by Ciara Graves
The sedative wore off in the middle of the night.
Lela stirred and I pushed off the wall I’d been leaning against for the last few hours. Her sleep appeared to be peaceful. There’d been no fits, and she hadn’t woken up screaming. Every move she made caused pain to flicker across her face.
She sat up, rubbing her hands down her face until she spotted me.
“How do you feel?” I asked quietly.
Her eye twitched, and I worried she wasn’t seeing me. “How do you think?” she replied. She shifted and grimaced.
“Don’t move too much. Your wounds aren’t healing.”
“Why should they?” She swung her legs over the edge of the bed. “Why are you here?”
“Where else would I be?” I walked toward her.
She threw her hand out to ward me off. Remembering what Bailey and Kexan said, I ignored it and pushed on. I took that hand and held it even when she attempted to tug it out of my grip. There was hardly any strength in her arm, and just that little movement wore her out.
“Lela, you need to talk to me.”
“About what?”
“About what he did to you. You need to find a way to move past this.”
She repeated my words as she shook her head. “You say that like it’s easy. Like I can just snap my fingers and make myself heal? Make myself whole again?” She pulled again, but I didn’t give in. “Don’t do this, alright? Just don’t.”
“Do what?”
“Whatever you think this is between us, you’re wrong.” Her words were anything but confident. She gave up trying to free her hand, and her shoulders slumped. “You should’ve left me out there.”
“So you could die? Not happening.”
“Mech,” she uttered.
I knelt in front of her. “Look at me, Lela.”
Her jaw clenched, but those eyes finally shifted to mine.
“You are not finished. You are alive, and you’re here. Your time is not over, and I don’t think there’s something between us. I know there is and so do you. Tell me honestly that you don’t feel this connection,” I said as I squeezed her hand.
She swallowed hard and let out a shaky breath. “I don’t.”
“You’re lying.”
“Just go away. Leave me alone and go away. You shouldn’t be here.”
“I’m here because you won’t let yourself heal,” I said, losing patience.
“Me? You think I did this to myself?” This time when she pulled on her hand, I let it go. “You think I wanted to lose my light? Or tear my wings from my back?” Her voice grew louder with every word she said. “Do you have any idea what that feels like?”
“No, I don’t, which is why I want you to talk to me.”
She shook her head, her messy hair obscuring her face, but not before I saw how pale she was. “Go away.”
“I’m not leaving you. Understand?”
She shoved at my chest, but I barely budged. The fear turned to agitation, but then it was right back to fear as she scooted over on the bed then stood.
“What are you doing?”
“If you’re not going to leave, then I will.” She wobbled on her feet and made it three steps when her legs gave out. I caught her, and she beat at my arms, shouting at me to get let her go.
“You’re not strong enough.”
She froze and glared up at me. “Which is why you should have let me die.”
This time when she shoved at me, I was too angered by her words to brace myself. I stumbled back a step, and she barely could stay upright on her own. “I’m never going to be strong again. I’m never going to be able to fight again. He did this to me,” she shouted, clutching her hand to her chest. “He broke me.”
“You are not broken.”
She screamed in rage and snatched the pillows from the bed. “Stop saying that,” she yelled as she threw them at me, one after the other. “Just stop it! You have no idea what he is now. He’s corrupted and he… he killed Morael right in front of me,” she gasped, struggling to breathe as panic took over. “He tried to erase who I am. The darkness. I feel it creeping in. Tugging at me, trying to drag me down into the void.”
She wrapped her arms around herself as she fell to her knees. I dropped with her, holding her in my arms as she wept.
“He tore my wings out, Mech. Ripped them out like they were nothing. I can still feel them there, but they’re gone. I’ll never have them back. I’ll never be an angel again.”
I hugged her close, soothing her as I smoothed a hand down her hair and pressed the other to her lower back. “He won’t touch you again. I won’t let him,” I growled. “But if you give up, you’re letting him win.”
“But what am I now?” She buried her face against my chest as she said it.
“You are a warrior. Just as you’ve always been.”
“You don’t know anything about me, Mech. Why are you doing this?” She wiped her face as she sat up and looked into my eyes. “I was your enemy two weeks ago.”
I tucked her hair behind her ears then cupped her face in my right palm. “I don’t think you were ever meant to be my enemy.” The words were right on my tongue, to tell her what she was to me, but I couldn’t. Not now, Not when we finally had a breakthrough. Now that I had a better idea of what Hadariel put her through, I needed an outlet to let my fury loose. “Hadariel is the true enemy, and I need you to help me stop him.”
It took her a minute, but she managed to push herself up and out of my arms. “I can’t help you, not anymore.”
I grunted, annoyed, then followed her back to the bed. “Don’t do this.”
“You need to worry about the war, not me.”
“Hard to do that when you seem content to rot in this bed,” I snapped. “Your wounds will continue to fester until you do die. Is that what you want? Really?”
“And again, why the hell do you care, demon?”
I stalked toward the bed as she squared her shoulders and stared me down. “If you think you’re going to piss me off enough to make me leave you alone, you’re dead wrong. I’m not giving up on you. People need you, Lela. Don’t let them down.”
