The Battle Within

by LaShawn Vasser

  He continued to lay out his plans, “The extra security can be here in the next few hours. I just need your approval since this expense is above my allowable expenditure. It will need your signature.”

  The room went silent. And, after a few more moments of silence all eyes turned to Roman waiting for him to respond.

  Kate cleared her throat and whispered, “Mr. Benton? Should Doug move ahead?”

  The look on his face clearly indicated he hadn’t been paying attention. The almost imperceptible nod of Kate’s head told him how to respond. He trusted her completely.

  “Doug…yes. Please move ahead.”

  Kate covered for him, “Just e-mail the papers over to me and I’ll make sure they’re signed and sent back to you right away.”

  “Okay…expect them in the next five minutes, Kate.” Doug expelled a breath, “So, if there aren’t any other questions….”

  Roman shifted in his chair finally engaged, “Wait…one more question, how many employees do we have over there?”

  “We have about one hundred and twenty-three.”

  “What is our exit strategy in case the fighting gets completely out of control?”

  The room went silent again.

  Roman rolled his shoulders. His piercing gaze went around from person to person. “Don’t everyone speak at once, dammit! How the hell are we going to extract our people if we need to?”

  Another executive VP stumbled over his words, “Sir, we…I’m sure…I’ll have to get back to you on that.”

  Forcefully, Roman stood, “See that you do. If I don’t have that plan on my desk in the next few hours…whoever was responsible for putting it together can start looking for a new job! I pay too many people too much money for there not to be an exit strategy in place. We knew this region was unpredictable.” Roman yelled slamming his fist down on the table, “Damn it!”

  He unbuttoned his shirt and rolled up his sleeves, “It’s going to be a long night, so whatever plans you thought you had…cancel them. We’ll meet back here in one hour for an update.”

  Everyone left the office except for Kate. She’d been a loyal and trusted employee for many years. Kate had also been in love with Roman from the moment she entered his office doors.

  Kate got up slowly and walked over to where Roman stood. She hugged her pen and notepad to her chest, “You seemed awfully pre-occupied tonight. What’s going on?”

  “Don’t you think the possibility of losing a multi-million dollar facility is enough?”

  With a tilt of her head, Kate tossed her long box braids over her shoulder, “Roman, you and I both know you weren’t all the way checked into this meeting. Something else was on your mind and whatever it was had to be pretty important to take your focus away from this.”

  He almost considered not telling her what happened at the hospital with Sandy and Franklin, but thought better of it. She was one of his closest confidants. They shared almost everything.

  “Today should be one of the happiest days of my life.”

  There was a hitch in Kate’s voice as dread seeped into her veins, “Really why?”

  “I asked Sandy to marry me. And, she said yes.”

  Her heart rate sped up as she clenched tightly onto her notepad. Breathing was nearly impossible, and there was no way to contain the surprise evident in her widened chocolate eyes, “Wow…Roman. Wow. I…I…wow.” To say Kate was shocked was an understatement, “I knew you two were dating, but I didn’t know it was this serious.”

  “I know.” He smiled meekly, “Meeting and falling in love with Sandy was a surprise to me too. But, when you know it’s right…why wait?”

  Capturing a bit of her composure, Kate responded, “Why wait? I don’t know…I guess…if you love her and she loves you there really is no point in waiting.” Except that I love you, idiot! She couldn’t bring herself to say congratulations.

  Roman folded his arms across his chest, “It is for me. I thought it was for her too but….”

  Her eyes darted to his, “What? But what?”

  Roman bowed his head and closed his eyes, “I overheard a conversation tonight that led me to believe that maybe she still has some unresolved feelings for someone else.”

  Thank god! Maybe there was hope this farcical relationship would end before it was too late. But, Kate couldn’t say that either. Instead she responded, “But…she said yes to you, Roman. Why would she do that if she wanted someone else?” Other than maybe she’s marrying you for your money or because you’re the most beautiful man that has ever graced this planet. No, she really couldn’t say that.

  Roman opened his eyes and slowly lifted his head, “True.”

  “I can only imagine how you must be feeling, but I think right now…your most immediate concern should be handling this issue with your overseas facility. I promise Sandra is not going anywhere. Remember, she said yes to you.

  However, telling your mother about your engagement to Sandra Catchings is going to require DEFCON 1 planning. All hell is going to break loose when she finds out you’re going to marry a green-eyed devil.”

  He laughed and pulled Kate into an embrace, “She’s always wanted a daughter-in-law that looked more like you, a sweet mocha woman, so that she could have beautiful brown skinned babies.”

  Kate could help but think that she didn’t want a daughter-in-law like me, she wanted it to be me.

  “Thank you. You’ve always known exactly how to make me feel better about anything. I’m grateful to have a friend like you in my life. And, for the record, Sandy’s eyes are not green…they’re blue.”

  Kate’s head lay just underneath his beating heart. Briefly, she closed her eyes, wondering how the hell she was going to make sure he didn’t marry that she-devil!

