by Tonya Blount
* * * I flicked the television channels until I got to Cribs. Kimora Lee and Russell Simmons were showcasing their New Jersey mansion. Maybe Taj and I could rent out a mansion for the wedding. Yeah, now that might work. Taj is gaudy. Now if anything, he will go for that idea over a church. I’m almost positive he will. He has been after me to start looking at mansions in Jersey anyway. Yeah, that’s how I’m gonna approach it. We can BUY the mansion and have the wedding there. Taj loves to show off, he’ll definitely go for it.
My eyelids became heavy and trying to keep them open became a chore. Finally, I gave in to sleep and resigned to analyze my wedding plans after my nap.
* * * Taj and I was in Jamaica. The weather was beautiful. We were walking barefoot on the sand. I was dressed in an ivory Vera Wang ankle length dress and Taj had on ivory pants, and shirt. His shirt was only buttoned at the bottom.
Rick was bellowing, Kenny Lattimore‘s, You and Taj and I were dancing. We were smiling and laughing. There were a few people circled around us, admiring our love. Yet, we were oblivious to them. It was as if we were the only two people in the world.
After Rick finished singing, Rick and all of the spectators left quickly. Taj picked me up and gently cradled me like a newborn baby. We kissed passionately. Then he laid me on the sand. White candles surrounded us. They were everywhere-hundreds of them. Despite the breeze, the candles remained lit. It was so serene and peaceful. The only thing you heard was the music from the sea. My heart was flooded with joy.
Taj and I fondled each other, kissed and made love. We rested, then, I turned to him and looked him in his eyes and said, ―Thank you for bringing me here. You know I love the sea.‖
Taj just smiled. Then I climbed on top of him and slowly eased his penis in me. I moved up and down, side to side, slow then fast--just the way I knew Taj loved it. Taj had his mouth slightly opened, his head titled and eyes rolling to the back of his head. He was obviously enjoying the ride that I was taking him on. Watching Taj turned me on more than I could have imagined that it could. I felt like my walls were going to collapse and started going faster and faster…
The telephone rang and woke me out of my sleep. I had been humping the bed. Damn.
―Hello,‖ I answered in a sleep raspy voice.
―Hey, baby,‖ Taj answered. ―I‘m sorry. I didn‘t want to wake you up. Just was checking on you.‖ ―No, it‘s okay,‖ I assured rubbing the sleep from my eyes. ―I‘m good. When you coming home?‖
―I‘m still at my moms. I should be home in about two hours.‖
―Two hours, Taj?‖
―Yeah. What‘s wrong?‖
I sighed. ―You know I was just humping the bed?‖ ―What?‖
―I had a dream that we was in Bahamas or it may
have been Jamaica. I think we had gotten married there. And Rick was there singing at the wedding.‖
―You know Rick could
blow?‖ ―No. Rick can sing?‖
―Yeah.‖
―Shit. This is wild.‖
―So you were humping the bed Storm?‖
I laughed a little embarrassed at the thought. ―Yeah.
After, I guess the wedding, you and I was on the beach and we starting making love and the shit must‘ve been good ‗cause I was humping the bed.‖
Taj laughed. ―Well, I promise I‘ll take care of you when I get home.‖
―Alright. I wondered what made me dream we were at the beach. I don‘t never dream.‖ ―You love the sea and the water. That‘s probably why. And you always dream, Storm. You probably just don‘t remember your dreams.‖
―Oh, well, tell your moms hi. And even if I‘m sleep when you get home, make sure you wake me up.‖
―Okay. Now remember you said that.‖
―I‘m serious. Make sure that you wake me up, Taj.‖ ―You know how hard that is.‖
―It won‘t be hard tonight. I promise.‖
―Well, just sleep with your legs
open.‖ ―Cute. See you later, baby.‖
―A‘ight,‖ Taj chuckled. ―Later.‖
The telephone rang again. It was Pam. This bitch is begging for me to curse her ass out. ―Hello,‖ I snapped.
