Saviour

by Andie M. Long

  ‘Why don’t you just call him?’

  ‘There’s no point. I’ll be off on a plane again soon. I don’t want to start anything. He seems too nice a guy to mess around.’

  ‘Fair enough. I’ll leave it to you. Good to see you thinking about leaving again. I’ll try not to get kidnapped this time.’

  Kara tries to laugh, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

  ‘Too early for jokes?’

  ‘Yeah.’ She puts her hand across mine. ‘It is. Still one day at a time, okay?’

  I nod. ‘It’s weird because although I’m aware of what they did to me, their actions affected other people too. You, Xavier -’

  ‘and Drew.’

  ‘I told you I didn’t want to talk about Drew.’

  The police had informed me that it was Drew’s interview that led to finding my whereabouts. I’d assumed the cat had been found and my help message had saved me. But no, if DC Logan hadn’t interviewed Drew I probably wouldn’t be here now. It hadn’t surprised me that Drew’s dodgy dealings would backfire on me, but I was shocked to learn Bridget had been at the crux of it all. I thought we were friends of sorts. It seems myself and Drew had messed her around once too often. My mind wanders, thinking of the remains that were just behind where I sat near the pool. If the police hadn’t come when they did…

  ‘I need you to hear this one thing about Drew, then I’ll let it drop.’

  I glance around. ‘It’s really unfair cornering me where I can’t make a scene. You’ve got one minute then I’m walking out. I love you, Kara, but I’ve got my limits on how much I can deal with right now and Drew is a can of worms.’

  ‘He told Seth that he was deliberately vile to you. He didn’t want you saddled with a loser. He thought you could do so much better without him.’

  I shake my head. ‘That worked well for us both, didn’t it? I think I’m getting a bit fed up of hearing the Detective Constable’s spilling of information to you. Does he not have confidentiality rules?’

  ‘He does and he knew he was risking things to tell me. That’s the kind of guy he is and why I don’t feel like messing him around. He thought you should see Drew, give him a chance.’

  ‘Okay, your minute’s up. I’ve drunk my drink. Shall we go and look for an outfit now?’

  I can tell by the tenseness of her jaw that Kara is tempted to bawl me out as she would have done prior to my assault. But things have changed between us. Instead, she puts down her own cup and grabs her handbag.

  ‘Yep, let’s go.’

  The atmosphere thaws as we enter the department store and browse the concessions. Soft pop music in the background lifts the tempo and I’m singing along as I browse through racks and racks of clothes.

  Kara shows me several choices but they’re all too dressy.

  ‘We’re going for food and he said smart casual.’

  ‘Fair enough. But I want you to cause him to be speechless with your sexiness.’

  ‘I kind of did that on the whole one-night-stand thing. I’ll dress up if we get to date two. For date one I want him to be able to concentrate on talking. That’s the main point of our date, getting to know each other better.’

  Kara sighs. ‘So boring. Can’t you fuck his brains out this time and talk over breakfast?’

  I twist my watch. ‘There’ll be no sexy times. Not anytime soon.’

  Kara sighs. ‘Sorry. I’m trying to act normal but it’s difficult.’

  I shrug. ‘Each day as it comes remember? One day I’ll get there. I’d hate my last time to have been with him.’

  ‘Eden. I hate what happened to you. I wish I could make it disappear.’

  ‘You can, and you do. Even if only for a little while at a time. Find me some nice black trousers and a top with a bit of sparkle. Maybe a hint of cleavage would be okay. He can stare while I talk.’

  ‘I’m on it,’ she says. ‘Get ready for tit tops.’

  Finally, after a good hour and a half of looking around and trying different things on, I have my outfit. A pair of dressy black trousers and a long-sleeved purple top. It has cut out sleeves, and a jewelled neckline with a small v cut out at the chest. It’s classy but edgy.

  ‘Hey, look at this purple hair chalk. That’d be cool.’

  I grab it and read the instructions. ‘Where would I put it? I don’t want all purple hair.’

  ‘Just a bit in your fringe or something.’ She grabs the packet off me, then points to the instructions. ‘It washes straight out so if you don’t like it, you can get rid of it. I think it’ll pop with that outfit.’

