by Ciara Graves
Then I stripped out of my clothes, tossed them aside, and slipped into the water.
I sighed at the warmth and sank into the pool up to my chin. When was the last time I had a bath where I wasn’t washing off the blood and grime of battle? I tilted my head back and slowly worked the tangles out of my hair. There were bits of dried blood still in the locks. Each time I found another knot, I gritted my teeth and told myself to not remember what I’d been through. Flashes of the fight fought for my attention, but I ignored them. When my hair wasn’t such a mess, I rested along the edge of the pool. I let it rest on the stone and shut my eyes.
Gently running my hands through the water, I let the heat cocoon me, and my body eased further in. Shouting echoed in the back of my mind. My face scrunched and I breathed in and out steadily, focusing on the rhythm.
It worked too well, and I dozed…
Water splashed around me. Someone shouted my name. Hands grabbed my shoulders and then someone was pressed solidly against me, holding me. I screamed as Hadariel’s face filled my vision, but when a soothing hand held the back of my hand, and the other pressed just below where my wings should’ve been the nightmare ended.
“It’s alright, I’m here,” a growling voice said, holding me tighter. “You’re safe.”
“Mech?”
He sighed in relief. I leaned my head back. We were frozen in time, at least that’s what it felt like. He stood in the pool, clothes and all. The water splashed against the stone boundaries.
I frowned. “What… why are you here?”
“I saw you head down here, then I heard the screaming. Thought an angel had gotten in.”
One hadn’t gotten into the cave, but one had clearly burrowed his way into my mind. A chill washed over me, despite the heat of the water. I shivered. A wave of dizziness hit me, and I fell back in the water, or I would have if Mech’s arm wasn’t there to catch me.
A towel was wrapped around me, and then I was sitting next to him. Had he carried me out of the pool? What was wrong with me?
“Sorry,” I whispered.
“Why would you be sorry?” he growled.
“You’re soaking wet.”
“They’re clothes. I’ll live.” He stretched his arm up and tugged another towel down to wrap around my shoulders. “I’m more worried about you.”
I shrugged, holding the ends of the towel together over my chest. “Just getting used to being mortal.”
“Bullshit. Don’t lie to me, alright? I think I deserve the truth.”
“And if I can’t tell you that yet?” I heard myself say.
“Then I’ll deal with your silence, but don’t lie. Not to me, Lela.”
His tone held more than just stubbornness. I waited for him to tell me yet again that we had a connection and it was about time I admitted it.
He didn’t. He simply rubbed my arms to chase away the chill from the cave.
When my teeth chattered, he held out his hand before me. A fire formed in his open palm. It coursed up his arm, across his shoulders and down to his other hand. His hellfire kept the cold at bay, and I turned into his chest, soaking it in.
A low rumble started in his chest. His arms created a cage of protection. I really needed to stop being an idiot and admit that I did, in fact, feel something for this demon. But how could I do that? I went from being Commander Lela to a fallen angel to… damn, I had no idea what I was becoming now.
The shotgun was in view, and the second my eyes landed on it, the horrible, harsh anger I experienced at the safe house threatened to take hold of me again.
I shoved Mech’s arms aside and scrambled to get on my feet.
“Lela?”
“Just—thank you,” I said through gritted teeth, “for coming to check on me, but you can go now.” The towel around my shoulders had fallen away, though the other one covered my body still. The cold seeped in, but I made no move to retrieve it. Mech had to leave. No one needed to see me fall apart. “Mech, please.”
He growled as he stood. Towering over me, he came closer. His eyes flicked to something behind me, and his face turned to one of guilt and pity. “I’ll be in the main cavern if you need me,” he said quietly and turned to go.
As his steps moved further away, I glanced over my shoulder, curious about what he’d seen that changed his mood. Someone had placed a mirror back here. I hadn’t even noticed it when I first walked in. My eyes went wide as my mouth dropped open on a curse. The harsh word echoed around the cave and Mech’s retreating steps halted.
Swallowing hard, I let the towel fall lower on my back, unable to tear my gaze away from what I refused to acknowledge since I’d fallen.
Mech might’ve said my wounds were healing, but they were grotesque to me. Where once beautiful white, feathered wings would have sprouted were two wide, gaping holes. They stared back at me like a pair of eyes, trying to drag me into the dark abyss Hadariel had created inside my mind. Each one screamed silently, a reminder of what all had been stolen from me because of that monster.
That traitor.
“He did it,” I whispered.
“I know. You told me,” Mech said quietly.
“No, not just this.” Seeing my wounds left me with sudden and painful clarity of what else I’d been having nightmares about.
I shut my eyes, and the scene played out all over again, but this time, I knew it was real. All of it.
The darkness Hadariel had used to cloud my mind and erase my memories of that horrible few moments washed away in the face of me unleashing such fury. Now I knew where it stemmed from. Pent up rage from being unable to save my parents and letting that rotten piece of shit do this to me. To infect my mind. To violate my soul and then steal away my holy light.
I opened my eyes, breathed in deeply and faced Mech. “He erased my memories.”
“What do you mean? When?”
