“You okay, Peaches?” The nickname earned me a vicious look from Marina, but I just rolled my eyes at her then looked back to Justin.
“You know me Justin, I’m always ‘peachy’,” I replied, trying to be light while I evaluated the situation. It didn’t appear that Marina had run straight to him with her accusations, after all, so for the moment, I’d tread softly. After she left, I’d clue him in to the conversation. Until then, I’d play along until I figured out her angle.
“Honey,” Marina began as Justin handed me my own cup of coffee. “Could we speak privately for a moment?” Here it was. She was going to let it all out to him, probably even twisting my words to suit whatever ploy she planned to use on him. Justin turned to look at me, probably to see if I minded. I shrugged indifferently.
“I’ll just go see if Sammy is up yet. Perhaps you should go into your office to talk, so I can feed him and keep him on schedule as much as possible.”
“Perfect,” Justin said. He moved to help Marina to stand, then handed her the coffee he’d fixed for her. “C’mon back, Marina.”
As he led her out of the room, she turned to me with an evil glint in her eye. I gave her the middle finger.
I went to Sammy’s room where he was sitting up in his toddler bed, looking around the room. His eyes looked tired and squinty, so I must have caught him just after waking. I softly called his name. He turned to me, then scooted to the edge of his crib and stood, waiting to be taken out. I desperately wanted to pick him up and squeeze him. I needed to hold onto him after the things Marina said, but instead, I lifted him out and led him to the kitchen.
I enjoyed another cup of coffee while Sammy made a mess with some oatmeal. He seemed a little sluggish, and I wondered if he was coming down with a bug. I got up to test his temperature with my hand to the back of his neck, but he showed no sign of a fever, so I just chalked it up to me being hyper-focused on him after my spat with Marina.
After Sammy finished his breakfast and I got him cleaned up and dressed for the day, I changed into the clothes I’d managed to snag in my mad dash to get out of the house that morning. Our next regular scheduled activity was a walk through the neighborhood. He seemed to enjoy being outside. Though I was on pins and needles to find out what Marina was saying to Justin, I gritted my teeth and kept to the schedule. Sammy’s well-being was paramount. I could live with the anxiety for a little while longer. I put him in the stroller, snapped Snowflake’s leash onto her collar, and we took off for the great outdoors.
As I walked with Sammy and Snowflake, I was distracted. All I could think about was Marina’s ugly face when she spoke about Sammy. I don’t think I’d ever been angrier in my life. Our boy was special, not abnormal. The more I thought about it, the more incensed I was. How dare she say something like that? She didn’t give two shits about him. I didn’t think she even saw Sammy as a real person, rather more a complication to be tolerated. I wanted to go back to the house and punch her in the neck. I needed to calm down before Sammy picked up on my anger. I didn’t want him to think I was mad at him.
As we strolled through the neighborhood, I pointed out all the pretty spring flowers to him, giving him the names of the ones I knew. He seemed delighted by the bright colors and the pretty scents they gave off. Soon the progress on our walk slowed down because Sammy needed to smell every flower we passed. I could only smile and wonder at his sweetness. He took such delight in the smallest of things. If the world were more like Sammy, I thought, it would be a much happier place.
When we returned to the house, I found a tense Justin and a sniffling Marina. Oh, what was that conniving bitch up to? Justin approached me as I took Sammy out of his stroller and asked if I would join him in his office.
I followed him in and went to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk, but he stopped me.
“You don’t need to sit, Mimi. This won’t take long. I want Marina to spend more time with Sammy. That way, they can connect, and she can learn to accept him the way he is. She doesn’t feel she can do that with you around, so please don’t take this personally. I’d like you to go home and let her watch him for the rest of the day. We’ll have to make arrangements for other days when she’s not working to spend more time with him, but since your schedule is flexible, we shouldn’t have too much trouble with that, yeah?”
