by Fran Jacobs
"But-," I began, but Trellany just went into her bedroom, closing her door with an air of finality about it. I glanced at Teveriel, who gave an uncomfortable shrug. "Do you think she will come around if I give it time?"
"I thought that she was one of your Companions?" Teveriel said. "In that case, don't you believe that she will come back to you anyway, as the prophecies said?"
"There were no descriptions given about any of the Companions, Tev. For all I know I could have been wrong about Trellany being one. Talira may just have dreamed of a warrior with red hair being with me, and the Companion that Calran and the other scholars are talking about is in fact someone else entirely. Someone I haven't met yet, like the Mute and the Forgotten Prince. It could just be a coincidence that Talira saw a warrior with red hair with the Seer, and there is a Protector listed as a Companion."
"Gods, all of this prophecy business is enough to give a man a headache!" Teveriel said. "Well, whatever the case, you're going to have to talk to her, convince her that you do want her around, that you do want her to be your guard."
I frowned. How was I going to do that? How could I convince Trellany that I needed her, rather than any other guard? How was I going to make her even listen to me? She was so angry, I wouldn't be surprised if she barely spoke to me the rest of the winter.
An orange-brown chair cushion hit me squarely on the side of my head, making me gasp. "Stop worrying!" Teveriel told me, his eyes bright as he wielded his soft, garish weapon. "Give her time to calm down and then you can talk to her. Things will work out, Dale, if you give her some damn space. Gods, you fixate on things too often, you know that, don't you?"
"Yes," I said, trying, and failing, to dodge his next blow. The soft cushion hit me across the head again and then a third time and Teveriel laughed as I grunted. "I know that!" I grabbed the pillow and pulled it firmly out of his grip. "This sort of behaviour will not do!" I told him, and I stood up so I could hit him several times with the pillow in revenge. Tev tried to shield himself with his arms, sinking down into the chair with his legs drawn up. His honey hair was everywhere, in mad wild tuffs, and he was laughing even as he begged me to stop hitting him. "I'm a prince," I told him, over the sound of his laughter and the noise of the soft pillow hitting his flesh, "and you should treat me with respect."
"You'll be lucky," Teveriel retorted. So I hit him a few more times, until he finally gasped his defeat. I held back, warily, and he sat up, his hair everywhere. "Enough!" he said, gasping for air. "You win! I will treat you with the respect that you deserve, oh knight of the golden pillow."
"I'm glad to hear it." I threw the pillow across the room so that he couldn't use it against me again, because, even though he had conceded to my victory, I didn't fully trust him. And I could see that he didn't fully trust me. His eyes were wary as he watched me settle back into the chair, while his long fingers tried to smooth down his madly ruffled hair. My own curls were a dishevelled mess on my head, but then, they always were. Nothing could ever really be done for my mad black curls. "Now, can we finish this letter? I'll have to see Tival soon and I want to get this done." I reached for the letter and inkpots. We'd been lucky that our childish tussle hadn't knocked the pots over and spilled black ink all over the letter that had taken us so long to write.
"Of course, my prince." He drew closer towards me, giving me a wary, but bright and cheeky smile. "And when you do see Tival, will you ask him about Mayrila, won't you?"
"Yes," I said. "I shall."
***
The level of concern that the other students, and my teachers, had for me the following day surprised me. I'd been in White Oaks barely any time at all, but everyone seemed genuinely concerned about my health, to the extent that I was allowed to cut in ahead in the meal queues, and students argued over who would take my dirty plate away for me. I didn't know what to make of it all, but I tried to be grateful and appreciative.
After a couple of days I was considered back to normal and even Trellany, Teveriel, Hazel and Silver stopped treating me as gingerly as they had, which was a relief. It was hard to forget what I had seen, what had happened to me, when people insisted on treating me delicately because of it.