  Chapter 2

  Franklin knew as soon as he heard April say they needed to talk that he was in store for a draining conversation. He sat on the couch massaging his temples trying patiently to listen. However, as soon as she took a breath, that was his opportunity, “I should probably leave.”

  She grew more agitated, “You can’t just leave every time I want to have this discussion, Franklin! Running away is not going to solve our problems.”

  He coolly responded, “I didn’t know we had problems.”

  “Please don’t be condescending.” She snapped, “And, I think if I’m ready to take our relationship to the next level, and you’re not…we most certainly have at least one big problem.”

  Franklin pinched the bridge of his nose, “April, we’ve discussed this.”

  “Yes, I know but things change. I want more. For heaven’s sake, I don’t want to be your girlfriend forever. We were once engaged. I want…I want to be your wife.”

  While it was probably for the best, wasn’t April the one who broke off their engagement in the first place? Franklin was desperately trying to rein in the anger he felt every time he thought about it. On the inside, he was raging but on the outside, no one would have ever known. He would exercise control even if it killed him. He was not his father.

  April paced the living room floor, “I know I messed up, but if I hadn’t, we’d be married by now. For better or worse right? How much longer are you going to punish me?”

  “Come on April…you know better than that. You can’t believe that’s what I’m doing.”

  She softened her voice, “Maybe not intentionally but…” April let the sentence hang in the air before continuing, “Franklin, I want to be a mother…I want children. I want your children.”

  That was almost his undoing. He pushed himself up and off of the couch. His chest tightened, “April you know that can never happen no matter how much…” He’d had enough, “Look, I’ve got an early day tomorrow. I’ll call you when I get home.”

  April stood in his way blocking his path. She reached out and ran her hands across his chest, “Franklin, don’t leave. Please. Wait…I love you. And because I love you…I’m willing to take the risk…any risks. You’re worth it. We�
��re worth it.”

  He took her hands in his, “April…I’m not willing to take the same risks. I can’t, no matter how much I wish things were different…this is my reality. I thought you understood that.”

  She stuttered, “I…I did…I mean…I do. It’s just…we could have so much more.”

  Franklin was emotionally exhausted. They’d been over this. He couldn’t blame her for wanting more, but he wasn’t the man to give it to her. Wasn’t that the exact reason he’d ended things with Sandy?

  Was this how it was going to be with him for the rest of his life? Once a relationship progressed to the point where someone wanted more he’d have to end it? A continuous cycle of having to end relationships?

  He kissed her softly on the forehead, “April, I’ll call you when I get home.”

  Frustrated couldn’t even begin to explain the emotions swirling within her as she watched him leave. The moment he walked out of the door, April counted to ten before screaming at the top of her lungs.

  *****

  Two years earlier…

  The summer evening was still. However, the moon was full, and there wasn’t a star in the inky night sky. Franklin and April walked hand in hand from the restaurant to the parking lot.

  He’d been on edge throughout the entire dinner. Probably more nervous than he’d been the night he’d proposed. Although this time there wasn’t going to be a proposal, they needed to have a serious talk.

  It wasn’t easy for Franklin to open up to many people, but even after everything they’d been through, he still trusted April.

  She knew him. She really knew almost everything there was to know about him including his fears and crazy hang-ups. That gave him a certain amount of…comfort.

  April was the first person besides Jason that he opened up to. In spite of all the darkness that surrounded him, April still loved him. Yes, she’d left him, but unlike his mother, she came back. So, he owed it to her to be honest. Or, as honest as he could be.

  Franklin opened her door; lovingly she smiled as she slid inside. He went around to his side, opened the door and got in too.

  Hesitantly, April touched his arm, “It felt almost like old times in there right?”

  He graced her with an all too rarely seen smile, “It was…nice.”

  “Maybe we could…go back to your place for a while.” There was no mistaking the look in her eyes or the meaning behind it. They hadn’t been intimate since reconnecting and exploring the possibility of a reconciliation. April was pretty conservative, so this was going to be the closest she’d ever come to initiating intimacy between them.

  He missed how uninhibited he’d been with…NO. Franklin would not allow his mind to drift to her. He’d made his decision, and it was best for both of them. But, every now and then, she still crept into his thoughts.

  Franklin gripped the steering wheel as he pulled the car out of the parking lot and headed toward the ocean. His palms were damp, “Actually, I was hoping we could take a little drive over to the beach. Maybe we could get out, walk…and talk.”

  What he needed to say would affect the direction of their relationship. In this moment, his anxiety was similar to the morning he’d discovered his mother had left and was never coming back.

  The disappointment was evident in her eyes. But, before they went any further, they had to talk.

  April unsuccessfully tried to hide the sting of rejection, “The beach? That’s different. You were never much for going to the beach. Is that something you did with her?”

  He looked straight ahead not quite sure how to respond. They had never actually discussed Sandy and April most assuredly wouldn’t like the truth.

  They weren’t going to discuss her tonight either. Franklin had tucked his feelings for Sandy into a safe place deep within his heart, and that’s where she was going to stay.