I was dumbfounded. Justin wanted to let this woman watch over Sammy? What did she know about children, particularly one with special needs? I wanted to balk, to rail against the request, and let him know that I didn’t agree, whatsoever. I didn’t think Sammy would be safe with her, emotionally or physically. What did she know of Sammy’s strict schedule? Had Justin forgotten all about that? What in the hell had she said to him for him to throw our parenting plan right out the window?
I restrained myself, but now, I wanted to throttle Justin, too. I opened my mouth to object strenuously, but then remembered I started this whole mess by being rude. I desperately needed to tell him the things she said, but not knowing how she might have twisted things, I didn’t know what to say. I thought perhaps one day would be enough to show him she was in no way qualified nor capable of taking good care of Sammy. I knew Justin would be there, even if he spent most of his time in his office, so Sammy would be okay. He might not be happy, but if anything went seriously wrong, I knew Justin would take control.
Sammy’s trip to the ER came to mind, but surely Justin had thought of that, too. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at the floor, nodding. I didn’t want him to think I was perfectly okay with the arrangement, and if truth be told, I did take it personally. Sammy was mine to take care of and watch over. Not only was I concerned about Sammy’s safety, I resented allowing Marina this time to spend with him because it only fed my insecurities about being shucked aside if she and Justin became more serious.
“I’ll go get my things. Let me know later tonight if you need my ‘babysitting’ services tomorrow,” I said petulantly.
“Mimi, don’t be like this. I know this isn’t easy for you and believe me it’s not easy for me to ask. I have my reservations about letting anyone that close to Sammy, but I have to give her a chance. You understand that, don’t you?”
I sighed and uncrossed my arms, letting them dangle at my sides.
“There’s more going on here than you realize, Justin, but I’ll go along with what you want. For now. But we will have a serious conversation later.” With that, I turned and left the room. As I gathered my things, I noticed Marina trying to use a ball to play with Sammy. I thought to show her how to engage him by tossing the ball for Snowflake, but decided against it. She’d have to figure things out on her own if she was going to understand Sammy at all and Snowflake was coming with me.
Marina smiled sweetly at me once I’d grabbed my purse and re-leashed my dog.
“Have a great day, Mimi,” she called from her place on the floor. Sammy looked up at me and saw me prepared to leave and started screaming. He toddled over to me and hung onto my leg. I bent down and tried to soothe him, but Marina came over and picked him up much to his displeasure. He began to slap at her face and shoulders, wanting to be put down and screaming even louder. She trapped his little hands in hers and faced me.
“Don’t worry,” she said, sweet as saccharine. “I have this covered. Go have some fun for once. Maybe get out and meet your own guy or something.”
I wanted to slap the smug smile off her of her face. She knew Sammy and Justin were my life and that’s why she was smirking at me. She felt she’d won the first round at getting me out of their lives.
“Thanks, Marina,” I replied sarcastically over the volume of Sammy’s screaming. “Just a word of advice, he won’t calm down until you put him down. Remember, he doesn’t like to be held or hugged.”
I leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to the top of Sammy’s head and walked out the front door. I could still hear Sammy wailing, and it broke my heart to walk away. I needed to for Justin’s sake, and honestly, I
had to admit to myself that no matter what I felt or what Justin had said, I wasn’t really Sammy’s mother. I had to abide by whatever his father wanted.
As it happened, Marina didn’t have any work lined up for the next two weeks, so the plan was for her to be there every day. I never could keep Justin on the phone long enough to spill the details about my fight with her. We only talked about Sammy’s wellbeing, and all he would say was they were ‘coming along’. I could only pray Justin had the situation in hand, and he was guiding Marina on how to work within Sammy’s limitations and teaching her his schedule. I worried Justin’s work would suffer, and he’d miss his current deadline, but had to let it go. Justin was a grown man and a good father. He knew how to handle his priorities.