  ‘Go on then.’ I throw it in the basket. ‘What’s next? A fake tattoo?’

  Saturday drags. Although Kara insists on me having a pamper day and bathing, having my fingernails and toenails painted and a whole host of hair removal. By five minutes to eight, I’m being told off for biting my fingernails.

  ‘My God what’s the matter with you? It’s not a blind date.’

  ‘I don’t know what he expects. It’s a proper date.’

  The doorbell rings. I check my reflection in the mirror as Kara opens the door.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Xavier

  My heart is thudding through my chest. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m only going out for a meal with a woman.

  I’m surprised when Kara opens the door and for a fleeting moment, I think she’s going to tell me that Eden’s not coming. Then the lady herself appears from behind Kara’s shoulder. I take in the view before me. Her short dark hair is spiked and she has a purple-tinged fringe. Pale skin peeks through spaces in her top, reminding me of the cut-out dress I first saw her in. She looks classy but as hot as fuck.

  ‘I think I’ll leave you to it,’ says Kara, shaking her head at us both.

  I hold out the poinsettia. Eden takes it from me.

  ‘Thank you, it’s beautiful. I love poinsettias.’

  ‘I was going to bring you flowers, but I thought about it being so near to Christmas and went for this instead.’

  ‘You didn’t have to bring me anything.’

  ‘Oh yes, I did. This is a first date. We have to start this properly. Flowers and’-I whip my other hand from behind my back-‘Chocolates.’

  She grins. ‘I’ll put these in the kitchen. Come in a moment.’

  I follow Eden into the flat. The kitchen side is piled with freshly washed dishes. Kara is making a drink. She takes the plant and chocolates from Eden. ‘I’ll sort these. Get yourselves out.’

  ‘When you say sort, you mean help yourself to a chocolate don’t you?’ Eden winks at her.

  ‘Bugger off. It’s not my fault I’m a chocoholic. Plus, I’m stuck in on a Saturday night and you have a hot date. The least you can do is let me have a chocolate.’

  I walk her to the car and open the passenger door for her, then walk around and get behind the wheel.

  ‘Nice car.’

  ‘Gran Turismo. Three series.’

  ‘Is it a nice ride?’

  I smile. ‘Sit, enjoy and find out for yourself. We’ve about a twenty-minute drive.’

  She stretches her legs out as I reverse and we’re on our way.

  I glance at her quickly before returning my eyes to the road ahead. ‘You look beautiful.’

  ‘Thanks. This hair takes some getting used to. I’m used to long flowy girly hair. This is a bit rock chick, edgy. Sorry, I’m talking girl.’

  ‘I like it.’

  ‘It certainly doesn’t take as much messing with. You look nice too by the way.’

  ‘Oh, this old thing.’ I’m actually dressed in a brand new pair of trousers and a DKNY shirt, bought specially for the occasion. Jane insisted on taking me shopping, so I endured it.

  While I’m driving, I tell her about the restaurant. Seeing as she knew I went there on a Monday night, I thought I’d bring her to Paulina’s to see it for herself. Paulina was very excited to hear I was bringing a date and said she’d take care of us. I dread to think what she means.


  When I remind Eden that she Facebook stalked me she blushes. ‘I’d not expected to find such a wealth of information about you, to be honest.’

  ‘I found nothing about you.’

  ‘So you stalked me too?’ She playfully hits me on the arm.

  ‘You left quite an impression.’

  I pull into the car park behind the restaurant. Luckily for me, someone is just leaving so I rush around and take the vacant spot before anyone else gets it. I get back out and as Eden unfastens her seat belt, I ask her to wait.

  ‘You do know I’m perfectly capable of getting out of a car on my own?’

  ‘Yes, but tonight is-’

  ‘A first date. Yeah, I get it.’

  I walk around, open the door and offer her my arm. She accepts it and gets out.

  ‘I feel like we’re going to walk down a red carpet or something. Not come for a meal.’

  ‘Just relax. I already know the food is great. Let’s go eat.’

