts you need and introduce you to some possible teachers. Antonius," Hypatia snapped her fingers, "you needn't look like a fish out of water." He closed his gaping mouth. "Please see that Selene makes it home safely."
"Oh, thank you!" Selene clasped Hypatia's hand. "I'll be there. Nothing could keep me away."
Nothing except her father.
Chapter 9
"I see you are feeling better, Selene." Calistus stood by the fountain, arms folded across his chest. "I went to your room before mid-day meal to inquire about your health. Rebecca...reluctantly...told me you were out. She didn't tell me of your costume."
"I, uh..." Selene's hands fluttered between her brief tunic and her shorn locks, her mouth dry as dust. Antonius backed toward the door.
"You." Calistus' eyes speared the boy into stillness. "What have you been doing with my daughter
?"
"He had nothing to do with this, Father." Selene stepped in front of Antonius. "He found me in the marketplace and offered to escort me home."
Calistus scowled. "You may go home, boy, but tell your father to expect me to call upon him tomorrow. I'll send a slave to inquire as to his pleasure and convenience."
"Yessir." Antonius bowed then lunged for the door.
Calistus turned to his errant daughter and shook his head. Some men went into fiery rages when angry, turning red, eyes shooting sparks. Selene's father became sorrowful, as if the punishment he meted out truly hurt him worse than it did his child. Selene trembled under his quiet censure.
"I have allowed you altogether too much freedom – lessons with your brothers, running outside the city. It's more than time you started to act like a young lady. Your punishment for this outrageous behavior is to remain in this house until the next Sabbath. No trips to the market, no visitors, and especially no running. For her part in this deception, I've dismissed Rebecca from our service."
Selene was stunned. "But, Fath…"
"Do you question me?"
"No, Father." Selene approached him, throat constricted and blinking back tears. She sank to her knees, head bowed. "I justly deserve any punishment you mete out. I deceived you, but do not put my sins on Rebecca. She did only what I asked and tried mightily to dissuade me."
Calistus bent down and tipped up his daughter's chin. "I can not have such a disloyal servant in my house."
"Father, I know no one more loyal than Rebecca. What she did, she did out of love for me, at my request." The tears broke through and streamed down her cheeks. "Please let her come back."
"My child, it is a hard lesson to learn, but you must know that your actions affect others. When you made the decision to deceive me, you not only put yourself in jeopardy, but all those who helped you on the wrong path, regardless of their motive."
"Even Lady Hypatia?"
"What has she to do with this?"
"It was she I went to meet at her public lecture. She agreed to be my patroness and teacher."
"You dare compound your lies?" Calistus looked as if his heart had broken. "You hold me in such low esteem, you expect me to believe you had an audience with the Lady Philosopher?"
"But…"
"Go to your room. At once."
"Yes, Father." Selene walked stiffly from the courtyard, stifling thoughts of her father's unfairness, knowing but denying she was at fault.
Selene sullenly picked at her food that night while her father ate his meal in silent disapproval. Phillip was out, which seemed to upset Calistus even more. Nicaeus, after his first joking comments drew icy stares from his father, gave up his attempts to start a conversation.
After dinner, Selene rushed to her room, threw herself on the bed and cried herself into a sweaty, restless sleep. In her dreams Rebecca starved, begging on the streets; a disdainful Hypatia denied their meeting; Nicaeus, Antonius and Phillip surrounded her, pointing and laughing while her father stood in rigid disapproval.
"Mistress Selene?" She heard a knock at the bottom of the door. "Are you awake? I've water and dates for you." It was Anicia, Cook's youngest daughter.
Selene rolled over and groaned. There was another knock at the door. She pulled a cover over her head and mumbled, "Go away."
"Mistress Selene, are you all right?"
In a louder voice, "Go away!"
Today should have been a joyous one, her first as a student with Hypatia. She sat up. Lady Hypatia. Waiting for her at the Great Library.
"No, wait, Anicia." Selene leapt to her feet, opened the door, and yanked the girl into the room, overturning a jar of water on her tray.
"Oh, Mistress! Look at this mess!"
"Never mind. I need you to deliver a message for me. Go to Lady Hypatia, she lives in the scholar's quarter on the Road of the Peacock…" The servant girl's eyes grew big as pomegranates. "Anicia, what's wrong?"
"The Witch. You want me to take a message to the Great Witch?"
"Philosopher Hypatia is no such thing. She's a scholar and a teacher."
Anicia's jaw set in a stubborn line. "It is well known the Pagan Philosopher practices sorcerous astrology. The presbyters have forbidden such magic."
"Astronomy. She studies the positions of the planets, not their influence on our lives. Patriarch Theophilus does not condemn her. She is held in high esteem by all in the city."
