by Fran Jacobs
"All right. I will see to this later. Sit your backside down for now, Candale. You're obviously not in any state to do anything."
So I sat and, while Trellany took on Belyisia herself, I let my mind drift back up to the library, blocking out all the sounds around me, and even the pain in my side, with ease.
***
"That's a pretty bruise," Teveriel noted, as I pulled up my tunic so Trellany could dab her foul smelling lotion onto it.
"He was an idiot," Trellany said. "Not paying any attention to anything at all."
"I was thinking about something else," I said, flinching away in pain. "I can't help that."
"So," Trellany said in a hard voice, "if you're out, walking the street, thinking about your dinner, or what you're going to wear to a ball, and someone pulls a knife on you, are you going to ask the man to wait until you're able to pay him some proper attention?" She snorted. "Candale, I know that this is important to you, but the rest of the world doesn't go away and you can't ignore the bits that you don't like for the bits that you do. When you're king you will realise that. Many boring hours, stuck in meetings, will have to be suffered, just so that you can do the things that you enjoy about being a king, whatever that is."
"Making a difference," I told her. "That is why I want to be king. So I can help people." I flinched again and muffled a cry. "Careful, please."
"Hmm." Trellany's eyes narrowed as she focused on the bruise. "It's straight across your ribs. I don't know, Candale. Perhaps we should take you to the healer. There might be more damage there than we think."
"Its fine," I said, pulling down my tunic and knocking her hands away. "Really."
Trellany looked doubtful but she put the lid back on her lotion bottle and went to sit down by the fire.
"I brought you that book," Teveriel said, "from Calran. He asks that you take good care of it."
"Of course." Although a part of me wondered what the old man expected I was going to do to the book that he needed to have Teveriel ask me to be careful. Did he think I was going to throw it against the wall, or use it to steady a wobbling chair, or something?
"I left it in your room."
"Thank you." Almost instantly I was hit with a desperate need to go in there and have a look at it, but this was the first time that we'd had a real chance to sit down, just the three of us, and talk all day. Not that I had much to say, in truth. I just didn't want them to think that I was neglecting them, that they took second place to my own selfish desires to learn, which was the truth, although I hated to admit it. "Did you enjoy your day?"
"The latter half of it, yes," Teveriel said. "And I've been thinking that, perhaps, I would ask Calran about those dreams of yours, the ones about the strange child. I thought I would ask him how it is possible for someone to hurt you in your dreams, and to appear in front of you like that, when you're awake, yet for no one else to be able to see them. Or," and there was a wicked glint in his eyes now, "you could always ask your new 'friend' about it, although I'm not too sure that you should bring your eccentricities into this relationship so soon."
I wasn't sure what annoyed me most about that statement, his teasing reference to Hazel, implying we were more than just friends, or that he'd called my dreams an 'eccentricity'! I chose to just pretend he hadn't said that last sentence at all. "Perhaps I should ask him myself?"
"I thought that you had enough to deal with," Teveriel said. "And I could just slip it into the conversation without letting him know why I'm asking. He knows a lot about you already. I thought that you might not want him to know everything."
"It sounds like a good idea," Trellany added. "I think you should ask, Teveriel."
"I suppose so," I conceded, reluctantly. I had wanted to ask about my strange dreams myself, but I could see the sense in Teveriel's suggestion. "But he'll probably guess that this is somehow connected to me."
"I don't see how," Teveriel said. "We've discussed many strange things today and I don't see why he would think this an actual situation. Just like I doubt he believes that I have seen a dragon, or a four-headed snake, or any of the other things that I've asked him about today. The world doesn't revolve around you, you know."
"So I've been told," I told him. "But sometimes it doesn't feel that way." I got to my feet, stretching, and then wished I hadn't as pain flooded through my side. I gritted my teeth. "I'm going to read that book of Calran's," I said, not that I really needed to give much explanation.
"I'm surprised you bothered to talk to us for all of five minutes," Teveriel said, getting to his own feet. "I am honoured." Then he flashed me his dimpled grin, to show me he was just teasing. "I'm going back to the library myself, to talk some more with Calran. I'll let you know if I find anything out for you."
"Thank you," I told him sincerely. "You've been a great help." I glanced at Trellany. "You both have."
The wind had started to pick up outside as I slid into my bedroom. I could hear it howling like the cry of the damned. The sound was muffled in my room when I closed the door, barely audible, although I could still hear it rattling the windowpanes in the main room if I strained hard enough. But for the most part it was peaceful and calm in my room and, with those wooden eyes on the dresser and wardrobe staring down at me, I sat down on the chair and curled my legs up beneath me.
Calran's book was waiting for me on the desk, bound in grey leather, the pages edged with silver. It was a relief to open it and find that it was neat and well organised; such a pleasant change from the Lady Elyann's journal. I had to bring the lantern closer to me so that I could see it properly, taking care not to burn myself as I did so. The whole damn lantern seemed to be red hot, which wasn't very practical. What good was a lantern if you couldn't carry it!