  Paulina comes over like a fussing mother hen. ‘Xavier! Oh, and you must be Eden. Oh, she is beautiful. Come through, come through. You have the best table in the house.’ She holds Eden’s arm and escorts her through. ‘I’ll show you where to sit. Xavier already knows his way.’

  Eden turns back to me with a smirk on her face. I shrug. Not much I can do about Paulina. She’s part of the reason the restaurant is so good.

  When I see the table, I could die. She’s moved it away from the others and it’s set with tea light candles. The table is covered with a heart shaped tablecloth. She’s obviously dug out her Valentine’s day tableware as it looks like cupid himself has vomited over the table. Everyone turns to us as we come in. They must think I’m going to propose or something. Eden is desperately trying not to laugh. This sets me off, and I have to fake a cough to cover it up.

  ‘Okay, so this champagne is on the house. Do not worry, Eden, if you leave some. You can take it home or I will finish it after the restaurant closes. Saturdays make me want to drink.’ She nods towards a group out on a massive Christmas party judging by the exuberance and Christmas cracker detritus. ‘Xavier, I got you an Elderflower Presse. It’s the nearest I could get to champagne.’

  ‘You don’t drink?’ Eden asks.

  ‘Fucked-up-ness,’

  ‘Ah. Well, I don’t mind having elderflower too.’

  ‘No. I’d like to see you enjoy the champagne.’

  ‘I hope you’re not trying to get me drunk.’ Eden giggles. It's so good to see her happy.

  ‘Here are your menus,’ says Paulina. ‘I’ll leave you a few minutes and come back to take your order.’

  She heads off in a cloud of heavy perfume.

  ‘I am so sorry. I had no idea she would do this.’

  ‘Xavier. I love it. I felt nervous coming here. It was like, a big deal, coming on a first date and I was scared of screwing it up, but this… this has relaxed me. Paulina is fabulous. I can see why you come here. She’s like some mad aunt or something.’

  ‘She’s Jane’s sister.’

  ‘Really? But Jane’s not Italian.’

  ‘Neither is Paulina. She was married to one for a while, but it didn’t work out. The accent comes and goes, listen closely.’

  ‘This just gets better.’ Eden picks up a napkin and shiny red and silver heart confetti pours out across her lap. She giggles again. ‘I feel like I’m in a bad sitcom.’

  ‘I’m sorry. Maybe I should have taken you somewhere else.’

  ‘No. I’m happy here. Seriously. It’s fun. Plus, like you said, I know the place you come to every Monday now. It makes sense why you and Jane would choose to come here.’

  ‘Yep. Family discount.’

  Paulina returns to takes our orders. We both plump for Turkey and sage empanadillas followed by roast cod with paella from the seasonal menu. This is as Christmas as Paulina’s gets. No turkey and cranberry sauce pizza on the menu here.

  I witness Eden’s shoulders relaxing as she takes in the sights and sounds of the restaurant. I follow her gaze. People are gossiping and laughing. I see one waitress bring out some starters and the aroma of tomato and garlic wafts towards us, making my mouth water. I play with my cutlery.

  ‘How long have you been coming here?’ she asks.

  ‘Oh, about four years now I reckon. Since it opened. I’m a useless cook myself, so I look forward to knowing I’m getting a good meal at least once a week.’

  ‘You don’t cook?’

  ‘I can warm up a pizza? You?’

  ‘I’m a pretty good cook. You can take that look off your face. It doesn’t mean I’m cooking you anything.’

  ‘I think I want date two already.’

  ‘Haha.’

  Our starters arrive and we greedily tuck in. I watch Eden’s face as the flavours hit her tongue.

  ‘Oh my God. This is so good.’

  ‘The food here is excellent.’

  She takes a sip of champagne. ‘Oh, the taste of this following the starter. Mmmhm.’

  ‘I’ll take your word for it.’

  ‘I’m sure your elderflower is as nice.’

  ‘It’ll do.’

  Eden changes the subject. ‘I must meet Jane sometime.’

  ‘She’ll love that. She’s dying to meet you.’

  Our main courses are delivered to our table. The smell of paprika permeates the air. Eden continues to quiz me as we eat.