―Hey, Storm.‖
―What you want Pam? I told you I was tired and I
would talk to you tomorrow. I mean why you bugging?‖ ―I‘m not bugging. But I don‘t appreciate the way you
treating me. I mean one minute we are the best of friends and the
next minute you acting like I done cross you or something.‖
―Pam, trust me, if you had crossed me you wouldn‘t be on this phone talking to me.‖
―Really?‖
―Oh, that‘s real.‖
―Well, I‘m not gonna bother you no more. I was just calling you because I had some paper to give to you.‖
―What paper?‖
―Trez gave me the money he owed you.‖
―Oh, really? What made him finally do that all of the sudden?‖
―I told him that you was gonna send Taj after him if he didn‘t pay up.‖
―You told him
that?‖ ―Yeah.‖ ―Pam, you know I don‘t like throwing Taj‘s name out there for the benefit of my business. I run the streets on my name, not Taj‘s.‖
― I know that but I really wanted to get the money from Trez. I thought that that was why you were mad at me.‖
―I ain‘t mad at you.‖
―So are you gonna tell me or what?‖
―I told you…we can talk tomorrow.‖
―Well, we gonna have to talk over the phone then
be cause I gotta leave town tomorrow.‖
―Oh, yeah. Where you going?‖
―I gotta go and check on my grandmother. She‘s been
sick and you know how my people are? Ain‘ t nobody trying to take care of her they just taking her money and shit. So I gotta go and take care of that. And…and I don‘t know when I‘m coming back.‖
Something is up. She must’ve forgotten who she talking to ‘cause this bitch don’t give a damn about her grandmother. ―I hearthat. Well we can get together when you get back then.‖
―Storm, you gonna want me to carry that money around with me?‖
―Yeah, it‘s good. You can give it to me when you get back.‖
Pam sighed. ―A‘ight. One.‖
―Okay, talk to you later.‖
I pressed the receiver down so I could get a dial tone and
call Taj. I started dialing his cell number and decided it could wait. I didn‘t want him to think I was still trippin‘ over Pam.
* * * After I hung up the telephone, I laid back down and tried to fall back asleep. A half hour later the intercom rang.
―Yeah.‖
―Good evening, Ms. Williams. Miss Pam is here to see you.‖
Pam? I paused for a few moments. ―Alright, you can send her up.‖
Five minutes went by and Pam still had not arrived at my apartment. I picked up the phone and dialed the doorman. ―Hi, this is Ms. Williams. My guest never made it to my apartment. Did she leave?‖
―No, Ms. Williams. Miss Pam and the other two young ladies went up a few minutes ago. I saw them get on the elevator.‖
―Two other young ladies?‖
―Yes, she had two women with her.‖
―Why you didn‘t say that before?‖ Then the doorbell rang. ―Hold up. That‘s her now. Okay, bye.‖
When I opened up the door, only Pam was standing there. She was dressed all thugged out with Rocawear velour jogging suit and field Tims. ―What‘s up with you?‖ I asked.
―Nothing,‖ Pam said nervously.
―Nothing. Well, why you here? I told you I wasn‘t stressing the money. In fact, I told you about ten times, I was tired. Why you acting like you on crack or something?‖ Then I pushed her to the side and stuck my head the door, where are them bitches that came here with you?‖
―What you talking about?‖
―My doorma
n said you were with two other chicks. Where are they?‖
―Oh, them. I used to go to school with with…‖ Pam stammered, ―One of them and the other one you know her she um…that‘s Aja, that video bitch.‖
―You don‘t seem to be doing too well in the hearing department today. I ain‘t ask you who they were. I ask you where the fuck are they?‖
―I don‘t know, Storm. They went to see somebody on the eighteenth floor.‖
―Oh, yeah?‖
―Yeah, now can I come in? Damn?‖
I opened the door and Pam walked in. I stood and watched her as she unfastened her coat.