Calran had done exactly what he'd told me he'd done, found references to the Shadow Seer and put them together neatly. He had then organised them into sections, each one a different topic, and listed where the sources had come from and how genuine he thought each one was. He had also added little notes that he thought might be useful for the reader, for instance, whether the account was the only one of its kind and, therefore, more likely to be just a dream of a violet eyed boy rather than a prophecy.
The first page in the book was a basic introduction, boring enough, except for the references to dreams about a three-headed dragon devouring the sun. That, apparently, meant that the Shadow Seer would have dark and destructive dreams. It interested me because I'd always wondered how anyone could know what a prophet was going to see before he was even born. It also elaborated on what the dragon symbol itself meant. Mayrila had only told me that the heads stood for the past, present and the future, but Calran's book explained that it actually represented the Seer himself. That he would be feared in the past, when he was foretold by other prophets; known in the present, that was, during his own lifetime; and revered in the future.
The second page was titled, 'the five signs' and beneath it were listed the same signs I'd seen in the library in Carnia Castle, including those words that stung, that although the Seer would be the heir, he would never inherit. I would never be king. Calran's book also gave the symbols behind those signs as well, which was interesting to read, but it didn't make any difference to the end result. The signs were what they were and all five of them were still relevant to me.
And, as I read on, I found further proof, more than enough, to convince my father, Teveriel and anyone else who doubted what I already knew.
It came in the form of small references to things that the Seer did daily. These didn't appear as confusing allegoric dreams, but as clear and concise images of the Seer living his life. There were several accounts of the Seer breaking his arm, as he was thrown from a horse, just as I had been. Three of him playing hide and seek with his blonde sister and how she had gotten stuck inside a small box that she thought she could fit into, just as Aylara had. Five references to the Seer having a fit as a child, and struggling and fighting his blond father when he had tried
to move him, just as I had fought Gerian when he had tried to move me following the first of my fits that he'd witnessed. And there were more accounts: of the Seer as a child, playing with his toys, toys that I recognised as having owned; of him having conversations that I could remember having had; of him playing amongst the roses, as I had played in Silnia's rose garden; of him hunting with a brown-haired man, and a pack of dogs, as I had gone hunting with brown-haired Kal and his favourite hunting hounds, and so it went on. Reference after reference of what the Seer would do, that I could recognise as something I had done.
Calran wrote that 'at first glance, these dreams don't look important, but, in their own small way, they're just as important as the five signs. They're personal and something that the Seer will instantly recognise as being true of his life, whereas the five signs are more a signal of his birth and the awakening of his gifts.' And Calran was right, these references were more important than the five signs because they couldn't all be a coincidence and there was no way that these accounts could have been forged, because no one could have known all these small details. This was proof, conclusive, undeniable proof, that I was the Shadow Seer and I knew that it would be proof for my father and grandfather as well. Gerian couldn't deny this. He couldn't have any explanation for this!
Still, despite the comfort that came with having found proof, I still felt a little unnerved by it all. It was strange to read this, to see my life unfold on paper, as though everything I had done, and was going to do, had already been decided for me because, knowing or not, I had done exactly what others had seen that I would do. It also made me very uncomfortable to realise that my life was open to be watched, to be witnessed, by all those unseen eyes, as though I was an animal in a cage with no privacy of my own. I didn't like that feeling at all and it made me slam shut Calran's book in the hope that I could stop my mind from thinking that way. From wondering if, perhaps, someone had dreamed of me in a more private and personal way ... when I was doing things that no one should ever be witness to. My face was bright red with just the idea of it, and I had to stumble away from the chair and perch myself on my bed, my legs drawn up, while I tried to calm myself again.
I took many deep breaths and told myself, over and over, that there was nothing I could do. I could no more stop someone dreaming about me in the form of a prophecy then I could stop myself dreaming about someone else. Eventually that seemed to work and I calmed down and uncurled.
I went back to my chair and reopened the book, cautiously, as though it might attack me. I had to take another couple of breaths as I flicked back through the pages to find where I'd read up to, but I soon found it and went on, reading further into the book.
When I came across references to my 'Companions' my heart started to pound like a drum. Tev hadn't believed in the companions, when Talira had told me about them, even when we'd met Hazel and Willow, but I had and now I could see that I had been right to. The five Companions were listed exactly as she had described to me, the only difference being that Talira had called the 'Protector', the 'fiery haired warrior.' But as she couldn't have known what names scholars had given to my Companions, and had just called them what they had appeared like to her, that made sense to me. They were, with their official names, the Bard, the Protector, the Forgotten Prince, the Mute and the Twin. It made me wonder why it mattered. Why did these five people have official titles? And why were they the 'Companions' rather than the Seer's friends, or associates? Unless there was more to all of this than was written in the books, but what? I hoped that Calran's book would be able to tell me. It did, at least, confirm more of what Talira had already told me, that the Mute and the Prince would be of the Seer's blood. But, as the Seer marked the end of the witch's line, that had to mean that the Forgotten Prince and the Mute were some sort of distant relatives, or maybe even they would be Aylara's children, if she had them, of course.
Then I came across something that really made my head spin. Four people had had a dream of a seer talking to the Shadow Seer in a tavern. Talira's own dreams of our meeting in the Golden Ox had been had by others, not only before my birth, but also before her own! And the prophets who had seen it had written it down and it had been gathered together by Calran, and put here, in this book!
