by Fran Jacobs
"Yes," I said. "I am tired."
"You know why I sent for you?" Sorron asked flatly, interrupting our uncomfortable niceties. "I want you to help the boy."
"And I will, to the best of my abilities," Mayrila said. "It's all I ever wanted, after all."
"I'm not sure about that," Sorron replied. "If that was the case you wouldn't have asked for more money."
"I need to make a living, Sorron."
"And you wouldn't have told him the truth about himself, either, not in such a way. That wasn't for his own good."
"How else was I going to do it?" Mayrila asked. "Wait for the visions to start and tell him then, loading shock upon shock on top of him? I doubt that would have improved the situation. I did what I thought best at the time. It angered you and, yes, I broke our pact, but it was what I thought to be the best move."
"Discussing it with me might have been a wiser one."
"You didn't believe me, Sorron. I showed you the picture of Candale in the book and you still didn't believe me."
"It doesn't matter," I said, before an argument could break out. I feared Sorron might send Mayrila home again, if that happened. "Mayrila, I apologise for how I reacted to what you had to say to me. Y-you were right about what I am. I tried to deny it, I tried to hide it, but I can't. I've had a vision now, two, in fact. H-heard voices ..." Sorron looked at me sharply and I bowed my head. Sorron and I had both sat together for an hour the night before, discussing what I would, and would not, tell Mayrila about. But during that talk I hadn't told Sorron about the voices. I just hadn't wanted to think about it. "I really hope that you can help me to control it."
"I can only try," Mayrila replied. "But I'm surprised that you want my help. I didn't think that you liked me."
"I ... I don't," I said. "At least, I don't like what I know of you, but my opinion is biased, based on what my father had to say about you, and ..." I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I'm just grateful that you will help me."
"I can try to help you," Mayrila corrected. "There are never any guarantees. But I'm the best help you can get, so we have a good shot." She yawned. "It has been a long day, Candale. Perhaps this is something best started tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow evening," Sorron said. "Your visits to Mayrila will take place after supper."
"That doesn't leave much time," I said.
"I know," Sorron said, "but you don't have much choice. You have meetings, lessons with your father, me and Kal, and sword lessons with Trellany. You can't avoid these commitments without drawing attention to yourself and inviting question, and you still need those classes, to some extent. I'm sorry, Candale, I know that this is important, but it has to come second to your duties."
"Yes, sir," I said reluctantly. I didn't want to tell him that if I couldn't master my gifts, I didn't think I'd be able to do anything anymore.
***
I arranged the pages of my notes in front of me, trying to ignore the nervous butterflies in my stomach. I was aware that the councillors, my father and grandfather were all looking at me but I tried to blank it out. I knew that this meeting wouldn't be too difficult to run, in theory. It was just a formality, a chance for the diplomats to put forward the issues they wanted to discuss and for us to do the same, but it had taken a lot of preparation on my behalf to work out exactly what we needed to discuss and why, as well as to try and guess what they would want to talk to us about, and I was worried that I wouldn't have covered it all.
"Don't look so panicked, son," my father said. "You've worked hard preparing for this meeting, and it's just a formality. It'll be fine."
"No." I shook my head. "I know as well as you that how well the other meetings go depends on this first impression. If I don't do this right, then they probably won't take our requests seriously."
"No," Gerian agreed. "They probably won't. But I have faith in you. I wouldn't have suggested you do this if I didn't."
"Thank you," I said, giving him a nervous glance. "That means a lot to me."
My nervousness increased when the door opened and the delegates from Idryan entered the council room. There were four of them, two women and two men. The women looked like sisters, with the same reddish-brown hair that was common for Idryans. They had the same stocky build that was common also. The men were short and stocky, too, but heavy with muscles, so heavy with them, in fact, that they seemed to be nothing but muscle, with heads sticking out the top. They bowed curtly and presented us with gifts - fine wine, soft silks and jewellery - and explained, in their heavy guttural accents, that the gifts been chosen by the king for us. As speaker, I had to accept the gifts. I thanked them politely and tried to meet the four sets of eyes as squarely as I could, watching them exchange glances when they realised that, for this day at least, I was in charge. They handled it better than I had, when my father had told me of his intention. I'd been nervous, uncomfortable, honoured and shocked all at once! But then, they were diplomats, trained at keeping their emotions hidden, something I still had trouble with.
