by K. T. Hanna
Dom nods. “You’re probably right. The plan is to train her before she has to go out on her next assignment. They’re dangerous. She might not come back.” His phrasing is obviously to stave off any spikes in interest from anyone choosing to use his connection.
“Got it in one.” Bastian wishes it were as easy as Dom makes it sound. Between Deign, Zach, and the rest of GNW, Bastian is starting to wonder if he’ll get out of this alive.
Still, if it means they succeed, maybe even death is worth it.
Sai sits on the floor in Bastian’s guest room, staring at the readers in front of her. It aches to look at the pictures. Archaic devices used to strap people down, syringes littering the tables next to them. There’s no privacy in the wards or dormitories. In all of the images, they’re strapped at the head, neck, shoulders, elbows, hands, pelvis, knees, and ankles. Just to make sure they truly can’t get free, their hands and feet are locked into shackles that bind them to the bedframes.
She remembers her parents once watching some old scary movie for entertainment. Apparently Shine could heighten any type of experience for them while they tumbled across the floor accosting each other. Sai shakes her head to clear it of that image and turns back to the remaining ones in front of her.
None of the staff bother to use different veins for injections. The wrists and elbows are ripe with bruising and scabs. With today’s tech, an injection should let the skin close behind it and aid its healing. Either it’s been done so often to the people that their skin can’t obey or else the staff are using abandoned tech.
A tear falls off her cheek and splashes against the screen. Sai rubs it away and leafs through to the next set of photographs. A testing ward, where people are poked and prodded to find their breaking point. She quickly flips through them, trying to suppress the loop of Johnson’s memories playing in her head, but there’s no relief. The next recorded section shows the psionic-energy extraction process, and Sai shudders with revulsion. Skin pales, bodies convulse, and eyes roll back. Even though she can see them screaming, the sound doesn’t come from their mouths, but echoes around in her head instead.
After another few pictures, she pushes the reader away and leans back against the headboard. Maybe, if she crawls underneath the covers and goes to sleep, she’ll wake up to a different world where she doesn’t have a dead man’s painful memories inside her head, where she hasn’t lived a lie her entire life.
Taken from scared parents who thought they were sending him to a place that would be better for him, Johnson barely had a chance to know what the normal life he was missing would be like. She clenches her fists at the thought, caught up in the memories as if they’re her own.
“Sai?” Bastian pops his head around the divider, interrupting her self-destructive train of thought. “You ready to go over the rules of finding?”
“Seriously?” she asks with disbelief as she pushes herself up off the bed, gingerly favoring her left side. “You call it finding? Couldn’t come up with anything more original than that?”
He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. “I had other things to come up with names for.” He leads the way toward the training area.
The rooms are even darker now that she knows their origin. While Sai doesn’t completely understand Bastian’s position in everything, she does understand that, without him, the Exiled would have one of their major resources cut off. Not to mention removing him allows one less avenue for deliberately misleading leaks to go through. News of her target would never have made it without Bastian.
Their next move will be to fake her death, just as Mathur did years before. She’s not sure how she feels about it, even if it’s just enough flesh and blood to simulate the remnants of an explosion. Removing the tracker is going to hurt the most.
The one thought she’s trying to avoid is leaving Dom behind. He’s been there every step of the way, had her back so often she’s lost count. Once she leaves, she’ll have no one. A fresh start in a sea full of strangers who probably resent her for killing their people. Not that that’s a foreign feeling.
She sighs softly and glances up to see Bastian scowling at her.
“Something wrong, Sai?
“Thinking.”
“It has to be something major. You’ve been ignoring me for the last few minutes.”
She blinks. “I have?”
“Yeah.”
She hugs her chest. “The grid, this thought suggestion thing. I don’t understand it.”
Bastian shrugs. “The theory was that a content people leads to a content existence. If we can suggest to people’s inner thoughts, that there’s nothing to complain about, they’ll believe they arrived at that decision themselves.”
Sai frowns. “Are people really that stupid?”
“Did you believe?”
“What?”
“Did you...” He purses his lips and his brow crinkles for a moment. “Did you take everything you were taught to be the truth?”
“You know I did.”
“And did you have any proof, or did you just believe? Like with the razor rabbits.”
“They don’t count. Their teeth are sharp.” She mulls it over in her head. “But I see your point. I was told about them long before I ever encountered one.”
Bastian smiles. “So take it one step further. If you weren’t told but assumed it was your own thoughts, would you believe it even more?”
Sai blinks as her breath catches in her throat. The horror of it hits her with more force than she anticipated, and she fights the urge to double over and retch. “We have to stop this.”
“That’s the idea. It’s going to be okay.” He walks over and places a hand on her head. Despite her hatred for physical contact, it soothes her. She nods at him so he doesn’t worry, even if the words do nothing to allay her fears.
“So you understand what you’re going to be doing?”
She knows this question has nothing to do with the training but with her leaving the Facilities. “I believe I understand perfectly, Bastian.” Her voice sounds mechanical, even to her.
“Good.” He smiles one of his rare smiles at her. “Now, let’s try this finding, and if you come up with a better name for it, we’ll name it that.”