"Not all." Anicia cowered at Selene's scowl. "I only repeat what I have heard in the markets and streets."
The girl's fear jolted Selene. After what happened to Rebecca, how could she even think about entangling another servant in her schemes? But what should she do? Selene couldn't let the Lady Philosopher believe she was uncertain in her will. Neither could she let Rebecca go without some word of apology or recompense. Selene sat for a moment chewing a nail while the servant girl made unsuccessful attempts to clean up the spilled water with a sopping rag.
Suddenly, Selene lay back on her bed moaning. "Leave it, Anicia. You do not have to deliver any message. I have a severe headache and wish to be left alone today. Please tell all the servants I am not to be disturbed."
"As you wish, Mistress." The girl bowed out the door, closing it softly after her.
After Anicia left, Selene rolled off the bed to paw through the pile of clothes on the floor. She found Nicaeus' tunic and shook it out.
Selene caught her breath. Her heart thudded in her chest so loud she was surprised no one heard it. It had been difficult getting out of the house unseen, but once in the streets she made her way quickly to the scholars' quarter. If she were caught, her father would have every right to beat her or send her to live with the holy women. Selene silently bargained with God, promising never to disobey her father again if she could just do what she had to and return without his knowledge.
Modest houses lined the streets south and east of the harbor. Most were three or four stories high, with families living in one or two rooms on each floor. Small shops selling leather, glass, jewelry and embroidery fronted the streets, living quarters perched above. Public baths, bakeries and cookshops adorned every street. Selene couldn't picture Hypatia living in such an ordinary neighborhood.
Selene spied a young boy coming out of a bakery, with the day's bread tucked under his arm. "Boy! Can you tell me where Lady Hypatia lives?"
He looked at her with suspicion. "You don't know where the Lady lives? You're not from around here, are you?"
"No, but I have a message for her from a student. Can you tell me the way?"
With her explanation, the boy seemed to lose interest. He pointed south. "Cross two streets, at the third, turn right. Her house is the second one on the left, by the almond tree."
Selene bowed her thanks and strode down the street. The shops thinned to single story houses on streets lined with trees. Where Hypatia lived blank walls faced outward in a more compact version of Selene's neighborhood. She knocked on the second door. The carving over the doorway had been hacked out and a crude cross painted in the blank spot. Selene had heard some Christian youth gangs engaged in this sort of vandalism, but wondered that Hypatia let it remain on her door. The sign could easily be removed or painted over.
A middle-aged woman with a pinched face answered the door, looked Selene over with a critical eye, and sniffed. "What's your business here?"
Selene bowed, acutely aware of her rumpled appearance. "I have an appointment with Lady Hypatia."
"The Lady sees no one before noon except special personages. Be on your way." The woman turned to go.
"Wait! My appointment is for later today, but I cannot make it. I wanted only to explain to Lady Hypatia my circumstances. Please let her know Selonius would wait on her for a few moments. She will be most displeased if I fail to make our appointment."
"She will be most displeased if I interrupt her studies."
"May I at least leave her a note?"
The woman nodded stiffly and allowed Selen
e inside.
"If you would be so kind as to provide me with a wax tablet and stylus? I'm afraid I forgot mine."
The pinch-faced woman led Selene to a small office just inside the door where she indicated the needed supplies on a plain wooden table. Scrolls and books towered in stacks against the walls, some threatening to topple. Selene had never seen so many books in a private residence. Most wealthy households kept a copy of the gospels or a book of psalms. Some who fancied themselves patrons of scholars might collect a few dozen manuscripts in a chosen field. Few collected so many. Selene speculated this was not the only room stuffed with books.
The woman cleared her throat. Selene stopped gawking and moved to the table. She took a few moments to carefully word her message then wrote in a fast, clear hand:
"Honored Teacher,
I beg your forgiveness, but I will be unable to meet with you at our appointed time and place. My esteemed father, Calistus, has seen fit to restrict my movement to his home for the period of one week. He is unconvinced of the veracity of my words concerning the events of yesterday. Unless I can persuade him otherwise, I fear I will be unable to pursue your generous offer to sponsor my studies. It is with much hope for your understanding and a heavy heart that I close.
Yours in truth,
Selene."
Selene fought back tears as she left the tablet in the hands of Hypatia's servant.
She took her bearings after exiting the quiet house, and headed further east. This next task would be much harder. Rebecca's family lived in the poorer section of the Jewish quarter, but Selene had no idea where. She had but a few hours to find Rebecca before returning home. Selene didn't want to risk her father's wrath a second day, but her obligation to Rebecca weighed heavily on her heart.
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