by A. L. Zaun
“Come on, we should get out of the cold.” I stepped back from him and sat down in the car. “I promised I would listen to you. I’m all yours, so talk away.”
He slid into the backseat and caught me by surprise when he dragged me into him.
“Nelson, we’ll be—” I started to say when Rick interrupted me.
“We’ll be going to Tantra. Madison wants to listen to live music.”
“You don’t know what I want,” I lashed out at him, unleashing the fury reeling inside of me. “I’ve had a very long day. I promised you that I’d listen to you. Tantra isn’t conducive to that. And don’t speak for me. I have a voice.” I glanced at Nelson, who nodded as our eyes met in the mirror. “I’m not some victim who needs you to swoop in and rescue me.”
I tried pulling away from his grip, but he tightened his hold, bringing my head against his chest.
“Whatever I have to say can wait,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Stop making this so hard.” He shifted his body to look at me. “I’m not the fucking enemy here. You have to control everything, including me. For once in your life, just let go, and let me catch you.”
Our eyes locked, and for a moment, I entertained his offer as my heart swelled and an urge to relax into him overcame me. I wanted to melt and let him hold me, reassuring me that Mason’s and Alex’s words held no real value. Rick was right. He wasn’t the enemy. He was my friend—my best friend.
“Who are you? And what happened to the Asshole Extraordinaire?” As I’d done so many times, I redirected the conversation away from me and back on him to where it was safe.
“I resent being called an asshole. Your brother makes me look like a fucking saint.” He ran his hand through his hair as my eyes transfixed on him. “You keep changing the subject. This is so fucked-up. Maddy, I chased you to New York. I don’t know how to do this. I’m trying, and you’re making it so damn hard when it doesn’t have to be.” His deep voice was soft, and his words were laced with sincerity.
My mouth was suddenly dry, and I desperately needed to take in a deep breath. Suck it up.
His gaze focused on his fingers as they played with my hair. “I needed you today, but you were gone.” His eyes shifted and connected with mine. “I’m here, but you’re not.”
“Rick,” I said softly, closing my eyes, “what do you want from me?”
My eyes fluttered open to find him mesmerized by the lock of hair he was twirling around his pinkie.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to New York?”
I looked away. Rick and I were straight shooters.
“You told Walter that you were going to be gone indefinitely.” He tugged on my hair, forcing our eyes to meet. “You can’t bullshit a bullshitter. Tell me.”
I shrugged my shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes. “I didn’t want you to know where I was or when I’d be back.”
“No shit.” He pulled his finger away, releasing the ringlet. “I asked you why.”
“It was a protective measure.”
He glanced away from me before fixing his gaze on me. “Protective measure? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Talk to me in fucking English.”
“This”—I pointed between the two of us—”confuses you.”
“You’re such a fucking liar. This”—he returned the gesture—”doesn’t confuse me. You have a way of pissing me off like no one else. You frustrate the shit out of me and drive me fucking insane. But this”—he pointed again between us—”isn’t confusing. Crazy? Yes. Confusing? No.” He tilted my chin up. “Why did you leave like a fucking coward?”
“What was I supposed to tell you?” I asked in a cool and very calm voice. My eyes were focused on his. I was sure he could see my heart was about to leap out of my chest. “Rick, you’re confused. I’m taking off to give you some space while you figure who the fuck you are and what the hell you want.” I turned my face and jutted out my chin. “In the meantime, I need to get laid. I’ve only had self-induced orgasms since you implemented your damn pussy-protection plan. You’re a fucking cockblocker.” I felt tears about to erupt.
“Look at me.” He turned my face with his hand. “You’re going to tell me you were thinking that when we were on the bench, eating chocolate cake?”
“I don’t need to explain myself,” I responded as his hands began to smoothly slide down my face, softly tickling my neck before resting on my collarbone.
God, this feels good.
His fingers began to toy with the hem of my dress, running along it and under it.
Don’t stop.
“I saw the look you had in your eyes. You sure as hell weren’t planning some escape,” he said as his eyes searched my face, finding my lips.
Kiss me.
“I don’t have all the answers, but I sure as hell am not confused,” he said.
I can handle this.
“I was in a state of…” I began to say when he leaned in and then brushed his lips against my neck.
His hands traveled between my breasts and down to my hips. I gasped at the unexpected sensation, barely able to keep my composure. My hands instinctively reached for him, lacing behind his neck.
“Chocolate nirvana,” I moaned softly.
He caressed my thighs and worked his way along the hem of my dress that had inched up considerably. My leg pressed up against his, hooking behind his knee.
“Tell me, Maddy,” he said breathlessly as his lips hovered over my mouth, “why did you leave me?”
“Stop making it about you,” I said, reaching for his mouth.
He softly sucked on my lower lip, nipping, and then he teased me gently with his tongue. His fingers drew lazy circles on my inner thighs, causing my core to throb. My heart pounded as I slid one hand down his chest and began to untuck his shirt.
“Answer the fucking question,” he demanded breathlessly. His hand slowly moved up my legs. “I wanna touch you.”
Yes.
His mouth pressed over mine, our lips entwining sensually as we tasted and savored one another.