A week later I was able to finish the Rose Prophecies and, as I no longer needed to visit the library, Teveriel also stopped going and spent his afternoons with me instead. I was glad of his company, particularly as Trellany was still being distant. In fact, the only time she really seemed like her old self was when she was scolding Teveriel for making a mess, which was something he did rather often. It wasn't that he was lazy and left things lying around because he couldn't be bothered to pick up after himself, he was just easily distracted by ideas for new songs. When inspiration struck he would just abandon whatever he was doing to go and compose and he'd completely forget to go back later and put things away. His bedroom bore the real brunt of it. It was a complete mess with dirty clothes, stockings, scraps of paper with half scribbled songs on, the odd plate or cup and the covers from his unmade bed, littering the floor. The windows were always wide open, too, blowing the papers around and leaving the room cold. Sometimes there was even snow in there. All of this infuriated Trellany, who was very tidy after her years spent in the Royal Guard barracks, but Tev never blinked when she lectured him. He would just flash her a cheeky grin when she'd finished, and carry on with whatever it was he'd been doing before she'd interrupted him.
The rest of the time, Trellany barely spoke a word to Tev, or to me. She would still accompany me wherever I wanted to go, but was like a shadow, quietly watching me. And in the evenings, she and Haran would take themselves off to her bedroom to be alone. At first I didn't understand why my friends found that so amusing, why they giggled and made jokes, but one night, when I went into my bedroom to fetch fresh charcoal so I could continue a sketch of Hazel I'd been working on, I heard them. Trellany and Haran, making love. I flushed scarlet and, to my shame, I sat down on the bed and listened. It was the first time that I'd heard anything like that and curiosity got the better of me. But it made me feel lonely, as I'd never shared that intimate experience with anyone and I feared that I never would, that there was something wrong with me, more than my fits and my visions. Something that couldn't be described, that separated me from everyone else. All my friends, even Hazel who was younger than me, had had this experience, but I hadn't and for the first time, I felt detached from them all. But I knew that there was nothing I could do. I couldn't force myself to be someone else, the sort of man who bedded any woman who seemed interested. I just didn't have that in me.
While Trellany spent her evenings with Haran, I spent mine, and my days off, with Tev, Hazel, Silver and Belyisia. I really enjoyed those evenings. It was the first time that I'd had a group of friends who I could trust, who were my friends because they liked me, not because I was a prince. Hazel and Silver were even willing to pose for me, something that no one had ever been that willing to do for me before. Not even Teveriel, who was as vain as a cat, had the patience to hold still long enough to let me draw him. It made me appreciate them even more and time passed quickly, in a blur of snowballs fights, walks in the snow covered garden and soft conversations in front of the fire.
And before I knew it, it was my birthday and I turned eighteen.
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Chapter Nineteen
HAZEL'S GIFT
I came out of my bedroom that morning, just after the wakeup bell had sounded, wrapped in a cloak, to find Trellany and Teveriel sitting around the table, clearly waiting for me. I gave them a curious look.
"Good morning," I said carefully.
"Good morning," Teveriel said, grinning.
"I'm surprised to see you up this early. You're never up before noon when you have no class to teach."
"Well," he said, hopping from his chair, "I made an exception today."
"Why today?" I asked cautiously.
"Because it's your birthday!" he said, and before I c
ould say anything, he was hugging me tightly and my nose was filled with the scent of his freshly washed golden hair. "Happy birthday, Candale."
I eased him away slowly and met his eyes. "I didn't tell anyone -"
"No," Trellany said. "I did."
"But -"
"It's your birthday, Prince Candale. You're eighteen, finally a man, legally, at least. Just because you're away from home, and missing your family, is no reason not to celebrate." She grinned at me, the first warm smile she had given me since my vision. "Everyone knows and we even have some gifts for you."
"How did you --"
"I've been at Court long enough to know when it is the anniversary of your birth."
"Oh." I flushed. "Yes. Thank you. You didn't have to get me anything."
"We know," Teveriel said, returning to his chair. "But we did."
I didn't know what to say to that, so I just sat down. This really had taken me aback. I hadn't told anyone about my birthday, for the reason that Trellany had given, that I missed my family.
