Zee Town Paranormal Cozy Mystery - Complete Series Omnibus: Books 1 - 6

by K E O'Connor

  “That cider was made by a farmer who’s branching out into making his own alcohol from the apples grown in his orchard. That has traveled less than twenty miles to get here,” Marissa said.

  “It’s great. I could get used to it.” I took another sip. “Did you hear about the arrest Nick made?”

  “Did I!” Marissa drew herself to her full height, about five foot three in heels. “This guy came in here, clearly drunk before he’d even ordered from me, and started hassling Lucy. I was on him straight away and ordered him out of the bar. Instead of doing the sensible thing, he started hassling me!”

  “I can imagine he didn’t get far with that.” Marissa had a no nonsense approach to idiots in her pub. She either kicked them out or had them arrested. The locals of Zee Town knew how to behave when they were in her pub. She only ever had trouble from tourists who didn’t know the score.

  “You could say that.” Marissa snapped a cloth in front of her. “I dragged him away from Lucy and hauled him outside. He tried to get in a couple of times, but once Nick came and arrested him, he quietened down. He doesn’t love our zombies, though. I have no idea why he’s even here.”

  “It happens,” I said. “Some people come to Zee Town to pick a fight with a zombie. It’s something to do with them wanting to be heroes and take down one of the enemy. Even though our placids zombies wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

  “The guy was a moron. He deserves to be behind bars.” Marissa glanced over her shoulder. “While you’re here, can you do me a quick favor? I’ve got a barrel delivery coming in. Lucy isn’t working today, so I have no one to cover the bar. I gave her a couple of days off to get over being hassled by that idiot. Can you keep an eye on the place while I take in the delivery? I should be ten minutes at the most.”

  “No problem.” I’d done it before and knew most of the patrons. They’d be patient if I didn’t get their order right.

  “You’re an angel,” Marissa said. “I’ll be back soon, and the next drinks on me.” She darted out of the bar.

  I stayed where I was, keeping an eye out for any customers as I enjoyed my cider.

  Old Taffy approached the bar, his tin mug in his hand and a grubby navy cap pulled down low on his mop of white hair. “Where’s Marissa?” he asked me.

  “She’s out the back. I can serve you.” I jumped off the bar stool and rounded the counter. “What will it be?”

  Old Taffy grinned at me, showing what was left of his teeth. “I’ll have a pint of my usual.”

  “No messing with me,” I said. “What’s your usual?”

  He cackled a laugh. “A pint of Spitfire.”

  I took his mug and drew a pint of foaming ale.

  “Will you be going to that couples dance you’ve organized tomorrow?” Old Taffy asked as I placed the drink in front of him and took his money.

  I wished people would stop asking me that. I pasted a grin onto my face. “Yes, I’ll be there.”

  “You’ll have to save me a few dances,” Old Taffy said.

  “I didn’t know you liked to dance.” As I walked around the bar, Old Taffy grabbed hold of my hand with a surprisingly strong grip and twirled me a few times.

  “I’ve still got energy left in me, girly.” He laughed again and danced me around the tables, the smell of pipe tobacco wafting from his tweed jacket as we spun.

  He was a good dancer and was doing a dance step I had no idea how to follow.

  Laughing, I extracted myself from his grip. “I’ll add you to my dance card.”

  “Make sure you do.” Old Taffy settled in his seat with his drink in hand.

  He was harmless enough, despite his fondness for the strongest ale Marissa served. I hoped there would be more to my romantic life than a waltz around the bar with a drunk man old enough to be my grandfather.

  The main door to the Black Dog opened. A stocky guy with cropped dark hair and stubble walked in. I didn’t recognize him as a resident. I jumped up again and moved behind the bar, ready to serve him.

  “Is that redhead working tonight?” He approached the bar, his gaze darting around the room.

  “Marissa’s out the back if you want me to get her,” I said.

  “No, I’m just checking. The last time I was in here, she threw me out and had me arrested. I’m not here to cause trouble. I only want a drink.” He settled on a bar stool and pulled out his wallet.