I worked my jaw, fighting against the tidal wave of hate for Hadariel rising higher and higher inside me. “When my parents were killed. I’d been told they fell in battle.”
“And what, he lied to you? Why?”
“Because he had them killed. I was there. I saw it happen.”
“Why would he kill your parents?” Mech’s brow wrinkled in confusion as he came closer.
“They knew. As did Morael.” So many pieces fell into place about why I’d been against following orders and willing to stand up to the other generals. My gut had been telling me everything I knew was a lie even though I refused to listen to my instincts. “My parents figured out what he’d done, and he had them killed. In front of me. When I refused to join him, he erased my memories. Or tried to. Guess it didn’t stick,” I added bitterly with a scoff. “Son of a bitch.”
Mech stiffened. “What did you just say?”
“What? I can’t curse?”
“Never said that. Just surprised is all. You’ve been doing it a lot lately. No more blushing.”
“Why should I? I’m not an angel. Hadariel made certain of that the day he murdered my family. He rubbed salt in the wound the day he kicked me out of the Heavens and thought he could break me.”
With one more look over my shoulder, I stomped away from the mirror to where my clothes were. As I picked them up and began to dress, Mech turned to give me some privacy. Not sure what the point was, especially since he leapt into the pool to wake me up from my nightmares. But whatever made him feel better. All my old worries about being a perfect, upstanding angel, of doing what was right and never faltering from that path, all of that vanished. Being morally right had done me no favors in battle. There was no room for mercy or understanding in this war.
Now there was only blood and the screams of the dying.
Once I was dressed, and the shotgun slung over my back, I headed for the tunnel that would lead back to the main cavern. Mech caught my arm.
“Where are you going?”
“To make ready. You said the demon lords were going to be here to speak with me.”
“
Yeah. To make a plan to attack the Heavens, one you’re not going to be a part of.” He didn’t let go of my arm.
“Why not, huh? I can still fight. We both know it.”
“You can kill. It’s different.”
“How the hell is it different?” I tugged on my arm, and he let go, shrugging as he studied my face. “What’s wrong with you?”
“It’s not me that seems to be having a problem.”
I scowled. “Me? Why?”
He let out a heavy breath, and the tension between us rose. “You’ve been through a lot in such a short amount of time. I don’t want you changing into something you’re not able to handle.”
“Like a killer?” I laughed quietly, the sound hollow. “I was always a killer. A murderer. The war was started on a lie, which means every demon I killed was innocent.” The truth of my words weighed heavy in the air, and a throbbing started in the center of my chest. I sucked in a sharp breath, sure that in the dim lighting of the small cavern I could see blood on my hands. I turned them over, holding them up to the flickering firelight. “I’m no better than the evil we’re trying to kill.” I now understood all the good I’d done had been evil.
“No.” Mech took hold of my hands. His loud growl cut through the fuzziness pressing in around me. He lifted my chin and forced me to look at him. “You are not evil. Not even close.” Conviction was in his voice.
There was no believing him. I cupped his cheek, frowning. “Why do you care so much about me? You never answer that damned question. Or tell me what you’ve been up to. Why?”
“Does it really matter?”
“Yeah, it does.” I glanced at his hands, holding mine. “The night you dragged me out of my room and threw me on the couch, where had you been?”
He clenched his jaw and glanced away.
“Mech, what were you doing for those three days?”
“Killing.” He grunted and backed away from me, running a hand through his hair. “I was killing evil for three straight days. Happy?”
“I guess since you were killing evil,” I said slowly. “Were they attacking?”
“No. Bobby and I went to find them. I had to tear something apart after… after you…” He trailed off, and his shoulders sagged.
I thought back through the haze of those days at the safe house and sighed. “After I told you what Hadariel did to me,” I finished for him. “I’m pissed off too, but I don’t go looking for evil, you moron. What’s wrong with you? You could’ve gotten yourself killed.”
“I survived.”
“And if you hadn’t?”
“You don’t understand,” he said, voice low.
“Understand what?” I shot back. “Being angry? Hating someone with every inch of your being that you’d be glad if you could watch them die a painful death over and over again?” I clutched my hand to my chest. “You’re really going to stand there and tell me I don’t understand? He did it to me, Mech. He tore me apart. Twice. What happened at the safe house, that was years of pent up fury, and now it finally has a way out. You,” I seethed as I pointed at him, “are the one who doesn’t understand.”
“If I wouldn’t have left, I would’ve taken my rage out on someone else.”
“What happened to me has nothing to do with you,” I yelled.
He was right there in my face, shouting back. “No, it has everything to do with you.” His words bounced around us, and the hellfire in the pool flickered, threatening to go out in the face of his rage. His emerald eyes gleamed as they danced wildly, taking in my face. “It’s my fault he did this to you. The guilt eats away at me every day because I put you in that situation, and I did nothing to get you out.” He picked up a lock of my wet hair and let it fall, bit by bit, back to my shoulder. “I couldn’t save you from him.”
“It’s not your responsibility to save me,” I whispered.
“Oh, no? Then why did I do it before? And why did you save me? We were enemies, Lela. Enemies don’t save each other in the heat of battle.”
