“Elizabeth,” he declared in bewilderment.
Smiling sweetly in return, she patiently replied, “Yes?”
Seeing her kindly countenance, he said her name again, though this time in a defeated voice, “Elizabeth, I truly do appreciate your thoughtfulness, and I want you to know that I also understand the risk you took in coming here. Seeing you has lifted my spirits immeasurably.” Taking her hand in his and holding it tightly, he added, “I know how lucky I am to have found someone who cares for me in such an unselfish manner. But, Elizabeth, you do not comprehend the pressing nature of the dispute I am trying to resolve. You should not have interfered in my business concerns.”
Smiling at him, she explained in a measured and patient manner, “Truly, I understand that I cannot, and I have not. You told me that you needed to resolve matters with your solicitor within the next day or so. You will see him tomorrow night without fail. I have simply changed your plans for the opera in order to make it possible for you to see your solicitor later in the day. That way, you can get some uninterrupted rest before your meeting. It was gracious of you to invite my family to the opera, but I cannot believe you really care if you attend tomorrow night, other than out of a sense of obligation to my family. I have sent your regrets, and they understand. For better or worse, you will have many opportunities to take my mother and sisters to the opera. While my mother would have preferred your company, she is ecstatic that she will be sitting in your box. By rescheduling this social commitment, I am actually attempting to ensure that your business concerns take precedence. You will not be able to handle important decisions properly if you are exhausted and ill.”
Darcy sat there looking at her for a long moment. He then reached up to wrap one of her errant curls around his finger, and slowly said, “I now see why you came; you understood the tactical advantage of presenting your arguments while I am lying here.”
“Well,” she laughed, “it is an added advantage, but I also wanted to bring you the soup.” Smiling at him, Elizabeth felt his forehead again and told him, “You should eat it before it gets cold and then drink the tea too.”
“Will you stay?”
“I suppose I will not risk anything further if I stay for a few minutes more. Everyone had already retired before I came.” Elizabeth helped Darcy with the soup, got him to drink a little tea, and then kissed him reverently on the forehead. She then returned to her room without incident.
***
Despite his weakened condition, Darcy awoke out of habit at daybreak. He began to rouse himself before he remembered the details of his late-night visit with Elizabeth. While he treasured her concern for his well-being, his first impulse was to disregard her entreaties and conduct his day as he had planned.
As he felt the persistent throb of his headache, he began to reconsider. He had to admit that her modifications to his schedule made abundant sense. Sleeping late would do him a world of good, and it would not matter if he met with his solicitor later in the day. But if Elizabeth’s plan was superior to his, why did he feel so uneasy taking her advice? He felt, for want of a better word, weak. He had always prided himself on fulfilling all his commitments no matter what the cost. Giving in to his body’s needs seemed at odds with that precept.
Then again, he was reluctant to ignore Elizabeth’s wishes and did not look forward to her eventual disapprobation. Most women would not feel free to question his choices and would hardly feel confident challenging him. But that was a lesson he had already learnt: She was not like other women. Her opinion mattered, and not just because he did not want to awaken her ire. If she thought he was acting inappropriately, he needed to listen to her. What was holding him back from accepting her advice was concern over how someone else might view his actions if he did. His pride was at stake, even if only he thought so.
He knew full well what Elizabeth would think of such an argument. He thought it ironic that Elizabeth held concern for his pride in so little regard when she was not without a certain amount of pride herself. As he recalled their exchange over his efforts to get her to ride, the memory of it convinced him to take her advice now. Despite her reluctance to undertake that endeavor, she had trusted him enough to resist the temptation to adhere to her position out of stubbornness. Perhaps that was what was required to forge a strong union between two opinionated people: a willingness to put aside one’s pride and listen to another’s advice. If she had been willing to do it for him, he owed her as much. With a mixture of exhaustion and resolve, he called his valet in.
“Good morning, Robert. I am not feeling particularly well today, so I have decided to take the morning to rest.” Ignoring his valet’s questioning look, Darcy continued on. “Would you please let Miss Georgiana know that I will not be down for breakfast? Before I return to sleep, I need to send Mr. Bingley a note. I will not be attending the opera. Mr. Bingley will escort my sister and both of our guests. Wake me when Colonel Fitzwilliam arrives, but otherwise, only disturb me if there is a pressing matter.”
***
Elizabeth and Georgiana were in the parlor when Colonel Fitzwilliam was announced. Elizabeth had been relieved to hear from Georgiana at breakfast that her brother had sent word that he would not be attending the opera that evening. It was clear from Georgiana’s comments that she was concerned that Elizabeth would be disappointed by the turn of events. Elizabeth did her best to reassure her sister-to-be that she completely understood Darcy’s decision. Elizabeth could see, however, that her words failed to gain Georgiana’s confidence. It may have been a testament to Georgiana’s intuition that she doubted Elizabeth’s professions of serenity. A keen observer could see that Elizabeth was not as sanguine as she claimed. What was not clear was that her discomfort stemmed from her own behavior and not from Darcy’s conduct.