  My heart sped up. This was the man who’d been arrested by Nick for hassling our zombies. If he was guilty, why had he been released? “What will it be?”

  “I’ll have a pint of lager and a whiskey chaser,” he said.

  “Coming right up.” I had a dozen questions racing through my head; one of them being what was Nick thinking by releasing the main suspect in the missing zombie case and Phil’s murder?

  “Are you new here?” the guy asked. “I didn’t see you last time I was in.”

  “I don’t work here. I’m just helping Marissa.” I placed his pint on the bar. “You must need this after spending time with the police.”

  “You’re right there,” he said. “For a small town, you’ve got one mean police officer. He was trying to pin all sorts of dumb things on me.” He took a long drink of his beer.

  I turned swiftly to get the whiskey, before taking his money. “If you’re talking about Nick Morton, then you’d be right. He’s nobody’s favorite person.”

  “The guy’s on some power trip, like he owns the town.” He slugged down the shot and gestured for another one.

  “What was he trying to pin on you?” I set down a full shot glass.

  “He reckons I’m behind some criminal master plan to remove those rancid zombies you have ambling around town. He asked me questions about hiding places and how I’d killed one of them. The guy’s crazy.”

  “I’ve heard him called worse.” I gripped my hands together to stop from slapping him. Our zombies weren’t rancid. I was surprised that Nick had been so thorough with his questioning. When I’d spoken with him, he’d dismissed my suggestion about Phil’s murder being linked to this guy. Maybe Nick was better at his job than I realized.

  “So, you’re not a fan?” The guy’s gaze ran over me.

  “I’ve had a few run-ins with Nick in the past. I’m Cassie.”

  “Nice to meet you, Cassie. I’m Seth.” He did that leering guy thing with his eyes.

  I suppressed a shudder. “What brings you to Zee Town?”

  “I came here looking for a good time. Some of my buddies said you have free-ranging freaks in town. I couldn’t resist a visit.”

  “If you mean our zombies, then that’s true,” I said. “Zee Town is the largest haven for placid zombies in this country. Have you not heard about us before?”

  Seth shrugged and drank more beer. “I don’t pay attention to much of the rubbish about zombies. All I know is that the only good zombie is a dead one. Well, you know what I mean. The only good zombie is one who’s had its head removed. They’re already dead, after all.”

  “That’s not completely true,” I said. “Some scientific studies of placid zombies suggest they have rudimentary brain functions. If you keep them engaged with the world, they improve their ability to function. It’s as if, by being around humans, they become more human themselves.”

  “Is that right?” Seth’s dark eyes narrowed as he studied me, his thin lips pressing together. “You’re not one of those zombie lovers, are you? This town seems full of them.”

  “I don’t mind them.” I needed to watch what came out of my mouth. “When you live with them every day, you get used to them.”

  “That’s wrong,” Seth said. “They should be put down. What’s to say they won’t turn rabid one day? You’ll have one chewing on your neck. You wouldn’t like them so much then.”

  “Placids don’t turn rabid,” I said. “The ones in Zee Town are happy to eat the brains they’re given, or the donated body parts from hospitals. Did you know, humans can donate themselves to the zombies when they die?�
� I couldn’t resist taunting Seth a little. Anyone who hated zombies was no friend of mine.

  “How can you talk about those freaks so calmly?” Seth gave an exaggerated shudder. “Don’t you remember what they did?”

  “I remember the uprising. They didn’t deliberately change and start attacking us. It was a virus.”

  “It’s still wrong.” Seth knocked back the second whiskey shot.

  I filled his glass again without him asking, hoping the alcohol would loosen his tongue and he’d let slip that he knew something about the missing zombies.

  “Thanks. Cassie, isn’t it?”

  I nodded. “Have you had a chance to see much of the town whilst you’ve been here?”

  “I’ve mainly seen the inside of a cell thanks to that idiot cop,” Seth said. “Where can you recommend?”

  “The harbor’s nice,” I said. “Have you explored the beach?” Perhaps he had when he’d dumped Phil’s body on the sand.

