by Fran Jacobs
"Oh," I said finally, not sure what else I could say. "That was a rather awkward situation."
"Yes!" Teveriel agreed sorrowfully. "After ... after I had carried you back, I went to tell Mayrila that I had done as she had asked, repaid the debt owed and that I wanted nothing more to do with her. Mayrila just laughed, patted my cheek and thanked me." He stopped talking for a moment and I heard the sound of his teeth grinding together. When he spoke again, his voice was hard. "She lied to me, used me and then cast me aside. I was left feeling foolish and guilty, but I knew then that I had to tell you everything, that I had to apologise. I had hoped to be here before you went to see her but ... but I can tell I'm too late."
"Yes."
Teveriel let out his breath in a heavy sigh that was nearly a groan. "I didn't want any of this. When I came to Carnia it was just so I could perform, make people happy, earn some money and perhaps find somewhere to bed down for the winter. I didn't want any of this to happen." He groaned again and ran his fingers through his honey-hair, shaking his head.
"No," I said. "Neither did I."
"No," Teveriel said. "No I suppose not." He took a deep breath, struggling to compose himself. "What are you going to do now?"
I shrugged. "Nothing."
"Nothing? You're not going to tell the king what I did?"
"I don't see the point," I said, not wanting to tell him that I had already lied about his involvement to my grandfather. "I believe you, that you were innocent, that Mayrila used you. Telling Sorron would only complicate matters and they're complicated enough already."
"Oh," he said. "Thank you." I just shrugged again. There was another pause while Teveriel tried to straighten out his hair and then he said, in a quiet voice, "You can trust me with this, you know. I'll swear it by the gods, on a Truth Stone, if you wish, that I'll tell no one about any of this. You can trust me with your secrets."
"That's not necessary," I said. "I know you won't tell anyone about this. You would be an idiot if you did, considering who I am ..."
The bard flinched, a panicked look flickered in his eyes, and his face turned pale, but he nodded. "Yes," he said, licking his lips. "Yes ..." He took a deep breath. "Well, I'd better leave you. I just wanted to explain my side in this, to tell you that I didn't mean for any of this to happen ... Thank you for listening to me, for believing me."
"Just don't make me regret it, Teveriel," I said.
"I won't," he said, in a firm voice. "Believe me, I won't."
After Teveriel had left, I took myself back to bed to try and rest, but I found that it was impossible to keep my mind from dwelling on everything that I had heard. Every time I closed my eyes the picture in Mayrila's book flashed before me. I was glad when, after only an hour, Aylara and Kal came to disturb me, although my sister was a little hesitant at first. No doubt she was unsure about what sort of mood I was in, after what had happened that morning. But she relaxed when she realised I was glad to see her, grateful to my grandfather for sending them, as I was sure that he had, because I was sure that they could keep me distracted.
Only it wasn't that easy. At first all I could think was that Aylara wasn't my sister. I felt this gulf between us, as though I was an outsider and they were just tolerating me. I knew that it was just my imagination. They weren't treating me any differently than before. They certainly didn't think of me as not belonging, but it was still how I felt inside. It was only after Aylara asked me, in a quiet voice with worried eyes, if I was all right, that I realised that Sorron was right, that if I let it, this could destroy me. I forced myself to smile at Aylara and tried harder to pretend that there was nothing wrong. After a couple of hours and several glasses of wine, I found that I was no longer pretending. I could put this behind me, although it might be a struggle, and I knew that I was going to have to.
By the time that Aylara and Kal left so that I could bathe and get ready for supper, I was feeling more myself again.
While I was lacing my boots there was a knock on my bedroom door and Silnia slid into the room. She was dressed, for supper in the hall, in a beautiful embroidered dress. Her long hair was piled up and there were faint traces of powder across her eyelids. She wore pearl earrings and a matching necklace that reflected the colour of her skin. She was beautiful and looking at her brought back all the feelings that I had had earlier that day, and, with them, a strong sense of regret. I wished that I didn't know the truth about what I really was to her but, as I looked at her, the differences between us seemed all too clear. She was short, slender, delicate, like Aylara. I had Mayrila's height, her slender, strong build and, of course, her violet eyes. I knew that I was never going to be able to look at Silnia and not see those differences now, and it stung.