Her face screwed up. She grabbed the lamp on the nightstand and launched it at my head. I easily dodged it, and it crashed into the wall behind me.
“Get out,” she seethed. “Get out and leave me alone. You got it? Just leave me alone.”
“Never.”
I turned and stormed out, slamming the door shut behind me. A second lamp collided into the door a moment later, followed by her scream.
Tim came running, with another demon hot on his heels, but I waved them off.
“She’s not having a fit. At least, not like the others.”
“What did you do?” Tim asked, flinching when something else heavy crashed into the door.
“Pushed her. I’ll stay up here for a while, in case she decides to venture out.”
There was another yell and then the slamming of the bathroom door. I sat down in the hall right outside her door, leaning against the wall, crossed my feet at the ankles, and made myself at home.
“At least she’s yelling and moving around more,” Tim said then waved at me over his shoulder. “Shout if you need anything.”
What I needed was to find some zombies to punch or an abomination to attack. I needed to get out there and fight something until my hands were raw. I wanted to hunt down Hadariel, but that wasn’t going to happen. Not easily, anyway. One of his angels would suffice for now. I shut my eyes after a while, hearing the water running in the bathroom.
I drifted off to sleep, but it didn’t last long.
I bolted upright in the hall with a snarl, my hands outstretched, same as they’d been in the nightmare. Hadariel had been there, with Lela in his grasp. She screamed for me, but I hadn’t been able to get to her. He ripped her wings from her back before my eyes. My hands shook as I pressed my ear to Lela’s door. I couldn’t hear anything coming from her room. After I found another demo
n to watch over her doorway, I hurried downstairs. If I didn’t find a way to release this anger, I’d go off on the wrong person. I hadn’t ever experienced a rage so intense; it was like a wild animal attempting to break through my chest.
Bobby was in the living room, dozing. I nudged him awake with my boot.
“Hey, you look like shit,” he said. “Mech?”
“You have any leads on some evil we can kill?”
“I do.” He glanced toward the stairs. “Lela sleeping?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
He didn’t question me as I rushed out the front door. He shuffled along behind me. I passed Bailey on the front porch, asked her to check in on Lela for me, then picked up the pace.
“Care to share?” Bobby asked as he caught up with me.
“Later. First, I need to hit something,” I growled and out into the early morning hours we went.
Chapter 2
Lela
After I ran out of things to throw at the door, I climbed out of bed, fuming about stubborn demons. He had no business telling me what I needed to do. He should have left me behind. That’s what the smart move would have been. Leave me and let me die in peace. But no, he had to save me and bring me to this safe house. I didn’t even know where I was. Not that I cared.
Each step to the bathroom was a fight to not topple over, but I’d be damned if I called out for help. Muttering about Mech and him laying so much at my feet as if that would help what I was going through. He didn’t understand, no one would.
Using the wall to keep from falling, I hauled myself to the bathroom and flipped on the light. The second I spotted my reflection, furious tears burned in my eyes, and I wanted to cover the mirror. My hair looked like it had been through a tornado and was nothing more than a tangled mess. I tried to comb my fingers through it, but they got stuck, and I gave up with a frustrated grunt. My face was gaunt, pale, and sickly. There was no shine to my eyes. I almost didn’t recognize myself. A ghost of my former self. A shade of myself, not the old me in the flesh.
With some effort, I tugged my shirt up and turned my back, so it faced the mirror. I squeezed my eyes shut, body shaking as I built up the courage to look at what that traitorous bastard did to me. Flashes of the fight came to the forefront of my mind. I didn’t think I’d ever get past those few moments of Hadariel killing Morael, turning that evil gaze on me, then him tearing out my wings.
Losing my nerve, I dropped my shirt and went to turn on the shower. I couldn’t take a full shower, not with open wounds, but I could at least attempt to wash my hair, and find a change of clothes.
Mech’s words flowed through my mind, but no matter what he told me, there was no breaking the dark hold Hadariel placed on me. How was I supposed to keep fighting without my light or my wings? All these years, I marveled at how the humans managed to stay alive. Now that I was one of them, I feared I’d be dead in days if I stepped out of this room.
It took about an hour to get myself washed, and my hair cleaned, untangled, and braided again. I looked more like my old self, but I was nowhere near to feeling like the angel I had been.
“Lela?”
I tossed the long braid over my shoulder and left the bathroom.
Bailey, the demon who’d been taking care of me for most of the time I’d been here, stood in the doorway to the bedroom. She had a tray of food in her hands and a gentle smile on her face.
“I’m glad to see you up and moving around. Feeling more like yourself?”
She set the tray down, and when she saw me struggling to walk, she came over to help me back to bed.
“I’ll never feel like myself again,” I muttered once I sat down.
“Hmm,” she mused. She was so casual, as if I said something about the weather. “Here, eat this.” She held out a bowl of stew.
I didn’t think I could stomach it and shook my head.
“Lela, if you don’t get back to eating, you’ll never get your strength back.”
“What for? I can’t do anything useful.”
