by Tonya Blount
forehead. ―Damn.‖
―What‘s wrong?‖
―I think you running a fever again. Let me go and get
the nurse to check your temperature. I‘ll be right back.‖ As Taj was walking out of the room, I heard footsteps—a woman‘s footsteps walking in the room. Her scent was familiar. The perfume she wore was familiar. It was soft and light. It reminded me of my mother. My heart began to race. ―Who is that? Who just came in?‖
The steps came closer. ―Hi, Storm. It‘s me, Lisa.‖ ―Oh.‖ ―Well, gee whiz.‖
―I‘m sorry.‖
―Is something wrong?‖
―No, you have on different perfume today.‖
―Oh, I didn‘t realize you recognized that.‖
―I have to. I like to know who is in my presence.‖ ―Well, actually, I do have on something different
today. It‘s Windsong. I used to wear it a lot but I have a hard time finding it in Richmond.‖ ―Windsong? I think my mother used to wear that.‖ ―Oh, really.‖
―Yeah.‖
―Well, how are you feeling
today?‖ ―A little betta…I guess.‖
―How is the coughing?‖
―I‘m not coughing as much. Well, at night I seem to cough so much.‖ ―Do you think that it is too cold in here during the night?‖
―No.‖
I heard Lisa pulled her chair closer to the
bed. ―Why are you staring at me?‖ ―How do you know that I‘m staring at you?‖ ―I can feel it. Besides, your silence tells me that you are.‖
―It‘s amazing how you have learned to have you ear see for you in such a short time. Have you had a therapist work with you?‖
―No.‖
―I‘m surprised.‖
―I don‘t need no therapist. All I need is to see again. That‘s it. I‘m tired of being in this hospital. I‘m tired of being in this bed. I‘m tired of coughing…tired of everything.‖
Taj walked back into the room with the nurse. I hated the daytime shift and was hoping she wasn‘t going to come at me all rough, because I was gonna curse her out if she did.
―Yes, her temperature is up. I‘ll let her doctor know.‖
Taj poured me some water. ―Here, boo, drink some water. We gotta get that temperature down again.‖
I took a few sips. ―That‘s it. I‘ll drink some more
later. ―Maybe you need some rest.‖
―Well, I can go. I think rest is probably what you need too Storm,‖ Lisa agreed.
―Nah, it‘s okay. You can stay,‖ Taj said.
―Taj, I‘m really not tired. I thought you had to run a few errands.‖
―I do. But I‘m not going nowhere until the doctor comes and checks you.‖
―I can wait here until you get back,‖ Lisa
offered. ―You sure?‖
―Yes, I don‘t mind.‖
―Oh, okay. Thanks. Here, let me write down my cell phone number just in case you need to get in touch with me.‖
―Okay. I‘ll promise that I‘ll call you right away if anything should come up.‖
―A‘ight. Make sure that they give her some Tylenol or something to help bring down that fever. Sometimes these nurses on the daytime shift get lazy and shit and you gotta stay on them.‖
―Definitely. Don‘t worry about it. I got it.‖
Taj kissed me on the forehead and then he
left. ―How is the weather?‖
―It‘s not too bad out today. Not as cold out as it was yesterday. I think it‘s gonna go up to the thirty‘s today?‖
―That‘s what I don‘t miss. I can‘t stand the cold.‖
―Oh, no. That‘s strange. With a name like Storm you would think you love the cold weather.‖
―Everybody always say that. So tell me, how is your documentary thing going?‖
―It‘s going good. I think I just have one more young lady that I need to interview and then I‘m done.‖
―Who is the chick you need to interview?‖
―Um…I don‘t know her name off hand.‖
At my request, Lisa turned on the radio. Hot 97 was playing and Angie Martinez was talking about a Valentine‘s day concert featuring: Jill Scott, Musiq, and a few other artists whose name that I didn‘t catch.
―Valentine‘s day is coming already.‖
―I know. These holidays just come and go so quickly. I‘m telling you. It seemed like it was just Christmas the other day,‖ Lisa agreed.