The ground is harder than she remembers, like her old bed at home. Her true home, the one where she blew up her parents. Try as anyone might to couch it nicely, the truth was the truth, and there was no escaping it. Part of her would like to think it an accident, but the rest of her knows better.
She turns over to look at the ceiling only to see vines growing through cracks in the cement, and the rest of the roof on a slant upheld by a few precarious concrete beams. Sai moves lightly to the left, making sure not to disturb anything on her way. She half-slides across the angled floor to a doorway and crumbling hall.
Crisscrossing through a maze of concrete walls and arches, her feet finally hit solid ground right next to a large glass pane, half shattered on the dirt. Just beyond it are the remnants of what was once the beautiful botanica. For a moment, she closes her eyes and remembers the welcome solitude and escape she found in that tiny patch of green.
Everything is dead, shriveled in the caustic air. No matter how well they filter, it is never enough for the plants. Someone once mentioned there’s a paradise somewhere in Australia, in a place called Tamborine. It remains untarnished and beautiful. Sai recalls laughing at that person. Some lies are harder to believe than others.
Something moves in the corner of her vision, but when she turns toward it, it’s gone. Sai frowns and tries again with a bigger show of nonchalance, and this time she sees the creature. Pale and hunched over, it looks like a human who doesn’t get enough light. It reaches out to touch her hand and Sai remembers clearly.
Her own memory, lost until now, slams into her and sends her reeling. With everything that happened, she’d forgotten the old woman dressed in pale blue—like the nurses in the images she pulled from Johnson’s head.
Sh
e’d even forgotten the tempting whispers:
It’s okay. We’ll make the pain stop. You’ll never have to think or remember again.
But footsteps interrupt the woman before she can touch Sai’s hand.
Bastian saved her.
She sits up in bed, the sweat on her body mingling with the chill night air. “They almost had me.” It doesn’t feel real unless she says it out loud. “Almost.” She shakes her head, the gratitude swelling inside her as she curls back up in bed, trying to regain some of the warmth.
Regardless of any current butting of heads, she owes Bastian a lot. If helping the Exiled helps him, it’s not even a question.
But doubt whispers in her ear whenever the images stop flashing through her mind for a moment. It calls to her, questions her new resolve and scares her.
What if GNW is the victim? What if they’ve been protecting and not using her all along?
And then the dream comes back to her, and Johnson’s images slam home. If those aren’t the lie, then everything else she was taught has to be. Doesn’t it?
The day dawns bright and cheerful, mocking Sai’s inner turmoil.
She climbs out of bed, regretful that it’ll be her last night in such comfort. It’s only been six days since she woke up screaming in it. Amazing how easy it is to form a bond with something inanimate.
Dressing quickly, she tiptoes out of Bastian’s quarters and makes her way to the cafeteria. Though she knows Nimue was sent, more than once, by Deign to tap into her thoughts, Sai still feels a sliver of friendship for the girl.
What her mentor demanded of her wasn’t her fault. Even less so now that Sai realizes nothing is how she thought. She knows she can’t warn the other girl and doesn’t have any delusions of saving anyone right now: The operation will be delicate enough just trying to get her out. But saying goodbye in her own way, to the closest thing she’s ever had to a friend? That should be possible.
Sai scans the cafeteria as she grabs a squished block of bread and spies Nimue in the corner. She sits with her hair pulled back tightly and her powder pink uniform perfectly pressed. Her pale skin makes the freckles stand out more than usual. Sai thinks she’s aged since she last saw her.
“Hey, Nim.” Sai takes a seat opposite the other girl and picks at the wrapper.
Nimue looks up slowly and blinks once before a smile spreads on her face. “Sai. They said you were sick.”
“Yeah, I was.” She turns her face to the right.
Nimue gasps. “Does that hurt?” She reaches out a hand, and Sai shies back.
“Yeah. No touching.” Sai smiles to take the edge off the words.
“Sorry.” Sadness reaches Nimue’s eyes.
Sai hurries to reassure her. “Don’t! I didn’t really mean it like that. It’s still tender.”
Nimue smiles, that melancholy tinge still in her expression. “Are you coming back to class?”
Sai almost chokes on her bread, but smiles brightly. “Not this time. I have another assignment. Man, am I going to need your help with schoolwork when I’m done.” And she pulls a face for effect. It’s not really a lie. She just won’t be able to come back for the help.
“Lucky. I get stuck with the boys all the time, and they’re no company. My roommate isn’t even talkative.” Nimue sighs and pushes her food away. “I thought I’d offended you, even after the talk.”
For a few moments, Sai watches her before making a decision. “No. You didn’t. I just don’t deal well with people.”
“Good.” Nimue sighs in relief. “Can’t chase away the one friend I’ve got.”
The words hit Sai harder in the gut than she thought. But she knows there’s no way they can take Nimue, too. Not with Deign as her mentor. She pushes back the sudden tears she can feel behind her eyes. “Nope, you can’t. Remember I’ll always be your friend.” And right then, Sai means it.
Nimue laughs. “You sound so serious. Thanks.” She grins at Sai. “Been a bit down lately.”
