By sunset, the day after the twister struck, ten graves were dug, and rocks were gathered to cover each grave to keep out the wild animals. The travelers stood together by lanternlight just beyond their camp and sang “Amazing Grace.” Sniffles, sobs, and wails filled the twilight as one by one, folks came forward to speak last rites over their loved ones. To share a bit of the deceased’s life, to say a final farewell.
In the absence of a real preacher, the company of pioneers looked to Sam Two Feathers for spiritual leadership, and he rose to the occasion without questioning his right to the position. Fannie watched as he stood by respectfully, silently, and waited for his turn to speak. When the last man walked away weeping after sharing how much he loved his wife of thirty years, Sam clapped the man on the shoulder and took his place next to the gravesites.
“‘I am the resurrection and the life, saith the Lord,’” he read. “‘He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.’ Let us pray.”
Fannie couldn’t remove the scripture from her mind while Sam asked God to comfort those who mourned and guide each member of the group on their way, whichever direction they might be headed. She wasn’t sure she believed in God. It was just too heartbreaking to think that God would take her happy, wonderful childhood, her innocence, and give it to a man like Tom. It was easier not to believe. But who is there to turn to when life gets difficult? And she couldn’t help but be comforted that one day she might see her ma and pa again.
The sun hadn’t risen high enough to dry off the morning dew when Sam stopped in front of Toni’s wagon ready to say good-bye and wish her godspeed as she continued on with the wagon train. Three days had gone by since the twister, and those who were not moving on were ready to move out. Sam would accompany them as far as the last town they passed, then would return to the wagon train. He’d be gone two weeks.
“Hank, I’ve told you already. I’m not going back.”
“But Blythe Creek ain’t set up with a blacksmith yet. I could do a right good business. An’ yer far enough from Hawkins that no one knows about your past.”
“Or yours,” she said with a sniff.
“Look, we ain’t married in the eyes of the law, me and Running Doe. So you see? There ain’t nothin’ keeping you and me from gettin’ hitched.”
Sam knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop, but he couldn’t pull himself away from the conversation behind Toni’s wagon.
“Yes there is, Hank.”
Sam frowned. Was that tremble in her voice caused by fear? Or some other emotion?
“What’s that?” Hank’s voice had grown from cajoling to threatening. Sam remained poised to step in if the need arose.
He heard Toni breathe in as though gearing up for what she was going to say.
“I’m not in love with you.”
“What do you mean, you don’t love me? What about all them times we was together?”
Sam’s jaw clenched at the image Hank’s words evoked, and his heart stirred with regret that Toni’s life had been so difficult before now. His deepest hope was that she could come to understand the love of a merciful God. He prayed for the woman he was swiftly learning to care for more than he cared to admit.
“You know what those times were, Hank,” Toni replied, dropping her tone. “Please don’t make me say it outright.”
“No. I weren’t like all those other men.”
“I’m sorry.” Toni’s voice broke.
“Yer lyin’. Say it! You love me.”
Sam stepped forward as Hank’s voice rose. He still hung back, waiting, hoping he wouldn’t have to step in. But Hank’s next words killed any chance that Sam could remain in the shadows.
“Whore!”
Toni’s scream sent Sam rushing to her aid just as Hank’s blow landed on her cheek. She crashed to the ground. “Hank!” Sam said, keeping his voice as calm as he could, when he wanted to put a bullet through the man’s head.
Hank turned on him with a sneer. “Mind yer own business, breed.”
“Hank!” Toni’s voice filled with outrage. “Don’t insult Sam just because you’re angry with me.”
“Sam, is it?” he spit. “I knowed he was hangin’ around you a little too much. Is he one of yer special customers too?”
The last insult was more than Sam could abide. He moved fast, before Hank could respond, and pinned the man’s arm behind his back. “I don’t like how you’re talking to my friend.”
“Friend, eh? Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?”