“Are you going to fuck me, Rick?”
I was barely able to keep my eyes open, and my breathing was so erratic. A crazed need to be close to him consumed me. His hand slipped between my legs, cupping me. My body began moving against him, and a small moan escaped my mouth. My hands reached under his shirt, pulling him closer to me.
“Maddy,” he breathed, his eyes heavy lidded, “I’m not going to fuck you in the backseat of a car.” He lowered his mouth over mine, kissing me, before pulling his lips back. “Now, tell me why you left me.”
Is he teasing me again?
He’d done the same thing a few days ago on New Year’s Eve after he brought me close to the point of an orgasm. Instead, he’d hurt me by treating me like a common whore before walking out on me.
Buzz kill.
I closed my eyes, trying to block the feeling of foolishness choking me. I felt the sting of rejection. I scooted up, moving away from him.
“Stop touching me,” I told him, shaking my head softly.
His hands pulled back in surrender.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? What’s wrong with me?
“Maddy, what the fuck?” he said, stunned, running his hands through his hair.
“Don’t use sex to coax answers out of me. You’re such a motherfucker. You fuck with my head and treat me like a whore. Go to hell, Rick.” I turned toward the door.
I was pathetic to think—
Never mind, I wasn’t thinking.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I wanted the illusion of us. I’d wanted to forget him. I’d wanted to run. I wanted to just fuck him. I wanted him to take me here in the car. I don’t care…or do I? I wanted to get lost and be found in him. Instead, I felt rejected and humiliated—again. I bit down on my trembling lip. I was coming undone. I was out of control.
We were almost close to the apartment building.
He can wait downstairs while I get his shit and
throw it out the window.
“You’re mad at me because I’m not going to fuck you in the car while”—he paused, and I could see his reflection in the window as he motioned his head toward Nelson in the front seat—”listens to you fucking coming? I don’t think so.”
He has a point, but he’s missing the bigger issue.
He shook his head and raked his hands through his hair. “Fuck, Maddy, I don’t treat you like a whore.”
We pulled up to the curb, and I immediately opened the door and jumped out of the car. I looked at him as he was exiting the car.
“No? Who’s lying now?” I started walking to the door when I felt him on my heels. I swung around and jabbed my finger in his chest. “You stay here.”
“I don’t think so.” He shook his head. “Madison, stop being a bitch.”
“You’ve got to have the biggest pair of balls to be giving me shit right now.” I stood with my hands on my hips, staring him down.
The look in his eyes softened as his lip curved into a smile. “Maddy, please forgive me for having hands that have to touch you and for my inability to control them when I’m around you. Forgive me for having lips that need to taste your neck, suck on your ear, and kiss you.”
He walked closer to me, and I stepped back through the opened door.
“You’re Madison Stuart, and you’re worth assault charges if Bruce is a total asshole.” He cocked his head to the side as though he was considering that possibility. “You’re worth every hoop I’ve jumped through to get here.” He closed the gap between us as we walked through the lobby. “You’re worth more than a fuck in the backseat of a car like a couple of horny teenagers.” He pressed the button to call the elevator.
“Your bullshit isn’t going to work,” I lied, leveling my shoulders and narrowing my eyes. It’s working—just like it does every single time. Keep it coming and sell it. Give me everything you have.
The elevator opened as he continued his prowl. “Maddy, I don’t want to fuck you,” he said, running his hand along my face, crushing me against the wall.
Bastard.
“I never have. Well, that’s not entirely true. I wanted to fuck you on New Year’s Eve, but I couldn’t.”
Here we go with his whole, “I’m a different man. I’m going to show Daniela that I’m so worthy by keeping my dick in my pants.” He’s lucky I don’t have anything sharp to throw at him.
“Shut up. Just shut up.” I pushed him off of me as the elevator door opened to my floor.
I wanted to scream as loud as I could and tell him that this was why I’d left. I didn’t want to hear about how he wanted someone else and not me. I came here to get away from him. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t escape this slow, agonizing torture. I didn’t want to see his eyes looking into my soul, exposing me. I didn’t want his hands on my body, sending tingles in every direction. I sure as hell didn’t want to know what it felt like to have him so close, touching me and kissing me.
I pushed through my apartment door with Rick on my tail.
His arms reached behind me, pulling me into his chest as he kicked the door closed. “Sometimes, I—”
I ran my fingers over my lips. “Zip it.”
He nipped my earlobe, sending shivers through me. “I wish I knew how to fuck you.”
“Do you hear that, Rick? It’s the sound of thin ice cracking under you.” I shook my head in disbelief. “Go to hell, you egotistical asshole.”
His arms tightened around me, so I started to fight, trying to pull away from his grip, but he wouldn’t let me go.
He turned me around to face him. “If I knew how to fuck you, I wouldn’t be here right now. I wouldn’t give a shit about you,” he admitted honestly before running his mouth over my lips. “You’re not a fuck.” He laced his fingers in my hair, tugging my head back as he ran his tongue along my neck. “Show me what you want, Maddy.”
“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be asking Daniela how to fuck her?” I asked, panting.