  “No, I’m not a fan of sand. It gets in everything,” Seth said. “And it’s too cold to go anywhere near the water.”

  “Where are you staying?” He could have the zombies chained up in his room.

  “I’ve got my campervan with me,” Seth said. “It’s parked about half a mile from here.”

  That didn’t sound like a likely place to hide a number of zombies. “Have you seen our one-armed zombie?”

  Seth’s eyebrows shot up. “You’ve got one with a missing arm?”

  “It’s not so uncommon,” I said. “Our zombies get fixed up if they’re injured. This particular zombie arrived in Zee Town with only one arm. He’s never said what happened to him.”

  “Hopefully, it got taken off when he was trying to eat somebody,” Seth said. “That would teach him a lesson.”

  Ignoring his comment, I felt a twinge of disappointment. He seemed surprised about Phil’s lack of arm. Maybe he wasn’t involved in killing him. You don’t meet a one-armed zombie and forget about it easily.

  “Have you been to the diner?” I asked. He might have spotted Audrey and decided she’d make an easy victim. “Laura, the owner, makes the best muffins in Cornwall.”

  Seth shrugged again. “I don’t have much of a sweet tooth. I haven’t had an opportunity to visit the diner, and that cop suggested I leave town as soon as he released me.”

  “You came here, instead?”

  “The police don’t bother me.” Seth puffed up his chest. “Besides, now that redhead is out of the way, I’m liking the company in here so much better.”

  I tried to appear flattered and lowered my gaze. “Where else have you been in town?”

  “Why? Are you offering to show me around?” Seth’s smile appeared more like a snarl as I looked at him.

  “I just want to make sure you don’t miss the best bits,” I said. “There’s the harbor, a host of lovely stores if you’re into that sort of thing, and we’ve got a castle as well.” Thinking about it, the castle would be a perfect place to hide the zombies. A half-ruined structure with plenty of dark, empty rooms. I’d have to mention it to Nick to make sure he investigated there. Or I could go myself.

  “As I said, the beach doesn’t do it for me, especially not in the winter. Neither does shopping. I haven’t been to the castle. Do you have zombies there? It would be a good place to hold fight tournaments.”

  I blinked several times. “Fight tournaments?”

  “I’ve been to several,” Seth said. “Although not around here. I can’t find any action when it comes to the zombies.”

  I held my hand against my stomach, overwhelmed by the sadness and anger that coursed through me. Not everybody treated zombies as fairly as we did, but knowing humans were taking zombies and making them fight each other, like people used to do with dogs and cockerels, it chilled my blood.

  “No, we don’t do that around here.”

  “Well, I need to see some action before I go. I’ve got to have something to tell my friends. Other than trying to fight that zombie freak last night, there’s nothing happening around here.” His gaze focused on me. “Perhaps I need to look for a different kind of action. How about it?”

  I stared at Seth and tilted my head. “How about what?”

  “You and me,” Seth said. “We could go on our own little zombie hunt. I bet you know the best places to find them. And afterwards, we can get some drink, go to my campervan and...”

  This guy was not only a thug but also a sleaze. “That’s sweet of you, but I’m already taken.”

  “Your boyfriend isn’t around now,” Seth said. “He’ll never know if we party together.”

  I forced what I hoped looked like a seductive smile on my face and leaned over the bar. “Will you show me where you dumped the body?”

  Seth jerked back in his seat. “What body?”

  “It would be exciting if you showed me what you did after you killed that zombie.”

  “I wish I had,” Seth said. “It’s clearly something you’re into. But no one was killed whilst I was here. I managed a few good blows on that zombie last night before that cop dragged me off. The thing was still flailing around when I was taken away. I didn’t dump any bodies, though.”

  “You don’t have to keep it a secret,” I persisted. “Not everybody around here likes zombies. They freak me out, always stumbling about and staring.”

  “But you live here, don’t you?” Seth asked. “You must be used to having the freaks around you by now.”

  “Most days it’s okay,” I said. “Sometimes, much like you, I wouldn’t mind getting rid of a few, especially the rotten ones.”