Justin’s thirty-ninth birthday was coming up, and I busied myself planning a surprise party for him with Audrey. I spent my time away from Sammy making and finalizing the details for it. I hated to do it, but I called Marina and invited her. It would look weird if I left her out. She wasn’t happy I’d taken charge of the event, but insisted it was fine since she was “so busy taking care of Sammy”. However, she’d call me here and there to make suggestions or give me ideas as to what to do for the party. She wanted to do it at some posh, expensive restaurant, but I would have none of that. I remained politely diplomatic, but I had no intention of altering my plans to suit her. We were going to do exactly what Justin would want—a barbecue with a few friends and family. The last thing he’d want to do is wear a suit while trying to celebrate his last year before the big four-oh.
Two days before the party, I dropped by Justin’s house. I had been mindful of our no surprises policy in terms of Sammy’s schedule, but I just couldn’t stay away any longer. I needed to see my boy. I needed to see Justin, too, if I had to admit it.
I let Snowflake and myself in with my key and called out to let everyone know I was there. I stopped short with my mouth agape at the scene that I saw. The house was in complete disarray. Baby toys we’d bought when Sammy was small, and he turned out to have no interest in, were strewn about the floor of the living room. Some half-full and some empty sippy cups of milk and juice were all over the coffee table, dining room table, and once I came fully into the house, I could see they were scattered across the kitchen counter, too. I was aghast. How could anyone possibly tell which was his fresh cup? Sammy certainly wouldn’t be able to and could easily pick up any one of the spoiled liquids and make himself sick.
I quickly dropped my purse and Snowflake’s leash and began to pick up all the dirty containers, muttering to myself the whole time. This couldn’t have all been from today. Why had Justin let it sit like this? I heard Sammy begin to cry in the other room, followed by the sound of slapping and Marina’s voice carrying through the house.
“Stop it! Stop it, Sammy!” her voice echoed. “Goddammit, why can’t you just be normal?”
I flew into action. I ran into Sammy’s bedroom, where it appeared that Marina had been trying to dress Sammy after changing his diaper. His little thighs had red marks on them, letting me know the slapping sound had been her hitting him probably to get him to lie still. Sammy hated clothes, and it always took a significant amount of effort and coaxing to get him dressed. Clearly, Marina hadn’t mastered the task. I came unglued, knowing she’d put her hands on my boy like that.
I swiftly pushed her away and pulled Sammy from the changing table even though he had no pants on. I got him settled enough to get him covered, then set my angry sights on Marina.
“How did you do that…,” she began. “I…,”
“You have about five seconds to get the fuck out of here, Marina. If you value that pretty face of yours, you’ll move faster than you ever have before.”
“Do as she said, Marina.” The deep baritone of Justin’s voice carried from the door, hard and cold in a way I’d never heard before. “Get your shit and get out of our house. Don’t even think about coming back.”
“But Justin… he was being so unruly. I had to get his attention somehow, so he’d cooperate with me!” she whined.
“I don’t know where you come from that you think smacking a baby around is a good way to get him to cooperate.”
“He’s not a baby, for chrissake, Justin. He’s a walking toddler. All he really needs is a bit of firm discipline, and he’ll learn to act normally.”
“Get out,” I hissed. “Sammy is just fine. You need to conform to his needs, not him to yours. You’ve learned nothing during your time with him, and as Justin said, you need to go. You don’t deserve to be a part of his life.”
“That boy is a spoiled little devil,” she sputtered as she pointed directly at Sammy. “Good luck raising a functional adult with the way you’re going.”
I lunged for her, but Justin held me back. Who the fuck did she think she was? I had every intention of tearing her limb from limb, but found myself struggling against Justin’s powerful arms. Seeing that she was in a good amount of physical danger, Marina ran from the room. Once I calmed down enough for Justin to let me go, we stood staring at each other, me silently simmering. We heard Marina slam out the front door. Sammy who had been amazingly quiet up to then, came over and tugged on my pant leg.