The rest of the meeting went pretty much the way that I had thought it would. Both sides listed the issues that they wanted to discuss in more detail, including piracy problems, the Idryan border dispute with Drasa, and the age-old discussion between our two kingdoms, the problem of our mages passing through Idryan on their way south to Kyerania. There was nothing brought up that surprised me, but when one of the women, Katlatai, mentioned the mage problem, and how she hoped we'd be finally able to reach a suitable compromise, she gave me a long, somewhat significant, look. Feeling as though I were missing something, I waited until the diplomats had left, before I turned to my grandfather.
"Why was she looking at me like that?" I asked.
"Like what?" Sorron replied.
"As though I'm somehow part of this mage compromise she was talking about."
"You're just imagining it," Sorron replied.
"No-" I began.
"Why don't you go to your next lesson?" my father asked.
"I have an hour free," I said. "You should know that, it's with you, after all."
"Yes," Gerian said. "Then why don't you go and prepare for it?"
"Everything's ready."
"Then go and enjoy yourself, Dale," Gerian said, with a sigh. "You have an hour to yourself. Instead of wasting it asking pointless questions about the diplomats and their 'strange looks', why not go and make the most of it?" I opened my mouth to say something but my father turned his back on me. "Seeing as I have an hour, Father, I think we should get started on that Marriand Treaty, don't you?"
"Yes," Sorron said. "All right." He gathered up his notes. "See you at supper, Candale." And they left me staring after them with the distinct impression that there was something going on that they weren't telling me.
***
"What is the matter with you?" Trellany barked at me. "You're usually so much better than this!"
I snorted, brushing the wet mud from my breeches. During the last hour of my weapons lesson I'd become steadily more and more muddy. Trellany, however, had barely a spot on her. "How can you tell?" I asked. "I'm dirty and bruised, and I've dropped the damn blade more times than I have held it. It seems pretty much like it always does to me."
"How it's been recently, yes. But you used to be a lot better than this. In fact, you've been getting worse since White Oaks!"
"I have got a lot on my mind," I told her.
"Yes, you have, but you still need to try and pay attention to what you're doing. I would have thought you'd learnt your lesson after Belyisia left you with that nasty bruise, which took weeks to heal. Do you want to have another one?"
"No," I muttered.
"Then concentrate! Stop thinking about the witch in her tower, stop thinking about lessons and languages and those damned diplomats, or what there might be for dinner, and pay attention!"
"I'm trying!"
"Trying my patience," Trellany replied. "That's all, but I'm not going to let you go inside for supper, or to see May
rila, until you have a handle on this, do you understand?"
"Yes," I snapped irritably. "All right!"
Trellany raised her sword levelling it squarely at me, and biting back a sigh, I did the same, and our blades met with a solid thump. Our boots scuffled on the cobbles as we danced back and forth, but my mind wandered, up to the north wing and Mayrila and all she might have to tell me at our first proper meeting since my recovery. It was as though Trellany telling me that I couldn't see the other woman, until I managed this, had made me think of her even more.
A hard blow from Trellany caused me to drop my blade in the mud, again, which splattered up to soak my breeches, again. She told me not to hold the blade too tight, but not to hold it too loosely either, and I couldn't get the balance right today. But then I couldn't seem to get anything right today.
I stooped to pick up the sword and felt a hard blow against my backside. Whirling, I met Trellany's green eyes. She was slightly amused, her eyes glittering at me. "Every time I knock that blade out of your fingers, Prince Candale," she told me. "I'm going to spank you with the flat of mine. Does that sound fair?"