“The humans wouldn’t like to hear you say that. How long are you going to keep acting like this?”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re dead. I told Mech to push you, but apparently, he hasn’t pushed you enough.” She shoved the bowl at me, and I had no choice but to take it or have stew all over me. “Now sit still and let me check your wounds.”
I tried to set the bowl down when she moved to the other side of the bed.
“Eat, now.”
Her commanding tone reminded me of my mother. I found myself picking up the spoon and taking a bite. It tasted better than I expected, and as she tugged at the bandaging, muttering under her breath about needing more salve, I ended up eating half the bowl.
When I was full, I set the stew down and heard Bailey’s satisfied hum behind me. She reminded me of Harriet in many ways. Her mannerisms, the way she mothered me, and her healing touch. Her black hair was greying at her temples, and her hands were weathered but soft. She had dark grey eyes that hinted at being more of a troublemaker than just a healer. In the few moments I’d been coherent, it was her voice I recalled hearing the most, right next to Mech’s.
My mother and Harriet. Harriet, with her pixie-cut silver hair, was one of our most gifted healers in the outpost of Dakota. Harriet and my mother, two women I’d never see again. The thought tugged at my heart, and the stew sat heavy in my stomach. Nausea faded when Bailey pressed her fingers into the edges of my wound.
I gasped at the immediate jolt of agony shooting through my spine.
“Sorry, dear. Looks like its slowly beginning to scab over though.”
I nodded in reply.
“If you would stop being a pain in the ass about your situation, you’d heal much faster.”
I rolled my eyes but didn’t argue with her. Something told me it wasn’t worth it.
“Don’t you want to get revenge on the bastard who did this to you?” she asked as she removed the old bandages and replaced them with new ones.
“Hadariel? How do you expect me to attack him in this state?”
“By remembering you’re not alone. Whatever you’ve gone through, whatever Hadariel did to you does not make you less than who you are destined to be, Lela.” She came around in front of me and took my hand. “It doesn’t take away who you are destined to be with. And what you two can accomplish together.”
“What do you mean?”
She patted my hands, gave me a wink and a smile, then headed to the door. “I’ll be back later. I suggest you get some rest and leave this bloody room.”
I sat on the edge of the bed, listening to the sounds of the house. There were voices a few rooms over, and more downstairs. None of them were Mech. I wondered where he’d gone to, but at least he wasn’t here pestering me.
“Who I’m destined to be with? She doesn’t know anything,” I mumbled to myself as I situated myself on the bed and laid on my side.
The pain in my back had lessened, but the absence of my wings was agony enough. I couldn’t lay on my back and ended up on my stomach, hugging one of the pillows. I was tired, despite having slept for the majority of the time I’d been in this safe house. Not that I’d really slept during those times. I was plagued by nightmares. That final moment of losing my light played on repeat. I hugged the pillow tighter, digging my nails into the fabric as I willed the nightmare to stay away for a few hours.
Everything inside of me was a mess, like a whirlwind that was never going to let me catch my breath. I’d learned the truth about this gruesome war and became one of the fallen in such a short timeframe that I hadn’t a chance to process what I had gone through. Then there was the issue of what was going on between me and Mech. He saved me when there was no reason to. He said I could help them fight Hadariel, but that wasn’t the only reason he brought me here.
Mech had seen something in me. It was why he told me the truth and trusted me despite saying he didn’t. It was why even now, when I
told him he should let me figure out this crap on my own, he stuck around. I was sure the demon lords needed him, but he was here, wasting time with an angel who was no longer an angel.
I was struck by a sudden longing to be back in that glade. To share that kiss we’d been so close to sharing. I punched the pillow a few times, telling myself to stop being ridiculous. So we almost kissed one time. So what? Meant nothing.
I couldn’t have been with him when I was an angel, but now, as a mortal, I really had no business being with a demon. I’d only slow him down, and one day he’d regret being with me. Nope, I didn’t want to stick around for that. If I ended up living that long.
Light surrounded me. Sweet, softly glowing holy light. It filled me and chased away the shadows. I was back in the Heavens. Someone was calling my name, but I was too far away to discern whose voice.
“Nathaniel?” I called out, wondering if the last couple of weeks had been some crazy dream. “Nathaniel? Are you here?”
No one answered. In fact, there was no one here at all. I brought my battle ax to my hands, confused. Why was I even up here? How had I gotten here? I stopped in the middle of the familiar hall and looked around. The light shifted around me and dimmed, almost like there was a haze in the air. My ax shimmered in and out, as though I had a short in my holy light. I needed to get out of here and get back to Mech. This wasn’t right. None of this was.
“Lela!”
“Mother?”
I took off at a run, following her voice. I slid around the corner, my anxiety growing even as the air grew heavier and hazier with each step I took. When I reached the doors of the main hall, her shouting cut off abruptly.
I heaved open the doors. They swung inward, crashing into the walls on either side.
The room was pitch black. Not even the glow of my ax broke through the solid wall of darkness.
I moved forward, and it enveloped me. I stepped back quickly.
It sucked me in, swallowing my shout of alarm.
It was like I was back in the very same hall with Hadariel.