"How are you, son?" she asked me. "We missed you last night."
"I wasn't feeling too well," I said. "I feel fine now, though."
"I'm glad to hear it." She smiled. "Here, I've brought you something."
"What is it?" I asked, taking the rolled up piece of fabric that she held out to me.
"A present," she said, her eyes shining. "Something I worked on while you were ill."
"Oh," I said, unrolling it curiously. "Thank you."
It was a large tapestry of a dragon sitting on a rock. There was a serene look on the dragon's face, while his massive claws gripped the rock beneath him and his giant reptilian wings stretched out behind him to fill the sky. Silnia had stitched him in purple and silver, which caught the light and sparkled. The flowers and vines, that formed the border, were studded with small glass beads, which also caught the light. It was beautiful and something that she knew I would love. She must have worked so hard on it.
"Oh," I breathed. "Oh, thank you. I-I'll have someone put it up for me." I held out my arms towards her and pulled her tight against me, feeling her slim body fit into my embrace, her head against my chest.
"I love you," she whispered into my shoulder. "I'm so glad that you're well to cause trouble for me again."
I eased her away. "I love you, Mother." It was the first time in a long time that I had said that to her. Silnia's eyes lit up and she blushed. "May I take you down to the hall?" I asked.
"I would be honoured," she said.
Arm in arm, we made our way down to the Great Hall and as we entered, courtiers and servants alike stopped what they were doing to stare at me, and whisper. In truth, I wasn't really surprised that they were staring, they hadn't seen me in so long, after all, and I was much thinner and paler than I had been when they'd last seen me. But knowing that they had a reason to stare didn't make it any easier and I was glad that Silnia was there with me, her arm offering me solid, real support. I wasn't sure I could have handled it without her.
As I made my way with Silnia towards my usual place I saw Teveriel. The bard caught my eye and gave me a nervous, hesitant smile, which grew when I returned it, but my smile faded when I saw Mayrila. Considering our conversation earlier I couldn't believe that she had come down to the Great Hall like this. I tried not to look at her, but I was sure she was staring at me. I could feel her eyes burning into my back. I straightened up and held tightly to Silnia's arm, taking her to her usual place, next to my father.
Gerian smiled at me as I drew near. "Glad to see you up and around finally, Candale," he said.
"Not as glad as I am to be up and around, Father," I told him, nervously returning the smile.
"And you're back at your classes tomorrow?"
"Yes," I said. "I think I'm ready to face that again."
"Good," he said, and patted my upper arm before he took his seat.
I slowly moved away from him to take my place at the High Table, on the other side of my grandfather, trying not to look at Sorron as I did so. I was afraid that if I did look at him all my worry and anxiety would come spilling out. When I was seated, I kept my eyes glued on the plate set in front of me. I didn't want to look up and find that Mayrila was watching me, with her violet eyes that were so like mine, or that the serv
ants and couriers were staring at me either.
After what felt like a lifetime, Aylara entered the Hall and slid into her seat beside me. "I'm so glad you're here," she whispered, spreading a cloth across her lap to protect her pretty skirt. "Meal times have been so boring without you."
"Don't worry," I told her. "Soon you'll be married, and you and Kal can feed each other little cakes and make puppy eyes at each other, like all nauseating couples in love."
"Hey!" Aylara exclaimed, flushing bright red. "We're not like that!"
"No," I whispered. "Of course you're not."
"Candale!" Her flush grew at my teasing.
My father's voice cut in. "It will be your turn, too, son," he said. "And, if you're very lucky, I might even let you see the face of your bride before your wedding night."
I whirled around to face him, my eyes wide. "Father-"
Gerian laughed. "That is going to be my new threat to keep you in line," he said. "Because you should see your face right now."