  Instead, he took a different approach, “You were right about so many things. One of them being my ability or inability to focus on anything other than business. While, I’m still a work in the process, I’ve learned that sitting on the sand, listening to the waves gently roll ashore in the quiet of the night is a great place to think…and relax.”

  April was starting to feel a bit uneasy and wondered just how serious his relationship had been with Sandra Catchings?

  She’d noticed changes in him ever since she’d come back into his life some were subtle, but others were more pronounced.

  Maybe Sandra had meant more to him than he was willing to admit, and that’s what he wanted to discuss. April was a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them. She didn’t miss the fact that Franklin never actually answered her question. However, she would let it go…for now.

  Another thought occurred to her. What if that wasn’t it all? Had he found out the real reason she’d broken off their engagement? Impossible. However, there was always the possibility.

  Both of them were deep in thought as they drove along in silence until arriving at the beach.

  April’s anxiousness caused her to blurt out her thoughts, “If you’re going to tell me that you don’t want to see me anymore…just tell me. Tell me right here and now.”

  Franklin turned to her, “That’s not why I brought you here.”

  They held each other’s gazes as she caressed his cheek with her fingertips, “Then, what are your eyes trying to say to me?” At that moment she knew. He was going to tell her.

  He spoke, “Come on. Let’s get out and walk.”

  They got out of the car. Franklin took off his jacket and wrapped it around her sleeveless shoulders, “It’s a little chilly out.”

  As they walked toward the beach, April’s kitten heels got caught on a rock, and she almost rolled her ankle. She grabbed hold of Franklin’s arm before completely losing her balance, “Dammit! Couldn't you have found another place for us to talk? I’m going to kill myself on this surface in these shoes.”

  Franklin was a little disappointed that April wasn’t really in the mood for him to share a special place and this moment with her. But, it was now or never. “Why don’t you take off your shoes? It might be easier.”

  “I’m not taking off my shoes…”

  He swept her off of her feet and into his arms before she could utter another word, “Better?”

  Another change but most assuredly welcomed. Franklin wasn’t spontaneous, and he certainly didn’t sweep women off of their feet. A slow smile spread across her face as she put her arms around his neck, “Much better.”

  They walked closer toward the water. Gently, he sat her down on the sand like she was the most precious jewel on earth before sitting down next to her. “Are you comfortable?”

  April nodded.

  “Warm enough?”

  She nodded again.

  Franklin pulled his knees up and rested his elbows on them as he looked out over the water. It almost looked as if it were dancing as it glistened from the light of the moon.

  He took a deep breath, “It really is amazing here. Are you sure you don’t want to get more comfortable and take off your shoes?”

  April wasn’t as relaxed as she pretended. She had her suspicions, but she wanted to know what was going on with him. “No, I'm all right.” Beaches were nice on television, but the sand on her skin gave her the creepy crawlies. However, she would endure this for as long as necessary.

  Inwardly, she smiled because Franklin wasn’t a romantic at heart, and neither was she, honestly. However, he was making an effort. But, the next time he decided to bring her to a beach, she hoped he would at least remember to bring a blanket. The fitted black cocktail dress she was wearing was sure to allow sand to get into all kinds of unwanted places.

  April stretched her legs out in front of her and crossed them at the ankles. She expelled a breath, wishing he’d get on with it. But, most of all, hoping she could exhibit just the right amount of shock.

  His voice startled her out of her thoughts. Showtime.

  “Are you sure you’re warm e
nough?”

  Whispering in the dark, she responded, “Yes, I’m fine…just worried about you.”

  It was silent for another few moments as he continued to stare out over the waters. Finally, he spoke, “You know…you know me better than most people. You’ve had a chance to peek into my soul and yet, you’re still here…sitting next to me.”

  He turned to her as his heart beat a mile a minute, “April…I know you’ve said that you broke off our engagement because I was a workaholic. I’m working on that. You also said things were moving way to fast for you. But, for some reason, I just think there was more to it. Why did you actually leave me?” He whispered, “Were you afraid of me?”

  In a split second, April decided to let Franklin believe that. It was better than the alternative. She looked away, “Franklin, can’t we just let it go. I’m right where I want to be, and I’ll be here for as long as you want me to.”

  He reached out, cupped her chin in his hands, and turned her face toward his, “It’s important to me. I need to know that you know; I would never have proposed if I thought for one second there was the slightest chance I would hurt you…or any woman for that matter. I am not what my father once was, April.”

  “I know that…now. I just got scared and needed some time to think. But, I missed you the entire time we were apart. I made a terrible mistake. It’s as clear as day that you are not Matthew Roth. And, I want you…us back.”

  It hurt him to know that for even one second, she thought he could hurt her. However, he couldn’t blame her…not really. He went on, “If you really mean that, then there is something else you need to know.”

  “Whatever it is…I don’t care.”

  Franklin could no longer hold her gaze. He released her chin and looked out over the water again. “April, so much has changed since you left.”

  “You’re scaring me.”

  “I don’t mean to.” The moment was now. He had to tell her now before he lost the nerve. He took a deep breath, “April, I won’t ever be able to marry or have children.”