―Where Madison?‖
―She ain‘t here. Why you wanna know?‖
―I just asked for her that‘s all. I thought it was quiet when we was on the phone.‖
―So, why are you here?‖
Pam threw her hands in the air. ―I‘m so stressed, Storm. I got so much drama going on with my family and shit. I just needed to talk to you. When I called you I was only five minutes away and I wasn‘t gonna come up after you told me to wait until I got back to give you the money but I really needed to talk to you.‖
―Which one is
it?‖ ―What?‖
―On one hand, you really needed to give me the money that Trez gave you for me. Which by the way, you have been in my apartment about five minutes or more….if you had the money you should‘ve handed it to me before you stepped foot in my house. I mean, if that‘s why you here. Then on the next hand, you stressed about your grandmother. The same grandmother that you have repeatedly told me you can‘t stand.‖
―When have I ever told you I can‘t stand my grandmother, Storm?‖
―Many times.‖
―Name one time I ever said that shit out my mouth Storm?‖
―Listen, I ain‘t gonna go back and forth with this juvenile shit. I let you in, even after I told you I didn‘t want to see or talk to you. So tell me what‘s up? And make it fast, ‗cause I‘m not feeling this at all right now.‖
―Storm, why you treating me like this? Why you treating me like I‘m a stranger or something. I thought we were family.‖
―I don‘t have no family.‖
―You know what I mean. You acting so distant with me. Like I done threw some dirt on you and shit. I never thought you of all people would turn on me like this. After all we done been through. I mean for real, for real, I turned you on to the game. And this is how you gonna do me?‖
I ignored Pam‘s rhetoric. ―So you here to talk about the same thing I said could wait until you came back? That‘s what‘s stressing you?‖
―Yeah, part of it.‖
―So why you lie, Pam. Why you come all the way here to lie in my face?‖
―I mean, my grandmother issick.‖
―I don‘t want to talk about your grandmother or anybody else. You obviously don‘t have my money and you already know it‘s all about the Cha-Ching. Soyou need to go.‖ ―Storm!‖
―What? Why the hell you screaming out my name like that in my damn house?‖
―Storm, I‘m not leaving here until you tell me what‘s up with you? I mean all of the sudden you getting married and shit. Just the other day, you and Taj couldn‘t stand each other. Y‘all could of had y‘all own reality show and shit and now look you getting married and walking around flashing that big mothafucking ring like it‘s all good. I‘m tired of you walking around here thinking your shit don‘t stink ‗cause you can stand on top of your wallet and shit. You ain‘t betta that the next bitch.‖
―Hold up!‖ I opened up the door. ―Bitch, get the fuck out of my house before I whip your ass. You must be crazy…or on some serious shit to think you can come up on some hatarade bullshit in my fucking house and talk shit to me. Get out! Bitch I said get the fuck out!‖
Pam slowly got up from the sofa. Then she started putting on her coat.
―Put that bitch on when you leave here, get out now!‖
When Pam got to the door, she stopped in the doorway and just stared at me.
―What?‖ I pointed my index finger on her forehead. ―You don‘t scare me Pam. Don‘t play with me.‖
―Yo,‖ Pam looked around the hallway from side to
side. ―What is that suppose to do?‖
―YO!‖
I pushed the door to force Pam‘s foot out of the doorway. Then everything began to move in slow motion. Pam pushed the
door open and stomped on my foot. Then two other chicks ran from around the corner. Pam had a large black object in her hand and in less than a minute I felt severe pain all over my face. ―Cha-Ching this bitch!‖ Pam yelled. I fell to the floor. Pam continued to hit me with the large object. I could no longer see. All I could think about doing was trying to crawl to where I kept my nine mila. But I couldn‘t even move. I felt blood profusely escaping from my mouth. My body was numb. I occasionally felt a foot kick me here and there. I tried to call out to Taj, but I couldn‘t speak. All I could do was moan.
Chapter 12
The next morning, the New York Post newspaper headlines read: BEAUTY SAVAGELY BEATEN AND LEFT FOR DEAD. COPS SUSPECT DRUG DEAL GONE BAD.
After I laid in a pool of my own blood for more than two hours, Taj had finally came home and discovered the gruesome scene in which Pam and her chicks had left me. I was taken to New York University Hospital and was immediately taken into surgery. I spent almost six hours in the operating room.
Envy, greed and deception had left me clinging to life with four broken ribs; a broken pelvic; a cracked skull; my nose had been crushed; I had lost eight teeth, lost hearing in my left ear and lost my eye sight. The doctor‘s informed told Taj that is was a miracle that I was alive and that they didn‘t expect me to make it
through the surgery. But I had. I was fighting.
I was fighting for the life that was ahead with Taj.