  Seth shuddered, and his shoulders relaxed. “They’re the worst. You can smell them coming at you. When they open their mouths, it’s like a sewage truck with the back open has passed by.”

  They weren’t that bad, although a few could do with using more breath mints. “You’re right. They’re the ones that really need to be gotten rid of.” I tried to put as much conviction into my words as possible.

  “It seems like we have something in common.” Seth grinned. “Let’s get out of here and see what fun we can have together.”

  I didn’t want to go anywhere with this creep, but he might have useful information about the missing zombies. “I can’t leave the bar unattended. I need to wait for Marissa to return.”

  “That’s not happening.” Seth stood. “If that crazy witch finds me in here, she’ll throw me out again. I was only having fun with that freaky little barmaid she keeps around. Marissa went ballistic on me. She grabbed me by the back of the shirt and pulled me over.”

  I repressed a smile. That sounded exactly like Marissa. “I’d better stay. Perhaps I can meet you later?” And if that was happening, I’d be sure to bring backup.

  “You should come with me now.” Seth walked around to my side of the bar and lifted the countertop, closing it behind him as he moved toward me.

  I didn’t like the predatory gleam in his eyes, and backed up a few steps as he approached, glancing around the bar to see if anybody might help if things got tricky. I spotted Old Taffy watching, but I couldn’t ask him to step in and assist. He’d break in half if a strong gust of wind hit him. The other customers looked either too old or too drunk to be of any use to me.

  “You shouldn’t be on this side of the bar,” I said. “It’s for employees only.”

  “I won’t tell if you don’t,” Seth said, a sly grin on his face.

  “I think you’d better leave,” I said.

  Seth grabbed hold of my arms and dragged me toward him. “Not yet. It’s time we had some fun.”

  The door of the pub opened. Nick strolled through, Stool at his heel. He froze as he took in the scene behind the bar, before moving so fast he was only a blur. He grabbed Seth and pulled him away from me.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Seth yelled, turning and aiming a drunken swing at Nick’s face.

  Nick didn’t answer. He spun Seth around and attempted to handcuff him.

>   Stool stood by the bar growling, his hackles raised.

  Seth was strong and shoved Nick away. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Cassie was being friendly. She wanted to make up to me after my time in the cells.”

  Nick shot me an angry look. “She didn’t look like she was enjoying herself. Now, you can come quietly or I can arrest you. You were supposed to leave town.”

  Seth took a few steps back and draped an arm around my shoulders. “I was making new friends.”

  I struggled out of his grasp and stepped away.

  “Is that right?” Nick glared at me. “Asking questions you’re not supposed to, Cassie?”

  “Not really,” I said.

  Seth gave me a sideways glance. “You also think I had something to do with your freaky zombies going missing?”

  “You don’t like them,” I said. “It’s not a huge leap to think you might have taken some.”

  “Cassie, stay out of this,” Nick said.

  “So, I take a load of zombies and dump their bodies on the beach?” Seth swiped a hand over his cropped hair. “That makes no sense. This town is crazy. I only came here looking for a bit of fun. I figured you’d have some sort of fight club for zombies going on. I always wanted to see something like that.”

  Nick sighed and jangled the handcuffs he held. “It’s time to go.”

  “We don’t have fight clubs in Zee Town,” I said to Seth. “We never will.”

  Seth glowered at me. “At least I can have some fun with you.” He tried to plant a kiss on my lips.

  My knee jumped up and smashed him in the groin.

  Seth doubled over and backed away, his hands clutching his groin. “She’s as crazy as this whole town. You should arrest her for assault,” he gasped, his watering eyes going to Nick.

  Nick shook his head at me, grabbed hold of Seth, and guided him out of the bar without saying another word. Stool followed closely, still grumbling his unhappiness about what had just happened.

  Marissa walked in as the door closed behind Nick, pausing to take in the tense atmosphere that lingered in the bar.

  “It seems like I might have missed something.” Marissa’s sharp gaze cut to me.