A very different sensation, not anger, but just as strong, fluttered to life inside me. We hadn’t really talked since the kiss back at the safe house. I tried not to linger on it, but that was hard to do when each time I closed my eyes to sleep. If it wasn’t Hadariel’s leering face I saw, it was feeling Mech, holding me close.
I backed away, shaking my head. Why did we save each other? Why didn’t I want to dwell on it? “It’s nothing,” I said, but the words didn’t sound convincing. “Just the heat of battle. That’s all.”
“And what about what happened two nights ago?” he asked, following me.
My heart pounded. My palms grew sweaty. “Adrenaline. I almost died. There was too much going on. Emotional upheaval.” Emotional upheaval? What was I even saying?
Mech’s lips twitched, but there was no smile. “We can’t keep running away from what this is.”
“And what is it, huh? It’s nothing, because it can’t be anything,” I argued. “You shouldn’t feel guilty about what’s going on with me. I’m doing it to myself.”
“Whatever you go through is always going to affect me,” he said. “That’s how this works.”
“How what works?”
The kiss, why was I thinking about the kiss again? Or the first time I was in his arms and felt safe—or like I belonged there. I backed into a wall and attempted to step to the side, but Mech rested his hands on either side of my shoulders, preventing me from leaving.
Our eyes locked, and my breath caught at the swirling torrent of emotions in his eyes.
“We are meant to be together, Lela. You and I are soul mates. The same thing that’s happening to us happened to my parents. I thought it was a joke at first too, but now I’m pretty sure it’s real.”
I wanted to argue that he was wrong. Now that I was mortal and probably going to die, making attachments was the last thing I needed—or wanted—to do. I sputtered, but no actual words came out of my mouth. I gulped and managed to shake my head, not that it deterred him at all.
“Since we’ve met, was there not a moment when you thought that maybe there’s some sort of power between you and me? Some force that neither of us really understands?”
How could I say no? He’d know I was lying. “When I was with Hadariel,” I whispered, “I heard you growling in fury. It’s like you were there with me.”
His brow wrinkled. “But I wasn’t.” The surety in his tone was gone, and he leaned back. “I failed to save you. I can’t let that happen again. I won’t let you break.”
“Who said I was breaking?” I snapped, suddenly angry again.
He eyed the shotgun on my back, and I knew exactly what he was seeing. The same image rose in my mind. The battered face of the angel.
“I can handle it.”
“Can you?” he challenged quietly. “Without turning into some crazed mortal?”
“I won’t sit on the sidelines and do nothing.”
“You won’t have a choice.” When I tried to get around him, he blocked me with his arm. “You are mortal now. As grateful as I am you saved those humans, you can die way too easily. Have a care with your life.”
“Why? Because we’re soul mates?” Saying it sparked a light inside me. It was almost stronger than the holy light that once flowed through my veins. It caused me to pause.
Mech smirked.
“Wipe that look off your face right now. I’m not agreeing with you.”
“You should. The longer we deny the truth, the worse it’s going to get for us.”
“What, emotionally?” I laughed, trying to brush it off, but his brow arched, and he crossed his arms.
This time, he did let me walk away, but I stayed in the cavern.
“Yeah. If one of us dies, it’ll destroy the other.”
“Angels and demons cannot be soul mates,” I argued.
“Says who?” He spread his arms wide. “Look around, Lela. The world that we knew has been turned upside down and inside out. Anything is possib
le.”
“And if you’re wrong? If you’re worrying over me for nothing?” I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t. Agreeing with him would end badly for us both. I felt nothing for him. Hell, that was a blatant lie, but we were at war. We had to stay focused on winning the war. Relationships couldn’t matter. They did nothing but make us weak.
“I’m not wrong.”
“How do you know? Just because you feel guilty or angry at what I went through? That proves nothing.” I was rambling now. I never rambled.
“I just know. And so do you.”
“I never said that.”
I had to get away from him. He was confusing me more than I already was. I headed toward the tunnel,
His hand snagged my elbow. He spun me around.
“Wha—?”
He lowered his mouth to mine.
Suddenly, I was lost in another damned kiss. His lips moved against mine, and as he went to pull away, I wound my arms around his neck and dragged him closer. His growl rumbled through me as he lifted me off my feet and carried me across the cavern to one of the stone shelves. With the swipe of his arm, he cleared the towels off and set me down on it.
His scruffy stubble was rough against my cheeks, but I liked it. I buried my hands in his hair as he grabbed my hips. My anger and fear over Hadariel and what I was turning into disappeared while I was in his arms. For a little while at least, it was just me and Mech.
I thought I’d loved several angels over the years, but none of them twisted me around as this demon did. I was on fire. Warmth surrounded me, and when I opened my eyes, I found hellfire coursing down Mech’s arms. Staying there in that small cavern with him would’ve been perfectly fine with me.
Damn the demon. He might be right, after all.
His heat was intoxicating.
I shut my eyes, melting into him when a flash of the dead angel appeared in my mind’s eye.
I gasped, pulling back from Mech. I flinched at what I saw over his shoulder. There, standing as if risen from the dead, was the angel with the beaten face. He sneered with what little remained of his lips. The other angel I’d killed was right beside him.