by Gina Wilkins
The other woman gave a quick, strained laugh and apologized insincerely. “I guess I didn’t word that very well. I certainly wasn’t casting a bad light on all officers, merely expressing concern that this protest doesn’t get out of hand on either side. Oh, look, the line’s finally moving. We should go inside.”
A little embarrassed now by her own vehemence, Jenny looked apologetically at Thad as he rested a hand on her back to accompany her inside. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”
He chuckled. “Far be it from me to criticize you for taking a stand on a subject that’s important to you. You’ve heard me get wound up over a few issues myself, right? I can’t consider going into politics without being aware that I’ll be called on frequently to defend my beliefs.”
He was such a nice guy, she thought wistfully. A great catch, as her grandmother had insisted so often. And yet...his hand on her back didn’t make her pulse race or her hands tremble. She wasn’t in love with him—not in the way her mother had described loving her dad, or the way Jenny had loved Gavin all those years ago. The way she still loved him now.
Both men had strong convictions and noble causes. But only one of them held a permanent place in her heart. Now if only she could find the courage to open that wary heart to him, despite the risks of loving without reservation.
Fortunately, they weren’t required to stay long at the fund-raiser. Satisfied to have made an appearance, and connections, Thad made excuses early, blaming weariness from travel and early appointments the next day. He offered to take her someplace for a late dinner after they made their escape, but Jenny politely declined. They made the drive back to her place in near silence.
No one had ever accused Thad of being oblivious. He waited only until they were inside her apartment before asking quietly, “You’ve made your decision, haven’t you? About my proposal, I mean.”
She moistened her lips. “I have.”
He nodded in resignation. “You’re turning me down.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t marry you, Thad. I think you’re a very special man, and I’m extremely flattered that you asked me, but it wouldn’t be fair for me to accept when I don’t truly believe it’s right for either of us.”
He sighed lightly. “I still think we’d have been a great couple. But I accept your decision, of course. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”
“So am I,” she said candidly, a hard lump in her throat.
Thad squeezed the back of his neck, then dropped his arm and straightened his shoulders. “If you don’t mind my asking—who is he?”
“Who is who?” she asked cautiously, studying him through her lashes.
Smiling crookedly, he shrugged. “I was told you were with another man at a bar last weekend. I thought perhaps it was just a friend, but something I’ve heard in your voice when we’ve talked since made me wonder if there was more to it. Now I suspect I was right.”
She cleared her throat before answering candidly. “I was with someone Saturday night. It wasn’t planned exactly. I wasn’t sneaking around seeing anyone behind your back or anything like that. I fully intended to tell you everything when you returned.” Well, maybe not everything. “You remember me telling you about the guy I dated in college?”
He looked as though a lightbulb went on in his head, perhaps as he recalled her little speech before the fund-raiser. “The one who became a police officer?”
She hadn’t told him much more than that when they’d exchanged a few tales of past loves over dinner and drinks one night not so long ago. Maybe one too many drinks. “Yes.”
“You’re seeing him again?”
“We sort of ran into each other. It’s a long story, and I’ll spare you the details. But Gavin isn’t the main reason I have to turn down your proposal, Thad. I don’t know for certain if he and I will continue to see each other. It’s just, well, I’ve realized that it wouldn’t be fair of me to marry you when I’m not able to totally commit to you. I can’t walk away from my business. Sink or swim in the long run, it means too much to me. And I couldn’t do justice to you if I’m not free to travel and attend all these functions with you and everything else you need from a wife and a partner in your future. I’m sorry. I hope we can still be friends,” she added, because such a speech was always supposed to conclude that way.
“I hope so, too.” He leaned over to brush a kiss across her lips. “Be happy, Jenny. And if you change your mind...you know where to find me.”
She wouldn’t change her mind, she thought as she closed her door behind him. And he knew it. She doubted it would be long before he started seeing someone else. And while it made her a little sad to think that their relationship was over, she had no other regrets about her decision.
Apparently she was more like her mother than she’d ever realized. And despite what her grandmother or anyone else might think, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing, after all.
* * *
The drive up the hill to the cabin was much nicer in pretty weather. Emerald-green leaves rustled in a slight breeze against a brilliantly blue, cloudless sky on this Saturday afternoon. A few trees showed fresh gashes from having limbs broken off in the storm winds earlier in the month. The road was still bumpy, pocked with new holes left from the floodwaters. Much tamer now than it had been when she’d seen it last, the river ran cheerily alongside the rising road. The only storm raging now was the one inside Jenny’s heart as she neared the cabin.
This was probably the most reckless thing she had ever done in her life. And it frightened her to her toes. But here she was.
She parked in front of the cabin. She didn’t see anyone around, but she knew Gavin was here.
She climbed slowly out of the car, her new, bright green sneakers crunching against the gravel drive as she moved toward the front door. It was a warm day, and she’d dressed accordingly in a sleeveless top and cropped pants. A bag of similarly casual clothing sat in the backseat of her car. She was prepared to stay overnight, if things went well.
