by Erin Gilbert
Figure 8.14.
Class V: The Hastings Fountain
Mr. Skeltal: This ghost first appeared to visitors at National Battlefield Park in Richmond, Virginia, in 1973. Experts have speculated that the so-called “trumpet skeleton of the abyss” is composed of the residual spirit energy of Union trumpeters killed during the American Civil War. Mr. Skeltal (Figure 8.15) has since been seen around the world, playing the Civil War–era tune, “Weeping Sad and Lonely.” The tune is said to drive parapercipients to madness.
Figure 8.15.
Class V: Mr. Skeltal
Class VI
What Kemp says: “Ectoplasmic manifestations from the spirits of non-human terrestrial, extra-terrestrial, and lesser interdimensional life forms; most commonly animals or animalistic entities.”
What we say: Ectoplasmic manifestations of any former living creature, excluding the spirits of human beings. Interdimensional entities that lack the godlike powers of metaspecters are also included in this category due to their base, animalistic behavior. Collectively, Class VI non-human entities are sometimes referred to as “elementals.” Appearances can be deceiving. While the concept of a spectral cow seems absurd, trust us—it’s not, if you’re being chased by one! What Class VI specters lack in intelligence, they make up for with a greater capacity for malevolence.
Case Studies
Kelpies: These shape-shifting horse ghosts are particularly malevolent spirits, according to Peter Haining. Kelpies (Figure 8.16) are notorious in their native Scotland for attempting to lure people to their deaths by offering free rides on their backs across rivers, only to dump their passengers midway across turbulent waters. While you may be asking what kind of blockhead hops on the back of a ghost horse in the first place, these manifestations are so dense that they’re virtually indistinguishable from living horses (so cut the dozens of poor souls documented in Celtic Magazine’s “Tales of the Water-Kelpie” some slack).
Figure 8.16.
Class VI: Kelpie
Chagrin: Throughout Eastern European folklore you will find mention of chagrins, the ghosts of yellow hedgehogs (Figure 8.17). They are thought to mostly bother horses, although they have been known to annoy humans from time to time. Their main method of attack is a stream of ectoplasmic urine, sprayed on victims. The “devil’s baptism” is said to invariably cause misfortune or prognosticate misfortune. Either way, you’ve been used as a toilet by the ghost of a hedgehog—a misfortune in and of itself. We won’t mention any parapercipients who have reported being victimized by chagrins, for obvious reasons.
Figure 8.17.
Class VI: Chagrin
Derwyn Corph: According to A Dictionary of Ghosts, the derwyn corph (Figure 8.18) is a Welsh spirit said to appear on the windowsill and repeatedly tap on the window, indicating the room’s occupant will soon pass away. A derwyn corph was once spotted in Appalachia by the nurse in a hospice ward, tapping up a storm outside of several patients’ windows. You can guess what happened next, but did the birds really have to be such annoying d-bags about it? Talk about malevolence.
Figure 8.18.
Class VI: Derwyn Corph
Class VII
What Kemp says: “Metaspecters. Very powerful interdimensional entities with god-like powers. Capable of assuming multiple forms through the manipulation of ectoplasm, thus making them difficult to categorize without a fully detailed workup.”
What we say: These are the big girls and boys. You might know them as deities or demons; you might even recognize some of their names, such as Cthulhu. Ancient cultures have, at times, worshipped them as gods and goddesses. We don’t know if we’d go that far down the supreme being route, but they’re certainly god-like.
Case Studies
Cthulhu: While many believe this cosmic deity was created by horror writer H. P. Lovecraft in the 1920s, descriptions of the gigantic, winged metaspecter (Figure 8.19) date back to the Protodynastic period. The deity’s original Babylonian name, “Cathulhu,” translates as “High Priest of the Great Old Ones.” The physical manifestation of Cthulhu is said to stand dozens of stories tall. If the tales told about him are true, he has laid waste to numerous civilizations using nothing more than his bare hands. Modern-day Cthulhu cultists await the High Priest’s reemergence from his underwater hibernation.
Figure 8.19.
Class VII: Cthulhu
Āpshai: According to the Egyptian Book of the Dead, Āpshai (Figure 8.20) is the evil Egyptian God of Insects. Āpshai is one of a pantheon of dark forces capable of obscuring the light of the sun god, Rā. Āpshai has been depicted as taking the shape of numerous insects, including the Egyptian pygmy mantis and the scarab. Regardless of what physical manifestation the entity takes, Āpshai is capable of summoning and controlling hordes of insects to cause pestilence—enough to literally black out the sun.
Figure 8.20.
Class VII: Āpshai
Krampus: This horned, cloven-footed demon’s origins can be traced back to pre-Christian pagan mythology. Krampus (Figure 8.21) is said to punish naughty children at Christmastime by swatting them with bundles of birch. Particularly deviant children may be kidnapped and taken to the underworld, to be cooked and eaten. Don’t worry too much, parents: Although it is theoretically possible for an entity to abscond into another dimension with a sack full of kidnapped children, it’s more likely he fries them up on this side of the barrier.
Figure 8.21.