"No," I snapped at her. "It does not!"
"Then you'll have to hang onto it, won't you?"
I glowered at her, fighting the urge to rub my backside. It had been a damn hard blow, more than I would have expected my bodyguard to deliver. The old Trellany, the Trellany who had just been my tutor, would never have dared do such a thing. But things had changed. She now seemed to treat me like some sort of younger brother, or, as I said to her before, a son, but she was a different sort of mother or sister from my own, because mine would never think to strike me, in public, with a sword, across my backside.
"You better not do it again," I told her.
"Or?"
"Do you forget who I am?" I snapped.
"No," she said calmly. "I would never do that, but I'm your guard and your teacher and I'm going to do my job properly, whether you like it or not. And part of said job is teaching you to handle that blade and I will do that however I see fit, and if you insist on ignoring me then I will do what I have to, to get you to pay attention!"
I scowled at her, but wiped the mud off the hilt, closed my slim fingers around it, lifted it, and met her green cat eyes levelly. I was fuming inside, I could feel the anger boiling in the pit of my stomach like a raging fire, but I tried to squash it, to breathe deeply so I could meet her blade with mine and spar on.
I lasted about two minutes before anger got the better of me and she knocked the blade from my grasp again. I stooped to pick it up, my eyes on her cautiously the whole time, in case she really would see through her promise and smack me with her blade again. She made no attempt to move, just watched me, but, as I picked up my blade, hers landed across my backside again, harder than the time before. I cried out, dropping my blade with shock and surprise. "You were warned," she told me sharply. "Pick up the damn blade and try again."
I picked up the blade and met hers again, but the anger inside me had boiled over. I was furious, so angry I could barely see. A red mist had descended over my eyes and I was livid. I wanted to knock that smile off her face, cut her with my sword, make her blood flow on the ground, teach her that she had no right to treat me this way ...
I lunged at her, sword out in front of me, the sharp blade glinting in the spring sunshine ...
I was suddenly flat on my back, my head ringing and my vision foggy. The ground beneath me was cold. I felt the soft mud soaking my tunic and my breeches.
"Never attack in anger," Trellany told me, sword levelled at my throat. "Always be calm and collected and pay attention or you'll get worse than a slap for your troubles."
"Don't tell me what to do!" I snapped up at her. "Who do you think that you are? How dare you treat me like this? How dare you act as though I'm your inferior! You will do as I tell you, not the other way around."
Trellany tilted her head, her face took on a look of surprise, for just a brief moment, and then it was gone, hidden behind a cold mask as she looked down at me. "Calm down," she said.
"I will not!" I pushed her blade out of the way with my hand, cutting my palm lightly in the process, and turned so I could get to my feet. "You're in no position to tell me what to do --" My feet were suddenly gone from beneath me and I was down in the wet mud again, winded. When I had caught my breath, I turned over to look up at Trellany. She had her sword sheathed now and her arms folded across her chest.
"Calm down, Dale," she said. "Or I will not let you up."
I ignored her, making another move to get to my feet. This time I could see her as she calmly kicked my feet out from under me. I landed hard, back in the mud, feeling the rough cobbles jar my bones through the soft, damp earth that provided little padding. "Calm down," she said again, her eyes concerned. "Candale, you have to calm down."
"Don't tell me what to do!" I roared, and made a third attempt to stand. This time, when she knocked me down, she came and planted her foot firmly on my chest. The dirt covered heel dug firmly into my ribs, but not hard enough to hurt. It was just enough pressure to keep me on the ground. I stared up at her, along her slim, strong leg to her body towering over me, and her face. The eyes that met mine were hard and firm.
"I can stand here all day," she said, "until you relax."