―You know this Christmas was the first Christmas that I had celebrated since I was a little girl.‖
―Really?‖ Lisa seemed hesitant to ask why. ―Why?‖
―Just a lot of reasons. I don‘t even know why I brought that up.‖
―You brought it up because you wanted to talk about it. Why didn‘t you celebrate Christmas before?‖
―It‘s not important.‖
―Yes, it is.‖
―Listen what is it with you? I said it‘s not important. Now leave it alone. I don‘t know where you coming from sometimes. Sometimes you act like you a reporter, then the other times you acting like a therapist. What‘s up with that?‖
―I‘m sorry, Storm. I didn‘t mean to upset you. I just thought you might need to talk about it.‖
―Say that
again.‖ ―What?‖
―Say the part after upset me. Say that part again.‖
―What? When I said I thought you might need to talk about it.‖
―Yeah.‖
―Why?‖
―When you said that your voice sounded familiar to me. Lisa, tell me about you?‖
―What? What do you need to know?‖
―Well, tell me anything. All I know is that you are from Richmond, Virginia and that you are working on this documentary. If it wasn‘t for Taj assuring me that we could trust you, honestly speaking, I wouldn‘t even have you sitting here.‖
―I don‘t have a problem telling you about me. Where do you want me to start? What would you like to know?‖
―Start at the beginning. Do you have any kids? That kind of stuff.‖
―First off, I should say I‘m not from Richmond. I ended up in Richmond, by way of Brooklyn. I‘m a New Yorker. And yes, I have one daughter and I had one son…but he died when he was twoyears old.‖
―I‘m sorry. How did he die?‖ ―He
died of HIV complications.‖
―HIV? How did your baby catch
HIV?‖ ―Through me.‖
―Oh, I‘m sorry.‖ Maybe I should have left it alone.
―I‘m fine, Storm. Really, I am. But I wasn‘t always like this. I went through a lot to get where I am.‖
―Where are you?‖
―I‘m at peace with the things that I have done in the past. I‘ve hurt a lot of people and because of that for years, I wanted to die. I tried killing myself eight times. No matter what I did, God didn‘t let me die.‖
―God?‖
―Yes, God had a purpose for me.‖
―Listen, I told you before. That‘s your belief and everything I can respect that but don‘t come in talking about God to me. I don‘t wanna hear that crap?‖
―I understand your pain, Storm. But you have to make peace with God.‖
―I don‘t have to do anything. Were you always glorifying God? Were you singing His praises when He took your innocent baby away from you?‖
―No, I wasn‘t.‖
―How did I know that? So don‘t tell me about what I should do. You can‘t possibly know what I have been through.‖
―I can hear your pain each time you speak. You try hard to hide it but you can‘t hide it.‖
―Didn‘t I say I didn‘t wanna talk about me anymore? Why the fuck do you keep pushing the issue? Just leave me alone!‖
―Alright. I‘ll leave you alone.‖
―I mean why can‘t we just stay on the subject. I thought you were talking about your life. Not mine. How did you get HIV?‖
―I‘m not s
ure. I was an addict. I started smoking-snorting cocaine, then smoking crack, then shooting. I did a lot of things to maintain my habit. I‘m embarrassed to say this, but I slept with many many men. And I slept with many women. Who knows when or how I contracted it.‖
―I can‘t believe you used to do that? I can‘t see you. But you seem like you have it so together. You seem like you always had it together. What changed for you? What made you change your life around?‖
―Well, I was in this bad relationship. I mean I was always in one bad relationship after the other, but this one was terrible. One night, Pooch—that was his name--came home and just started fighting me. He woke me up whipping my behind. We fought and fought. Until this day, I still don‘t remember what he
accused me of doing. But he whipped my behind until I staggered out of the apartment into the middle of the street. Some woman came by and saw me laying in the gutter and called the paramedics.
―The paramedics took me to Chippenham Hospital. In the emergency room, there was a domestic violence advocate there at the time. Her name was Tonya Blount. Tonya was a survivor of domestic violence and had become an advocate for women and children. That night, she was there picking up another battered woman to take to the shelter that she owned. Something or should I say Divine intervention sent her to room number four. When I meant her, she shared her story with me and listening to her and the other woman that was assisting her…listening to their testimonies made me want another chance.