“You and your filthy mind better get out of here.” Sam turned him loose with a shove away from Toni. In a flash, he lifted his Colt from the holster before Hank could steady himself. The smithy’s eyes narrowed as he took note of the weapon.
“Mark my words, girl.” He pointed a beefy finger at Toni. “No one makes a fool out of me.”
“You made a fool out of your own self,” Sam replied. “I suggest you gather your things and clear out.”
“That’s whut I’m plannin’.”
He shoved his hat back on his head and walked away, with the angry gait of a man who wasn’t through making trouble.
Toni caught her breath as Sam reached down and pulled her to her feet with strong, steady arms. Emotions she’d thought long buried jumped in her stomach. “Th-thanks, Sam. I’m sorry you had to get involved with that.”
“It was my pleasure to come to your assistance, Miss Toni.”
That was what she liked about Sam. He never treated her like a prostitute. Even Blake never bothered to precede her name with Miss or call her Miss Rodden. It was always Toni. But Sam treated her like a lady. She wasn’t sure she trusted his respect, but she had to admit she liked it.
“I hope it doesn’t cause you any trouble.”
His brown face split into a smile. “Don’t worry about me.”
She returned his smile. “I heard you were leading the wagons headed back to Blythe Creek.”
He nodded. “I was coming to tell you good-bye.”
Her stomach leapt again. “You were?”
“I know I shouldn’t feel this way about you, but before I leave, I just want you to know I am honored to know you.”
Toni’s lips parted with a quick intake of breath. He shouldn’t? She supposed for a religious man like Sam, the thought of caring for a prostitute, former or no, wasn’t something his God would likely approve of.
“Honored?” she gave a short, bitter laugh. “You don’t have to say that, Sam.”
Sam’s black eyebrows pushed together. “I don’t say what I don’t mean.”
Unwilling to be made a fool of, Toni kept her feelings in check. How could she have been so stupid as to allow herself romantic thoughts about any man, let alone a man of God?
“Well, I best be getting back and start breakfast.” She walked away without waiting for a response. “Thank you for coming to my rescue. I-I hope you don’t meet with any trouble during your trip.”
“Miss Toni?”
Gathering her courage, Toni swallowed back tears and turned to face him.
“Have I said something to hurt your feelings?”
Toni forced a smile and a short laugh.
“I stopped having feelings a long time ago, Sam. Good-bye.”
Fannie saw the confused look of concern on Sam’s face as Toni turned her back and walked toward their campfire. “What was that all about?”
Toni shrugged. “Sam’s leading the wagons back to the last town we passed. They’re heading out in a few minutes.”
“I know that. I meant why are you and Sam upset?”
“Hank.”
For the first time, Fannie noticed the mark on Toni’s cheek, which was beginning to deepen to a purple bruise. The sight fueled her anger. “Did Hank do that?”
Toni nodded. “Right after he told me he loved me and called me a whore.”
“I hope Sam flattened him.”
Reaching for the only skillet they had left, Toni set it on the fire to get hot. �
��He didn’t flatten him, but he definitely rescued me.”
“He cares about you.”
Toni nodded. “Yes, but he feels guilty about it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He said he shouldn’t care about me.”
“Why?”
“Why do you think?”
Fannie drew in a sharp breath. Outrage filled her. “Oh.”
Why were men so stupid? “What does it matter what a person used to be?”
“Oh, Fannie. Men want good women to marry and bad women to make them feel manly after the good women become mothers. It’s just the way it’s always been. Women like me don’t get second chances.”
“Women like you?”
“Soiled doves, my dear.” She dropped bacon into the skillet and watched it sizzle.
If Toni was a soiled dove, what did that make Fannie?
Fifteen
Fannie sat outside the circle listening to the mournful sounds of a lonely harmonica playing “Amazing Grace.” Her back ached with the days and days of constant work, and it felt good to sit alone against the wagon wheel and stare into a clear night sky. Alone with her thoughts.