"You wouldn't do that to me," I said stubbornly, not finding his threat nearly half as amusing as he did. "It would be unfair. You chose your own bride."
"Yes," Gerian agreed. "I did. It doesn't mean the same is going to be true for you." He smiled at me as my face fell. "Don't worry, Candale. Honestly, you can be so gullible. You're seventeen. We're not thinking about brides for you just yet. Maybe in a year or so." Then he turned away, back to his conversation with Silnia and I was left wondering if he had been joking, or telling the truth, or a bit of both.
There were five courses to a traditional evening meal, but midway through the third, I was full. I had gained back my craving for spicy rich food, but not the ability to eat much of it. I sat there in the end, listening to the conversations going on around me, trying to fight the urge to look up to see if Mayrila was looking at me.
"She's leaving tomorrow," Sorron said softly. Only he knew me that well that he could tell that something was bothering me without me having to say a word. "After you left me I called an end to the meeting and went to see her. She knew full well that she was supposed to keep her mouth shut about everything. Since she didn't I told her that she had to leave the castle. I made sure she understood that I was grateful she saved your life, but it was now time for her to leave and I didn't want her here one day longer. And I made it perfectly clear that she's lucky not to have been exiled and stripped of her lands and wealth for what she did, for breaking our agreement."
"If you did that, who knows what she would do in return," I whispered. "She sold her body for land and money. She might tell everyone the truth about me."
"No one would believe her, Candale."
"Perhaps not, but even if no one did believe her, they could still use it." I bowed my head and pushed a chunk of potato around on my plate. It was swimming in a rich creamy sauce and the thought of eating it turned my stomach.
"Yes," he said. "That is true. I could, of course, have her put to death. That would end everything now."
I lifted my head and met his eyes. They were hard and deathly calm and I knew that if I said the word, he would do it. Not publicly, of course, as torture was illegal in Carnia and public executions were reserved only for murderers and traitors and only then after a full trial. And Sorron could not very well put Mayrila on trial. Who knew what she would say? But there could be an 'accident', if Sorron felt the need. The idea that he might actually do that for me made my stomach churn. "No," I whispered. "Oh, no. No. I couldn't have that."
Relief shone in his eyes. "I'm glad to hear it, Candale." He patted my hand. "And please, stop playing with your food. If you're full just sit quietly and wait." He smiled. "I'm sure you can find some room for dessert. It is your favourite."
I returned the smile. "I'm sure I can," I agreed.
"And," he continued, still smiling, "as you missed the Summer Dance, we have organised another one, in your honour, to be held in three weeks. To welcome you back to Court, to show our relief that you're well."
I swallowed. "But won't people wonder why the woman who saved my life isn't here for that?" I whispered.
"She had the Summer Dance to reap the rewards for healing you, to be the centre of attention. Now she has to leave as she has affairs of her own to take care of. She's sorry, but delighted with the honour. I'm disappointed that she has chosen to leave, of course, but I understand."
"And will people believe that? That the woman who saved my life would pass up a ball which would be, more or less, in her honour?"
"People will believe what I want them to," he said. "And Mayrila is leaving tomorrow. Willingly, or under force, she will go. The matter is closed, Candale. And when she's gone, everything will be back to normal."
"I wish I could believe that," I said. When I saw the look in his eyes, I knew he wished that he could as well.
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Chapter Six
NORMALITY
"I can't do it," I whispered bitterly. "Lykeia, help me."
My tutor looked up from the book he was reading and came to stand beside me where I sat at a wooden table covered in books and scrolls. This was the fourth day of my extra tuition and I wasn't getting anywhere. My brain seemed to be under a permanent fog. I stared at the pages in front of me and nothing sank in. It was so frustrating. I was used to being the brightest in the class, the one who knew all the answers. Now I was so far behind I was never going to catch up.
"You need to calm down, my prince," Lykeia told me. "Would you like to take a break?"
"No," I snapped. "I want to get this."