―I was tired. I was tired of running. I was tired of trying to kill myself only to wake up the next morning. I had hurt so many people. Especially my kids...especially my daughter. No matter how much I drugged myself up, or how much I drank, I couldn‘t escape the pain. There was no escaping the pain.‖
―So, what happened? Where is your daughter now?‖ ―Well, my daughter is doing fine now. She‘s happy. She‘s in love and she unfortunately had to take care of herself and
nothing I ever do can fix or undo what has been done already.‖ ―You moved in with the lady, Tonya?‖
―No, I moved into a shelter that she owned. Every
Sunday a driver from the church would come and pick up the
women who wanted to go to church. Every Sunday, I stayed
behind.‖
―Why?‖
―I was angry with
God.‖ ―Not you?‖
―Yes, me. But I knew deep down inside that the devil
was just keeping me from Him. The longer I stayed away
from God and the longer I stayed angry, would be the longer I
would be in bondage. Nobody could tell me how to get there.
Yes, many people tried. Many people told me I couldn‘t walk
around living the way I was. But I had to remove the
roadblocks myself. I had to let God in.‖
―When did the change come for you?‖
―Well, it was on my daughter‘s birthday. I never
forget. I always suffered from depression. Around holidays,
and birthdays it was always worse for me. Everything—all
my pain, all my problems seem to magnify. One of the women
told Tonya it was my daughter‘s birthday and they all threw
her a birthday party. That day I made a wish that I would
honor my daughter and my son‘s memory by living everyday
to the fullest and I would no longer try and take the life that I
didn‘t give myself…that didn‘t belong for me to take.‖ ―I don‘t understand why you couldn‘t celebrate your
daughter‘s birthday though. Who had her?‖
―A close friend of mine and she moved a lot so I
always had a hard time finding her.‖
―What‘s your daughter‘s name?‖
I heard footsteps and I smelled the scent of Taj‘s
cologne. I smiled, he was back.
―Hey, there. Everything okay?‖
―Yes. You are back so fast.‖
― I know. I got outside and starting wandering around. I walked to one corner and I would forgot where I was going. Then I walked to the other corner and I forget where I needed to go, so I came back here. I couldn‘t focus outside. I guess I didn‘t want to leave my baby.‖
―Taj, you gotta leave me sometime. You gotta take care of your business. We can‘t have everything falling apart. We gonna need to eat you know when this is all over. I mean the hospital bills have already probably stopped us from buying that mansion.‖
―Ain‘t nothing gonna stop me from buying you that mansion. Don‘t you worry…we good.‖
―The doctor never came,‖ Lisa said.
―He didn‘t? Let me go and curse out these damn nurses.‖ ―Calm down, Taj. I think it‘s going down. Come and feel me.‖ Taj put his hand on my forehead, then on my neck. ―I think you right. I think it has gone down some. Still though, they needed to be on their job and they ain‘t on the job. I‘ll be back.‖
As Taj walked out of the room, Lisa said, ―You got a good man there. I‘m happy for you.‖
―Thank you. I couldn‘t have made it this far without him. I don‘t know why, but he stands by me—no matter what.‖
―You don‘t know why? You have to ask? You are beautiful, Storm?‖
―Correction, I wasbeautiful.‖
―You still are—inside and out.‖
Taj came back in with a nurse. ―Here baby, open your
mouth. I got you some Tylenol.‖
The nurse then checked my temperature. ―It‘s gone down a little bit.‖ ―When is the doctor gonna get here? I‘m mean what kind of shit is this?‖
―I just spoke with him. He‘ll be here in about a half hour.‖
―Well, I guess I‘ll be going,‖ Lisa said.
―Oh, listen, Lisa, thanks for stopping by.‖
―Taj, no need to thank me. It was certainly my pleasure.‖ ―Thanks, Lisa. When did you say you were leaving for
Richmond again?‖
―Uh, I don‘t know exactly. I‘ll be back tomorrow. Is that
okay?
