by K. K. Allen
I shrugged. “Absolutely. Don’t get me wrong. I loved to swim. I still do, but it became an addiction that masked my grief. For years, I pushed my internal pain aside for that adrenaline rush. I pushed myself too hard and eventually—broke.”
Hannah’s sympathetic eyes were wide and glistening with unshed tears. “Wow, Liam. While I think it’s natural for everyone who goes through pain like that to find ways to cope, I find it admirable that you’ve overcome so much. Then you got back out in the public’s eye to find love. Why did you choose to do that?”
Memories of that time before the show came flooding back with her question. “Looking back, I knew there was something missing in my life. I was intrigued by the offer to find love in such a unique way. It just felt right, and I didn’t hesitate to accept.”
“So, it wasn’t some publicity stunt, like some of the critics are saying? Liam Colborn was truly looking for love?”
I let out a light laugh. “I was definitely looking for love.”
“Your end on the show was quite shocking to us all. You already mentioned how your brother’s death taught you to cope in unhealthy ways. Do you feel you’ve learned anything from this experience? From being on the show and the aftermath of your decisions?”
I only had to think about that one for a second before launching into my answer. “Disappearing like that wasn’t the best solution to the problem, and I fully acknowledge that I hurt many people in the process. I’m back here to help us all move forward. In a way, the show forced me to take a look at myself and what I wanted out of life, not just relationships. I don’t think anyone can find a deep, meaningful love unless they’re happy within themselves first. When I signed on to be the British Bachelor, I was lost and influenced by a life of avoidance.”
“And now?” Hannah asked, the frown lines in her forehead coming together. “Do you think you’ve changed?”
I shifted, growing uncomfortable in my skin. “I wouldn’t say I’ve changed as much as I’ve gained perspective.”
An easy smile rested on Hannah’s face. “I love that. So, where does that perspective bring you today, Liam? Will you continue to seek love out in the real world?”
Chelsea popped into my mind at that moment. If I was seeking anything at all, it was a way back to her, to Providence, to my new future. “I’ll never give up on love.”
Hannah’s mouth twisted into a smile, and the gleam of mischief in her eyes put me on high alert. “Considering the rumors circulating that you were with a woman in Providence, I assume you might have already found that love you’ve been searching for. Is there anything you can tell us about this mystery woman?”
Shit, shit, shit. My eyes shifted to the side stage, where Bart had been standing, but he was nowhere to be seen. I swallowed and turned back to Hannah. “No, I’m afraid not.”
Hannah leaned forward, adopting a curious look. “So, you don’t know a Chelsea Banks from Providence, Rhode Island?”
What the fuck? “I—um. Yes, I know Chelsea.”
“And she’s your…” Hannah prodded with an imploring smile.
Panic shot through me. “Friend.” The word came out so fast, my only thought being that I didn’t want to drag Chelsea into all the drama. To protect her. To keep her to myself. She didn’t belong in this messed-up world I had lived in for so long.
“Just a friend?” Hannah pushed again, her expression telling me she didn’t believe my lie one bit.
Anger bubbled inside me. I wasn’t going to give Hannah or anyone else information. I’d meant it when I’d told Vince and everyone in that executive meeting that Chelsea Banks was off-limits.
“Chelsea is a good friend and nothing more.”
“Nothing more? Are you sure?” This time, Hannah sat back, looking genuinely confused at my reaction, making me wonder what exactly she’d been told and by whom.
“Yes,” I said, trying hard not to grit my teeth. “Nothing more.”
Hannah could piss off before I told them a single thing about Chelsea, but my mind was racing. I didn’t know how they’d gotten her name. None of the other interviewers had even mentioned her.
“Well,” Hannah continued. It was like she was struggling with whatever information she had and hesitated to go on with the interview. She tapped at the microphone in her ear and shook her head. “I’m sorry, Liam. I must be mistaken. Let’s move on, shall we?”
I nodded as a whoosh of relief passed through me until a second later, when I heard the audience collectively gasp. As I looked out at them to see what had caused their reaction, I saw fingers pointing and mouths dropping, their eyes on something behind me. I turned to find a large television screen behind her lighting up with a photo of Chelsea sitting between my legs at the park while I kissed her cheek. It was the same photo from the meeting three days ago.
Everyone in the audience was talking loudly, and boos were being tossed out from the crowd. I’d been set up. By the look on Hannah’s face, she’d been set up too.
It was the only explanation for the confusion, but why? This was not part of the deal. My gaze turned back to the side stage, where Bart stood again, but this time he wasn’t alone. As soon as I saw Chelsea standing there with him, her face appearing stricken and her eyes bloodshot with pain, I knew without a doubt it was Bart who had arranged everything.
“This interview is over,” I choked out. Then I stood and ripped the microphone from my body before throwing it back on the couch. I hurried toward Chelsea, who took off down the hall.
“Well,” Hannah said with an awkward laugh behind me. “That sure went a different direction than I was expecting.”
As soon as I passed Bart, whose expression was unreadable, I pointed a finger at him and glared. “You wanker.”