“Anything you want to talk about?” Sai asks the question impulsively, surprising even herself.
For a moment, it looks like Nimue might say something, but she shakes her head. “No. It’s just training woes. Being in this position... Not everything is like I expected it to be.”
A shiver runs down Sai’s back as she remembers Dom reminding her how lucky she was to have Bastian. “I know exactly what you mean.”
“Good. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy. Sometimes the tension in the air around here is suffocating.” Nimue laughs, sounding a little more like herself.
“Heh. I have to go.” Sai pushes her chair back, aware her time is running out. But before she leaves, a thought strikes her. “Nim, don’t believe everything you hear.”
Nimue blinks at her and cocks her head to one side. “I think I can do that.”
“I’ll see you around.”
“See you later, Sai. I’ll take notes for you.” She winks and goes back to finishing her breakfast.
Sai waves a goodbye, not trusting her voice to speak without giving away the sadness she feels.
Back in the guest room, she tugs two spare body armor suits and squeezes them in the backpack next to her bed. The adrium woven through the material is warm to the touch. Another two pairs of training pants and about six tank tops, pajamas, and a second pair of running shoes follow them in. The side pockets are already stuffed with Shine so Bastian doesn’t have to make his usual monthly covert trip. Despite knowing it’s not used dangerously there, it still gives her the chills.
Bastian walks into the room without knocking, and she scowls at him, glad she’s already pulled her suit into place.
He glances around, patting down the long coat he wears instead of making eye contact. “Ready?”
She sighs. “As ready as I’ll ever be. Are you sure I can do this?” Are you really telling me the truth?
“I wouldn’t have picked you if I thought you couldn’t. Dom has a package for you in Mele. Make sure to take it with you, please?”
Sai nods and hoists her backpack up, waiting for him to speak again, sure that he wants to.
He opens his mouth, looks around, and finally says, “You have to be careful. I know you can trust Mathur. You can also trust Mason.”
“Who’s Mason?” She watches the slight twitch in Bastian’s fingers, like they want to strum against his coat. He seems nervous.
Bastian’s lips draw in a tight line. “Mason is my brother. It’s a long story. Suffice it to say I have many reasons to remain in this position, and he’s not happy with the risks I take. He can be hot-headed.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother.” Suspicion stirs in her brain, but she quells it. Her gut instinct is to trust Bastian, and it’s rarely wrong, even if he seems on edge.
“He’s the typical older brother. Bossy.” A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth, but it’s gone an instant later.
Sai shrugs and tests the backpack position. “I wouldn’t know. I never had a sibling.”
“It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Just someone else to blame for things.”
“Can I ask for something?” Sai asks before her courage runs out.
Bastian smiles this time. “Of course.”
“Could you please keep an eye on Nimue and the others? It’s not her fault. She’s not like you imagine. Please?”
Bastian studies her for a moment. “Okay.”
Sai scowls. “Not just okay. Keep a real look out for them, especially for her. And figure out a way to help her out of here. This place isn’t right for her.”
“Okay, and I mean it. I will.” He pauses for a moment. “There’s one more thing I need you to do for me.”
She stops fiddling with the straps and glances up at him.
“I need you to take care of the package Dom has waiting for you. Very good care of it. Make sure it doesn’t fall into hands that could damage it or use it for something it’s not intended.”
She can see he’s picking his word
s more carefully than ever before and frowns, resisting the urge to panic. “Is everything okay, Bastian?”
He nods quickly. “This is important. Promise me this.”
“I don’t even know if I can protect it, Bastian, you haven’t told me what it is.” You never told me anything. How can I trust what I don’t know? The panic rises again, and she takes a deep breath.
“It’s an important package. Deliver it to Mason when you get the chance.”
Sai opens her mouth to protest, but the determination in Bastian’s expression takes her off-guard and she waves a hand. “Sure, with everything else you’ve given me to do, taking on an extra duty to guard something I have no idea about is easy. Anything else while I’m at it? Want me to get you some kind of paint only available out there in Exiled country because you want to redecorate and no other color will do? I’m sure I can squeeze it in, along with convincing myself I’m not going crazy.”
“There’s my little spitfire.” Bastian looks away for a moment. “You’ll do fine, Sai. You’re more capable than you think. I’ve taught you almost everything I know that you can absorb. Hopefully, you can teach others.”
She glares at him. He has a way to get under her skin and make her trust him implicitly. “Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to deal with you, Bastian.”
“I get that a lot.”
“Are there many healers?” she asks him as they leave the office.
“No, I’ve told you that.”
“You didn’t tell me why,” she says softly, clouding her voice so only he will hear.
He shrugs. “It’s not something highly sought-after in GNW. They use tech for healing. Regardless of how effective the psionic method is, it still relies on a human battery. GNW has other ways to utilize that power.”
“Ah...” She pushes down the butterflies in her stomach and the nagging at the base of her skull. Gut. Trust the gut.
“Dom will be with you as far as the...incident. He’ll have to be your only contact here for a while, too.” Bastian’s tone is apologetic, and Sai isn’t sure why.