"Are you there?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm here. I just don't know what you're saying, really. I'm not sure what you mean by fix it."
"I'm making him get out of the house Saturday night. We're going to a place called Billy's. There are at least ten places called Billy's, so I'll text you the address. Plan on being there around 11."
I was silent again.
"Did you get that?" he asked.
"Did you just tell me the name of a place you'll be this Saturday night?"
"Yes."
"And you're asking me to meet you there?"
"Yes."
" Is this place in New York?"
"Yes."
"I'm uh, in California."
"I know."
"I'm not really sure what to say right now."
"Say you'll come."
"Are you being serious?"
"Why would I waste my time joking around about something like this?" he asked. "Of course I'm serious. Isaac's messed up since he got that letter. On top of being my best friend, he also gave me a very nice gift recently, and I feel like I owe it to him to give him the one thing he wants. I'll pay for your plane ticket. I can also find you a place to stay. Say you'll come."
Adrenaline instantly began coursing through my body. "Are you kidding me right now?" I asked, unable to stop myself from giggling a little as I said it.
"No, I'm not kidding you. It would mean a lot to me for his sake if you considered it. You can text me with your email address and I'll contact you with a credit card to use on the ticket."
"Are you sure about this? I think he might be mad at me."
"I really think you should see him and work that out in person."
"I feel like I'm dreaming. Am I coming to New York?"
"Yes."
"Like in two days?"
"I'd recommend leaving tomorrow," he said.
"This time of year you'll probably have delays. We'll meet you out Saturday night. I think it'll be a good place to surprise him."
I got off the phone with Shane and instantly dialed Naomi. Even as I recounted the whole conversation to her, I couldn't believe it had happened and I was actually considering hopping on an airplane.
Naomi acted like it was an obvious choice for me to go to New York, which made me feel a little better about assuming that's what I'd do. I knew going to a strange city alone might not be the smartest choice, but the idea of seeing Isaac again had me feeling brave.
Naomi had an emergency outfit round up with her roommates, and brought me a few of their favorite things to bring with me. They gave me their best cold-weather outfits, which include jackets, sweaters, and scarfs that I could layer. She made me pack them all so I could have options when I got there.
I didn't tell my parents about the trip till the wheels were already set in motion. I knew they'd discourage me, and didn't want to let them in on it right away. I wasn't surprised by their reactions when I finally did tell them. My mom relayed the news to my dad who yelled at me in the background for making such a 'quick-tempered choice'. She cried a little bit at the thought of her baby girl flying to New York by herself, but neither of their techniques did the trick.
It was a big deal that Isaac's best friend called to ask me to go there, and there was not a single cell in my body that could say no. I was going, that's all there was to it. I made my reservations, packed with Naomi, and then I tossed and turned restlessly once I did go to bed.
I thought about Mark, and Isaac. I compared them and realized I couldn't deny myself the chance to be with Isaac just because I thought the situation was too good to be true. In fact, after I thought about it, Mark was out of my league just the same as Isaac. I didn't deserve either of them, and was still perplexed that it was even a dilemma.
Even though I wasn't sure how things would play out with Isaac, I had no other choice but to break things off with Mark. That was the part I dreaded the most. I sort of already agreed to giving things a go between us, and felt bad about taking that back so quickly. I knew it would be awkward between us once I did it, and that I would no longer be able to work out with him. He'd been there for me since day one, and the thought of not seeing him and being encouraged by him made me sad.
But it was a different kind of sad than the one I felt when I thought I'd lost Isaac. Now that I'd had a taste, it felt like having Isaac in my life was essential. The sense of relief I had at the idea of seeing him again far outweighed my regrets about Mark. That's how I knew I made the right choice in going to New York.
I slept as much as I could during the flight, and when I wasn't sleeping, I was just sitting there staring at the seat in front of me, trying to sort out my feelings about everything. I still had insecurities about my weight, but I made a promise to myself not to let my own doubts get in the way of happiness.
Isaac wanted me. Otherwise, Shane would have never called. I thought about my phone conversation with him, and took great pleasure in the fact that he contacted me. He said it would mean a lot to him for Isaac's sake if I considered coming to New York, and I smiled at the memory of that statement.
"Looking forward to New York?" the older lady sitting next to me said, obviously noticing my smile.
"Yes ma'am."
"What brings you?"
"My boyfriend lives here," I said. It wasn't true just yet, but I'd never see her again, and I thought it might be fun to say the word.
"Who's the lucky young man?" she asked, sweetly.
I hesitated. I thought about saying Isaac's name, but he was famous enough that she might actually know who he was. I tried to think of some other name, but I got nervous and my mind went blank. I held out my phone and showed her a photo of him.
"Oh, Lord have mercy, young lady." She pulled my phone closer and adjusted her reading glasses to get a better look. "He is a handsome little booger, isn't he? She paused and stared down at the picture again. "They're doing tattoos like this nowadays." She handed me my phone and looked at me with a smile. "When did you two decide on getting married?"