As Blake had predicted, they’d spent a week in camp pulling things back together, and the train would finally be moving out tomorrow. Moving on with over sixty wagons less than a week ago. Between wagons lost, stock gone, and loss of life, folks would turn back to Blythe Creek and settle. For a while at least. Until they recovered enough either to push ahead or turn back for good.
Fannie heard the faint sound of boots on the soft ground. Fannie felt no sense of alarm, and looking toward the approaching figure confirmed there was no need. “Good evening, Mrs. Barnes.”
The widow waved her hand. “Please, we’ve been through too much to stand on ceremony. Call me Sadie.” She planted her hands on her hips and shook her head. “That is one glorious moon, isn’t it?”
“It sure is.” Fannie patted the ground beside her. “Care to join me?”
Sadie chuckled. “Only if you promise to help me back up if I get stuck down there.”
A grin twisted Fannie’s lips. The first in a week. It was nice to feel anything other than sadness and loss. “I promise.”
With a grunt, Sadie plopped down next to Fannie, sharing the wagon wheel as a back support. She stretched her legs out in front of her.
“What are your plans once you reach Oregon?” Sadie asked.
The thought had been forefront in Fannie’s mind for so long, her answer was immediate and without practice. “I plan to claim a piece of land, and Katie, Kip, and I will farm it.”
“Supplies cost money. You have what it takes to start up your own place?”
Fannie stiffened. It wasn’t her practice to be forthcoming about personal things like finances. But she didn’t want to offend Sadie, either.
Sadie patted her leg. “Just tell me it’s none of my business, dear heart.”
“Oh, no. I didn’t mean…Well, actually…” She hesitated because truly it wasn’t the other woman’s business. Or anyone else’s but theirs, and how would she ever explain the money she had tucked away for safekeeping? Especially when certain people already knew about the Wanted poster and its implication that she was a thief. Was that what Sadie was getting at?
“I’m sure we will make out just fine,” she finally said.
“We women have a way of surviving even in the worst of situations.”
Something in her tone piqued Fannie’s interest. “What will you do in Oregon? Do you have family there?”
“I’m afraid Jesus is all the family I have.” She turned to Fannie with a sad smile, half her face shadowed in the darkness of the wagon, the other half illuminated by the moon. The contrast made her sad smile all the sadder, and Fannie reached out without thought and took Sadie’s hand. “My husband was killed in a hunting accident ten years ago.”
“That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.” Fannie almost wished she hadn’t asked. It wasn’t that her heart wasn’t squeezed with compassion, but how was she supposed to comfort the woman? “You never had children?” One look at Sadie’s face and Fannie knew that was the wrong thing to ask. “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s none of my business.”
“It’s okay, hon. I don’t mind telling you. My Clark and I had three sons. All strapping young things, strong as oxen and twice as stubborn.”
Fannie smiled and squeezed her hand.
“A year ago, a bout of cholera swept through our hometown in Missouri. I don’t know why I escaped and my boys didn’t. When all was said and done, they were all gone, along with about half the town.”
“Oh, Miss Sadie. That seems so unfair.”
She nodded. “It’s easy to blame God when life is unfair.”
Fannie’s thoughts went to Mrs. Kane and all the other folks who had suffered such tragedy in last week’s storm. “Do you ever blame Him?”
“I did.” She looked into the night sky as though searching for the face of God.
“No more?”
Sadie shook her head. “I can’t lean on Him if I don’t trust Him, and I can’t trust Him if I believe He took my children.”
Fannie’s throat tightened as she swallowed hard. “But what if He did?”
“Then I’d rather not know until I stand before Him and see the nail prints in His hands and the love in His eyes.”
In the light of such powerful faith, Fannie lost the ability to speak. So she joined Sadie in silence and closed her eyes, trying to make sense of such trust.
Finally, the older woman rustled beside her. “These muscles aren’t going to let me sit on the ground any longer, my girl.”
Fannie hopped up and extended her arm. Sadie labored to her feet and kept hold of Fannie until she steadied herself. “Thank you,” Sadie said.