I didn't answer, just struggled to throw her foot off, but she stood firm and pushed down until the pressure made me gasp and sink back, defeated. And then all I could do was struggle, trying to wriggle out to the side, and swear and make threats, while the anger raged in me, burning through every vein in my body. All the while, Trellany remained calm and still, standing over me. It started to rain, sticking her hair against her face, but she didn't move, other than to wipe water from her eyes. It didn't seem to affect her at all, but it was soon affecting me, as my clothes became soaked and the cold chill in the air seeped into my bones, slowly putting out the angry fire. Gradually I stopped fighting her, stopped struggling and swearing, and just lay still.
"All right," I whispered. "All right, just let me up. Please."
"Are you calm now?" Trellany asked me, in that same concerned but otherwise controlled voice she had used throughout my visit to the ground.
"Yes," I said. I took another deep breath. "Yes, I am. And I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have attacked you. I-I don't know what came over me."
"No," Trellany said. She removed her foot and reached down a cold hand to help me up. I gasped miserably, rubbing my aching backside. "I know. Hopefully we will get this sorted out soon. Now, let's get you inside, where it's warm. You could use a bath, too. You're covered in mud."
"Yes," I said. A bath would be nice. Warmth, heat, anything to relax my sore muscles and aching bones and shift this thick layer of dirt from my skin.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you," Trellany said suddenly. "I've never seen that look in anyone's eyes before, except, perhaps, in the eyes of my father when he learnt my sister had been raped."
"I-I couldn't," I said. "I couldn't control it."
"Because it isn't like you," Trellany said, draping her cloak around my slim shoulders. "You're not one to lose your temper, usually."
"It keeps happening," I said quietly. "I'm turning into a madman and I can't do anything to stop it."
"The fact that you're aware of it means that you're not mad. It means that something can be done. Mayrila will help you and, if she can't, we will find someone who can."
I didn't answer her, just trudged back towards the beckoning warm glow of the castle's insides.
Teveriel met us half way back to my room. He looked out of breath and when he saw me, his eyes widened and his face flushed. "I saw the whole thing from the window," he gasped. "Are you all right?"
"You were watching?" I asked.
Teveriel coughed uncomfortably. "We all were. We always do."
"We?"
"A group of nobles," he said, "about fifteen or so. We watch every day. It's considered the fashionable place to be, to
watch Prince Candale spar. There's food and drink and I play background music. Sometimes there are more than fifteen, sometimes less, but every day there is always someone."
"Gods!" I groaned, rubbing at my forehead. "And they all saw me, flat on my back in the mud?"
Teveriel coughed again. "They all saw Trellany ... spank you with the blade as well," he said, and my face flushed bright red, and even Trellany looked uncomfortable, shifting her weight from foot to foot.
"Kill me," I gasped. "Just kill me now. Things get worse all the time, never better!" And I walked off as quickly as I could, heading back towards the safe comfort of my quarters, hoping that I could, somehow, walk this new piece of embarrassing information from my mind.
I headed into the safety of my bedroom to get undressed, leaving Trellany to have water brought up for my bath. Teveriel came to tell me when it was ready, sliding into my bedroom where I sat, gingerly and in some pain, on my bed, waiting.
"Trellany told the details of what happened," he said. "Are you all right?"
"Bruised," I said. "And shaken and trying not to think about it."
"I can understand that," Teveriel said. "Trellany is really worried, you know? She said she had never seen anyone look at her like that before."
"I'm worried about me as well," I said.
"And I guess it doesn't help to know that the whole thing was witnessed," Teveriel said. "I'm sorry about that. I really thought that you knew people were watching you, that they'd be interested in seeing you. You're a prince of Carnia, after all."
"I didn't give it much thought. I've had too much on my mind."
"Yes, I guess that's true. Well, hopefully Mayrila will be able to help you. She has to be good for something."
"Yes," I said, smiling at him. "She does."
I took a long bath, watching the water turn muddy brown by the time I was done, and when I was dry I treated my sore bruises with Trellany's bitter smelling ointment. I had them everywhere, like a decorative rainbow, on my arms and legs, chest and back. The liquid was cold, after the heat of the bath, but had a pleasant numbing sensation to it, although it did leave me smelling a little bitter and herbal.