Looking down the hall to where a flash of red caught my eye, I saw her gaining traction toward the exit. My heart instantly plummeted into my stomach. She couldn’t leave before I had a chance to explain.
“Chelsea.”
Her red locks bobbed around her shoulders as she ran, my heart breaking with every step she took. She was almost to the exit.
“Chelsea!”
34
Chelsea
Who flies to London for a man they’ve only known for a month?
My red heels click-clacked against the concrete floor as I raced down the hall of the studio building. I’d been a fool a million times over for rearranging everything in my life, all to visit a man who thought of me as just a friend. Nothing more.
He sure hadn’t acted like I was nothing to him all those nights he’d spent in my bed. But it wasn’t the sex that bothered me. It was the fact that I’d come to London because I’d been falling in love with a man who I’d thought might feel the same way about me.
“Chelsea!”
I heard Liam calling my name. I heard his heavy steps as they chased me down the mazelike hall, but I didn’t look over my shoulder toward the voice until my hand was on the door. There he was, running toward me, his expression undeniably apologetic for what I’d heard him say. With an annoyed breath, I turned to face him.
Liam’s breathing was heavy, his skin flushed from the workout, and his eyes too wide for his face. “What are you—” he started, but he caught himself with a squeeze of his lids.
“What am I doing here? I came to surprise you, Liam. But I guess that’s not something a friend would normally do, huh?”
He shook his head as if his own word pained him. “You’re much more than a friend. You know that.”
I narrowed my eyes, my heart shredding at my doubt. “Do I? You really expect me to trust you after what you said out there. How can I?”
“Don’t you understand? I never wanted you involved in this show. This is what these people do. They catch me off guard and parade my weaknesses around like I’m a toy. You’re my weakness, and they knew it.”
My chin shook with all the emotion racking my body. Everything he said was the right thing and exactly what I wanted to hear, but I co
uldn’t stop the pain that came with overhearing him tell the world that I was nothing more than his friend. “I don’t know how to believe you right now.”
He let out a sigh, his chest deflating with defeat. “You promised me you could never think less of me.”
My throat felt swollen as my entire body shook. “Yeah, well maybe that was before I realized that you think less of me.” I let out a half groan, half scream. “You know what’s funny? I could have actually been your friend back in Providence if that was what you wanted, but you just kept pushing for more, didn’t you?” A tear slipped down my cheek, and I sucked in a shaky breath. “You should have left me alone.”
He reached for my arm and tugged me closer. “Don’t do this. Don’t make me the villain in your life too.”
I shook my head, my eyes wet and tired. “I didn’t do that. You did that to yourself. To us. And now it’s over.”
I pulled back to find an entire crew packed in the hallway with Bart, Hannah, and two giant black cameras. Liam turned in the direction my eyes were pointed, and his expression went from pained to furious in less than a second.
“What the bloody hell is this?” Liam’s boom reverberated down the halls and probably out to the stage and audience. “Get out of here.”
He shoved the lens of a camera away from his face while I just stood there—shocked, mortified, heartbroken, confused. And lucky for me, it had all just been caught on camera.
“You don’t have my permission to record me.” My anger was directed at Bart, my voice shaky but firm.
Bart waved his hands in front of the camera, instructing them to shut down, but it was Hannah who stepped forward to take everyone to a commercial break.
Bart turned back to us and folded his arms across his chest with a sigh. “You signed permission before entering the studio, love, but this wasn’t at all how I thought it would go down.”
Liam gawked at him. “What did you expect bringing her into this after I specifically told you not to?”
Bart shook his head. “I don’t know, Liam. I thought you would be happy, excited, surprised.” He raked a frustrated hand through his hair. “Bollocks.”
Liam was yelling at Bart, so I took the opportunity to slip out the exit, hoping to make a clean break, but Liam was right on my tail.
“Chelsea, stop. Don’t leave like this.”
I sucked in a deep breath as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me in. When I inhaled his familiar scent, I sighed almost immediately. He felt the same as he had before he left for London. His scent was the same too. And just like that, I could feel the calm that came with being with Liam. The eye of the storm before it swept us up into its wrath. I wanted to hold onto that moment, to go back to everything before this night.
“You need to do what you came here to do, Liam.” I looked up into his eyes. Though mine were still blurry, his pleading expression remained. “You were right to tell me to stay away from this world. I want no part of the lies. This isn’t reality.” I shook my head and let out a laugh. “Then again, who am I to tell you what’s real and what’s fiction when I don’t even know myself anymore.”
A car pulled up behind me, and after quickly verifying it was mine, I pushed Liam’s hands off of me and turned to get in. This time, he didn’t come after me, and I felt like we were separated by more than just a continent.
Everything leading up to my arrival at the studio had felt like it was moving in triple speed. After walking away from Liam, everything immediately slowed down.
I was in a daze, drifting from the car to the flat provided by Bart when he’d set this whole scandal up. I was certain of one thing. I wouldn’t make any decisions that night. I would sleep off my jet lag, order an insane amount of room service whenever I awoke, then I would figure out my next move.