Her reunion with Colonel Fitzwilliam was marked by an ease of conversation that made Elizabeth feel more a member of the family than a guest. As the threesome made their way to the dining room, their progress was interrupted by the appearance of Darcy at the door. After welcoming his cousin, he turned his attention to Elizabeth.
“Miss Bennet, good afternoon. I was hoping to have a moment of your time if you were not too busy?”
As the colonel and Georgiana departed, Darcy took Elizabeth’s her hand and kissed it. “It appears it is much easier to get time alone with you than I imagined. I simply need to be direct.”
With a nervous laugh that expressed both her amusement and relief, Elizabeth replied, “I somehow doubt that such a tactic will suffice in the long run, but I am happy to see that it has worked so well now.” She added in a more tender tone, “How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you. As a matter of fact, I am feeling well enough to join you. I have come to seek your permission.”
Elizabeth studied his demeanor to see the intent of his words, but he was unreadable. She paused for a moment. She had been worried over whether she had overstepped her bounds, both by being so forward in coming to his room and by interfering in his affairs. She knew that when they were married, she would have no qualms. But she was not yet his wife, and that thought had disrupted her sleep. She had woken up to pangs of unease over whether her actions would seem as presumptuous to him as they now did to her.
“Sir, I… this is your home. I am your guest. You hardly need my permission to move within your own rooms.”
“Really? I thought I was told last night that I could only attend with your permission.”
His earnest expression unnerved her. Speaking rapidly, she said, “While I am quite thankful that you took some time to rest, and I can see from your countenance that it has indeed helped you… it was not my place. I see now that I should not have presumed. I know I am not yet your wife. I did not mean to…”
“Elizabeth, what has gotten in to you? I was teasing you. I very much appreciate your concern for me. I am not used to being taken care of, and I have shown my gratitude poorly.” Placing his hand gently under her chin to dire
ct her to look at him, he added, “I love you, and I am pleased that you would take my concerns so wholeheartedly as your own. I did not seek you out to offer a rebuke. I wanted to thank you.”
“But I see now that telling you how you should conduct yourself seems more the duty of a wife than of a fiancée, and I want you to know that I do know the difference.”
Smiling, he encircled her in his arms and gently kissed her. Resting his head against her hair and breathing in its scent, he quietly replied, “I understand that, but I… have no problem with the distinction. All I want is to actually be your husband. I have no value for this interminable waiting. In my heart you are already my wife. If you feel the same for me, even a little, I am immensely pleased, not upset.”
With relief evident on her face, she looked up at him and replied, “Sir, you seem intent on being nothing but generous with me,” adding in a more playful tone, “Though I should at least refrain from telling you whether or not you can dine in your own home.”
“Quite frankly, madam, you underestimate your power over me. If it means that you would have to come to my room, I believe I would agree to most anything that you were to propose there.”
Blushing at his words and feeling her pulse quicken, she attempted to reply nonchalantly. “I see that you are indeed feeling much better.”
“Yes, having some uninterrupted time to myself not only gave me some much needed rest, but it also allowed me to see more clearly the issue my steward and I have been attempting to resolve. I see now that some of my previous haste sprang from my desire to spend uninterrupted time with you. I now realize that I will always need to balance my obligations with my personal commitments and that it would be folly to pursue either to the exclusion of the other. You were right last night to remind me of that.”
“Sir, you seem in a remarkable mood today. I cannot imagine my suggestion has worked such an improvement.”
“Well, while I have been able to clear my head and therefore improve my disposition, I am still tired and feeling the slight effects of the fever. I will retire after I eat. I would like to visit with you, though, at tea before you leave for the opera.”
“But I told you last night, I will not be attending it either.”
“Yes, you did say that, but I will not have it. You will go. I wrote to Bingley this morning to arrange it. He will be by to escort all three of you in his carriage.”
“But I intend…”
“Yes, I am sure you have many intentions. But as to this, you will oblige me. I see no point in your not going. After Mr. Lynch leaves me, I will do just fine with Colonel Fitzwilliam,” he said, adding with a mischievous smile, “Unless, of course, you had something else in mind? Are you attempting to arrange things so we have more time alone together? If that is the case, rest assured, I will insist that the colonel go in your place.”
“Fitzwilliam, I did not mean…”
Smiling, he raised his hand. “Yes, of course you did not. But if that is the case, I can see no other benefit in your staying behind. You cannot possibly think that I would get any rest if you were here. The mere possibility that you would check on me in my room would keep me up the entire night in sheer anticipation and hope.”
Unsure how to respond, she stammered, “Sir, I…”
Smiling at her broadly and barely refraining from laughing, he replied, “I can see that you are shocked at my behavior. As I said, I am still feeling the effects of the fever. If you ask me tomorrow, I will claim no memory of this conversation.” Turning more serious, he added, “But I hope that I at least have your assurance that you will attend the opera. I would not be able to rest thinking that I had caused you to forgo an entertainment that I am sure you would take pleasure in.”