“A promise is a promise.”
Sadie chuckled and reached out, embracing Fannie and turning loose before Fannie could pull back, which she inevitably would have done.
“Good night, Miss Sadie,” Fannie said, her throat once more becoming thick as she fought back a rush of unwelcome, unbidden tears.
From within the wagon, she could hear the sounds of Toni getting ready for bed. Katie had fallen asleep long ago, and Kip had started bunking down with Blake, using a bedroll on the hard ground.
She wavered between fatigue and knowing she needed to turn in, what with the busy day ahead of them getting back on the trail after a full week. But she wasn’t quite ready to relinquish her solitude. Dropping back to the ground, she once again leaned against the wagon wheel and searched the sky. Was Sadie foolish or wise in her faith?
When she heard the shuffle of feet, she turned with a smile. Sadie must have forgotten to say something. “Look at that smile, darlin’.” Willard James grabbed her hair and painfully yanked her to her feet. “You must have missed me.”
“Take your hands off me you dirty, stinking skunk,” she said, with more bravado than she felt. Rage filled her. How could she have been so careless?
He jerked on her hair, and Fannie fought to keep from crying out. “Don’t give me any trouble, little girl. I won’t think twice about snapping your neck. Now we had a deal, didn’t we? And I expect you to keep your end of the bargain.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Fannie lifted her knee and brought her boot down hard on his foot.
“Ow! You little spitfire. Don’t do that again.” One fist stayed tightened around a wad of her hair while the other gripped her throat. “You best start remembering.”
Fannie scowled. “I’m not going with you now. Not without a fight, anyway. Can’t you see we’ve been through a twister? Don’t you even care about your wife and children?”
“Believe me, I’ve been keeping my eye on them.”
“So Mrs. James is in cahoots with you.” She gave a bitter, humorless laugh. “Figures.”
“Leave my wife out of this and hand over the money.”
“I can’t get it now, you
fool. Everyone’s in the wagon, and Toni’s still awake.”
“That’s not my concern.”
“Fannie?” Sadie’s voice called softly. “Are you still up?”
“I’ll be back,” Willard whispered in her ear, then turned her loose.
Weak with relief, Fannie leaned against the wagon, her hand flat against her stomach as she fought hard to keep from giving into the dizziness swarming her head.
“There you are.” She glanced about. “Is he gone?”
“Wh-who?”
“Willard James, that’s who,” Sadie said, taking her arm. “Come on, let’s go tell Blake.”
“Wait! How did you know?”
“I was on my way back to tell you that God was worth the effort to learn to trust, and I saw him. I figured if I called out, he’d run like a scared rabbit, and I was right.”
“You shouldn’t have taken the chance, ma’am. What if he hadn’t run away? He might have hurt us both.”
The woman nodded. “I thought of that, but I figured if I took time to get Blake, Willard might have time to hustle you off in the dark, and the men couldn’t come after you until morning. By then it might be too late. So you see? I had no choice.”
Fannie didn’t know what to say. She reached out in an uncommon gesture of affection and wrapped her arms around the plump woman, laying her head against her shoulder. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
Sadie wrapped motherly arms about Fannie and patted her back like a mother comforting a child. “You just did.” She held her out at arm’s length. “Now let’s go let Blake in on this.”
Blake listened to Fannie with a combination of fear, gratefulness, and pure anger.
He wasn’t sure which emotion to give in to, so he picked the strongest. “And you didn’t even consider maybe I should be informed that Willard was blackmailing you?”
“Mercy, Blake. Don’t be so hard on the girl,” Sadie admonished. “She’s had a difficult enough time without you making it worse.”
“I’m making it worse?” he asked incredulously. “She has been nothing but trouble since the second I laid eyes on her.”
Deep lines appeared between Sadie’s eyes as she scowled. “Except for the seconds she was saving your miserable neck from a twister.”
Defiant Heart Page 15