Deep inside my heart, I knew I couldn’t let these next few days pass in vain. Easy was the route I’d taken too often in my life, from dating the wrong men far longer than I should to neglecting to tell my parents my decisions about school because I didn’t want to hear their disappointment or by rewriting a book six times instead of publishing the damn thing. Something had to change. It might as well start here and now.
By the time I finally woke, nearly twelve hours had passed. Two in the afternoon with a fresh mind and clear eyes looked and felt a whole lot different than at two in the morning after getting my heart broken in front of a live audience. I could easily spend my afternoon dwelling on the previous night, but instead, I made the decision to go a different route.
My lips flattened as irritation ran through me, and I picked up the phone.
“Room service,” announced the woman on the other end of the line.
“Hi, I’d like to place an order.” I ran my eyes down the list of food from the room service menu and stopped at an item priced at one hundred and eighty pounds. “Your caviar omelet looks delightful. Do you recommend it?”
The woman on the other end of the line choked on her words for no other reason, I guessed, than the price. “Absolutely, ma’am. The omelet is our highest-rated item from our five-star kitchen. You’ll be delighted with your choice.”
“Wonderful.” My smile grew wider. “I would love to try it and…” I looked to the next page where the drinks were mentioned. “A bottle of your most expensive champagne as well.”
“Yes, ma’am. Would you like some juice with your champagne?”
I perked up at the thought of having a mimosa. “Yes, please. Orange juice would be fantastic.”
“All right, miss. You’re all set. We’ll be up as soon as it’s ready.”
My order arrived less than fifteen minutes later, courtesy of British Bachelor, and I was happy to find that the food was more than worth the price, especially considering I wasn’t the one who would foot the bill.
After one glass of champagne, I placed the bottle back in the bucket of ice and decided to save the rest for the evening. Then I showered, changed, and headed out on the town without a plan—and with a map to help me navigate my way.
I knew little about London, other than what I’d learned from my driver and the bit of information Liam had told me. I knew that the cute townhome-styled hotel I was staying at was in the district of Kensington in central London. From there, my options seemed endless.
According to the colored lines on my map, I could hop on the tube at the nearest underground station and head west into Notting Hill or east toward Tower Hill, where I could walk the River Thames and catch sight of the London Bridge, Big Ben, and the Tower of London. All the things Brendan had been so excited to see on his trip there with the family.
I didn’t know if I would ever have this opportunity again, so I went on a hunt for the tube, purchased an Oyster card, and made my way east on the District line.
My nerves rattled with every step I took. Walking around a foreign city alone was more terrifying than I’d prepared for. What if I ended up traveling in the wrong direction and got lost? I only had two hundred pounds on me, which upon my arrival, I’d thought would be plenty. But in uncharted territory, my pulse wouldn’t stop racing at all the what-ifs.
I was grateful for the fear that pumped through my veins as I exited the tube and headed up the escalator toward the river. Anything to distract me from recent events. But as soon as I reached the sidewalk at the top of the steps, I froze, causing the people on my heels to mutter curse words and walk around me.
My eyes landed on a huge billboard on the side of a red bus with Liam’s smiling face holding a bundle of red roses in the shape of a heart.
Suddenly, everything I’d felt last night slammed into me. My sadness mixed with the anxiety of being so far from home became an overwhelming rush of emotion that I had no idea what to do with. Tears flooded my eyes as I held onto the stair rail for support. I had tried to be so strong, but now, all I could think about was how, even though I could be alone, it hadn’t been what I wanted at all. I’d wanted to experience all of this for the first time with Liam
.
At my realization, I continued onto the sidewalk and slipped into the nearest pub. Its dark wood and Victorian architecture screamed comfort in my moment of darkness. I sat on a stool at the bar and stared at the television until the bartender finally made his way over to me.
After ordering a glass of wine, my gaze returned to the television. The local news was playing, and I found that the drama in the world, which was far more important than my own heartbreak, helped to push thoughts of Liam away.
Every now and then, I would get slightly paranoid and swear that someone was staring at me from somewhere in the bar. But then when I would look at them, they would turn their head so fast that it made me wonder if I’d just had too much to drink.
It was silly to think my face would be recognizable from the photos that had leaked after they’d aired last night or from the video that had exposed just how much Liam’s words had hurt to hear. Then again, it was silly for me to fly all the way to London only to find myself in a pub, alone, in the middle of the foreign city.
“Another pinot?” the bartender asked, reaching for my empty glass.
“Oh yes,” I said with a nod. “And pizza. Do you have pizza?”
The man smiled and shook his head. “Afraid not, love. You’ve come to the wrong pub if you want pizza.” He slid a menu to me, and I frowned at the millionth reminder of how far away from home I was.
“Okay then, what do you recommend?”
As he started to rattle off popular menu items, a voice on the television screen caught my attention, and I looked up. It was a commercial for the reunion episode of British Bachelor that would be airing live tonight.
My chest tightened as I focused back on the bartender. I shook my head and pushed the menu back toward him. “I think I’ll stick with wine.”
Life had an interesting way of flipping me on my ass from time to time. I just hoped I wouldn’t fall on mine by the time I ended up leaving this pub.