I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped my lips. "I don't mean to laugh. I believe in marriage and everything. It just struck me as funny since we just started dating."
She reached out and patted my leg. "Well, I for one think you're going to be a beautiful bride, and I wish you both the best as you start your life together." I started to interrupt her little wedding speech to remind her we weren't getting married, but she continued. "There will be times over the years, when you'll question your decision, but you have to think back to this moment and realize that the love you feel right now is the same love that will get you through." She patted my leg again and smiled tranquilly. "I know you two will have many years of happiness together."
I didn't have the heart to contradict her, and she congratulated me again before we got off the plane.
Chapter 16
Isaac
"I thought Saturday workouts were supposed to be easy," I said, hefting the heavy bar onto the stand after my last set.
"I'm getting you pumped for tonight," Shane said.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I didn't say I was a hundred percent about going," I said, feeling like going out was the last thing I wanted to do.
Shane instantly started shaking his head and staring at me impassively. "Oh, no you don't," he said. "You already said you were going. Plus, I have a present for you and I'm bringing it with us."
"I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I think I just need to work through a few things, before I'll feel like partying. I keep telling myself I'll forget about her, but at this point, I'm considering going back to L.A. I'm not saying we'll be able to work things out, but I feel like I at least need some closure. It was so fuckin' weird. I thought I had a connection with her and she just left me a note. I can't even really decipher it, either. I think she might have a record or something."
"A record?"
"Never mind," I said. "It's just that her note didn't really even make sense, and I
've been thinking about going back for a few days to talk with her in person."
"I think you should just calm down. Do me a favor and come out with me tonight." He wore a conspiratorial smile that had me suspicious. "You're gonna love my gift."
I knew just by the way he said it that he was referring to a girl. I was almost positive I'd accidently run into a hot little piece of action wherever we were going tonight.
"I know it seems crazy that I'm not into that right now, but it's only been a few days, and I'm just not in the mood," I said, in a last-ditch effort to cancel again.
He put a hand on my shoulder and stared into my eyes. "Isaac, I'm your boy. I'm bringing you out tonight whether you like it or not, and we're gonna have a blast. Wear your best shirt and meet me at Billy's at eleven o'clock."
"I hate Billy's."
"No you don't. Don't be an idiot. We're gonna have fun."
"Why can't you just let me be pissed off for a few days?"
"Because sometimes I know you better than you know yourself. Just stop arguing about it. You know you're coming with me tonight."
"Fine, I'll go, but I’m not happy about it."
"You will be as soon as I give you your present."
I almost said, "If my present is Becca," but I knew he was tired of hearing about it.
I took a nap after our workout, and once it was time to get dressed, I actually had a better outlook on the evening. Shane was in an on-again off-again relationship with a girl named Mindi, and the two of them were hanging out together before meeting me at the club.
I ended up calling my friend Tucker to ride up there with me since I knew he'd be game for going out. He was a fellow model who actively went out looking for trouble. He had plans for later that night, but said he'd like to go to Billy's with me for a little while. I was sure whatever "gift" Shane had for me would apply to Tucker, so I told him he could expect some girls to meet us there.
Tucker showed up at my apartment at 10PM, and we had two drinks before getting in the cab to go to Billy's. We were both dressed in black from head to toe. Each of us had been given a lot of high fashion, expensive clothing, and just the quality of our wardrobe turned heads when we went out together. We knew the bouncer and he waved us in as soon as we walked up. It was five after eleven when we arrived, and I pondered the whereabouts of my mysterious present.
A thick wave of sights, sounds, and smells hit us as we walked into the room. It was loud and packed, and I smiled at the warm-cozy feeling I got from the chaos. Shane was right. It was a positive thing for me to get out of the house, and I was glad he talked me into it.
Girls started approaching Tucker and I instantly. I came to Billy's regularly enough that my presence wasn't a surprise, and several people (and by people I mean girls) greeted us by walking up to us. I glanced around the crowded bar to see if I could find Shane.
Tucker and I looked like a force to be reckoned with in all black, and the females who surrounded us literally reached out and pawed at us. Women flocked to us, literally elbowing each other vying for a place to stand next to us.
"We'll be right back, ladies," I said.
Tucker followed me, but not before pausing to kiss one of their hands. "I don't know why you'd want to walk away when we had a perfectly good welcome committee," he said.
"I just wanted to grab a drink and try to find Shane. He said he had something for me."
Tucker and I stood at the bar and ordered a drink. I turned around and looked into the club as we waited for our whiskey.
"There's Shane right there," he said. He pointed to a table on the other side of the dance floor. Shane and Mindi were sitting near the corner of the room. It was hard to see through the crowd, but I was almost positive it was him. As far as I could tell, she had a few friends with her, and I sighed assuming that was my 'gift'. I stared at all the beautiful ladies thinking what a shame it was that I had no desire for any of them.
"Are you taking one of them home?" he asked.
"Probably," I said. Deep down I knew it was a lie, but I didn't feel like explaining why I wasn't in the mood. I knew I'd get better with time, but for now I was pissed off at Becca for being so unforgettable.