As she nodded her assent, he said, “Thank you. I promise that I will make amends for failing to escort you there myself.”
“You need do no such thing, but I will look forward to the time when we can attend together. I think I will enjoy it very much.”
***
The following morning, Darcy arrived at breakfast feeling significantly better. After learning the details of the quality of the performances at the opera of both the players and the attendees, he inquired of the ladies’ plans for the day. In response, Jane explained that Miss Bingley had invited all three of them to go shopping with her and Mrs. Hurst.
Hiding his disappointment, he casually asked, “Will you be available to dine here afterward?”
Smiling warmly at him, Elizabeth responded, “Yes, I believe we shall.”
Gazing at her intently as a slow smile came to his lips, he replied, “Wonderful. I will look forward to it.” Their eyes locked as they shared a private smile. Their reverie, however, was interrupted by his recollection that his sister and Miss Bennet were still present. After he regained a more somber expression, he asked, “Will your mother and sisters be going as well?”
With subdued mischievousness, Elizabeth replied, “No. My mother had planned to focus on getting fabric for some new gowns for Lydia today, and Lydia prevailed on her to keep our parties separate. It seems that my youngest sister gets quite taxed if she has to shop for anyone other than herself.”
“But,” Jane interjected, “we do plan to have tea with our aunt. Speaking of her, sir, at the opera last evening my aunt and uncle invited the entire party to dine at their home tomorrow evening. I know they will be sending you a note, but they specifically asked me to mention it to you this morning.”
After Georgiana expressed her own wishes that they attend, it was settled.
***
As Elizabeth awoke the next day, she was startled to realize that she had only three more days before returning to Longbourn. She thought how different she now felt about her childhood home. She was not yet married and could not claim either Darcy’s townhouse or Pemberley as her home, but she could also no longer name Longbourn by that term either. As her maid arrived with a tray of her favorite breakfast foods, she felt the separation all the more.
It was not that Darcy’s house provided more comforts, although it certainly did; it was more that the rhythm of the household was more attuned to her disposition and tastes. Rising early and then taking a brisk walk was an expected activity and not a peculiarity that had to be borne. The house was designed to provide an abundance of areas where one could quietly read and reflect or pursue musical accomplishments. At Longbourn, only her father’s study provided that sort of haven, and admittance into that room was always subject to her father’s whim. The style of Darcy’s household was understated, and there was a pervasive calmness throughout. Longbourn was in constant disarray, and her mother prized restless activity over all else. The bustle of commotion at Longbourn was sometimes diverting, but it lacked substance, and Elizabeth could not help but feel alienated at times. In the past, she experienced similar sentiments after returning from a visit to her aunt and uncle’s house in Cheapside. Knowing that she would be leaving Longbourn for good meant that the time she had left there would be bittersweet at best. With such thoughts, she decided to seek out Jane to convince her to spend an uninterrupted morning together, as Elizabeth doubted whether there would be many more occasions for a tête-à-tête.
Elizabeth and Jane entered the dining room after having spent a pleasant morning together. Any of the remorse that Elizabeth had experienced about feeling so unconnected to her family dissipated on seeing Darcy’s welcoming smile. She wondered if the giddy sensation she felt whenever they were reunited after an absence of any length would cease once they were married. She hoped not. While the feeling was disconcerting, it was also exhilarating.
After lunch, Darcy and Georgiana arranged to take Elizabeth on another tour of the private rooms. As they made their way upstairs, Georgiana lagged behind. With Elizabeth on his arm, it was clear that her brother was enjoying a private conversation with his fiancée. Feeling both intrusive and invisible, she opted to let them slowly leave her behind.
As Darcy finished explaining the h
istory of the recent renovations the house had undergone, they entered into what would be Elizabeth’s suite as the mistress of the house. “I at least thought you would want to change the decor in this room and your private sitting room. The suite has not really been touched since my mother used it.”
Unsure how to broach the subject, she tentatively asked, “You must have very fond memories of her?”
Wistfully he responded, “Yes, I do, but they are the memories of a child. I wish I had known her as an adult. I wondered about her life with my father, how the two of them came to accept one another. When I first fell in love with you, I would have liked to talk to her about it. You may not have known from our history, but I found the working of a woman’s mind impenetrable.”
Laughing, she quickly replied, “But as to your mother, you have said she was quite content. I think that even if you cannot know how she obtained her happiness, it does not diminish that she was in fact happy. There must be some comfort in that?”
“Yes, that is very true. I do remember her in these rooms, though. When I was very little, she used to let me come in first thing in the morning and sit in bed with her. She would tell me of her plans for the day.”
“Your father did not mind?”
With a furrowed brow, he replied, “I am not sure he even knew about it.” After a shrug, he continued to speak. “I hope you will redecorate these rooms to your taste. I am looking forward to seeing the result.”
“But, Fitzwilliam, even if I were inclined to do so, are you sure you would want me to? If these rooms remind you of your mother, perhaps they would be better left as they are.”
Mr. Darcy and the Secret of Becoming a Gentleman Page 35