Class VII: Krampus
Addendum
Within each class, entities can be further described using various paranormal properties. For instance, a “Class V free-roaming vapor” is a Class V entity with a gaseous appearance not anchored to a fixed location. The ghost of Gretta DeMille, seen by Erin when she was eight, would be considered a Class IV anchored free-floating full-torso partially repeating apparition. Try saying that five times fast.
Paranormal Properties
Anchored: Fixed to a specific location. Most long-term hauntings are the result of anchored entities.
Animating: Capable of animating an object, either through telekinesis or para-transferral embodiment. For entities permanently bound to inanimate objects, see Inhabiting.
Composite: Consisting of multiple, interconnected entities.
Corporeal: Tangible; having physical form. Corporeal entities can be ranked on a five-point physical interactivity scale, from T1 (lowest) to T5 (highest).
Ethereal: Intangible; without physical form.
Floating: Maneuvers around at will, with little to no regard for the natural laws of our world. If a floating entity can move through walls, people, and other physical objects, it is considered “free-floating.”
Focused: See Anchored.
Free-floating: See Floating.
Free-roaming: Not anchored to any specific location.
Full-torso: Entities complete with upper and lower bodies. Extremely rare. See also Partial-torso.
Grounded: Moves according to natural laws (i.e., unable to levitate). See also Floating.
Inhabiting: Permanently bound to an inanimate object. For temporary possessions or animations, see Animating.
Partial-torso: Entities without full bodies. Generally missing legs, arms, or both. See also Full-torso.
Possessing: Spectral possession of living beings or inanimate objects via para-transferral embodiment. For permanent possession of inanimate objects, see Inhabiting.
Repeating: Manifests at intervals. Typically anchored. May be “reliving” its final moments on Earth or performing some other task, with or without regard to being watched by observers.
Transmogritive: Able to shape-shift at will.
Vaporous: Gaseous, misty, or otherwise wholly or partially insubstantial.
We have no idea how closely real ghosts match the descriptions found in Kemp’s Spectral Field Guide. Her classification system is based on centuries of ghost stories an
d parapercipient reports, painstakingly organized into a speculative taxonomy. It’s possible one or more of her classifications don’t have a real-world equivalent. For instance, Class VII entities may not even exist. We know that could be heartbreaking for those of you hoping to cuddle a spectral sloth! Take solace in the fact that, if such an entity does exist, the last thing you would want to do is get close enough to pet it. First, you’d end up with ghost slime all over your hands. And second, it would probably tear your throat out. But we digress.
If we’re ever going to truly further our understanding of the paranormal, we will need to leave theories and taxonomies behind and head into the field. In the next section, we’ll do just that. Let the ghost hunting begin!
Part 3
Our Methods
Part 3—At a Glance
This is it: The metaphysical examination. So how does a “ghost hunt” work, you ask? Don’t worry—revealing one’s methods is an important part of any serious study, and we’re going to walk you through ours step-by-step, just like the New Kids.
The first methodical guide to paranormal investigation was written by Harry Price in 1937. He issued the short, eight-page pamphlet of instructions to volunteers who assisted him with his stakeout of the Borley Rectory. Since that time, many ghost hunters have come and gone, each adding to the collective body of knowledge. Every successive generation builds upon the work of previous generations. In this sense, we’re just standing on the shoulders of the giants who came before us. We’re like the cheerleaders at the top of the pyramid, except we’re not showing off our underwear.
In Chapter 9, we’re going to cover the tools of the paranormal trade every investigator needs before embarking into the unknown—and we’ll let you know what you can leave behind. In Chapter 10, we’ll walk you through finding a haunted location. In Chapter 11, we’ll explain how to undertake the metaphysical examination and what to do if you encounter a spectral presence. And, finally, in Chapter 12—just in case your paranormal hotline isn’t ringing off the hook—you’ll learn how to lure spirits into our world . . . and why it’s important that you never undertake such a task, except in the most controlled of circumstances.
Chapter 9
Paratechnology: A Primer
There has never been a better time to be a paranormal investigator. Today’s paratechnology is the most advanced we’ve ever seen. In fact, some of the tools available are so advanced, they are outpacing our knowledge of how to use them.
Paratechnology includes any technology used to observe or effect paranormal activity. Among the traditional tools are such mainstays as cameras and flashlights. More recent innovations such as ion detectors often cost hundreds or thousands of dollars. In fact, paratechnology, once the domain of do-it-yourself hobbyists, is now big business.
The sad truth, though, is that we’re probably still years away from scientifically sound ghost-detecting technology, especially of the handheld variety, within reach of your average paranormal investigator. We’ll go through every one of these gadgets one by one, but be forewarned: Not even the most expensive gadget on the market today can detect spectral particles. Most paratechnology works by detecting transmogrifications in the physical world thought to be associated with materializations, such as ionization of the air and electromagnetic fluctuations.