He straightened up and looked intently at me. His lip pulled to the side. This was the inevitable moment of truth that I’d been avoiding all day. I felt a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach.
Just get it over with already.
I could handle the mayhem of my family and the game Alex was playing, but Rick was different. I knew how to reel him in, knock him off his pedestal, cut through his bullshit, and see him for who he was, but I wasn’t counting on who he’d become to me.
“You’re still with that whole Daniela-insecurity-shit?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t make this about me.”
Without taking his eyes off of me, he reached for my hands, lacing his fingers with mine, before bringing them up to his mouth. “You’re jealous.” He kissed my right hand. “It’s so not you, but it’s fucking hot at the same time.” He kissed my left hand. “You knew I’d come after you, didn’t you?” He glanced down at my mouth. “You’re going to have to stab me in the heart to keep me away.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t give me any ideas.” I let go of his hands and reached for his face. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Tell me you don’t feel this,” he said, looking into my eyes. “For months, Maddy, every single day, it’s been you and me.” He pressed his body into mine. “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.”
Enough is enough. I didn’t know what tomorrow would hold or what yesterday had meant. I was in the moment, and right then and there, I wanted him, maybe even needed him. “Kiss me like you mean it.”
Chapter 11
Madison
I expected a primal attack. We were two people panting, aroused, and wanting each other. Surprisingly, his lips playfully brushed along mine. My stomach filled with fluttering butterflies. I gasped as he continued his sensual assault.
He reached his hands under my coat, grazing my breasts, and then heard my coat whoosh to the floor. He shrugged his off too, and it landed in a heap behind him.
“Is that all you want me to do?” he asked, his tongue toying with my lower lip as my fingers began unbuttoning his shirt.
“It’s a starting point.” I peeled his shirt away from his toned chest, our lips barely separating. I ran my hands across his skin, stopping right over his racing heart. Images of the past few months flashed before my closed eyes.
“Rick…”
My lips parted, and our tongues began a soft and gentle waltz. The slow intimacy was intoxicating and mind-blowing, leaving me light-headed. I couldn’t recall ever being kissed like this. Every cell in my body was engaged. A flush touched my face as warmth filled me.
“What are you doing to me?” I asked.
His hands gingerly grazed the skin of my back. Tingling currents radiated from his fingers, causing tiny goose bumps to erupt over my entire body.
“I’m kissing you…like I mean it.” His tongue traced my lips. “You’re the most stunning woman I know.” He lowered the zipper on my dress while nibbling on my ear. “You drive me fucking insane.”
I pinched him, and he chuckled.
“But I’ll take a day of crazy with you over a lifetime of sanity without you.”
It was at that moment when I knew I’d fallen for him. I wasn’t quite certain what I’d fallen into, but without a doubt, my tick had burrowed himself deep under my skin. I pressed up against him and ran my hands over his dick and sure enough, he was engorged.
A soft smile spread across my face. “Is there any other way to live?”
The black fabric of my dress gave way as his fingers reached the bottom of the zipper. The dress slipped effortlessly to my feet.
My chest was rising and falling with the sound of my heart—thump, thump, thump—silencing the clattering noise of the chaos in my life. For so many years, I’d had sex to forget or to just have it. Now, I stood before Rick in nothing more than a pair of stilettos and a thong, baring my body, heart,
and soul to him.
“If I let go, will you catch me?”
He brought his mouth over mine with a new fervor, sucking on my lower lip and groaning. “Every single fucking time, Maddy.” He cradled my head in his hands and deepened the kiss. “Every time.”
I believed the son of a bitch. I could feel the warmth of that realization claiming me. When I felt his hand gently caress my face, my eyes closed as I allowed the sensation to overtake me. Everything about his touch woke up a passion, desire, and excitement that I hadn’t felt in a very long time, if ever.
“Do you know how absolutely beautiful you are?” he asked in a husky voice.
The question was in his eyes, his touch, and his tone of voice was intimate. A lump formed in my throat as I allowed his words to wrap around me. His lips placed featherlight kisses along my neck and collarbone.
Of course, I was confident in my appearance, but at that moment, I found myself more vulnerable than I’d been in years.
Damn him, this is too much for me.
He said he would catch me, but right then, I felt like I was free-falling from the top of the Empire State Building.
Why can’t he just fuck me? This is Rick Marin. What happened to the asshole that would come up behind me, feel me up, and rub his dick against my back?
He didn’t know how to fuck me. I didn’t know how to do this, but that had never stopped me before, and it sure as hell wasn’t going to keep me from getting what I wanted—him, this, us.
I ran my fingers along the lines of his abs. “Flattery?” I asked with a pouty smile.
“I actually mean it when I say it to you,” he said, his hands roamed along my body.
My eyes fluttered when his hands grazed my breast and fondled my nipples. An electrical current shot straight between my legs, and I swayed against him.
“Keep moving like that, and I won’t be responsible for what I do to you,” he groaned.
His hands were on a full assault of my body while his lips gently brushed along my collarbone. As much as I wanted to stay in some type of control, I was quickly losing the battle. More than anything, I wanted him to make good on his threat, but I wasn’t going to go down without a fight.