"Prince Candale, you've been struggling with the same page for half an hour now. Take a break."
I shoved the book away from me and put my head down on the table. "I can't do it," I muttered into the wood beneath my face. "I don't understand it. My illness melted my brain. All that poison... . I just don't understand anything anymore. I'm an idiot now. I'll make a foolish king."
Lykeia touched my shoulder gently. "Poison?" he asked.
I started at that. Had I said my thoughts out loud? I lifted my head to meet his concerned brown eyes. "I-I'm rambling."
"Yes," he said. He drew up a chair and sat down next to me. "But is there any truth in your ramblings? We were all so worried. Your illness came on so fast, and made you so sick. None of us know what caused it, or even, how you are better now. We know the woman who King Sorron sent for did something to help you, but no one knows what." He smiled at me shyly. "Gossip is everywhere."
"You like to gossip?"
A faint blush marked his face and it made me grin. This strong, burly man blushing like an innocent maiden! "Everyone enjoys a gossip, Prince Candale. And I have to admit, I'm more than a little curious about what happened to you. I have been your tutor for years now. I was worried about you. I care about you."
"Yes," I said, feeling a little embarrassed about that declaration.
"So," he prompted, "poison?"
I chewed on my lip. Lykeia was my friend, as well as my tutor. It wouldn't hurt to talk to him about this, would it? And it would feel good to talk to someone, someone who wasn't determined to find excuses to explain what Mayrila had said, like my grandfather. "Don't tell anyone," I began slowly.
"Of course not, Prince Candale."
"It was just something that Mayrila said. My father doesn't believe her, but she thinks that I was poisoned. I ... I don't know if it was some a sort of magical poison, or a more physical one. No one bothers to tell me much of anything." I shrugged a shoulder. "That's all. She thinks it was poison. My father doesn't and my grandfather is looking into it."
"It is serious," Lykeia said, "if someone tried to kill you. You are a prince, the second heir to the throne, but there is always your sister after you." He shrugged. "Killing you wouldn't actually achieve anything, so why would Mayrila think someone would do something like that?"
"I don't know," I said. I lifted my gaze to meet his and tried to smile. "Mayrila has a theory."
"Yes?"
"She, um, she thinks," I swallowed nervously, "she thinks that I'm this seer and that someone might have tried to kill me because of what this seer can do. She showed me a couple of pictures of a boy who looked like me in her books but ..."
"A seer?"
"I don't know what she means." I tried to laugh, but even to my ears it sounded forced. "She said I was the Shadow Seer. It's just nonsense, that's all. I mean, I don't look anything like a seer, do I? In stories, they're always old men, or old women, and they're mad, with wild hair, and sometimes they're blind and-"
"Often," Lykeia said, "they blind themselves so that they can see with their third eye more clearly. And these old men and women seers have to start off young, don't they? Besides, stories are stories. Reality is different."
"Exactly. Stories are stories, so everything in a story isn't real."
"I didn't say that. I said that reality is different. Stories get their inspiration from somewhere, my prince. Nothing is completely made up out of thin air; everything comes from somewhere else. You can't trust a story for facts, but you can trust a story for having some basis in reality."
"So what are you saying?" I asked him. "Do you think I could be this seer?"
"No, no," Lykeia said hastily. "Gods, no, Prince Candale. I'm just saying that you shouldn't dismiss a story as being nothing but a piece of fiction and you shouldn't dismiss what Mayrila said to you so easily, either. She must have some reason to believe this of you."
"Like I said, she had pictures in a book. There was one of my seal, too, but-," I hesitated, "-but my grandfather said that it might very well be some sort of a ploy on Mayrila's behalf, an attempt to win herself a place at Court by suggesting a threat and then putting herself forward as a way to counter it ..."
"He knows about this?"
I was sure that I saw his face twitch, before it took on a look of concern. "Of course he does," I said. "I tell him everything. He talked to me about this for two hours the day before Mayrila left." I raised my eyebrow. "Why do you look so panicked, Lykeia?"