Taking a deep, centering breath, I knelt and brushed my hand over his head.
“I’m sorry, little man. I had some stuff I needed to do, so Marina was here to stay with you. Don’t worry, you won’t have to see her again,” I reassured him, wanting desperately to scoop him into my arms and give him a big comforting hug. Instead, I looked around for Snowflake. I was surprised she hadn’t come to investigate the commotion as protective as she was. “Let’s go find your doggy. Okay, Sammy?”
I gave Justin a hard look as I left the office, letting him know I had plenty of choice words for him as soon as I could get him alone. He simply sighed and nodded at me. We found Snowflake in the living room, sniffing at the containers I hadn’t yet scooped up. As soon as she saw Sammy, she bounded over to him, gleefully licking his face. Sammy squealed in delight and threw his arms around Snowflake’s neck. It was a wonderful sight to see after Sammy’s last few minutes, or days if I had to guess, of being in Marina’s care. None of it could have been good based on what I’d seen and heard. Fortunately, he was much calmer and didn’t appear to be injured in any other way.
I found Snowflake’s ball and tossed it, so she’d retrieve it and bring it back to Sammy. Once they were in the midst of their favorite game, I went about gathering up the rest of the filthy cups and dumping them in the kitchen sink. Then, I went in search of Justin. I found him still in Sammy’s room, sitting on the floor and leaning back against Sammy’s toddler bed with his chin on his chest.
I’d planned to give him a piece of my mind, but he looked so forlorn, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I sat down in front of him and waited for him to acknowledge me. He waited a minute or two, but finally spoke. He didn’t raise his head, but crossed his arms over his chest instead.
“You know,” he began in a voice so low it was almost a whisper, “I knew things weren’t going well. I kept hoping she’d get the hang of it. I told her several times how to respond to him, how to work with him, wrote out his schedule for her, but she thought she knew better and convinced me to let her give her way a chance. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
He raised his head and looked directly at me.
“I put my son in harm’s way for the sake of keeping the peace with a girlfriend I hardly had feelings for. What kind of father, what kind of person, does that make me?”
I could see the anguish in his eyes, and all my angry words were forgotten. Knowing Justin as I did, he would have a hard time forgiving himself for letting his son experience even a moment’s pain, especially when he could have prevented it.
“You’re still a good dad, Justin,” I offered. “You’ve been trying to get your work done, handle a child who has different needs than other children, and you tried to give someone a chance to create a bond with your
son. You didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe it would have been better timing if you’d tried it when you were in between projects. That way you’d have been able to supervise a little more closely. But, hindsight is twenty-twenty. Don’t kick yourself. All you can do now is be thankful no serious harm was done and move forward, wiser than you were before.” I cleared my throat. “However, if I ever see that cunt anywhere near Sammy again, I will kick the shit out of both of you.”
“You don’t have to worry about that,” he said. “I’m done with her. I think I knew I was done with her a very long time ago, but she made things easy to keep from facing my own truths.”
“What do you mean?” I asked confused.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he just shook his head as he stood up from the floor. “I’m seeing things clearly now.” Justin strode out of the room, leaving me completely and utterly baffled.
As if the day hadn’t been bad enough, just before dinnertime, the doorbell rang. I opened it to find Armando Ortega on the other side. He stood there smirking at me.
“Well hello, puta,” he sneered at me. “Here I am again. Here to see my nephew. Only this time, you’ll let me in if you know what’s good for you.”
Before I could say a word, I felt Justin’s strong hand on my shoulder, gently moving me out of the way.
“Ortega, you need to leave. If you don’t, I’m calling the police for trespassing and harassment. Your sister’s petition for visitation was denied, and there’s nothing compelling me to let you see him, either.”
“Oh, is that how it is? Delia’s baby can’t see his own family, but this…” he nodded his chin at me “… this junkie has total access to him.”
Just Perfection Page 13