Unfortunately, plenty of “real world” phenomena can also cause false positives. For instance, many investigators utilize thermometers to detect sudden changes in air temperature—fluctuations thought to be related to psychical manifestations. Know what else is associated with a rapid change in temperature? A draft from an open door or window! Controlling all of the various physical variables in the field—more often than not an old house creakier than your grandma’s knees—is next to impossible. Not that it can’t be done, but even a positive ID of a Class VII using every tool in this chapter isn’t going to stand up in the scientific courtroom.
Still, that’s no reason not to do fieldwork. It’s difficult enough to get someone to open their door and let you in to investigate, so you’d better come prepared to do a bang-up job. With that said, let’s take a look at the tools essential for conducting metaphysical examinations, as well as the ones serious ghost hunters have deemed nonessential.
Animals: Unless you’re an old pro at this ghost-hunting business, you may be scratching your head, going “Huh?” Let us enlighten you: Some experts actually advise the use of companion animals during paranormal investigations. Certain animals, such as dogs and horses, are thought to have the ability to sense paranormal entities. They’re often restless or agitated just prior to the appearance of ghosts, although such data is purely anecdotal. In addition to dogs and horses, some parapsychologists believe that cats also possess this “sixth sense.” While cats have been observed meowing uncontrollably or acting stir-crazy in haunted areas, that could just be cats being cats. Before bringing pets along on a stakeout, further study must be done to determine why certain animal species appear to have forewarning of ectoplasmic manifestations while others—including human beings—must rely on more ordinary-seeming senses.
Audio Recorder: While working in his darkroom in 1936, artist Attila von Szalay heard the voice of his dead brother call out to him. Convinced of the reality of the afterlife, he made several attempts over the years to record spirit voices. Using a reel-to-reel tape recorder, von Szalay finally recorded the disembodied voices of what he believed to be spirits in the summer of 1956. Despite not hearing anything while recording, the voices on his tape said . . . um, “Hot dog, Art!” and “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.” Not exactly Earth-shattering communications, and a reminder that not every ghost that returns through the barrier is seeking vengeance. Sometimes they just want to wish us a Merry Christmas. In July.
Figure 9.1.
Cassette Tape
As you learned in Chapter 3, such recordings fall under the heading of electronic voice phenomena (EVP). EVP is usually picked up on magnetic tape (Figure 9.1), and heard only upon playback. Critics say this is because what we call “EVP” is nothing more than electromagnetic interference. As proof, they point to digital recorders, which do not pick up nearly as much EVP as analog devices.
Despite the controversy surrounding EVP, we advise carrying an audio recorder. We recommend digital over tape if you can afford it, as there’s less risk of electromagnetic interference tainting the results. We’ve also read promising things about using three or more units spaced out equidistant from a central point, which allows sound sources to be triangulated. As a bonus, you can also use your audio recorder for interviewing witnesses. Or recording yourself singing your favorite pop songs, if you’re too cheap to buy the CDs, like Erin.
Batteries: Always carry spares. The most common battery sizes are AA, AAA, and 9-volt, but it’s best just to carry a wide assortment. Even if none of your gear requires D batteries, they’re hefty and good for plunking raccoons that get all up in your business. Yes, you heard that correctly—raccoons (Figure 9.2).
We don’t want to run afoul of PETA here, but as paranormal investigators we have a right to defend ourselves when attacked by wild animals in the field. These fat trash-hamsters like to creep around haunted houses. Be careful in attics, basements, and other dimly lit areas. If a raccoon isn’t scared away when plunked with a D battery, it means either the raccoon has rabies and isn’t frightened of anything—RUN!—or the creature is actually a Class VI specter in the shape of a raccoon. In that case, snap a quick picture or two and then run.
Figure 9.2.
Natural Enemy of the Ghost Hunter
Blacklight: These UVA lights are useful for illuminating rooms to check for traces of ectoplasm, which is thought to glow a bright white under long-wave ultraviolet light. You don’t need one of the big tubes found at Spencer’s; a small handheld unit should suffice. You’re ghost hunting, not hosting a rave in your dorm room.
Camera: Cameras are a
mong the most popular items for ghost hunters. While we can’t trap a ghost with current paratechnology, we can catch a ghost on film. JUST CHECK OUT ALL THE ORB PHOTOS WE TOOK!!! In addition to still photography, video cameras are also used by many paranormal investigators. Night-vision and thermographic filters (including heat graphs, like the one Predator uses!) are available for both still and video cameras. We suggest using the best camera you can afford.
Carbon Monoxide Detector: There is growing evidence that carbon-monoxide poisoning might be responsible for some “ghost sightings.” While the colorless, odorless gas eventually kills its victims, it also causes confusion, nausea, and hallucinations—all symptoms that may be incorrectly interpreted by parapercipients as evidence of a spectral presence. One famous case of such an occurrence was published in the American Journal of Ophthalmology, of all places, in 1921. A patient of Dr. William Wilmer, identified only as “Mrs. H.,” described her family’s experience: The governess reported hearing footsteps when nobody was home, and the children grew listless and tired (clearly not the natural state for children). The chimney was found to be blocked, causing carbon monoxide to be drawn into the house instead of expelled. Once this was fixed, the “hauntings” ceased. Carrying your own carbon-monoxide detector isn’t a bad idea, since many older homes may not have one installed.