She was just about to knock when a hammering sound from around back caught her attention. Following the sound, she stepped off the porch and walked around the cabin. Gavin had his back to her as he hammered at something he was building with long wooden boards.
“At least I’m not waking you up this time,” she said, speaking over the noise. “But you did look very appealing all rumpled and sleepy.”
He froze, then turned slowly to face her, the hammer dangling at his side. He still looked sexy as all get-out in his loose jeans and damp tee, both covered in sawdust. “Jenny?”
It was taking everything she had to keep her posture relaxed, her tone casual, her smile easy. “What are you building?”
For a moment, he looked as though he couldn’t remember. “A window box,” he said after a pause. “My mom thought some flowers would look nice under the kitchen window.”
“She’s right. It would look nice.”
He shook his head, impatiently putting an end to small talk. “Jenny, why are you here?”
“I don’t like having important conversations over the phone,” she replied with a shrug. “I tracked down Rob to ask him where I could find you and he told me you were here doing a little maintenance in preparation for your summer renters. I thought about waiting until you were back in Little Rock, but then I decided to invite myself to join you here. I can leave, if you’d rather be alone.”
He dropped the hammer and dusted off his hands without looking away from her face. “I saw your picture in the paper a couple days ago. Avery made sure to show it to me.”
She knew which picture he meant. The photographer had caught her smiling up at Thad as he’d helped her out of his expensive car. Stevie had told her it was the fakest smile in the entire history of fake smiles, but most people would probably not have realized that at first glance
. Had Gavin?
“Wasn’t that sweet of Avery?” she asked with an equally false smile now.
“Not particularly. You looked beautiful, by the way. I’m sure your boyfriend was very proud to have you there with him.”
“Thad’s not my boyfriend.” She’d cried herself to sleep that night, not because she’d been brokenhearted over her breakup with Thad, but because she’d been so confused about what to do about her overwhelmingly intense feelings for Gavin. That wasn’t something she would admit now. Probably ever. “He and I agreed to remain friends, but we aren’t seeing each other anymore.”
Gavin went very still. “Is that why you’re here? To tell me you aren’t going to marry him, after all? Took you a few days to get around to letting me know, didn’t it?”
“I needed some time to think,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to rush into anything without making sure I knew what I was doing. I’d already hurt one person, though I expect he’ll recover soon, and I infuriated my grandmother, who might take a little longer to get over it. So I wasn’t going to come to you until I was sure I wasn’t being too impulsive. Until I’d had a chance to overcome my fears and decide I could handle trying again with you, if you’re still interested.”
“I don’t understand why it scares you so much. I mean, yeah, my job carries a risk, but so does...”
“So do firefighting and race-car driving and construction work and piloting,” she cut in with a wry smile. “My mom reminded me lately that there are few guarantees in life. But I’m not going to lie, Gavin. I’m still scared.”
“Of...?”
“Of you. Of everything about you,” she confessed. “Of loving you and losing you, either on the job or off. Of spending the rest of my life missing you and grieving for you, the way my mom has for my dad. The way Gran did when her husband died. I’m afraid of loving you so much I lose myself, the way I almost did in college. You warned me about giving up too much for Thad, but there was always a part of myself I held back from him. I could never hold anything back with you. And that’s terrifying.”
He shook his head as he took a step closer. “You honestly think I don’t understand that? Seeing you again in my cabin scared the crap out of me, because the minute I did I knew I still wanted you. It took me so damned long to get over you the first time. You think I wanted to go through that again? I’ve tried to change to please other people before, to please you before, and it never worked. And yet I was half-afraid that if you asked me again, I actually might try one more time, just to be with you. Even knowing it would only lead to failure again.”
Another step brought him even nearer. “And do you really think I don’t worry about losing someone I love to an accident or an illness or any of the other tragedies that strike good people every day? Things I see every day on my job? Loving someone is accepting that risk, Jenny. It’s learning how to push the fear aside and to enjoy every day together, just in case.”
She swallowed a lump in her throat, but spoke as lightly as she could manage. She knew he wouldn’t want her to get too maudlin. “That’s very deep.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a complicated guy.”
Her lips twitched, though he wasn’t smiling. “You are at that.”
She reached out to him, needing desperately to touch him. Kiss him. “Gavin...”
He held her off, his face so stern that for a moment her heart stopped. Had he changed his mind? Had he decided she’d hurt him too badly the last time for him to ever trust her again? Had he concluded that it would be foolish to try again after so much time had passed?
His eyes held hers. “I’m not a daredevil, Jen. I don’t take unnecessary risks on the job or for fun. I can’t promise nothing bad will ever happen to me, but I can assure you I’ll take every reasonable precaution. You have to decide right now if you can deal with that. If you can take me exactly as I am.”
“I’ll take you however I can get you,” she answered quietly, beginning to breathe again. “That’s what I came here to tell you. That I know now that we’re right for each other, just as we are.”