At home I would have started the day with breakfast in private, with just my family and Kal, no members of Court. Then I would receive my gifts, and the rest of the day would be spent with my sister, Kal and my mother, sometimes my grandfather or father, if they weren't too busy with official matters. Usually Silnia would take us to the town's market to buy trinkets and sweet cakes, stuffed spiced sausages or roasted chestnuts from open aired stalls, as if we were just another inhabitant of Carnia Town. If my father or grandfather were free, we would go riding, out in the snowy fields, and return to the castle to sit before the fire and talk or play chess. When I'd been younger, we'd even had snowball fights, there in the castle gardens, watched by all the members of the Court. In the evening, there was always a grand dinner in the hall and dancing to follow. Sometimes we had entertainers, jesters, or a play put on, or just musicians, playing my favourite songs. It was always a day to spend with my family, but this year I was away from them and didn't really want to bother, even if this was the year that I came into my majority, when I was, finally, a man.
But it seemed like Trellany had other plans and she thrust her present, a long, hard object, wrapped in a sack across the table towards me.
"Thank you," I said awkwardly. I unwrapped her parcel, slowly, to reveal a sword with a black hilt and pommel. It was a plain sword, simple, with no decorations or fancy engravings like the one my father had. It was practical and elegant in its simplicity. A fancier blade would have been wasted on someone as clumsy as me but this one was perfect. "Oh," I said, running my fingers along the blade, promptly cutting my finger.
Trellany rolled her eyes and sighed wearily. "I thought that you needed one," she said, as I put my finger in my mouth, sucking on the blood from the small wound. "Especially as you enjoy going off by yourself." I flinched and she frowned. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't berate you. We've already been over that. This is a fine sword, perfectly balanced for you, and it's time that you had one, although if you're going to be so clumsy that you slice your finger just touching it, perhaps it isn't the best idea. I don't want you to cut your foot off or something."
"If you stayed as my guard you'd be able to keep an eye on me and make sure that didn't happen," I told her. She didn't say anything, just looked at me, and I sighed. "Thank you. This is beautiful and I'll try to be careful with it."
"I think it would be a good idea if you kept it out of sight, at least until we leave White Oaks. We don't want to draw attention to you by having you wear it around."
"Yes," I agreed. I would probably just trip over it anyway and I rather not do that here where people weren't as aware of my clumsiness as the people of Court.
"This is from me," Teveriel said, pushing a package wrapped in grey silk across the table towards me. I unwrapped it slowly, not sure, knowing Teveriel, whether it was safe to open it. It was, and inside I found a book made from dark green leather, with its pages edged in gold. I gave him a hesitant smile and opened the book. It was blank.
"I don't understand."
"Look at the cover."
I turned to the front. Embossed in gold were the words, 'the Shadow Seer Prophecies'. I looked back up at him and he gave me a nervous, embarrassed smile.
"For you to write down what you see," he told me.
I could only stare at him. No words would come to my mouth, my head was suddenly empty of all thoughts. His smile faded, afraid that I didn't like his gift, but I couldn't put into words how much this book actually meant to me. I stroked the cover with my hands, tracing the gold words with my fingertip and then I opened it again, flicking through the cream coloured parchment pages. It must have cost him a small fortune to have this book made, not to mention how difficult it must have been to find someone who could not only make it, but do it in secret in the short space of time that we had known, for sure, that I was the Shadow Seer. It was such an incredible gift. I couldn't believe that he had done this. No one, but my family, had ever given me anything that meant so much.
"Tev," I whispered, very softly, feeling tears prick in the corner of my eyes. "Thank you."
"Keep it neat," he told me. "I've seen how you write, like dead spiders crawling across the page. And there won't be any more where that came from, so when it is filled with all your powerful visions, you'll have to either stop having them, or find another friend with more money than sense." He was teasing me, but I could see that he was glad I liked his gift; his eyes looked just as teary as mine felt. He blinked, a couple of times, and coughed uncomfortably. "I'm going to have a bath," he announced, and slithered quickly from his chair. Then he was gone, leaving me alone with Trellany.