After that the book went on to chart the Seer's future and there were fewer references to that and no real detail. The Shadow Seer would not be alone. He would find love. He would have good friends. He would live to be an old man. He would go mad, and, at least once in his life, he would find himself locked away in a cell, just as Talira had said. Just briefly I wondered how it all came about. How did I lose my throne? Was it because I went mad or because I did something wrong, then ended up in that prison cell and couldn't inherit because of that? And how would going mad feel? Would I notice it coming, or would it just sneak up on me? And what would a vision be like? What would voices in my head be like? Would it hurt?
I had to force myself to shake off those thoughts and to finish reading.
When I had turned the last page I found that I had even more questions. How did those prophets know that the boy they dreamed of would be a seer? Why was it that the Shadow Seer would come into his gifts, while other seers seem to have been born with theirs? And what was the purpose of the Companions, because I had found nothing more about them in Calran's book. But I didn't think it would be worth asking Calran about it, because, surely, if he knew the answers, it would have been there, somewhere, in his book?
I closed the book and rubbed my aching shoulders and nape of my neck for a moment, trying to clear my mind, determined not to think about any of my unanswerable questions. It had to have been almost midnight, long after I should have gone to bed, and I suddenly felt completely exhausted, but at least I had finished Calran's book. I knew I would be able to sleep more easily now.
Blowing out the lantern, I got undressed in the dark, and climbed under the covers, curling up. It felt good to be in bed, although the pain from my new bruise did twinge and throb when I lay on my side, so I rolled over onto my back instead. I was half-asleep when there was a light rap on my door.
"Dale," Teveriel called, "are you still awake?"
"Yes," I replied, sitting up. "Just about."
The door opened and Teveriel crept in, carrying a lantern. He was wearing one of the gloves I had given him so he could carry it without it burning his fingers. His hair was dishevelled, blown about by the wind, and I laughed to see it. "What happened to you?" I asked. "You look as though you were caught up in a hurricane!"
"I think I was," Teveriel told me, brushing at his wild hair. "It's very windy out there, Dale."
I shrugged. "That's winter in Carnia for you. Blizzards, hail, wind and rain."
"Hmm. Well, I didn't come here to discuss the weather. Are you sure I'm not disturbing you?"
"No." I hugged my knees beneath the coverings. "It's fine."
"Did you find anything good in Calran's book?"
I raised my eyebrow. "Good? Do you mean did I find anything useful? Yes, I did. I am the Seer. This book, well, rather the prophets that Calran was quoting, have proved that. It also confirmed that Talira was a prophet, and the prophecy that she gave me." I gave him a hard look. "Including what she said about a bard and a fiery warrior being my companions, although the book actually said 'protector'. But, either way, that still points to Trellany and you." Teveriel just shrugged flippantly and I wasn't sure whether he really wasn't concerned, or was just pretending not to feel that way. It irritated me, a little. I wanted him to admit he'd been wrong about Talira, but I was too tired to push the issue. "There are too many little things to doubt any more, Tev. Now it's just a question of waiting."
"All right."
"All right? You believe me, then?"
"Of course. I told you, I was just trying to keep an open mind about all of this, that maybe there was another explanation for what was happening to you. But now that you have consulted a book, that is hundreds of books in one, and you're
convinced that this is who you are, then I am as well."
"Oh."
"I can admit to having made a mistake, Dale. To be honest, I just wanted to offer other possibilities to you because I know how upsetting this whole mess is."
"Oh," I said again.
"How do you feel about all of this?"
It was an odd question to suddenly ask me because no one had actually asked me how I felt about what was happening to me before. I took a moment to gather my thoughts and feelings together, but it was all too clear how I was feeling. "Relieved, I guess," I said. "It was all too much before. I was afraid of the truth, of what it all meant for me, and frustrated that no one else believed that it was true. But now I have the proof. I am the Shadow Seer, there is no doubt about it, and I'm relieved. Frightened, too, but mostly relieved."
"Do you still need to read the Rose Prophecies?"
"I don't 'need' to," I said. "But I want to, yes."
"All right." Teveriel leaned against the doorframe. "I managed to ask Calran about the dreams you had about that child."
I sat up straighter in my bed. "What did he say? I couldn't find anything about the child in the book, just the dragon, which is meant to be a symbol for me. So, unless they're a prophecy, I guess they're not related to the Seer after all."
"Calran said that it sounded as though they were being sent by magic, so I doubt it's a prophecy."
"Magic? You're sure?" Teveriel nodded. I gestured to the chair. "Come, sit down and tell me everything."
Teveriel sat on my chair, setting the lantern down onto the table, and tugged off his glove. He had leaves and twigs caught up in his clothing, blown there by the wind, and snared by the fabric. He noticed them the same time that I did and started to pick them out as he talked, dropping them carelessly onto the floor. "Well, he said that it was something called 'projection', and it's more a psychic ability than actual magic. Apparently, it's completely possible for someone to implant their image into your dreams, or into your mind, so they can appear in the room in front of you and not be seen by anyone else."