His eyes warmed as the faintest hint of a smile curved his firm lips. “We were never wrong for each other, Jen. We were just together at the wrong time. Before each of us knew who we really were and what we wanted. We know now. I’d never stop you from going after your dreams. I’ll support you in whatever you choose to do, even if it’s to enter politics yourself. Hell, you’re as qualified as that pretty boy in the photo. If you want to open a whole chain of boutiques, I’ll back you in that, too. All I ask is that you offer the same support for my career, even if it’s not what you’d planned for your life.”
“Sometimes plans change,” she said, blinking back a haze of mist from her eyes. “I’m trying to learn to be more flexible. And to appreciate surprises.”
He surged forward, taking her in his arms and spinning her around. Clutching his shoulders, she laughed, not caring that he was grubby and a little sweaty from his work. She was definitely learning to appreciate surprises, she thought as his mouth closed over hers.
* * *
The cabin bedroom was dark, not from lack of electricity this time, but because they hadn’t bothered turning on the lights as one hour blended into the next in the big bed. Sated and exhausted, they lay tangled together on even more tangled sheets, bare skin pressed to bare skin, heart beating against heart.
“Gavin?”
“Mmm?” The sound was a sleepy, satisfied murmur in the shadows.
“As much as I love this cabin, I’m still going to want to vacation somewhere with room service and a pool occasionally. Maybe even a spa that offers facials and massages.”
He chuckled lazily. “I could appreciate that sometimes myself, but I wouldn’t mind you taking Stevie and Tess for an occasional pampered weekend while the guys and I gather here for poker and beer. Or Scrabble and beer, if it’s up to J.T.,” he added drily.
She appreciated that he still saw them having interests of their own even as they built a life together. Tomorrow they would return to Little Rock, where he would reintroduce her to his mother and she would present him to her welcoming mother and her sullen grandmother. Gran would either accept Gavin eventually or she wouldn’t. Jenny couldn’t let her grandmother’s wishes guide her anymore.
“Jen?”
“Mmm?”
He rose on one elbow, and she could see him just clearly enough to tell that his expression was very serious now. “We’re all-in this time, right? No more getting scared and running away?”
“I wouldn’t have come here today if I wasn’t ready to fully commit to you,” she answered evenly.
“I’m in, too. And to prove it...”
He turned to rummage in the nightstand drawer, from which he drew out a small box. “I dug this out after I left your place the other night. I’m not sure why exactly, but I’ve been carrying it ever since. Maybe in the hope that I’d finally have the chance to give it to you. I’ve wanted you to have it for more than ten years now.”
Sitting against the pillows with the sheet tucked beneath her arms, she blinked a little when he turned on the lamp. “What is it?”
“It belonged to my dad’s mother. I inherited it when I was just a teenager. I was going to give it to you for your twenty-first birthday, but, well...”
She bit her lip. They’d broken up two weeks before that birthday.
“Anyway, it’s always been yours,” he said quickly, putting those bad memories to rest. “I never wanted to give it to anyone else.”
Her hands shook so hard that he had to help her open the box.
The vintage ring was lovely. A simple gold band was set with a diamond flanked by two sapphires. None of the stones was particularly large, but all three were perfect. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
Gavin closed his hand over hers. “A
ll-in?”
She had to admit she was still a little scared. She suspected she would always worry when Gavin donned his badge and weapon and went out on the streets. Every report of an injured officer would terrify her. But she’d learn to deal with that. Maybe she’d make friends with J.T.’s wife and Avery’s wife and the husbands and wives of some of Gavin’s other coworkers. Maybe she’d pick up a few tips from them on how to deal with the fear. The man she loved was a cop, and he wasn’t going to change until or unless he was ready for something new. Because she’d fallen in love with him—twice—just as he was, she realized she didn’t even want him to change.
They’d been given a second chance. As he’d advised, she was going to appreciate every minute they had together. Starting now.
“All-in,” she told him, her voice entirely steady this time.
His smile flashed in the shadows.
She set the box aside and turned to wrap herself around him, one hand sliding beneath the sheet as she pressed her mouth to his throat.
“What are you doing?” he asked, making no effort at all to resist.
She smiled up at him. “I’m enjoying the moment. Do you have a problem with that?”
She could tell by the way he hardened in her hand that he had no problems at all.
With a laugh, he flipped her onto her back and towered over her. “I could get used to this new risk-taking Jenny.”
“Good,” she murmured, drawing his mouth down to hers. “Because I plan to be around for a very long time.”
His murmur of approval was muffled in a kiss that sealed the deal.
* * * * *
Look for Tess’s story, THE BOSS’S MARRIAGE PLAN the next installment of Gina Wilkins’s new Special Edition miniseries PROPOSALS & PROMISES
Keep reading for an excerpt from FOLLOWING DOCTOR’S ORDERS by Caro Carson.
http://www.harlequin.com/harlequinexperience