"You miss your family?" she asked me softly.
"A lot," I said, wrapping Teveriel's gift back up. This I would keep safe, near my bed, and definitely away from my father. Not that he would read it, I was sure, but if he wouldn't be happy if he saw it. When the time was right I would tell him that I was the Shadow Seer, but I didn't want him to find the book before I was ready, nor Aylara, and especially not Silnia. "I-I wonder if they have written to me?" I said. "I could ask Tival, I suppose ..."
"No need," Trellany said, and pushed a scroll of parchment across the table toward me. It was still sealed with red wax, the impression of my father's signet undisturbed. "It came about two days ago. Tival asked me to give it to you, but seeing as I could guess what it was about, I thought I'd wait until today."
"Thank you," I whispered.
"But it will have to wait until later," she said. "You have classes soon." I gave her a sharp look. "You are going to class, my prince," she said. "It will help to take your mind off your homesickness."
"Am I that obvious?" I asked, getting to my feet. "Have I been moping around or something?"
"No," Trellany said. "The opposite if anything. You've been more restless than usual, with none of your quiet spells or need for privacy. I know you well enough to know why that is."
I bowed my head as I reached out to gather up my two gifts, not wanting Trellany to see my face. "That wasn't just homesickness," I said. "I have bad dreams sometimes, too."
"Yes," she said softly. "I know."
I clutched my gifts closer to my chest.
"Candale, you know you can still talk to me, don't you?"
"Yes," I said. "And if I had something to tell you, then I would, but I-I can't see anything in my nightmares, Trellany, to be able to tell you what they're about. They're weird and shapeless and sometimes I can hear a child crying. As for missing my family ... it's my own stupid fault that I'm not with them now. I left them and there's not much that anyone can do for me to ease that." I picked up my father's letter, staring down at his familiar seal. "I will see them soon enough anyway," I said. "And it's good for me, isn't it? To be out on my own, teach me independence, or some such nonsense."
"Yes," she said seriously. "I think it is."
As soon as I entered the hall for breakfast I was surrounded by people wishing me happy birthda
y, congratulating me. And I had so many embraces and kisses to my cheek from female classmates, that my head was soon spinning with the scent of perfume and my ribs ached from it all. It was actually a relief to make it into class and take my seat because that offered sanctuary from the overwhelming level of affection and well wishes I had received. I'd never had anything like it before in my life! Back home the courtiers always wished me well, and some of them would give me gifts, but it was always cold and polite, not like this. I had never dreamed of anything like this.
The classes passed slowly, as they always did, and when they, and lunch, were finally over for the day, I headed back to my suite to relax and to read my father's letter.
Only Teveriel had other ideas. "Calran wants to see you," he said, as soon as I entered the suite.
"Why?"
"He has a gift for you," the bard replied. "Besides, you still have to ask him about Mayrila."
"I'm not sure that's a good idea," I said. "When I tried to ask Tival, when I gave him the letter to send to Sorron, all he did was lecture me."
Teveriel snorted. "Keep your dirty royal hands off my prized student!" he said, in a rough imitation of Tival's voice.
"Exactly!"
Teveriel grinned at me as he threw himself down onto the couch. "Well, you can't really be surprised, can you? Hazel is in love with you --"
"No," I said sharply. "She's not."
"Well, she thinks she is and she isn't performing as well as she used to since we arrived. Tival is worried that her distraction might make her fall too far behind with her studies or that she may become too attached to you and hurt when she finds out who you really are."
"Yes," I said, "I know this! Tival made that very clear and I've tried not to distract Hazel and to make sure she understands we can only be friends. I can't do anything more than that."
"Yes," Teveriel agreed. "And this all came out weeks ago, when you saw Tival. I don't know why you are worried that seeing Calran will be a repeat performance. He's still totally in awe of your royal status. Besides, he probably hasn't even noticed that Hazel is behaving differently, let alone worked out why that might be. He doesn't see much beyond the nearest book."