―Yeah, that‘s fine.‖
After Lisa left, the doctor came in. Taj and the doctor
went out in the hallway corridor and spoke. Despite the
whispering, I could hear the doctor tell Taj that I had another
infection.
―What did the doctor say?‖
―Nothing. You doing a lot
betta.‖ ―Stop lying, Taj.‖
―I‘m not.‖
―Yes, you are, too. And you don‘t have to speak to the
doctor outside in the hallway every time he comes here. I‘m a
big girl. I can handle whatever is going on with me. You know
I don‘t like being kept in the dark.‖
―You just got another infection, Storm. That‘s all. They
gonna start you on some antibiotics again and you‘ll be fine.‖ ―I‘m tired, Taj. I‘m tired of this!‖
―I know you are, Storm. I know this is a lot for you. But you have come a long way. Look at where you started at.‖ ―I‘m tired of hearing that story. Why can‘t I just get completely betta and go home.‖
―You will, soon.‖
The phone rang. It was Black.
―You wanna speak to him?‖
―No. Tell him I will talk to him later.‖
―Yo, she falling asleep right now. I‘ll dial your
number when she wakes up and let you talk to her.‖ ―What he say?‖
―He sound sad. I mean why don‘t you like talking to
Black? He always been in your corner.‖
―Black reminds me why I‘m here.‖
―He ain‘t have nothing to do with what Pam did.‖ ―I know that. But that whole thing. I just don‘t wanna
talk about it, Taj.‖
―Okay, baby. I‘m not gonna force you to talk about it.
When you ready. When you ready…we will talk about
&nb
sp; everything.‖
―How‘s Madison?‖
―She‘s fine. My moms said she ate good today…she ate two steaks, and two pieces of fried chicken.‖
―Tell you mother she betta stop feeding my dog like that…she ain‘t gonna ever wanna come home.‖ I fell asleep and when I woke up, I heard Taj on his phone. I heard him giving commands in a whisper, ―Knock ‗em both off. Right now. Don‘t call me back until the shit is done.‖
―Taj what‘s going on? What are you talking about?‖ ―Nothing baby. Just taking care of some club business.‖ ―Club business?‖
―Yeah.‖
―Taj, you lying to me again. I don‘t like this. You
know I don‘t like it when you lie to me. Stop that shit.‖ ―Why can‘t you just take care of yourself? Focus on
getting betta so we can start on the life we planned. Do that
for me and let me do the worrying.‖
―What two are you talking about? The chicks that were with Pam?‖ ―Storm.‖
―Tell me!‖
―Yeah and don‘t ask me nothing else ‗cause I‘m not
gonna tell you nothing else.‖ Taj tried to change the subject. ―Valentine‘s day is right around the corner. What you want me to buy you?‖
―Some new eyes.‖
―You have beautiful eyes.‖
―Eyes that I can‘t see out of.‖
―You know if I could do something about that I
would. You know if I can make this all betta I would. You know that don‘t you?‖
―Yes, I know that.‖
―Well, are you gonna tell me what you
want?‖ ―I want to go home.‖
―Ma, you know I can‘t promise
that.‖ ―Why can‘t you?‖
―We don‘t know if you gonna be okay to go home in another two weeks.‖ ―If I‘ m not betta, I wanna go home anyway. We can hire a round the clock nurse, doctor and whatever else. Please Taj, I just wanna go home. I need to leave here. I feel like this room is sucking me in.‖
―Okay. I‘ll see what I can do.‖ Taj climbed into the bed with me and wrapped me up in his arms. ―What do you want?‖ I asked.
―What?‖
―What do you want for Valentine‘s
Day?‖ ―I want Storm to be free.‖
Over the next few days, I had suffered a relapse. My daily visits from Rick, Taj‘s mother, and Lisa had increased. Taj had stopped leaving me again.
Lisa and I had grown close. Somehow, she had managed to earn and keep my trust. I shared with her my story— everything--from the beginning. When I cried, she cried. Sometimes, she was inconsolable.