  ‘So can I ask about your tattoos? Or do you still not want to talk about them?’

  I take a deep breath. ‘They’re all over my chest and abdomen and across my shoulders. It was something me and my mum did whenever we went anywhere. We got a tattoo to remember our travels.’

  ‘Wow. So they’re like a storyboard of your travels? That sounds amazing. So what’s the problem?’

  I sit back and fill her in on the story of my mother and father. ‘So my tattoos, well the last one I got-part-got-it’s not finished. I was having it inked when they found my mum.’

  Eden looks at me in horror, food paused partway to her mouth. ‘What?’

  ‘She drowned herself. Newquay Beach. My unfinished tattoo is a reminder that my bipolar mum took me on a holiday and decided it was a nice day to die.’

  Eden’s cutlery clatters to the table, and she puts her hand on mine. ‘Shit, Xavier. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Can you imagine that? You think you’re having a fabulous time creating and saving memories with your mother. Then I find out she took me to a studio and worked out that it gave her time to kill herself. Now I’m permanently reminded of her suicide every time I get in the shower, because of a half-inked surfboard on my skin.’

  I’d been staring into space. I look at Eden and she has tears falling down her face.

  ‘Oh my God. I didn’t mean to make you cry.’

  ‘I’m crying because I feel selfish.’

  ‘What? How?’

  ‘All my life I’ve been using not having parents as an excuse for a lot of my life choices, and here you are, you had parents, loving parents, and you’re just as broken as I am. I’ve got to stop making excuses for my actions and take responsibility.’

  ‘Eden. My mother used to go through these phases where she’d philosophise. There was one thing she repeated that I never forgot. She said we were all partly written books and at any time our stories could change. That there might be some outward force or person that changed our story, but until the end came there wasn’t a full stop. We could change words, add words, pause. It was our story.’ I laugh. ‘I used to nod my head and go “yes mum”. It’s not been until lately that I’ve realised that what she said made a lot of sense. It’s how I live my life now. I add a few more words to a sentence every day and see where it takes me. I certainly wasn’t expecting you.’

  ‘Bet you wish your story had a backspace option, so you could edit me out.’

  ‘Quite the opposite actually. I feel like more words are being added to my sentences all the time. Maybe even a whole new chapter.’
/>   She smiles at me. A huge genuine smile that lights up her whole face. ‘I like your mum’s idea. New words on a page. In fact, I have a new word to add to my story right now.’

  ‘Oh yeah, and what’s that?’

  ‘Dessert. That meal was lovely. Sod it, I have to try a pudding.’

  And as simple as that, we are back into a flow of normal conversation. I find I’m heavy of food but light of heart after telling her the rest of my story.

  Chapter Thirty

  Eden

  I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. The champagne is pressing on my bladder. As first dates go, so far, this has been one of the best, despite the heavy conversation. I think about why. It’s because it’s so grounded in reality. There’s none of that trying to be on your best behaviour. Where you pretend you like things they do and politely sit back and nod. It’s raw, gritty and solid. I wash my hands and check my hair still looks good. I’ve ordered a chocolate fudge cake for dessert, but I’m hoping they are busy and it’ll take a while to arrive. Otherwise, I may burst, despite my now empty bladder.

  ‘Did you miss me?’ I wink as I return to my seat.

  ‘Oh, you’re always in here,’ Xavier replies, tapping his temple and winking back.

  It’s flirty and I like it, but at the same time, I don’t want to encourage it. ‘Wonder how long the dessert will take?’

  ‘Do you have to be back soon? I can ask for the bill if you want?’

  ‘Oh no. I was just wondering.’

  ‘Okay.’ There’s a silence.

  ‘So are you an alcoholic?’ I want to place my hand over my mouth for blurting this out.

  He looks at me, his brow furrowed and sighs. ‘No. I overindulged. But I got near enough so I daren’t risk it. Me and alcohol don’t mix.’

  ‘You were under a lot of stress by the sounds of it. I can understand seeking solace in a bottle, just like I sought it through sex.’

  ‘I hurt my girlfriend,’ he mumbles.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Chloe. My girlfriend at the time. I physically hurt her.’