Fighting for another opportunity to say ―I love you,‖ and
fighting to hug Madison. There was no way that fate had this
planned for me. I could not accept that without any warning,
I had so quickly and violently approached the end of my road.
* * * For the first five days Taj never left my bedside. He wouldn‘t let the nurses bathe me. He did that. He had developed a routine, he would start the day brushing my hair, then he would lotion my body, massage my legs, and at least three times a day he would change my socks. Then, he would put on the cartoons. When Jimmy Neutron came on he would always turn up the volume. I don‘t know why, but I loved watching Jimmy Neutron. Before I got hurt, sometimes out of the blue I would walk up to Taj and say, ―Gotta blast!‖ He would always laugh and say, ―Yeah, I gotta go. Storm, you know you crazy right?‖
Rick, Rosa and Taj‘s mother would occasionally come to visit and to relieve him, but he would always refuse to leave. Although I was unconscious and I couldn‘t speak to Taj, I could hear him speak to me. He didn‘t know it, but his words, his presence, and his love wrapped around me like a warm blanket and comforted me.
At the end of the day, Taj would read me an article out of one of my favorite magazines. Then he would play my favorite music. Sometimes he would put Jay Z andBeyoncé‘, Bonnie & Clyde on repeat. Taj and I often referred to that song as our anthem. On the outside I am sure that he appeared to be holding it down.
He had a bodyguard placed outside of my hospital room twenty-four hours a day. Taj had the streets on lockdown and within two hours of finding me and ultimately discovering that Pam had committed that violation against me, he ordered a hit on her. Less than twenty-two hours later, Pam was found dead in a dumpster on Bushwick Avenue in Brooklyn. Every bone in her body had been broken.
* * *
Like I said, on the outside Taj was in control. Nothing scared him. Yet, on the inside my man was falling apart. Taj reached for my hand and held it tightly. Then he began to cry. I wanted desperately to hold him and tell him that I was going to be okay. I wanted to remind him of my past, on how much t
urmoil and pain that I had already overcame. Even though I was only 125 pounds, I was strong and I was gonna make it. We were gonna make it.
Suddenly, I could feel my breathing becoming shallow. Although I was very young when I lived with my mother, I still vividly remember her explaining to me what happens to your body when you are about to die. I remember because I was always intrigued with the passage of death...intrigued because I didn‘t understand why and how.
I felt Taj come closer to me. Then he began to speak to me. He started off in a whisper. ―Baby, it‘s alright. I know what you‘re doing. I know you trying to hold on for me—for us,‖ Taj
paused and I could hear him lick his lips, the way he always did when he was bothered, nervous or sad. ―Oh, man. I can‘t believe this shit. But it‘s alright. I‘m gonna be okay. I promise, I‘ll take care of myself and you know you don‘t have to worry about Madison. I‘ll take care of her.‖ Taj broke down crying like a newborn baby. ―Storm, baby, I love you. I‘m gonna always love you, Storm. I never ever loved anyone the way that I love you. I don‘t know why…I don‘t know why God is taking you from me right now. And I ain‘t gonna ever understand why you had to suffer like this, baby. But, uh…but…I…I know I gotta let you go.
―Everybody…everybody keep telling me that you are holding on for me. You know what I‘m saying? And I…I…I need to let you know that it‘s okay…that I’m okay. That our dreams, and our love it don‘t end here. It doesn‘t end like this. We gonna finish this, boo. We gonna finish, I can promise you that. You know, I don‘t ever start something and don‘t finish it.
―I know you don‘t believe in the other side, but I hope and pray to God that over the past week you have made some kinda peace with God. You gotta make peace with God so that we can be together. Storm, you gotta forgive, so that we can finish what we have. I‘ve accepted that we gonna have to finish it in Heaven. And no, it‘s not how I wanted it and boo, you know I hate it when I‘m not in control, but I‘ll take anything…anything just as long as I can be with you.‖
I wanted to tell Taj, I was fighting back. I couldn‘t leave him like this. I couldn‘t leave him wondering. I wanted so badly to be in his arms. In his arms is where I felt safe.
I tried to move my hands. I couldn‘t. Then I tried to just move one finger. I concentrated on the finger that he was rubbing—my index finger.