Tucker smiled. "Why probably?"
I shrugged. "What about you?" I asked.
"I'm meeting up with some other people later tonight," he said. "These girls will just get me warmed up."
I knew getting warmed up followed by scoring should have sounded appealing, but it didn't. I smiled and tried to act like I was looking forward to the same thing.
We finished our drinks before making our way across the crowded floor toward Shane. Beautiful girls swarmed Tucker and me when we tried to cross, and it would have been rude for us not to spare a dance or two. I took my phone out of my pocket to text Shane.
Me: "I'm here. I brought Tucker. We see your table. Be over there soon."
I didn't really care how he responded. He got his wish by me showing up, so I figured the gift could wait. Tucker and I ended up a few feet from each other on the dance floor as girls danced around us. I glanced at Shane to see that he was looking for me. He was standing and looking out onto the dance floor, but he was focused on the wrong area, and I knew he didn't see me. One of the girls who was dancing close to me, stuck her drink in front of me and offered me her straw.
"I'll drink the whole thing," I said.
"Do it," she said with a challenge in her eyes.
I wrapped my mouth around her straw and drained her drink in a few seconds. It was some kind of sweet martini, and it went down easy. By the time the song was over, I was feeling some relief from the nagging heartache that had been haunting me the last few days.
One song seamlessly blended into the next, and neither Tucker nor I moved to leave the dance floor. Ladies were basically throwing themselves and their drinks at us like we were freaking kings, and it felt good—or at least helped masked the fact that I was miserable.
During the second song, another girl thrust a drink in front of me, and I drank it down without hesitation. By the time I finished it, I was feeling the music in a way you don't feel when you're sober. I didn't grab onto any of the females who surrounded me, but I also didn't protest when they grabbed onto me. I had them on all sides, and with the aid of three strong drinks, I relaxed into the pounding beat. It was packed, and bodies moved and pulsed against mine as I became one unit with everyone else in my vicinity. There was something to be said for beautiful women rubbing up against you while a great DJ does his thing. Billy's always had good music and hot women, and thanks to the alcohol, I was starting to enjoy them.
It was during the third song that I leaned over to get a whiff of something. There were people everywhere, but I tracked the smell to one of the girls who was standing close to me. I was just drunk enough to pick my date on smell alone. It was the fresh, citrus scent I remembered Becca wearing, and the smell brought back a flood of recent memories.
I took hold of the girl I thought smelled like Becca, and pulled her into my arms without even looking at her. She must have been trying to hook up with me in the first place, because she didn't resist when I grabbed her. I continued to sway to the music as I held her securely in place in front of me. I put my nose by her neck and took a deep breath in. I squeezed the poor unexpecting girl, but still, she didn't protest.
"You smell like my girl," I said in her ear.
She lifted her hand and grabbed onto the back of my neck, and with closed eyes I buried my nose into her.
"I need you to write down the name of what you're wearing and give it to me before we leave here."
It was at that moment that I happened to glance in Shane's direction. He had caught sight of me because he was staring straight at me when I looked his way. He smiled and gave me a big thumbs up, which I returned mostly so he'd stop stalking me on the dance floor. He seemed satisfied that I was having a good time, and I smiled thinking what a dork he was.
I focused my attention back on the girl
I was dancing with. She seemed timid among the others who were vying for a spot next to, me, and for a second, someone started to shove her out of the way. I reached through the wall of bodies that was closing in on us, and grabbed a hold of the girl who smelled like Becca. With my help, she made her way back in front of me where I could wrap my arms around her. I held her tightly as I breathed in the smell of her again. I was tripping because she even felt like Becca.
"Who'd you say I remind you of?" she asked, running her fingertips over my neck as we continued to sway to the beat.
It was so loud I could barely hear her, and part of me just wished she'd be quiet so I could pretend she was someone else.
"Someone I used to know," I said.
She leaned in to speak next to my ear. "What's her name?"
"Rebecca," I said, nearly having to yell over the music.
"Why don't you know her anymore?"
I was silent for a few long seconds before deciding to answer her. "Because she gave me a fuckin' Dear John letter."
She pulled me closer and curled up into my arms, and I took it as a gesture meant to comfort me. I held onto her. "I'll bet she's sorry," she said in my ear a few seconds later.
"I wish that were true."
"It's so very true, Isaac."
I closed my eyes and imagined this mythical creature dancing in front of me actually knew what she was talking about and could speak for Becca.
"You know my name," I noted, just realizing that she referred to me by it.
"You know mine too," she said, again running her fingers over the back of my neck.
"Oh yeah? How do you figure?" I asked.
She turned around, pulled back and stared up at me. She wasn't a girl who smelled, felt, and sounded like Becca—it was the true one. She was standing in front of me looking like a desert oasis when I was dying of thirst. The pounding beat of the music went on around us, but I stood motionless, staring down into the perfect innocent face I'd memorized so thoroughly.
I stood there and looked at her for so long that she finally said, "Are you happy to see me?"
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